I must thank You
For you have made me
Find
My passion for
Writing
Again

Fool.

I knew I shouldn't have.

Shouldn't have stood up
Tried too hard
Now I'm a joke and
A laughing stock

Shouldn't have listened
Shouldn't have brought
Now I'm an eccentric
Nut job.

Should have studied
Should have revised
Now I'm just another
Hypocrite

The end is nigh
I say "Goodbye"
Hope the wind blows
These debris behind.

Far far away

And never to be


Remembered

Returning to the world
I came from,
Looking all around
People
Places
Surroundings

It's all so different
From where I am
Now

It was dark,
Now it's light

It was cold
Now it's warmer

I knew them once
Now, I'm not so sure

This was the place
That taught me
How to fight
For myself

This was the place
That taught me
To hide and
Protect what I have

This was the place
Where I learnt
To walk
Alone

Now, I'm surrounded
At last
By people who appreciate
Me,

In a place
That welcomes me,
Yet
Has taught me
To be able to hide
And share
At the same time

The people in my company
Are people I used to
"Hang out" with
I used to be close with
They're now
Strangers
Speaking a different language
Taller
Quieter
Colder

I take a last look
At the world that I came from
And I left.

The last day
For the last time
A small team of five
Through everything we held through
Now it's time to say goodbye

Not to each other,
But to our wings.
The wings that we have grown
Through everything we held through
Now it's time to say goodbye

To the skies we'd no longer
Soar through,
To the fragile ties we've built
Through everything we held through
Now it's time to say goodbye

To a home that we have found
A cozy one of five and more
To everything we enjoy
Through everything we have held through
Now it's time to say goodbye

All our efforts
And all our dreams
Now all amounting to naught
Through everything they have held through
Now it's time to say goodbye

Thrown into a brand new place
With strangers, maybe enemies
We have to start again
Through all the pain to learn square one
Now it's time for us to die

Have our legacy
Fade away
Replaced by another one
Never to be continued again,
To just live in our memories

We may or may not
Choose to leave
But either way, it's still set:
What's ours will still
Be taken away

But in our hearts
Our very core
We'll still be yearning
To once more,
Soar

We'd always belong
To the Air, though Grounded,
Our eyes turn
Skywards
Forevermore

I slipped
And
I tripped
And now
I'm not the one
Who's falling
*It's you..

Crossing the road
A large one
At that
Breathing in
The exhaust.

Walking up
The *****
It's the seventh month
Paper burning
Smoke evolving

Past a construction site
Dust and dirt
Drift past
The musty smell
Of gas and saw dust

Past a factory
Past a cement mixer
Past a ******* truck

Each step
Each second
My lung capacity
Gets
Smaller

Smaller

Smaller..

Something's stuck
Between my chest
And throat
Working its way
Up and
Out

Hold it in
Just a few meters
More...

Gulp in
Fresh air
In fully
To the bottom
Of your shoes

But still
Not enough
Makes its way in

Cough cough
Hack
Shudder
Head hurts
Giddy
Feel like
Sleeping

Sometimes,
I just wish this were
More than a cough
And that it will take me away

Maybe the medication
Oh yes
Maybe that little sticker
On the side of the box
Marked “POISON”

It doesn’t taste that bad.

The blissful oblivion
Is magical.

You don’t feel
Anything

You’re not aware of
Anything

You don’t need to hide
Anything

You don’t need to hold
Anything

You don’t need to do
Anything

Any bad thoughts
Any bad happenings
Go away
When you sleep
Suspended in that
Nothingness

When I wake up
I’m a new person

No longer bearing
The grudge

No longer
Tearing

No longer
Exploding

But I wonder
How long
It would last.

Will it?

I need you
Sleep

Don't
Go.

