The plane descends
Into a smog
The sea barely visible
The runway appears suddenly.

A grey oppressive place,
Large mountains looming ahead
In the distance.
They seem to be watching. Waiting.

Cold, hard walls
Reflections are all you see
Staring back
At you

The customs were rough
And crowded.
A condescending look
And your passport thrown back at you

Out of the gates
More grey
The city's dead
Yet bustling with people

The smog just touches the top of the buildings
You smell smoke.
A concrete jungle
Cold and Grey.

Sometimes
I wonder
What on earth
Am I here for
Why am I here
Why is everything
Happening
The way it is

How are we conscious?
How do we think?
How do we feel?

And then it hits me
Everything boils down
To chemical reactions
Electrical impulses
Atoms and molecules
Interacting with
Each other
To form a larger
Picture

But if everything's
Just a composition
Of chemical reactions
Properties
Bonds
Combined with
Neurological
Electrical
Impulses

*Then why does everything matter so much?

A liberation
From the permanent
Weight
On your face

Clear crisp outlines
And details
Blur into
Fuzz

Your eyes relax and start
To adjust
The orchestra begins
To play

The players
Dressed in black
Look like dancing
Shadows
The light spaces
Between them
Take up a shape
Of their own

Tremors and aftermath
Resonate through the soul
Toppling confidence
And shaking foundations
Hectic mayhem
Everyday

Deadlines to meet
Marching ever closer
Preparations to be done
Finishing? Well, almost
Never

Efforts paid
Going up in flames
The smoke covering
The living daylight
And also suffocates

Raiders and robbers
Stealing what's dear
Taking everything away
Killing hopes and dreams
I am starting to fear

Seven days
Seven twins
Maybe fourteen
Or more
They come and go
On and off
Much as I wouldn't want anyone
To know

The seawall held together
By a single thread
Of sheer willpower
Waves slosh
And threaten to spill
And the thread strains
To hold

You cant
Break
Something
That is already
Broken

Unless
You pick up the pieces
And
Grind them
To
Dust

It's been so long
Yet not enough
We've come so far
Yet we've got so far
To go
The journey ahead
Is full of twists and turns
Forks and bends
But I trust
That through it all
These ties will hold

I still remember
The six years that changed me
Trained me
To be something
That I wasn't
Was quickly undone
In the seventh year
A new year
We shall count from one

With the weight of the mould
I felt lost and unsure
In this place of light
And warmth
And this new home
With an amazing family
New ties quickly formed
And with the mould disintegrating,
I was free...

It was YOU
Who taught me
There's no harm shining;
Being proud of what I have

It was YOU
Who taught me
Just give all you've got
That There's no need to hide or with hold

It was You
Who taught me
That history could
Last

It was You
Who taught me
To just be;
Take everything with a smile brightly

And

It was You
Who unlocked
That locked door
I kept shut so tightly in those six years
Trickling light into that dark, closed room

Thank you all
For these two years
You've helped me find
Myself
Not the old one,
Not the one that was
Buried
Squished and
Lost
But you've all helped me find
A unique
New
Me

And as I lay here
Staring at these bracelets
I can't help but feel
Wistful
That it's all going to be
Over

The smiles
The laughter
The undeniable stupidity
Tears
All those memories
All those things
We went through
Together

That we're all going
In different ways
And alas,
I shed a single tear

For what the future holds,
I cannot fathom
And there are mixed feelings
Of apprehension and fear
But at least these ties will hold
They will have to
Over long distance
And all

Because I can't ever
Bear to part
With all of you
Any of you
Ever

Despite all these
Changes

I'll try
My best
To dispel them
Even for a little while
To see you
Smile

I'll poke them
Out of you

I'll sing them
Out with you

I'll play them
Out with you

I'll hug them
Out of you

I'll shout them
Out with you

I'll sit them
Out with you

Even if for
Just a little while
Seeing everyone
Laugh and scream
Chase and shout

It's like the clouds
Just parted
To let in a little
Sunlight

Finally
I've regained
Some strength
It's just a little
But it's enough

I've got to thank you
For inspiring me
To count my blessings
And now, here I shall

