I am a ***** I am a *****
I am better than the men
The grown up silly men
I am a ***** I am a *****
I believe in partying and being a slob
I clean my house in my good time Just like s ***** would do
I don't do manly things
Like clean my house for you
You see mate I am a *****
A mighty mighty *****
You can't make me say I am not
I believe in making skewers and salad eaten the way a ***** does
I am a ***** a mighty mighty *****
I love the way I live life
You see I hear voices that are ***** related and I party too
I am a bloke I am a *****
And my best mate's name is robbo and I love life more than you
I am a ***** a mighty mighty *****
Cause I love life I love to party
And I do little work
******* mate what is your problem
I am a ***** and I love life
I slob my dinner with conservative ***** saying
Eat nicely I say no
Cause I am a *****
I am a *****
I am cool man cool you yeah cool me I am a ***** anyway
And you are a boring man mate
How are you going mate
You see you are a man and I am a ***** that is right dude

a ***** went partying

in the club friday night

where he met up with kenneth

trying to ruin his rep

party on yeah dude party on oh yeah

party on yeah dude party on oh yeah

a ***** went partying

in the club friday night

when he met up with susan

who had some champagne

she said, do you wanna share some of this

the ***** said YES

as

a ***** went partying

in the club friday night

he met up with thomas

who said just one word at a time

which was party, the ***** said who with

thomas said everybody

oh yeah let’s party come on dudes, party

a ***** went partying

in the club friday night

when he met up with brian

with a bourbon and coke

brian said, what do you want

wild turkey or jim beam

the ***** said, whatever you choose i’ll enjoy it, i guarantee it

the ***** went partying

in the club friday night

when he met up with caleb

who said, have you had enough

the ***** said no, not yet

i want to have 4 bottles of XXXX

and sink them down with you

the ***** went partying

in the club friday night

where he met up with peter

who says PARTY ON MATE

cause peter will drink any drink you put in front of him

and sometimes he will take someone else’s drink

like the *****’s

so the ***** went partying

down the club friday night

and with all the alcohol he drank

he gazed into the night

and say, PARTY RIGHT, DUDES

time to go home mr *****

a ***** gets captured in the psych ward



you see today ron is busy when a loudmouth beer drinking ***** has been admitted

after he got in a terrible fight, and charlie chaplin said, howdy and the ***** said *******

YA ****** and charlie said, i was in silent movies, and i think your jealous of me

and the ***** said, silent movies were made a long time ago, and we must focus

on the here and now, ya know, be positive, so to speak, and charlie said who are you?

ands the ***** preferred to stay being ***** because to him *****’s a cool, and

the ***** sat down olly and said, do you know, i am jesus christ and i was really created

by the devil and olly said, no, you are not, i am the one who can tell each others previous lives

and then the *****, said ******* YA ****** and asked ron for a beer, because hev was

chucked out of the club in false pretences, he never laid a finger on that woman in red, you see

they were playing lady in red, and i danced right up to a lady in red, i never touched her

and ron said, did she say for you to stop, and the ***** said, no, buddy, but if she did

i didn’t hear her and ron brought out the lunches which looked discusting, but the ***** still ate it

and yes, he really liked it.   the 2nd harry walked out and said, i am not a pedaphile, i am nice to everyone

and ron said, yeah your nice but i thought i locked your door, because we have a minor here

and we have requests from his parents to keep him away from you, and tommy walked out

and 2nd harry walked up to him and said, boo, and tommy said, my parents are scared of you, not me

and 2nd harry said, ******* ****, you looked very scared last night, and tommy got his keys

and jabbed them in his leg, and draws a bit of blood, and 2nd harry, went over to ron and said

look what your minor did to me, he should be locked up, and ron said, is that why you scare kids

because they jab you with their keys and after lunch ron went on youtube and looked at 2nd harry’s site

to see if there is anything disturbing on it and found nothing, and went out to start a art class where

they write stuff out of them, like olly’s encounter with the ***** this morning, ron thought these people

need to be creative, or try and find their creative side, because ron doesn’t like long stayers except for

charlie and patty, who are being stuffed around by the government and put in here because the streets

was too rough on them, and in the HDU, all weapon like utensils are taken away from the patient, so

charlie and patty are safe, mind you ron wanted to move them to a group house, but the rents were too high

so patty and charlie live in his HDU, ron came back to the HDU to give the ***** a ****** because the drink

was going to his head, making him very angry, but ron, got a bit of muscle man doctors to calm his so he can be sedated

and after the art class with tommy patty and charlie who were the only ones who attended it, ron packed it up

and in 1 hour, he brought the dinners out and 2nd harry had his in his room and the others had it in the dining area

and after dinner charlie and patty as well as olly went to the TV room and the others retired to their bedrooms

and at 7.00 pm, ron brought out the nightly medications, and everyone took theirs, except for the *****, who

claimed he wasn’t mentally ill, he was just a fun loving guy and after the medications, at 8, ron brought out the

supper and then clocked off, bought chinese food, and went home to retire to the couch watching TV.

i am a hobo and a *****

and my best mate is thommo

i have a  beard and i never want to cut it

cause i am a hobo and there is no doubt about  it

i have salt coming from my sweat

because i am a ***** hobo

i have a filthy mind, you see if you tease me

i will tie you up with fishing line

i am a loser, because i am a hobo

being a hobo is better than being a big rich **** anyway

i feel i don’t want to work because i am an artist

i get my mates looking worried because they really care for me

hobos are cool hobos are cool, i am a hobo and proud of it

i wish patrick would get out of my head because i was a fool to ever think i was as straight as him

i am a hobo and i’m a *****, and i never shave oh no no

cause i am a hobo, and never put foot wrong unless you understand that i have changed

you see i hear patricks voice saying that he wants to do what he used to do

i say you know what used to did, he just used to

cause i am a hobo and a *****

and i work hard at cleaning the bad stuff out of my brain, yeah

i am a ***** and a hobo and patrick is a ******

i am young and i run free, you see patrick is old and grey

cause we are getting  on in years, and patrick is living in the past,  what a LOSER