The wall
Hard
Cold
Solid

A silent companion

Comfortable

The wall
Won't move
The wall
Won't disappear
The wall
Won't change
The wall
Won't break
The wall
Won't turn
Green
The wall
Won't turn
Blue

The wall
Supports the weight
The wall
Shelters
The wall
Calms
Blank
White
Bliss

Sleep
Shuts off everything
Else

And I am
At peace

Sleep
The Wall
And I

A smile
Is a powerful tool

It can

Encourage
Give hope
Cheer
Reassure
Show

But it can also

Crush
Taunt
Annoy
Confuse
Hide

Woke up
In the morning
The skies looked gray.
I didn’t trust myself
To keep smiling
Or to keep
From crying

That day

I didn’t feel
Like going
Anywhere
I didn’t feel
Like meeting
Anyone
I didn’t feel
Like doing
Anything

That day

We were trudging around
Like lost souls
Under the hot
Sun
Our friendly greetings
Unseen
Unheard
By many

That day

When all seemed
Futile
Our legs weary
Having walked
For miles
Our feet hurting
From standing
For hours
And our cheeks aching
From grinning
And speaking

That day

We all but started
Singing
Our little
Song
A tiny verse
A laughable one
And that little
Song
Piped our spirits
Just for a little
To keep us going

That day

At the end
Of that day
I looked up
To find that the skies
Have turned
Blue
And I’ve got to
Hand it over to you two.
If not for a while
You turned my smile
Into a real one

**That day

I find that rain
Is a heavenly thing

It can wash away
All the pain

It can wipe clean
All the troubles and tension

It can relax
The mind, body and soul

It can make you grin
Like you were five again

Splashing around in puddles,
Turning your face to the sky.
Breathe in the smell of rain,
And feel the drops on your skin.

There it sits
Waiting
Watching

It's a Yamaha
With a Union-Jack back
The last of it's
Kind

It's been a faithful companion
It came to me
When I was six
Not brand new
But second hand

Through all the tears
All the humiliation
All the pain
All the scoldings
All the belittlings
It stuck through with me
With sweat and blood
Shed on the keys
It didn't complain
When I threw
My tantrums
Banging the keys
Even kicking it once
Or twice
It just waited
And watched me
Till I calmed down
And felt
Stupid
After
I practised
Everyday
And not once
Did it
Complain

It has a really bright
Crystal clear
Sound
With this certain
Energy
And depth

I took great pride
In taking care of it
Polishing it
Every other day
Till it shone
Like a mirror

As time went by
One grade after the other
The practises became
Less and
Less
I didn't care for it
As much as I did
Before
A year passed
Then another

Now I'm fourteen
It's twenty eight
Or more
I've had my share
Of performing
On stage
With all types of pianos
But there was this
One thing
That was different
With my piano
Something it
Lacked

The sound is there
The energy is there
But somehow
When I compare the recordings
My dear piano
Just sounds
Tired...
The touch stickier
The keys start failing
On some days
It sounds
Muted
Always slightly off key
No matter how many times
The piano man comes
This is one patient
The doctor can't treat

Is it possible
That emotions
Can be transferred
To objects?
Has my raging
Over the keyboard
Tired it out
By having to
Express
What I play
And what I
Put
Into the pieces?

It's a piano
Of memories
Of thoughts
Of an inexpressable phenomenon
Called feelings
"Where words fail, music speaks"
I salute you
Dear piano
For allowing me
To express myself
Through the written pieces
You help
Materialize

We have grown together
Walked this long journey together
And with all the memories
Sweat
Blood
Tears
That has made me today
I won't part with
Till the very end,
Dear piano

So shall we continue?

Never fear
My dears
Though skies may seem
Gray
More than
Most of the times
And all hope seems
Lost
The weight
Dragging you
Down

You can always
Put it down
Throw it all off
And shake yourself
Free
Just for
A little while

Look around
At the brighter side
Of life

Gray stormy skies?
Why,
Dance in the rain
And splash in the puddles
Keep looking out
For that
Rainbow

A boring, dry
Walk home
Same old view
Same old path
Why not look closely
And see if you can spot
The occasional
Song bird
Or little lizard
Or maybe even
The little wildflower
Growing among
Lush green grass
Ice cold water
Awaiting you at home

Sometimes
Life gets tough
Life gets hard
Life gets tiring
But look
Look all around you
I see amazing people
Amazing friends
Who have stuck together
All this while
Through rain and shine
We're all in this together
We'll get through
We'll survive
More than survive
Keeping each other company
On the long journey
Sharing laughs
Sharing tears
Sharing pain
Sharing smiles

Even if it's
Hard to
Just try
Try to take a look
At the brighter things
In life

Sitting in its dusty bag
Quietly
Longing to be played

A melancholic instrument
Carrying memories
Of better times

And the small
Pang
Of pain
And longing
Always pulls on my heart strings
Whenever I
Take it out
Of that dusty bag
Look at it, and
Play it

Its warm sound
Filling my ears
The comforting
Vibrations
Running through the instrument
Reminds me all too much
Of those times
Those happier times
Years ago
When everything
Was fine

I place the guitar
Back in it's dusty bag
And once again
That door
Leading back to those memories
Shuts with a bang.