A group of seven

One 
The one who's always there
To lend strength
And lead others
Through turbulent 
Times

Two
The best friend I could
Ever
Ask for
Always being by my side
No matter what
How far
How long
No words 
Can ever
Fully express what I'd have
To say to you

Three
The most hilarious one
You brighten up
Anyone's day
With your silly jokes
And never ending
Laughter

Four
A reliable friend
Mature and understanding
You're always there
Ready to step in
And help
Or just
Be drunk

Five
Thankyou
For always trying your best
For always being your best
Despite the pressure
And everything else
In this period of friendship
I have only one word to describe you
Awesome

Six
You and your 
Hilarious 
Ridiculous
Amusing 
Antics
Wherever you go
The first thing in the morning
Or the last thing in the afternoon

Seven
Our friendship
Is one
I value
A lot
It's one of the 
Longest
Oldest
And meaningful ones
This friendship
Through the sun and rain
Is still sustained
Till now
And I'm so glad
It did
For I saw many other
Attempts?
Crumble and fall

So thank you
All of you
For being part of
My life

So many things
And so little time

Things keep piling up
Higher and higher
One after the other

The year flew past
Way too fast
Now I'm grabbing at everything
To maybe slow it down
But no

Activities back to back
Literally
Day to day
There went one week of supposed
Rest
There went one week of supposed
Preparation

With the recaping and recalling
Just noticing:
The modules still aren't
Done
Adding adding adding on

Help is leaving
In one day
Protection is leaving
For two weeks
Still can't get the questions done
I have yet to clear
This pile

Hello test
Howdy music
Four days more
And the race begins
Through and through
My time is short
Yet I have to compete

Then comes
The End
It's too quick.

Everything's
Too quick

Even after
The End
More is still
To come
One after the other

I need more
Time
And then here I am
Scrabbling in the dark
Wanting to melt
And disappear

And all I want
Is a day
Off
To do absolutely
Nothing
Without having to
Worry about
Anything
At all

Just one day

The path is coming
To a fork
The end
Is nigh

All the time
We’ve spent
Together
The memories
And the laughter

Just a few months left
Decisions springing up
At every corner
Time
Running out

Leaving me wondering
*What to do??

The bridges
So carefully pieced
All the time spent
All the effort put in
Burn down
In a second

It's hard
It's tough
But it'll be over
Soon

"Heads up
Don't stop
Put your shoulders back
And spread your wings up high"

Hang in
Hang on
Don't let
Go

It's hard
It's difficult
But it's still
Possible

Keep going on
One step
In front of
The other

Slow and steady

I'll be here
For you
Anyone
Anything
Anytime

Ears to listen
Hugs to give
I'll just be
A text away

I'll lend you strength
I'll give you smiles
I'll try my best
To cheer you on

So
Don't
Give
In

Towering giants
Unstable
Slippery footing
Sharp edges
Glass too thin
Handrail too low
Goodness, my legs are trembling
Cowering
Clutching
Struggling
To gain control
Over breaths
Look normal...

Meeting up
In a multistorey
Mall
Looking for mum
In the building
Escelators
Escelators
Everywhere
She's probably
At that shop
At the very
Top

Up we go,
On them escalators
A long long way to go
Heights
Tremors
Just look up
No,
That's the ceiling
Just look straight
At your feet
Keep breathing
Hold on

Up we go
Up we go
Endless flights
Of escalators

Till the final one is passed
Safe on solid ground
I look around
Left and right
Up and down
There she is:
Right at the bottom floor

This is a mockery

The same way I came
The same way I went
Setting my sights
On my slow moving
Target

The way up was hard;
The way down was worse.
So high up
Off the ground
So close up
To the ceiling
Grasping tightly
Nowhere to look
But down
Down
Down

Swaying
Trembling
Feeling like
Falling
The edges will do
Or just simply forwards
Eyes squeezed
Tightly shut
The world spins
How I wish I could
Sit

The long arduous journey
Finally ending,
A leap too early
And we end up
Free falling

It might not
Have been real
But the risk
Is there
Still
And the terror
Exists

An illness, it plagues me
It causes great misery
My screams go unheard
I hope Death comes to claim me