i am a hobo and ypbbo, i don’t believe in being woosey clean

i am not to blame not to blame, for the problems of the world, it puts us in shame

a terror in paris and the world trade centre, it is horrible what the terrorists are putting this world through

i am a hobo and a ***** and my best mates name is thommo

and patrick is stuck with lyle, like what should happen

ya see dude i am ‘cool man’ and he said cool you, yeah cool me

your a boy mmmmmm i am a hobo and *****, i am having fun, dudes

You see I am a drunken *****


You see I am a drunken *****
I get drunk every day
And all my friends treated my house
Like a night club anyway
You see we'll drink one and then another and drink more and more oh yeah, you see when I get drunk
I have a lot of fun, teasing my folks to make them understand I wanna be cool
You see I am a drunken *****, I get drunk every day, and I really really party, yeah,man I had such fun
And now I go to the local mall and offload all my problems, they actually say to me, tell someone who fucken cares, then after I leave there, I head straight for the CBD, and wait for the pub to open, so I can start off getting drunk, you see mate, I was having fun teasing my dad, and I never killed him no, cause I just having fun, and he tried to take it out of me, you see I am a drunken *****, I get drunk every day, and I have so many beers, yeah I enjoy it so very much, yeah, boy am I so cool
Then the next weekend I went to the Raiders match and I saw the Raiders win and that made me happy, yeah
And after the game, I went to the pub and partied with all the guys and we sang old drinking songs, man we were having so much fun, and I drank beer after beer and another beer to follow, yeah I feel so cool, and all my friends think I am a loser, but that doesn't bother me, because I am a drunken *****, and I get drunk every day, I sink one down my gullet and after that, I through another down, I feel so cool, I am a drunken *****
And beer is the medicine oh yeah


Sent from my iPhone

one day there was this beer drinking *****, who loved to

get drunk and be silly, you see he got his drinking vision

from his father whe drank all the time, the *****’s name is Peter

and his last name is Jorklet, and he loved to imagine life drinking

while sitting on a wing of a parrot.

You see he will sing drinking songs like 100,000 bottles of beer

on the wall and 2 fat gentlemen met in a lane, and he really loved to sing

roll out the barrel and when he sang let’s have a barrel of fun, it was really loud

so loud that his voice was heard in every pub in town, and when the barman said

let’s stop this man, he is too loud, all hell broke loose,the barman decided to go out

and make a complaint about his loud voice, when he found peter, he said, peter, your loud singing voice is electric and

ringing in my ear, and peter said *******, cause peter thought he has every right to sing, for it’s a free country

the sun is shining and the birds are singing, so why can’t i sing, then the bar manager said, yeah but, we can’t

hear all that because your voice is so loud, and then peter said to the barman

how about you give me a nice cold brown lager and the barman said, sorry, but i think you’ve had enough

because you could get aggressive if i let you have a beer now. peter said, why the hell not!

i am not drunk, it’s in my character to be this way, and you need to understand if i don’t have that beer, it will turn out worst than

if i had a beer.  but the manager said, i’m sorry, but if i let you have that beer, i will be going against everything i believe

in and peter said *******, and left the bar and was walking on the path singing

100,000 bottles of beer on the wall but his drunken mind was muddled and despite him keeping on fighting himself to remember the next number

and then he said blow it and walked the rest of the way saying nothing and finally he got home  and vomited in the toilet and then went to bed and slept for 10 hours.

when he got up he had an enormous hangover and mixed egg and whatever else  he needs to fix up a cure

.  after that he went to the school oval and whilst he was playing he saw a parrot trying to fly

with his wing and that made him think, ya know, next week i might do it again, , it’ll be fun it’ll be hard if it is like this time

but i can do it, so he took the parrot by the wing saying i will do it again that will be nice.

The ballad of a drunken yobho


You see he will go to the club, to watch the match
And he'll start to cheer with te guys
He will make the blokes who support the other team angry
But as long as his team wins, it's ok
And then suddenly from out of the blue
Their team comes back with two great goals, to get it within 3
And he said, we are still in front
And,mate, we have only 2 minutes to go, ya wamker
And suddenly a fight broke out, ***** v *****
And suddenly their wives entered having a girls night down the pub
And I pulled out and they called me a wimp
But I wanted to have good *** and also
Concentrate on keeping a tag on my team
And they still caled me a wimp and suddenly from
Out of the blue, his team won, and I wondered why
And I blamed the referee for a push in the back
But it wasn't, so I pushed my friend in the back
And he went head over turkey into the girls night out
And my girl yelled and I said, sorry, but he was beginning to buy me
He hates our team and he is the reason for them losing
He fixed the game, love he fixes games
That's what he does, he really doesn't but
I wanted calming down *** tonight, so I don't care
And If that makes me a yobho
I am a ***** and I am proud of it

fat kid, oh fat jkid, oh where are you fat kid


i am really fat kid, full of muscles ya see

i love cream buns, ****** oath i am a big big big big man

what do ya think about that, puny little cool kid

i love my beautiful spring rolls as well as a coca cola to wash it down with

that is mighty fine, oh yeah

and the kids went up to me, and said fat kid fat kid fat kid, you are a fat kid

i said, i am not a kid, for i am an adult, who lives life like it’s one big adventure after the next

as i said, i am known as the fat kid, the really big fat kid

i love spring rolls, cream buns, and a coca cola

and i love lamingtons, as well, and i love meat pies and sausage rolls

which makes me a real australian *****, ****

and a custard ****, i can lick the fat right off  that

and the voice came from out of the blue

fat kid fat kid, you are a fat kid, and another voice says

your not an adult, adults are cool, and i said, i am cool on the computer, ****

and then i said, i am so an adult, a creative adult, a good fooler\

i try to be a cool kid, to gain protection, but reality i am a cool adult

and i don’t appreciate being treated like a fat kid

i am a cool adult who loves to PARTY

an adult PARTY dude so to speak

Party zone with johnny Brown


Johnny'. Hi guys and welcome to party zone and without further ado here is a song from
The ***** hater and no one here will like him I can tell you

