I am a hole in the atmosphere
pollinating the air
killing everyone and everything

I am a flea
attaching to your animals
causing them pain
making them whimper

I am a storm
pouring down on your house
blowing winds and ruining your plants
slowly destroying your beloved things

I am a failure
a human with no cause
a kid on the track to nowhere
an organism that has no purpose

I am myself

Alone, Alone, Alone
It's all I've come to know.
Alone, Alone, Alone.
Even in a crowded room, it's all I feel.
Alone, Alone, Alone.
No matter how much you tell me I'm not, I still feel it.
Alone, Alone, Alone.
It's all I'll ever be.
Alone, Alone, Alone.
I'm gonna die *alone.

It's hard to think one idea changed my life.
An idea created by five people
changed my life

An idea that combined music and words
molded into one track
about four minutes long
made me feel comfort

A picture of four or five people
in an idiotic place
with an idiotic pose
made my heart race

The wording of one phrase made me want to tattoo it on myself
in the most craziest, oddest spot on my body
when I hate needles

Lyrics written by five men
made me feel comfortable.
At ease, confident, and happy
all at once

And once that idea ended, like all good things.
I felt empty and weird.
Because all those feelings were gone
or at least I assumed so.

But they're not, because things stay.
And I have all those feelings
stored in my mind
and my heart.

Because good ideas stay with you, even if you didn't create them.
And this idea, was a great one.

And even though, I never heard any of the noise and words
repeated, shout, and sung in person
I'm okay with that because it leaves hope.
And in a life with nothing to look forward to
you need hope.

And you know an idea is great
when it creates hope.

Thanksgiving*
It's all about families coming together
saying thanks and being happy
right?

Then why am I on the verge of tears
Why am I not even in the mood to finish my dinner
when I've been craving turkey all week?

Why are you calling me out
saying things I didn't do
calling me fat
before I even eat

Why are you treating me like this?
I didn't do anything
to set you off

Why can't we be a picture perfect family

Why do you need to ruin everything.

Let's run away
to a small city
full of grass
trees
leaves
and silence

Let's build a house
with as many rooms as we want
in any size
shape
and color
after all, it's ours

Let's dig a yard
large and wide
as green as grass gets
and plant flowers
any kinds, even weeds!
whatever you fancy, we can do it

Let's be free
just you and i
me and you
us
alone and happy
free of schoolwork
and people who cause you stress
or the girl that asks you to move your desk

Let's live happily ever after
alone
just you and i
me and you
together

i set up and climbed up a ladder
so i wouldn't feel so battered
it took me far, far away
in a world full of fluff and hay
it was a close as you can get to the clouds
so i didn't have to hear your constant howls
about how you finally understand what if felt like
to feel the need to take a hike
in to a brand new life.

i haven't regretted a word i said to you in that last month
not even how i'm happy you're leaving
or that i won't miss you
or that it's by far the best birthday gift you ever gave me
you and i both knew we meant every word

now that you're gone
you can say you miss me as much as you want
i'll only say it back to seem polite
but, i see through your legerdemain
you're not that smart

i don't care if you're homesick,

i'm sick of you.
i'm sick of your constant screaming
i'm sick of your face.
i'm sick of your whining
i'm sick of you being so self-centered
i'm sick of you making me hate myself even more
i'm sick of you belittling my every move

'what's that on your arm?'

so don't bother playing the sisterly love game
i'm not going to be player two.

it's a good thing you loved that sims game i couldn't play so much
it was a one player game.

look at me
I watch as you sit
by yourself
and strum on the bass
cracking a joke
making the whole class laugh

look at me
i watch as you sit alone on the bus
joking with the bus drivier
laughing as she rolls her eyes at you

look at me
i watch as you crack a joke in class
scooting your desk around
annoying the teacher as she teaches

look at me
i'm looking at you
helplessly thinking these lines
as you crack another joke
unaware and unaffected by these helpless emotions i possess

look at me
i lent you a pencil
you own something i once held
but you got numerous pencils that day
will you use mine?

look at me
you once picked up my pencil
my voice fluttered saying thanks
you didn't respond
did you notice i was blushing?

look at me
i'm helpless
another dumb crush
another dumb line uttering the same exact thing
'look at me'*
in my head.

Happiness can come from the simplest forms.

A simple children's show can reform memories from a childhood
When everything was simple
Depression was unknown
And the funniest thing was when Gary would meow.

Or an old song can bring back memories from your first dance
Or when you were young and darted across the floor shouting along
'ain't no hollaback girl!'

Anything can bring good memories
You just need to think
and remember.

Less than two years ago, you were my best friend.
We would stay up every night and talk, creating fictional worlds were we lived our dreams.
Two antipathetic, pessimistic kids against the world.
Running on little sleep, we'd create this worlds until we ran out of ideas.
Then destroy them and start over.

A year ago, things changed.
Like all good ideas, you run low on them.
So we stopped creating and talked about us, our life, and how we'd end up.
Hours on end, we'd talk about how we had no future, no path, and how we'd create our own.
But then something else happened, you made new friends that year.
I already had new friends.
They're great friends, I never had friends like them.
I'd try to tell stories about them like you did with yours, but you'd give me a 'cool' answer.
So I shut up.
They too meant the same to me that you did.
After all, you're my best friend too.
But like best friends do, I never left you.
I never could.
You were my best friend.

Less than four months ago, it was my birthday.
Like all birthdays, that day wasn't special for me.
Birthdays never are special to me.
I apologized for not buying you a gift for your birthday earlier that year.
My dad had lost his job last year and I'm low on cash
Plus, I'm not doing too good mentally, and emotionally.
You said it's fine, and got me a gift anyway.
With that gift, you wrote a letter.
You're not good with words, but you were saying I saved your life and I'm your best friend.
None of your friends get you quite like I do.
I cried, because for the most part, it's the same for me.

Less than a month ago, you stopped talking to me.
Our conversations grew into petty arguments anyway.
You never did listen to me.
I should've known you never did care from the way you never listened to me.
You would talk about yourself, and not care about me
And if I did, the answers were so vague.
okay, cool
But I still ached to talk to you.
I'll never know why.
Another thing I'll never know is, if I truly was your friend
How would it be so easy to forget me?

I swear, I wish I was rich.
I wouldn't waste the money on myself.
No.
I'd spend every ******* dime of that money on you.
Just to see you smile.
That smile kills.
You deserve everything good in the world
And I want to be able to shower you in gifts and blue soda.
Because god, who doesn't love those sugary drinks?

If I could, I'd run away.
Start a brand new life as a brand new person.
I'd create a fake identity, and start all over.
Get a job, a cat, and a fancy apartment
Live up in a skyscraper so I can be in the air everyday.
Cleanse my mind of all things from the former existence.
Meet new people, new friends.
Just have a whole new life.
Become a brand new person
And just start all over.
If I could.