You're such a good friend
I know you will help me
Come to my house,
And help set me free

The Demon came one night
And to me, it spoke;
"Come make a pact with me,
And your pain I'll turn to smoke"

You're such a good friend
I know you will help me
Come to my house,
And help set me free

You walked into my house
So generous and kind
Of how innocent you were,
So innocently blind

You're such a good friend
I know you will help me
Come to my house,
And help set me free

The transformation completes
Oh how good it feels
To be free of pain and suffering
The bell of liberty peals

You're such a good friend
I know you will help me
Come to my house,
And help set me free

A day is not long,
I must start acting
If I want to stay,
You must be dying.

You're such a good friend
I know you will help me
Come to my house,
And help set me free

Alas, you have struggled,
Valiantly played.
But you cannot win me,
The pact gives me aid.

You're such a good friend
I know you will help me
Come to my house,
And help set me free

Give it back?
This body, I will keep
They say "finders keepers"
Leaving the losers to weep.

You're such a good friend
I know you will help me
Come to my house,
And help set me free

For a day, I said.
For a day, you'll stay.
But not if you die,
Not if you, I slay.

You're such a good friend
I know you will help me
Come to my house,
And help set me free

This is the final leg,
Your power abates.
For all the love I've missed,
Ahead, it awaits.

You're such a good friend
I know you will help me
Come to my house,
And help set me free

Goodbye, my dear friend
You've helped me a bunch
Your body stays with me
And with mine you leave

You're such a good friend
I know you will help me
Come to my house,
And help set me free

The Demon behind
He waved his hand
Laughed, and left
When the camera panned.

There was a brave young man
Enrolled in the army.
He was a good fighter,
The best he can be.

With chaos and turmoil
A war divides
Nothing is certain, but
The truth it hides

But one day, he met his match
The strokes were quick and deft,
He fell, blood pooled
Left there for death.

With chaos and turmoil
A war divides
Nothing is certain, but
The truth it hides

Amidst the pain and nausea,
He vaguely felt a presence,
Supple arms lifted, nimble hands treated
Then it all faded from existence.

With chaos and turmoil
A war divides
Nothing is certain, but
The truth it hides

Waking from a feverish sleep
Clean bandages across his chest,
He saw a figure in a different uniform
And immediately put her under arrest.

With chaos and turmoil
A war divides
Nothing is certain, but
The truth it hides

She stared down the barrel,
Her glare cold and steady.
One eyebrow cocked, saying
"I just saved you. Now you're gonna **** me?"

With chaos and turmoil
A war divides
Nothing is certain, but
The truth it hides

He lowered the gun, ashamed
She smiled a crooked half-smile,
And ****** him a pack of medicine.
He took the package gratefully, though it smelled like bile.

With chaos and turmoil
A war divides
Nothing is certain, but
The truth it hides

He studied her from top to toe.
Dark hair, tanned skin
A red cross on the foreign uniform
And a rifle at her feet.

With chaos and turmoil
A war divides
Nothing is certain, but
The truth it hides

He started off by asking her
Why she had saved him.
She laughed, loud and free
And suddenly, things didn't seem so grim.

With chaos and turmoil
A war divides
Nothing is certain, but
The truth it hides

Slowly, they opened up
And smiled some more
Talking bout all sorts of things
Till they got to the cause of war

With chaos and turmoil
A war divides
Nothing is certain, but
The truth it hides

Propaganda warps
Beliefs conflict
Peace and harmony are nowhere in sight,
In result, harm inflicted.

With chaos and turmoil
A war divides
Nothing is certain, but
The truth it hides

Both parties fell silent
A cold barrier raised between
Then he cleared his throat and excused himself
Best they were not together, seen.

With chaos and turmoil
A war divides
Nothing is certain, but
The truth it hides

Unbeknownst to them,
His comrade had tailed them
They were surrounded
Fighting would only bring about mayhem.

With chaos and turmoil
A war divides
Nothing is certain, but
The truth it hides

The rifles took aim
There was nowhere to run
The trigger was pulled
In its path, himself he flung

With chaos and turmoil
A war divides
Nothing is certain, but
The truth it hides

With his dying breath, he said
"I guess we're even now"
With a crooked smile,
His head did bow.