***** hater'
The drunks of Australia
Have made their choice
Getting drunk and bashing people up
The drunks of Australia have actually learnt
That their behaviour is so disruptive
You see it is me sitting in this bar drinking everything that came out like taquila and kalua
And a nice cold beer
You see a big mean biker dude
Came up to me and said
You are singing about my friends
And I said
The drunks of Australia have
Made their choice
Getting drunk and bashing people up oh yeah
The drunks of Australia
Should actually learn
Their behaviour is so disruptive
You see I went over to the stage
To put $20 in the bucket because this band asks for donations to help support their kid in chile, as usual there was
A lot of money there but as a natural fact everyone in here is a helper apart from
The drunks of Australia have made their choice
Getting drunk and bashing people up
The drunks of Australia
Should actually learn
Their behaviour is quite disruptive
Johnny'. Thank you ***** hater
And now here is Toby with his
Song about partying
Toby'. I wanna party I wanna party
All ****** day and night
I will upload my song about bullying on YouTube to raise
Awareness that it is wrong
To bully
I wanna party I wanna party
All day and night
I will post this song on hello poetry to inspire people
To feel good about posting their
Stuff
I wanna party I wanna party
Like meat loaf and noiseworks
And twisted sister
I said pass the carrots please
And then I went upstairs to yell at my son using the army is better than music gag
I wanna party I wanna party
I wanna get wasted every day and night
I really wanna party dudes
Johnny' thank you Toby
And now here is mentally ill Harry
Harry'. I go to see my case manager to get a script for seroquel
It is ****** ****** annoying
How they don't give it to me
I don't  spend that long away from my phone
Please please please  I want
You understand that we ain't robots mate and my beard and glasses and my filthy feet and hands and toe nails and finger nails about as long as a tree branch
Please provide me with a script for seroquel please please please
Johnny thank you Harry
And we will see you next time on party zone bye


Sent from my iPhone

you know one thing i hated as a kid, is not being included, because every kid

wants to be included, i love life, i love to PARTY, i love being normaL I hate nothing

nothing at all, you see i had this friend named patrick back in those days, and he

never yelled at me, i hear him  yelling at me  in my head, but that is the cosmos, you

see i tried to be like him, because he helped me more than anyone else, took me to jimmy barnes

concerts, and i liked him, and he took me to nye parties, and we certainly partied all night

even when i crashed over his house, cause i didn’t want to show dad how ****** i was, pat

never yelled like a *****, but i turned out to be a ***** in the end, because i had too much

creative energy i had to get rid of, and i was a ****, until i started seeing carers, they have all

helped me by making me understand that he ain’t my daddy, but i still wanted to see him

but i have to realise, we are adults now, and we have to grow up, when i am watching chris rock

i am hearing nonsense voices of my mates hating black people but i learnt from the messiah that

black people are good comedians and good athletes, there is a lot of knowledge in black people

more so than in white people, blacks are struggling day in and day out, while us whites get it easy

and i am saying patrick was the nicest white person i have ever met after meeting a few aussies at

the cricket, i liked patrick back then because he helped me understand a bit about my family, to whom

i used to get cranky with, well, mainly he was showing me what my family was doing with them, ya know

the other kids, anyway, i have no ideas what patrick is doing now, but i hope he is working in a top high class job

because i am an artist, and writer and youtube entertainer, when i go to bed, i ain’t like canary bird, and i ain’t

a koomarri man, i just fall asleep on the bed with the radio on to keep me company, and when i yell at my voices

i am basically saying, i AM THE BIG PARTY PERSON, I PROVIDE PARTIES FOR ALL, i have moved out now

so come on DUDES, because going out is fun, patrick taught me that, my head is saying, he didn’t wanna do that

because i don’t like yelling at people, i prefer if i yell, i yell at the cosmos, because bailey from the show NEIGHBOURS

‘when he yelled, he looked like a CRAZY person, making the man say ‘YOU’RE CRAZY BAILS’ and that man who said

that told bailey he was crazy, reminded me of patrick, in the way of saying, patrick was a very nice person, he didn’t have to yell

if i meet patrick again, i will explain i am an artist and writer and youtube ****** and then i will tell patrick, i have always liked the computer

it’s just that i like going out having fun too, i have been thrown out of houses or flats, but patrick never did, so that makes him

number 1, out of school chums who i mucked with at school, and i like the joke by chris rock, men can’t go backwards sexually while

women can’t go backwards in lifestyle, i know we said imagine what lylle would do, here, imagine what lyle would, there, imagine

what lyle would in any place, yeah mate yeah, i am cool, i remember playing heavy metal music loud with patrick, as well and playing

basketball as well,  now patrick, whether he liked christmas or not, he still put his xmas tree up, i can tell you one thing though, i am

a buddhist who loves christian holidays, and i had fun teasing the old army men, who fought and died for this country, you see

this year is the 100 th year of gallipoli, and it’s an oldie thing to tease with music now, because young army codgers are in it

to be there for their country, patrick is a heavy metal ******, mainly liking jimmy barnes and me, as cronus put dad in barnesy’s family

as his little granddaughter betty, so dad, the old army codger from way back can learn the nice parts of jimmy barnes

i remembered patrick singing when your love is gone, and i liked him singing it, but i was looking at his legs, i was CRAZY

because i shouldn’t look at people’s legs, i am not gay, i am a man with problems, i have changed from all that nonsense of my minds past

i am now the new and improved brian allan, but i realise that patrick might not like me saying this, but he helped me, by not getting cranky AT me

i just want to make peace with my good mate, opatrick, because, he might have been ******* with my criime

and because of that crime, and because he was nice, when i saw he was cranky, i left him to head down the mall to be big bad brian