If we are puppets,
Then sleepiness
Is a dangerous
Puppeteer.

He creeps up on you
And hijacks your
Mind and body

Your eyes are closing
Your body feels heavy
Your head may drop off
Anytime

Your shoulders are drooping
Your feet are weary
Your back supports you
No more

Your head is swaying
Your body is aching
Oh how you wish you were
In bed

You can’t hear properly
You can’t speak properly
You don’t care
Anymore...
                                                                ­                 ...he whispers in your ear
And this is when
Sleepiness
Slips you onto
His puppet strings
And starts to sway
Your bearings

One, two
One, two
You plod on

Left, right
Left, right
Your vision starts to spin

You can’t hear properly
You can’t speak properly
You don’t care
Anymore...
                                                                ­                 ...he whispers in your ear
Continuing on
Your way
You know what you’re doing
But yet, don’t notice
Anything
Around you

Until that loud beep
Jolts you from your sleep
And brings you out of
The puppeteer's spell

The puppet strings
Are broken
And you are left
To face reality
The fact that you could've                                        should've
Died


You can’t hear properly
You can’t speak properly
You don’t care
Anymore...
                                                                ­                 ...he whispers in your ear

Sunshine you say
Bright and Sunny
Shedding
Warmth
And light
On Everyone

What everyone takes for granted
Is in fact
The Sun
It just stays there
Suspended in nothingness
An endless void
Of darkness
And space
The next star
Light years away
So
Alone

But it doesn’t cease
Shining
Shedding light
Giving life
But still
Moving steadily
Towards its end
A black hole
In the middle
Of the galaxy
A inevitable destination
Unless
It ends its life
In a nebular explosion.

They once asked
If we looked forward
To trainings
Well I know
I do

On top of the
Cold regularity
That calms
On top of the countless
Hours endured
Under the sun
Like statues

There is one thing
I look forward
To
That is meeting
The lot of
You

Twice
A week
Two blessings
In five days
Of chaos

The seventh batch 
The remaining five
Somehow
During those two
Or three
Hours of training
You guys somehow
Manage to take
All
That weight
Away

Introducing me
To new sound worlds
Teaching me
How to dance
Or just watching
And listening 
To your amusing
Conversations
On all sorts of things

So
Open

Carefree

Not
Judgmental

No comparisons

And always
Each time
Each session
You'll never fail
To pull out
A genuine
Smile
Or
Laugh
From deep inside
This Abyss
One that cannot
Be contained
Or restrained

Or just simply
Watching the
Plain
Innocence
With all your kiddish
Knick-knacks
Just for a little while
It banishes
All that
Complexity

And through
All the gruelling camps
All the scoldings
All the punishments
The yelling
The pain
The standing
We still stuck through

You guys 
May not know
How much it means
To me
To have such a platoon
Keeping me going
Through the tough times
When I really want 
To give up
And give in

But just seeing 
The five of us
Huddled together
In the smallest
Circle
Making small laughs
Small jokes
The complaints
The whining
It somehow makes things
Feel

Right

Pulling up that
Swinging end
Of the graph
Into a positive
Curve
At the end
Of the day

I feel it.
It’s inside me.
The ever-present
Emptiness
I seek to fill.
Nothing ever seems to be able
To fill it.

Music?
The sound echoes through the silence
But isn’t intense enough.

Tears?
They just pour into an endless chasm
Leaving me feeling emptier than before.

Laughter?
A feeble attempt at cramming the vacuum
With that loud, happy (?) breathlessness.

Hugs?
Not even the tightest can reach
Those deep, dark depths.

I just feel
Hollow.

Not knowing
Why.

The perks of texting
Is that the tone of voice
You're using
Is not detectable by some

However

This can also become
A bane

Mhm.
That’s me.
Always.
Just a step too late.