Yuck
Not again
I'm failing
For yet another
Time

Walls collapsing
Mask disintegrating
Voice disappearing
Smile vanishing
Thoughts muddling

Grip is
Loosening
Throwing me back
Into that ******
Pit
I fought so hard
To climb out
Of

My strength is
Depleting
I don't think
I can make that climb
Again
Or at least
Fight that
Monster
Suppress it
Squash it
Ultimately
**** it

My control is
Slipping
My tongue is
Sharpening
My voice either
Booming
Or vanishing
Evil thoughts
Rampaging

I wish it would stop
Where's my will
When I need it
I need it back
To climb
To talk
To smile
To fight
That
Blasted
Side

I can run
But not for long
It will catch up
It has already caught on

And nothing
Already
Matters
Anymore

The more familiar
The figure,
The easier for me
To sketch

Staring into the sky
Wondering how it is to fly
To spread wings
And soar
Breathing in the cool, fresh, air
To be free of everything
Racing ahead of your troubles
Leaving them far behind
Feel the wind in your face,
The air in your lungs
Each wing beat
Taking you
Faster and faster
Further and further
No time to think
No time to worry
Just fly
Into the endless sky

Life is a game
A very big one
A betting game
All the same

You either take it
Or let the opportunity
Pass you by
Hoping for a better one to come along

What if it doesn't?

You either gain all
Or lose all
Nothing in this game
Is guaranteed

I'll miss the old ones
Dearly
With their
Heavy
Plastic frames
Cheetah spots
And dark
Tortoiseshell
Rims

They would hide
Things
Shield things
And maybe
Protect

The new ones?
Well..
They're brighter
But sadder,
They show more
They hide less
Lighter
And clearer
The only weight
Resting upon
Two points
On the nose bridge
Instead of weighing down
On my face

A new image
A new character

Sometimes
When you try to hold
More and
More and
More and
More..

No matter how big
Or small
Your hands are
Eventually,
They will still
               o
            l     w
Overf

And         D

                    R


               O


                   P

Bringing you back
To square
One

There was once an
Angel
A young one
wings as white as snow
Smile as bright as day
Cheery
Optimistic
Happy go lucky
Bringing warmth all around

As she grew up
Her wings began to get darker.
First it was a few black speckles
Starting from the very tips
Through many storms
She went
The smile quivers
Shakes them wings
But they stay

She grew a bit more
The cherubic round face
Growing longer
The black speckles now covering half
Like a shadow
She fought
Blood flew
Her own and others
It soon didn't make a difference

She grew up
Tall and lanky
Her wings are now black
Like a raven's
Her eyes were guarded
The bright spark
Now a hard glitter
She barely smiles anymore

And when she does,
It isn't
The same

Leaving a trail of
Ice
Wherever she goes
An icy fire
Burning within
Keeping her going.

At the start
A bright beginning,
A happy union
An ignited spark

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Clutching the doll
Happily
Going everywhere
Together

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Out the door
Around the house
And maybe to see your friend's
Pet mouse

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Together forever
Best little buds
Totally inseparable
Just like a shadow

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

The doll was there
Through all the sunshine
The doll was there
Through all the rain

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

It kept you company
Through the smiles
Laughing with
Your every mile

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

It kept you safe
Through all those nights
And kept those shadowy things
At bay

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

It dried your tears
Through all those times
A simple hug
Could heal that soul

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

It waited for you
Every day
Until you came back
Home

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Then something happened;
You grew up
The waiting became
Longer

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

The distance widened,
Left behind
But still it kept on
Waiting

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

You talked less
You played less
But still it looked on
Hopefully

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

The doll was stuck
In a timeless state
But you just kept on
Growing

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Soon, you no longer
Came to see
The doll; it was already
Fading

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Forgotten, neglected
In its dusty little corner
Reminiscing of the times
Together, spent

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Wishing you would
Come back round
To look, or just
To care

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

It kept on hoping
It kept believing
It kept the flame alive,
Burning

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

But everyday
It kept on dimming
The pure white fur
With dust, greying

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Time passes
Minutes, hours
Days.
Soon, it's been a year.