and the best way to get a guy over to a girl’s house, is put a ***  on the stove and you will have every man breaking down your door

you see, i was hearing crazy teasing in my head, and patrick’s voice was saying, is he trying to be like mr allan, i thought he was trying

to be like us, tease him, fight him, bully him around, and patrick still doesn’t know that channel 9’s karl stefanovic reminded me of patrick’s cool kid

to my mind but i have to tread to carefully there because patrick might have been trying to be like craig from kingswood country, he might hate

karl stefanovic, it’s just he reminded me of patrick, what is wrong with visions, pat might hate karl stefanovic, well his cool kid does anyway

and my cool kid is ***** hogan and sam marshall, patrick is a young dude figure

THE ALLAN FAMILY STORY, BRIAN WANTS TO BE AN ADULT, BUT HE;S TOO YOUNG



YOU SEE BRIAN ALLAN SINCE HE MOVED TO CANBERRA, HE HAS BEEN GETTING

VOICES IN HIS HEAD, OF HIS FAMILY AND OUTSIDERS, TREATING HIM LIKR A LITTLE

YOUNG DUDE, BUT BRIAN WAS FRUSTRATED, CAUSE, HE LIKED THE ADULTS BETTER

YOU SEE BRIAN WAS A COOL KID, BUT HIS VOICES WERE BOTHERING HIM, WHEN BRIAN

SAID I AM A MAN, HIS BROTHER WOULD SAY, SHUT UP, BABY, THEN ANOTHER VOICE SAYS

FROM AN OUTSIDER, SAYING, MEN BULLY, BRIAN, AND YOUR NO BULLY, BE LIKE USES WITH

THE YOUNG DUDES, AND BRIAN WAS UPSET, AND SAID, NO I AM AN ADULT, THERE IS NOTHING

WRONG WITH BEING AN ADULT, I WAS A COOL KID, YOU SEE, I WANTED TO BE ALLOWED TO RELAX

BUT BECAUSE MY BROTHER WAS ONLY 2 YEARS YOUNGER, HE FORCED ME TO JOIN HIM

WHICH I DIDN’T MIND, CAUSE AS I SAID, I WAS A COOL KID, YOU SEE WE PLAYED YARD CRICKET

AND FOOTBALL AND SPORTS SHOWS, AND BECAUSE OF ALL THIS, I WAS A REAL MAN, WHICH

UPSET MY PARENTS WAY OF LIFE, AND I DID THIS ALL THE WAY THROUGH MY CHILDHOOD

WITH OUTSIDERS CALLING OUT TO ME, SAYING, YOUR STILL A LITTLE YOUNG DUDE, AND

WHEN BRIAN SAID, I AM AN ADULT, THEY SAID, ADULT, ADULT, TRYING TO TAKE THE NOVELTY

OUT OF ME SAYING I AM AN ADULT, CAUSE I AM TOO WOOSEY TO BE LIKE LYLE, AND THIS

YOUNG DUDE SAID, **** MY ****, YOUR STILL A YOUNG DUDE BRIAN, BRIAN AT FIRST

SAID ******* I AM NOT GAY, HE SAID, NO YOUR STILL A YOUNG DUDE MATE, **** MY FUCKEN ****, ****

BRIAN SAID, WHY CAN’T YOU LEAVE ME BE TO BE A REAL MAN, THEN HE SAID, **** MY ****

YOU ARE TOO WOOSEY TO BE A MAN, AND BRIAN SAID, I DON’T WANT TO **** YOUR ****, ****

I AM NOT GAY, YA ****, HE GRABBED MY ARM AND PULLED ME INTO THE ROOM AND FORCED ME

TO **** HIS ****, THE FUCKEN **** HE WAS, AND BRIAN AS SOON AS HE LEFT, WAS FOLLOWING HIM

AND HE SAID, BRIAN ****** MY ****, YA SEE THAT **** IS NOT LIKE ME, AND THEN I WAS PLAYING

A TIE UP GAME, WHERE BRIAN ASKED THIS YOUNG DUDE TO TIE HIM UP, HOPING IT’LL TAKE THE

LITTLE YOUNG DUDE OUT OF THE STREET, BUT BRIAN BECAME WILD, AND HIS DAD, WELL HE AIN’T PERFECT

BUT STILL HIS PRIDE GOT IN THE WAY, I GOT CRANKY WITH DAD, CAUSE, HE LOOKED AS IF HE DIDN’T GIVE A ****

YOU SEE, I WAS TRYING TO GAIN RESPECT AND OPEN UP TO HIM, BUT I FOUND IT HARD, AND DAD HAD A LIFE

LIKE BEING A SCHOOL TEACHER WHERE HE HELPED A LOT OF KIDS, ACTUALLY DAD WAS THE REAL KIDS FRIEND

BUT, ME, I COULDN’T GET THROUGH TO DAD, SO I PUNCHED HIM AND THREATENED HIM WHEN HE LAUGHED AT ME

I SAID, SHUT UP, *******, YOU ARE NOT LIKE US, AND DAD WANTED TO HAVE HIS CHAIR, NOW DAD DID MAKE IT UP TO ME

BUT I WANTED FRIENDS, AND I FUCKEN TRIED TO BE CAREFUL, BUT I HATED THE YOUNG DUDE ASKING ME TO **** HIS ****

AND BRIAN HATED HIS DAD, HAVING A PROBLEM, WITH HIM BEING A KID, I WAS PLAYING BASKETBALL LIKE MY BROTHER

PLAYED TENNIS, AND DAD NEVER UNDERSTOOD, I LIKED THAT LIFE OF GOING OUT AND WALKING AROUND THE MALL

YA KNOW MUCKING AROUND BEING A FOOL ON SOME DAYS, BUT OTHER DAYS, MAINLY ON WEEKENDS I WENT TO THE MALL’
‘
TO HAVE LUNCH AND HAD A BIT OF A MUCK AROUND AT *** BLACK PINNY ARCADE, AND THEN OVER TO THE BOWLING ALLEY

