tyler

tyler Jan 2014

worry

I can’t remember the last time I had someone worry about me in a way that didn't make me angry. In a way that didn't make me want to immediately hit them for giving me that much space in their life.

But tonight, when I walked out of that bathroom & saw the look on your face and forced myself not to cry as I told you the truth about why I didn't want to go home, I realized worry is okay.

I’m a worrier so I know what it feels like & I don’t want other people to feel that way about me for some reason.

But you were worried, genuinely worried, and it made me feel an emotion I have yet to put my finger on but.. it wasn't something I've felt before.

I've never had a boy or a girl worry about me like that. Ever.

But you did & for some odd reason, I want to thank you.

Thank you for giving me that place in your heart, thank you for allowing me to mean that much to you. Thank you for not letting me push you away & just giving up. Because otherwise I would be lying in a cold basement sleeping instead of sitting up at 5:05 am in my warm bed, writing my first piece of poetry about you.

tyler Jan 2014

for jessica

sometimes, I miss your love.

sometimes I miss it so much it hurts

today was one of those days

I sat & saw things, stupid love texts on twitter, that reminded me of you.

but the crazy part was, they were about letting go.

letting go so that they could be happy without the love they had thought they would stop breathing without.

and I realized, it's been a whole year since I needed your love to breathe.

I don't even need an inhaler from time to time like I used to.

hell sometimes, I even run now & it feels so good.

but every once in a while, I sneak a peek in the back of the drawer where I keep the inhaler & then I remember,

I can breathe on my own now

Jessica, if you ever see this, I will always love you. If not in the ways I used to, in the ways you can only love your first love.

tyler Dec 2013

writing with the light

I'm trying to learn to write when I'm happy.
I know how to write when I'm sad,
it always comes easily then.

I can write about how the skies were cloudy with my thoughts of loneliness.
And how my nights are filled with tears that seem to cloud the whole world while my days are filled with fake smiles.

But I don't know how to write poetry about thoughts filled with dreams and moments spent appreciating how far I've come & the mountains I've learned to climb over.

I think it's because I'm more comfortable writing about being sad.

I know people will accept my sadness with more ease.
After all, no one likes the the overly happy kid.

People will swear up & down it's an act. They'll swear it has to be fake.
I can't actually be this happy and be as sad as I was. they'll say.

But once you've dug you yourself as deep into that hole that you don't even remember what happiness feels like,
when you finally do get out,
that light is the most beautiful, blinding thing you've ever seen.

So I promise this isn't an act, I just don't know how long the sun will last this time and I wanna share it with as many people as possible because who knows who's picking up the shovel to start their own hole.

tyler Dec 2013

untitled

It's funny how we think love should be easy
How it should come with no work

Love sometimes means fighting in a bedroom, or stairwell, or even in the middle of the street.

I'm convinced the movies just get the endings wrong.

Because love doesn't always mean you'll kiss them passionately at the end of the fight.
It sometimes means you'll just walk away.

Sometimes it just means you tell them it'll be okay so you don't break down yourself.

tyler Oct 2013

when, why, what

sometimes I look around and wonder when everything got so bad

when did school fall so low within my priorities?
when did my happiness fall to the bottom of the list of things that are important to me?
when did I decide my dreams weren't good enough?

more importantly, why?

why am I not who I wanted to be?
why did I change so much?

what happened to the party girl in me?
what happened to all the fun I used to have?

what happened to the brainiac?
what did I do with all those smarts I used to have?

when did she disappear?

when will she come back?

*will she ever come back?

tyler Oct 2013

The Senior Boy

She sat in her ladybug costume, waiting. He said he'd be there at 10, it was 10:45. She knew it was too good to be true. A senior boy wanting to be with a freshman was something everyone had warned her about. As she was walking away she heard someone call her name. She turned around and found herself looking into those familiar, emerald green eyes.
"Cute wings."
"Thanks." She could feel herself turning bright red. She could hear her mom in her head, boys are just girls that haven't matured yet. They are no reason to turn red.
He tucked her chin into his hand and smiled that perfectly white, just crooked enough toothed smile. He pulled her face up to his and kissed her.

It was everything she'd ever imagined.

this was a rough draft of a Halloween themed school assignment. I don't typically write short stories -especially not with dialogue- so constructive criticism is definitely welcome.

tyler Sep 2013

I Want Someone

I don't know if I want a boyfriend as much as I just want someone. Someone that’s attractive & easy to talk to, someone that doesn't think it’s weird that I'm so open about certain things but really closed off about others. I want someone that I can hang out with & we just lay together & that be all we need. I want someone that doesn’t ask me how I feel about things all the time. I want someone that laughs at my jokes even when my friends don’t. I want someone that tickles me even though it hurts. I want someone who doesn't feel like they need to constantly tell me I'm beautiful, because they don’t. I want someone that I maybe can't see myself with in a year, but I can see myself with tomorrow. I don't want someone who's constantly thinking about the future, I want someone who's thinking about right now.