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

More time passes
Just like so,
Until you were
So fully grown

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Gone were the days
Of carefree playing
Gone were the days
Of chatting

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

The doll has faded
Right out
Your mind
You were most preoccupied

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Then suddenly
You remembered
Retraced your steps
And found the corner

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

You see the little doll
You've grown up with
A companion, confidant,
A friend.

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

You pick it up
But something's different
The flame inside
Has died

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Hollow eyes stare back
At you
Cold and frozen
Over

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

With a twinge
You placed it
Back onto
A wooden shelf

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Now with the
Closing of the door
The both of you
Were parted

*A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Every time
I feel like stopping
Giving up
When I find
It unbearable
When I find
It torturing
You always manage to come in
You almost always come in
At that moment
And give me encouragement
Like a light to a moth
In the darkness
Giving me warmth
In the cold winter
Make me feel so much better
Giving me a reason
To hang on.

So you say I’m harsh
Very well.
I admit
I am not very nice
At any point in time
But I try.
I try to make everyone happy
I try to help
But in the end of the day
I’m just a bothersome pest
A shallow, annoying
Pest.
Yet when I don’t reply
You say I don’t care.

Sorry if it hurt you
Sorry if it added on to your problems.
But harsh?

Everyone’s had it tough
Not only you.
You’ve definitely had it really rough
With him out there
Doing God knows what.
Sure, your life hasn’t been really happy
Well you know what?
So hasn’t mine.

My books
The stories I lose myself in
To escape
You took them away.
My connection
With all the friends I adore
You cut me off
The things that I enjoy doing
You turn them into work
Making me loath them
My emotion
You ban them
Make me suppress them
Making me pretend that I am
Once again
The cheery, innocent little girl
From years before
Who will never
Return
Keeping my guard up
Even at home
Only till I am safely under the sheets
In the dark
With the door closed
Alone
And yet, I still do as you please.

Fine.
Say that I’m selfish
Say that I demand too much
Say that I do too little
Say that I’m hopeless
But I’m only human.
Am I?
Who knows.
Probably a monster.
A leech.
A burden.

So.
Harsh?

Hearts
There are many.

There are those
That are soft
And fuzzy

There are those
That are hard
And cold

There are those
That are cracked
And broken

There are those
That are whole
And warm

There are those
That never
Skip a beat

There are those
That hold
A storm

Every heart,
Differently made

Some of them
Are made of ice,

Some of them
Are made of fire.

Some made up
Of all things nice

Others carved out of
Stone

Treasure your heart
It's more precious
Than gold

Cause sometimes
Some of us
Just have
None

Helplessness feels like
A bird with broken wings
Falling.
Just falling.
And not
Being
Able
To do
Anything
To help.
Just Watch.
It hurts.

I don't lie
I just phrase things
Differently

I don't hide
I drop hints
Everywhere

You just
Don't
Notice

Well.
I think that warning came
A tad bit late

We must not forget
That curiousoty
That Childhood
Innocence
We must never lose
That inner child

All that innocence
Is just an illusion
A beautification
Of a twisted
Ugly
Truth

It falls apart
Eventually.
Everything does.
Everyone does.
It's just that

This break came
Early
And now that
Little girl

Is long gone..

There is irony
In what you do
There is irony
In what you speak

The irony is
Your words today
Might be what tomorrow
You will eat

There is irony
In truth
And lies

There is irony
Reflected in your state
Of mind

There is irony
Most of the time
Unnoticed

There is irony
And it is
Everywhere

But whether it can be
Identified
That is another
Story

Words
They hold a lot of power
But when you need them
They just
Don't
Work

A simple sorry
Will never do
Enough

Life is a game
But this game
Doesn't have
A replay button
Or
A save button.
Once it's done,
There's no going back.

Oh what a revelation.
It was
Right
Under
Your
Nose

The Judge
Stoic and unfeeling
Raises his mallet

Down it comes
Crushing us all.

It falls like a guillotine
Echoing through the empty halls
Of my mind

Anger rises
But is quickly silenced

The case is closed.
Nothing
Can be done

Sentenced to life
On the ground.