AND ON THE WAY HOME, I ENJOYED ALL THE KIDS PLAYING IN KEANE PLACE, YA KNOW YARD CRICKET, YA KNOW, BEH AND JOSH

AND THIS KID WHO LOOKED LIKE A CARBON COPY OF THE BIG YOUNG DUDES I LIKED AS A KID, BUT HE WAS A TROUBLE MAKER

AS HE ASKED ME TO TIE HIM UP, AND IF I DIDN’T KNOW BETTER, I WOULD HAVE TIED HIM UP, BUT I SAID NO, HOPING KIDS WOULD

STOP TREATING ME LIKE A PHEDAPHILE, AND THEN ANOTHER GAME OF CRICKET WITH BRENDAN AND CANDICE AND MY BROTHER

AND I LOOKED LIKE A REAL COOL KID, CRUISING AROUND, THEN AFTER A WHILE, THE VOICES STARTED, AND EVERY VOICE WENT

TO BED, LEAVING BRIAN THE COOL KID TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT, PLAYING COMPUTER GAMES, WATCHING TALK SHOWS, AND JUST AS

I WENT TO BED, MY MATES RANG ME UP, TO DRINK BEERS OUTSIDE THE SCHOOL, AS WELL AS JUMPING IN OUR FAMILY’S SWIMMING POOL

AND LEAVING SHARP OBJECTS, MAKING MY FATHER, NEVER TRUST ME EVER AGAIN, I WAS TRYING TO BE LIKE A MATE I LIKED, PAT, BACK THEN

BUT I LOOKED LIKE A DRUNKEN WOOSEY *****, CAUSE, I WAS TRYING TO BE THE COOL KID IN THE CLUB, TEASING THE NERDY YEAH MATE YEAH KID

WHO IS LIKE DAD’S NERDY BEING FRIENDS MOTTO, BUT, I WAS A FOOL, BUT I ENJOYED WALKING AROUND FROM PUB TO PUB, WITH THE

LINE IN MY HEAD, MEN DON’T DO THAT, THAT’S WHAT KIDS DO, I AM OFF TO THE PUB, AND WHEN I LOOKED SHY AT A FEW STAGES IN MY LIFE

IN CIVIC, I HEARD DADS VOICE SAYING, GO INTO A PUB BRIAN, RATHER THAN WALK AROUND CIVIC, AND I PARTIED ALL OVER THE CITY CLUB

AND THE PRIVATE BIN, SOMEONE TRIED TO ROUGH ME UP OUTSIDE THE CHARNWOOD INN, AT A CHOIRBOYS GIG THERE, BRIAN LOST EVERYTHING

THAT NIGHT, BUT THE TAXI DRIVER WAS HAPPY TO GIVE ME A FREE RIDE HOME, I AM NOT DOING THAT AGAIN, AND I VISIONED ME AND BRENDAN

WERE ******* TOGETHER, BETWEEN HOUSES, BUT I HATED DAD LOOKING LIKE HE DOESN’T CARE FOR MY WELL-BEING SO I HAD NUMEROUS FIGHTS

WITH HIM, BUT I DON’T BELIEVE IN VIOLENCE, AND DAD, ALWAYS DID THE WIMPY THING TO CALL THE POLICE IN RATHER THAN JUST RELAX AND LET ME YELL

DAD, HAS HIS PRIDE, TO PROTECT, I SAID THEN, **** YOUR FUCKEN PRIDE, I WILL NEVER BE A NERDY ADULT LIKE YOU DAD I SAID, AFTER A WHILE I UNDERSTOOD DAD

BUT I CAN’T UNDERSTAND, WHY IS IT SO IMPORTANT TO BE AN OLD JITTERY MAN, BACK THEN, BRIAN WAS JUST TEASING THE OLD JITTERY MAN IN DAD, DAD

LET HIS PRIDE GET THE BETTER OF HIM, DAD CARED, BUT, HE COULD’VE BEEN A LITTLE NICER BACK THEN, CAUSE I NEVER HELD A GUN TO HIS HEAD

AND I HATE BEING TREATED LIKE A FIGHTING COOL KID, BUT I WAS A COOL KID, WHO LOVES TO PARTY, I HAVE ALWAYS LIKED PARTIES, IN THE PAST

AND I WILL LOVE THEM THROUGH EVERY BUDDHIST LIFE OF MINE, DAD, REMEMBER FRANK SPENSER, BETTY, OH DEAR BETTY, WELL YOUR BETTY NOW DAD

AND NOW, I HAVE TO MAKE PEOPLE UNDERSTAND, I HATED FIGHTING DAD, I WAS HAVING PROBLEMS, LIKE I THOUGHT I WAS DEALING WITH, LIKE A COOL YOUNG DUDE DOES