Too busy
Too slow
Too far away
Cut off
Not there

I don’t know how others do it
Especially
You two
You always manage
To find
Them
And
Make
Everything
Better

Me?
I’m nowhere
In sight

With nothing to do
No one around
Watching others
Leave one by one
Just waiting for you
While you’re out there
For someone else
With someone else
Keeping me waiting
Always me waiting
But in the end
It’s okay
I think
It should be
Maybe

"Walking down the line
That divides me somewhere
In my mind"

Splits the sides
Right through
The middle of
The endless battles

And in your path
Lies
Broken shards
Of
Thoughts
Emotions
Dreams
Memories
And everything
Else

Worries
steps
ow

Selfishness
steps
o­w

Hate
steps
ow

Anger
steps
ow

Jealousy
steps­
ow

Each step
Bringing about
New pains
New problems
New ****
Rising from that line
You're walking down
Strewn with those
Shards

Ultimately leading you
To that bottomless
Crevasse
.
.
.
.
.
.

When I want to
Embrace
The pouring
Rain

The Sun
Comes out
Warm rays
Shining on
My face

Have you ever
Stretched a rubber band?
It’s easy.
Just grab both ends
And pull
And pull.

The tension builds
Tighter
And
Tighter

The rubber gets
Thinner
And
Thinner

Soon
The tension gets
Too much
And

The rubber
Band
Snaps

Remember
The pain that comes
With it?
The sharp
Sting

That brings tears
To your eyes
But just within
A short moment

It’s over.

Why does winning
Matter so
Much?

It breeds jealousy
Disappointment
Pride
Hate
Inferiority
Superiority
Frustr­ation
Determination
Annoyance
Bitterness

Can't you just
Admit
You lost
To it?

It's just a game
After all

Music
Just has a way
Of expressing everything
Worming itself
Deep
Deep
Down
Inside
Digging out the deepest
Hidden emotions
Explaining the inexplicable
Showing the unseeable

The Pain
Anguish
Reluctance
Sentiment

Everything you wanted
To say
To express
To think

Anger
Tears
Frustration
Turmoil

It all comes out
The instrument
An extension of your very self
The vibrations reaching
Your very core
And sometimes
You even feel a little
Pull

In the argument between
Melody and
Lyrics
The Music
Is the Power
The Words
Only give it
Meaning
But they can only do
So much.

Words

I don't even know
Whose I can trust
Which I can trust
Which are really meant
Which are just things
People say
Just cause
It's appropriate to

I don't like them
They're not
Constant
You don't know if they're
Real
They can be that pillar of support
Until the mirage
Gets broken
And it just
Disappears
Dropping you
Like a stone

This is why i like
Solids
Hard things
Cause solids don't
Just disappear
They're
Real
And they
Don't
Lie

Words are like
Medication
They can save you
Give you life
But they can also
Take that
Away
And ****
You
And still seem
Harmless

Interesting
How you can
Manipulate
Them
To contradict
To agree
To reveal
To hide
To confuse
To clarify
But that means
Everything
Is doubtable
The duality
They can be your friend
Or your enemy

Words
You either
Hear them
For a few seconds
Read them
On paper or texts
Whether they're the
Former
Or the
Latter
They can still
Be
Thrown away
Disregarded
Given away
Changed
Never to be
Meant
Thought of
Again

"What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them..."

I
Hate
Things
That
May
Disappear.

The pile
Just
Doesn't
Diminish

Anger
Is a powerful
Destructive
Wild
And irrepressible
Beast
Threatening to destroy

Temper
Is a blood-thirsty hound
Leaping
And snapping
Lunging at everything
That reminds it
Of Anger
Threatening to get away

Thoughts
Are little imps
Sly
And cheeky
Manipulative
That populate the little village
In your mind
They create illusions
And images
That pester you
Incessantly

Selfishness
And
Kindness
Are the lion and the unicorn
Fighting over the
Crown
To rule
Your actions
Or Thoughts

Jealousy
Is that sour
Whiny
Voice
Niggling you
At the back of your head
It spreads its propaganda
Through your Thoughts
And they start
To turn
Against each other
Starting a
War

With all these
Monsters
Running through
Your mind
It’s a wonder
At how you can still manage to keep
Your sanity
At times

Or at least
Look like
It