No need
To look so deep
No need
To think too much

What’s on the surface
I want to show
What’s behind that
Smile
What’s behind that
Laughter

Stays behind it

That’s how it is
Living with you now
Not sure
How to please you
Fearing every move
Is a mistake
Fearing every move
Will trigger an
Explosion
Fearing that every move
Is
Wrong.

Whatever I seem to do
Is wrong

Whatever I not do
Is wrong

Then tell me
What do I do?

I try
I try
I try
I help
I help
I help
I do
I do
I do

And yet,
I still have
To live on
The Edge.

It’s really tiring.
Don’t you know?

Just one
Solitary
Figure
Walking that
Lonely road

Just one
Detached
Person
Sitting on that
Bench

Just one
Lone
Warrior
Fighting battles
Alone

Just one
Sole
Girl
Watching
Quietly

Teeth gritting
Eyes lowered
Jaw clenching

Don't make a sound..

Fingers lock
Arm tighten
Body tense

Don't crush the paper...

Breathe lighter
Slow down
Gentle movements
Light steps

*Don't slam the door...

Am I sitting in the middle
Of a room filled with

Mirrors

Or am I
The mirror?

"Mirrors never
Lie"

But

"Perception is
Reality"

And

"What you see in
Yourself
Is what
Matters"

Then where does
Perception
Stop

And

Hypocrisy
Kick
In?

Music.

One of the things
That makes all this

Bearable

Be it listening to
Or making
It’s one thing
That takes all this

Away

Lose yourself
In its lyrics
Dreaming up
Another story

The heavy bass
Beating in time
With your heart

Pour everything
All your energy
All your thoughts
All your pain
All your unspoken words
Into the chords

Feel it flow into the keys
Weave them into the musical phrases
Transforming them into a symphony
Giving life to the notes on the page
Just feeling everything

Gush out

Just for those six pages
Or so
Just for those four minutes
Or so

Music magically
Takes
Everything

Away

Turning them into something

Beautiful

And then, as soon as it had started,
It stops.

And that
Silence

Resonates through you
Through that

Emptiness

And that’s when you can
Get up
Smile
Bow
And walk off
Carrying on
As if nothing happened

Thank you, music
For making this possible
You’ve brought me this far
And you’re still keeping me going.

You are

My savior

In the day
It’s just fine
A costume
Special effects
Creepy music
But when the sun goes
Down
Everything comes
Back

The scenes
The flash backs
Images
That just stay
Imprinted
In your mind

And that’s not all
The sands of
Imagination
Shift
And turn those
Scenes
And flashbacks
Into
Possibilities
Ideas
And now

Every corner
Of your safe haven
Is turned into
A portal
Where
Ghouls
Apparitions
Specters
And Monsters
Can come into your world

Every shadow in the dark
Lurks a menace;
An unknown and unwelcome
Presence
Leaving you paralyzed
With fear
Unable to move
Unable to breathe
Every muscle
Tense and taut
Curled up in a ball
Hugging your knees to your chest
Trying to calm
Your fluttering heart

And slowly,
Unknowingly,
Your eyes close
And you slip into that
Blissful oblivion

And when morning comes
You're left
Exhausted

Not sure if I'm right
Not sure if I'm thinking too much
But I'm just gonna wait
And sit here
To observe...

Something
Weighing you
Down?

Don't stop
Don't give up
Run
Faster
Further
Stronger

And once you're
Free,
You'll learn
How to
Fly

Everything
Fades

Everything
Goes

Everything
Breaks

Everything
­Blows

I take a look
Around
And find
Nothing standing
Zilch

Only till
My eyes catch
That little corner
That cozy little
Corner
With a rug –
A soft one, like the ones they used
In kindergarten
A blanket –
The downy ones
A pile of pillows –
Of all sizes
A charger socket –
To recharge my music player
A set of earphones –
Those noise cancelling ones
Complete with
A guitar
And a nice
Black
Piano
To hide
Everything
From sight