I WANTED TO BE AN ADULT, DON’T WE ALL

HAPPY HAPPY FELLA, HAPPY HAPPY TOO

I AM THE HAPPIEST DUDE AROUND

I PROVIDE FUN FOR ME AND YOU

I AM *******, TO BE A *****, CAUSE I HATE FIGHTING AT THE BAR

I REMEMBER WAY BACK WHEN I SAID, I AM NOT INTO DRIVING CARS

THESE OLD MATES SAID TO ME, I AM NOT A COOL KID ANYWAY

BUT I STILL GO OUT AND ENJOY MYSELF, YEAH YEAH YIPPEE I AY

I AM HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY, HAPPY ALL THE DAY

I AM THE ONLY COOL KID IN TOWN, YEAH, I AM A HAPPY DUDE ANYWAY

OH HAPPY. BOY AM I SO HAPPY, OH HAPPY, HAPPY ALL THE DAY

ME AND MY MATE, WE ARE WALKING AROUND LOOKING HAPPY

ME AND MY MATE, ARE HAPPY ALL THE DAY

OH HAPPY, I AM VERY HAPPY, OH HAPPY THE HAPPIEST DUDE IN TOWN

HA HA HA YOU AND ME, I AM THE THE PRINCE OF EVERYONE WHO IS HAPP HAPP HAPPY

I PLAY WITH MY IDEAS, FOR CREATIVITY, DUDES

I CAN EAT A AWFUL LOT OF FOOD

OH HAPPY, I AM ALL VERY HAPPY, OH HAPPY I AM HAPPY ALL THE DAY

ME AND MY BROTHER, ARE SPREADING THE WORD OF BEING HAPPY

ME AND MY BROTHER ARE HAPPY ALL THE DAY

I AM HAPPY, VERY VERY HAPPY

I AM HAPPY, RIGHT INTO THE DAY

BUDDHA WANTS ME, TO BE VERY HAPPY

BUDDHA WANTS ME TO BE HAPPY EVERY DAY

OH HAPPY, YEAH DUDE I’M HAPPY, OH HAPPY, CARN DUDES, MAKE ME HAPPY HAPPY HAY

ME AND MY DAD AREVERY VERY HAPPY

WE PARTY ON DUDES, WE’RE HAPPY ALL THE TIME

YA SEE I LOVE PARTYING, TO THE GREAT ANGRY ANDERSON

LAST SUNDAY AT CONVOY, I PARTY EVERY DAY

I AM HAPPY, VERY VERY HAPPY, I AM HAPPY, EVERY SINGLE DAY

ME AND MY MATE PAT ARE VERY VERY HAPPY, IN OUR LIVES WE DON’T **** ANYONE OFF

CAUSE WE’RE HAPPY, OH HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY, CAUSE WE’RE HAPPY

ALL INTO THE DAY

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY DUDE, I AM HAPPY TO BE ALIVE YEAH MATE YEAH

HAPPY LIKE AN AUSSIE, AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE, OI OI OI

I AM A VERY HAPPY BOY, OH YEAH DUDES

hi dudes

ya know these yobbos really make me sick

and i want to give them the kick

saying all this crap about supporting ****** women

it sounds so ****** un called for

just because they are drunk, does that give them an excuse

saying it’s not them talking it’s the *****

ya know i hate being a man because they say real men do this

why, why the **** would they think this

you see women look younger and heaps happier

and these drunk men have the right to verbally hurt them

you see these yobbos, you see these yobbos

throw them in the bin along with their drink

you see they have no right to say all this crap about women

you see these men go out saying we support ****

you see they support the dreaded hooded cape

they use to hide their own identity

so the women can’t see who they really are

i don’t support what these drunken men were chanting

they can ******* back to the pub they drank in

and keep their crap off the street

i believe in doing chants, but not like that

i believe in joking around, but not against women

i believe i believe in loving life, oh loving life

i don’t believe in saying any racial or ****** remarks

which could get people upset

hi dudes hi dudes, how are you doing

are you chanting about ****** women

i ****** hope not, i ****** well hope not

you see people said i was a larrikin as a child

but i never used racial or ****** actions against anyone

**** is bad **** is bad, shoot rapists into space

i ain’t paying them a compliment i ain’t paying them a compliment

i just hate ****, i just hate ****

anyone who supports these drunken chants, by all due respect

should be taken off to the psych ward or jail

they got the chant off the simpsons

dig me a hole dig me a hole

and put a nerd in it and put a nerd in it

please drunken louts, STOP DOING THESE ****** CHANTS

you are getting drunk and telling women they deserve being *****

i reckon you louts deserve being locked up, but please just let me say

they are people who don’t love life

the drink is their home sweet home

and singing chants about ****** women is their meat and potatoes

i think it’s total *******

PARTY ZONE WITH DAVE AND SUE JANUARY 3 2015







DAVID’     HI DUDES AND WELCOME TO PARTY ZONE, AND ON TODAY’S SHOW, WE ARE AT

THE AAA NITE CLUB, IN GAREMA PLACE, AND TONIGHT WE HAVE ENTERTAINMENT FROM

PETE NOWNEY, WHO IS PERFORMING AT AAA NIGHT CLUB, THEN SUE LONGWAYS

GETS A FEW OF THE CLUB’S PATRONS TO PERFORM A FEW DRINKING SONGS OF THEIR PAST

AND HERE IS SUE WITH ERNIE PIGFEST

SUE’,  HI I AM SUE LONGWAYS, AND WE HAVE A GREAT DRINKING GAME TO SING, OK ERNIE TAKE IT AWAY

ERNIE’   21 BOTTLES OF BOURBON ON THE WALL, AND A FULL BOTTLE OF SCOTCH

YOU BETTER GET YA COTTON PICKING HANDS OFF IT, OR I’LL PUNCH YOU IN THE GOB, AND MAKE YA A SNOB

YOU SEE DRINKING GAMES ARE SO MUCH FUN

YEAH, THEY ARE FUN, OH YEAH, YA SEE WE HAVE CHIPS AND BURGERS AS WELL

AND A NICE CAN OF BEER, OR JUG OF BEER, WHATEVER YA RECKON, MATE

IT’S GETTING CLOSE TO  HALF PAST EIGHT

SUE’   THANKS, ERNIE, AND HOP IN THE HOT TUB AND NOW HERE IS **** LEARY

****’  I LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT, I REALLY WANNA MOVE IT MOVE IT

I WANNA PARTY PARTY, AND I WANNA GET DRESSED UP AS A REAL SMARTIE

OH SLICK, YOUR A ****, YOU HAVE NO BRAINS, LIKE A REAL SPASTIC

I LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT, I LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT

I REALLY WANNA SHAKE MY THANG, I REALLY WANNA SHAKE MY THANG

I LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT I LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT

GO QUICK, YOUR A ****, YOUR A BRAINLESS TWIT WHO IS SPASTIC

I LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT, MOVE IT MOVE IT

I WANNA HEAD TO EVERY CLUB IN THE CANBERRA CBD

OH YEAH THIS IS THE TIME WHERE WE REALLY PARTY

COME ON GUYS, GET WIGGLY WITH IT GET JIGGLY WITH IT

I LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT I LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT

SUE’  THANKS AND NOW OVER TO, YO  DAVID AND HIS INTERVIEW WITH PETE NOWNEY, HERE GOES

DAVID’   OK THANKS AND NOW PETE, YOU HAVE JUST FINISHED YA GIG

AND YOU GOT A FEW PEOPLE DANCING ON THE FLOOR

AND I HAVE THIS LITTLE GIFT FOR YOU, IT IS THIS, HAVE A PEAK INSIDE

PETE’   YEAH, THIS IS WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED, A ***** DOLL

DAVID’   YEAH, BUT, IT’S NOT A ***** DOLL,

PETE’   NO, WHAT IS IT, SOME KIND OF TORTURE PRESENT FOR MY BIRTHDAY OR SUMMIT

DAVID’   NO, IT’S A ORDINARY DOLL, YOU ONCE TOLD ME, YOUR DAUGHTER LOVES DOLLS

SO I BROUGHT THIS IN TO SHOW YOU

PETE’  WELL, DAVID IT’S PRETTY RAD, I CAN GUARANTEE THAT MY DAUGHTER WILL LOVE IT

DAVID’   I NOTICED YOUR FIRST SONG, BEING THE LITTLE LOVE IN MY LIFE, IS THAT ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER

PETE’    NO, AND YES, NO IT’’S NOT MY DAUGHTER, BUT IT’S ABOUT THE MOTHER OF MY DAUGHTER, YA SEE

WE MET ON THE SYDNEY HARBOUR BRIDGE, I NEARLY FELL IT WAS BAD, DUDE

DAVID’’     DID YOU GET TO SEE THEM ON CHRISTMAS

PETE’    YEAH, AND I HAVE MY DAUGHTER WITH ME, TO SING O COME ALL YE FAITHFUL, YA SEE EVERY YEAR

WE CHOOSE A CAROL TO SING, AND THIS YEAR, O COME ALL YE FAITHFUL, AND I KNOW IT’S JANUARY 3 2015

BUT I WOULD LOVE TO SING WITH MY DAUGHTER STEF, OK SHE IS 10 THIS YEAR

DAVID’   OK TAKE IT AWAY PETE AND STEF

PETE AND STEF’

O COME ALL YE FAITHFUL

JOYFUL AND TRIUMPHANT

O COME YE O COME YE

TO BETHLEHEM

O COME AND BEHOLD HIM

BORN THE KING OF ANGELS

O COME LET US ADORE HIM

O COME LET US ADORE HIM

O COME LET US ADORE HIM

IN CHRIST THE LORD

SING CHIORS OF ANGELS

SING IN EXULTATION

SING ALL YE CITIZENS OF HEAVEN ABOVE

GLORY TO GOD, IN THE HIGHEST

O COME LET US ADORE HIM

O COME LET US ADORE HIM

O COME LET US ADORE HIM

IN CHRIST THE LORD

DAVID’  STEF, YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL VOICE, ARE YOU

PLANNING TO GO ON AUSTRALIA’S GOT TALENT OR THE VOICE THIS YEAR

STEFF’   WELL, I WOULD BUT DADDY AT P.RESENT WANTS TO BE THE ONLY SINGER

IN THE FAMILY

DAVID’   OK THAT IS ALL, AND NOW OVER TO SUE, WITH ANOTHER DRINKING SONG

SUE’   OK HERE IS ANOTHER DRINKING SONG, FROM KENNETH

KEN’   I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE COCKTAILS WITH GORDON

YEAH, IT’LL BE FUN TO HAVE COCKTAILS WITH HIM

YA SEE DRINKING COCKTAILS WITH GORDON

IS WAY WAY BETTER THAN DRINKING WITH KIM

CAUSE KIM IS A BIT OF A *****, AND CRAZY TO BOOT

I  LOVE TO HAVE COCKTAILS WITH GORDON, AND SPEND ALL HIS LOOT

I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A BEER WITH YOU, SUE

YEAH, I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE MANY BEERS WITH YOU

YA SEE SUE LONGWAYS, I REALLY ADMORED YA FROM A DISTANCE

AND WHEN YOU DRINK BEER AFTER YOUR 3RD OR 4TH

YA WILL LET OUT A MIGHTY BIG SPEW

IT WILL LOOK DISCUSTING, OH MAN, IT WILL OK

I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A BEER WITH YOU SUE

CAUSE YOUR A TRUE DUDE

SUE’   THANKS KEN SEE YA NEXT WEEK, NOW HERE’S DAVID

DAVID’   OK, THANKS TO ALL OF OUR SONGSTARS AND PETE AND STEFF

AND THE OTHERS, SO SEE YA NEXT WEEK ON PARTY ZONE JANUARY 3

briano alliance performing at two moons jupiter



hi dudes, here is our first song, titled i am not a hooligan i am yeah mate yeah kid


you see dudes, i don’t want to fight, i am not a cool kid to that

and i definatley ain’t a cool kid to dad

i know i had problems, but i know what i am

i am a yeah mate yeah kid, cause yeah mate yeah kids, don’t sit around like little cool kids do

like sitting there too shy to go home, i don’t do that, well, i did, but i was trying to be cool

but i am a yeah mate yeah kid, who doesn’t wanna fight, no ****** fear

i am never the type to say oh ****** dear

i get the itchy feeling because i used to be an adult

no mate no hooligan for me, and i am no geek, unless you talk about an internet geek

u am cool, i’m cool, the coolest dude i am cool, to a family person’s point of view

i don’t believe in talking tough to people i don’t **** people off, no dude

u want people to say to me, your still a family person, brian

instead of letting out a really old misery guts frown

you see i liked dad, he protected me, good, but he died, and i have to understand, he can’t protect me anymore