This safe
Little
Haven
Is the only thing
Left

Too bad
It’s
*Imaginary

So you want to know
Why I don't trust
Anyone
Anyone
Completely
Simple theory:
It's like an acid burn
It leaves a permanent
Ugly
Deformed
Mark

Four years ago,
I saw a future
Full of fun
And laughter

There was this girl
We hit off right away
Best friends forever,
Maybe even 
Sisters

I told her 
Everything
I told her
Anything
I trusted her
Completely
We even kept
A little book
And made little
Friendship keys

So sure
She was the one
Until they came
Along

They made me feel
So at home
They made me feel
I belonged
Not sure when
It started
But there were 
Hateful stares
Annoyed faces
Change in attitude
And then the one
I thought would
Stay
Forever,
She turned
Too

She spilled
Everything
Every
Single
Thing
And turned
And twisted
And moulded
Them into things
that were
Untrue
Spreading them
All around
Turning most
Everyone
A whole class,
(The girls at least,
The boys naturally stayed away)

Humiliated,
Taunted,
Laughed at,
I was turned
Into a joke
A nerd
A complete
Idiot
With the nearest friend
In the next class,
I spent my time
Alone

That day I went back
I cried for an hour
Sitting in a pool
Of ice-cold water
Tears pouring down my face
Wondering
What on earth
Did I do 
Wrong
And that was where
Everything
Changed

That day,
I built my armor.

That day,
I sharpened my weapons.

That day,
My heart died.

That day,
I promised myself
For these things,
I would no longer cry 

That day,
I turned hard and cold.

That day, 
The term
"Best friend"
Lost its meaning
Removed
From my dictionary 

Along with it
Went 
"Trust"

Till now,
I still don't trust
Completely
It can be partially,
Mostly,
Or not at all
You can come close,
Very close.
But the inner most layer,
Is one no one can
Touch

I'm sorry
If I 
Violated
Anyone's trust
Or if
I've hurt you
But this is me.
This is one of 
The Principles
I live by.

I can't express
I can't suggest
I can't stay silent
Yet
I can't present

Not one
Disagreement
Can be shown

Not one
Opinion
Can be voiced

Not one
Action
Can be made

Not one
Item
Can be done

You take one step forward
I take three steps back

Adding
Adding
Adding up,

Pushing
Pushing
Pushing back.

Yet I can't help
But obey
And try to keep
That temper
Away

On them I write
Words of thoughts
That overwhelm
Me
Distract me
Annoy me
Drive me
Crazy

The mysteries of
My mind remains
Untold
Guarded by
The intricate
Origami
Birds

There they remain
Silent
Until you decide
To open it
And let the chaos
Unfold

Poems are little
Snippets
Of what goes on
In one’s mind

Poems are made of
Short
Lines
Preferably those
That rhyme

Poems can be
Shallow
About the little things
Happening on
The surface

Poems can be
Deep
About the fractured thoughts
Underneath a
Painted smile

Poems can be silly
Full of fun
And laughter

Poems can be serious
Filled to the brim
With melancholy

Poems can be happy
A world of sunshine
Rainbows
And all things nice

Poems can be sad
Raining with tears
Peppered with sighs
And others that are not that
Nice

Poems depend
On their creators
To give them
That special touch
That special identity
To who you are
To what you really
Think and feel

I always talk about
Keeping true
To my word
That empty promises
And false hopes
Are unacceptable

But all that I seem
To do
Is just
That

I hate it
I hate the way
There are barriers
I'm too short to cross
I hate it when
There is a long distance
My little legs can't cover
I hate it especially
When I can't see
Can't hear
Can't be
There
Or
Anywhere

And I just feel
Powerless
Frozen
Lost
Unsure what to do
Unsure what to feel
Rooted
To the spot
Watching
Everything
Unfold
Helplessly

And all these
Just turn my words
Into dust
My promises become
Dandelion fluff
Blown away
By this typhoon

Uncontrollable
Beyond
My
Power

I love the rain
Lose my thoughts
In the steady rhythm
Of raindrops
Falling

I love the rain
Just breathing in
Its refreshing scent
Natural
Peaceful

I love the rain
The cool raindrops
Falling on my skin
Replacing tears
That are left

Unshed