and dad was trying to protect me, even if to my mind he looked like a hooligan

i know dad wasn’t being a hooligan, he was a great big old fogie

and i don’t want to be a young dude, because i hate to fight

i don’t want to be a girl, cause, i hate cat fights and i never want to be treated like a koomarri man just to muck around with, yeah

and i hear my best mate saying, that he is a bigger boy than me

you see he is like little peter brady, but he doesn’t think so, but i cvan tell you one thing, i ain’t little peter brady, i am like sam marshall formerly from home and away

i don’t want to hear voices, when i speak the truth like that

you see, i liked how sam acted, and i don’t agree with that ya got to be tough to be a cool kid, crap

i think if you leave them alone, they will leave you alone

i like watching footy, and i played footy in my front yard

but i don’t like being treated like a hooligan, no that isn’t what i like at all, at ****** all

hi dudes, here is another song called kidnap brian and kidnap brendan, just a song

kidnap brian and kidnap brendad keep brian and brendan in their cages

we need to keep them both *******, keep them both *******

keep brian and brendan ******* gracefully, keep them both in their cages

help let me out of this cage, says brian and brendan in their cages

oh yeah mate yeah, keep them both ******* gracefully

you see, this tune really worried dad, and triggered off a lot of hooligan voices

you see, it gives someone coming into my house, putting a hand on my chest and up to my mouth

saying, your still a cool kid, briany

you see people stick their fingers up at me, saying, i am stupid, i don’t appreciate that, one little bit

i want to be treated like a cool adult, i am not a kid, no i think any adult who tries to be a kid is stupid

i am a cool adult, i am a cool adult, i am a cool adult, who sleeps on the couch, like a *****

everyone goes to bed, while i sleep on the couch

cause i am scared of fighting, it’s only natural ya know

people who go to bed are nerds, and i am no nerd, so leave me alone

you see my circle of life, is walk around, get grabbed and tied to poles, and being forced to be in horrifying situations, I HATE THAT

so kidnap brian and kidnap brendan, keep brian and brendan in their cages

hi dudes, my next song is if your happy and you know it, have a party

if your happy and you know it, have a party

if your happy and you know it have a party

if you are happy and you know it, and you will party every night yeah

if you are happy and you know it have a party

3  6   9  the goose drank wine

sam kinison chewed tobacco up on cloud 9

my dad choked after trying an artichoke

and everyone reincarnates whether they like it or not

you see slim dusty played duncan, ya see

saying my earth life is hayley from brattayley fame

dad said, come on slim do ya stuff

and smoke your cigarette getting it out in 1 big huff, like my son

3 6  9, the goose drank wine

sam kinison chewed tobacco up on cloud 9

my dad choked after trying an artichoke

come on dudes, if your happy and you know it, have a party

whether you are, have a party

if your happy and you know it, and want a way to show it

if your happy and know it, have a party

hi dudes, here is another song called duncan

i would love to have a methane with duncan

we love to have a methane with dunc

we drink in such a way, man

to improve the quality of our life

we drink in all the planets, and the atmosphere is great

i would love to have a methane with duncan

cause he is our mate

i would love to have a methane with patrick

yeah i love to drink methane with him

we drink in moderation, and improve the quality of our life

we drink in the planets oh yeah, where the atmosphere is great

i would love to have a methane with patrick cause he is a great mate

i want people to help me with wireless

yeah the methane is all over me then

yeah, ya see if people helped me, i will understand

why people aren’t listening to mr

i know i ain’t a hooligan, i hate being treated like that, not great

i want people to help me with wireless, dude

so, they can be a great mate

to be a great mate, oh yeah

i would love to have methane with anyone including my dad

you see to rid his old timer, i will tip the methane all ****** over poor old him

you see, the methane burns him right down, to betty, yeah that’s great

i would love to throw methane on my dad, yeah

cause he was a good mate

ok dudes, that is it, of spilling my guts and pouring bad stuff out of my brain, bobye, bob

You see after all i my mates laughed at me for being a little ****** kid

there was one friend called lyle who wanted to be my friend at school

and i at that time, thought this friend was cool, seeing i knew nobody else

but we had fun together, like a dream made me understand,that we used

to play basketball at the local courts which i thought was cool, and it would’ve

been nice, if my other school mates would join in, but we did play games

with other kids who dropped in, i just had a dream, where my mate the messiah

came in and taught me how to become respected enough to make it to hollywood

and before you say it, i know he isn’t my daddy, but i was a daddy figure to him

letting him stay at my house, you see we went to the movies and top floriade

and also to the national multi cultural festival, and the messiah said, instead of

shop food, how about you have multi cultural food, yeah, it’s tasty, hey, we also

went to each others houses, i had him sleep over, but i never slept over there,

mainly because, i have caused a lot of problems expecting to sleep over in my childhood

you see lyle came in my dream last night to show me the ***** cool kid, in the form of the messiah

he made the messiah, buy all these tickets to expensive events, like maybe a soccer game

between barcelona and ajax, yeah i used to joke with him, and we saw a stand up comedy event, and we find

that kind of thing very funny, but i heard the witch doctor who killed my previous life patrick dunbar

saying, hang on, are you the guy from the charnwood inn, and he told men to shut up, and i said

leave me alone, i am a family person, i don’t need the crazy demented witch doctor kidnapping my cool kid

the witch doctor, is trying to steal my mate patricks voice saying, i am not a cool kid, to make me too scared

and i really wanted a mate, and lyle was the only young bloke who gave a ****, like take me to bet on the footy

once we turned 18, but in school, we went to the footy and going over to each other’s houses, to play cricket or footy, and mate

lyle was a really big wild boy, he was, ya know a fast bowler and a tough footballer, and i tried to keep fit, so i can

outclass him, and i think i succeeded, but ya know, if you ******* a mate like lyle, he will get cranky, cause he has a

problem worth anger, we also slept in the backyard tent, where lyle said, i ain’t scared of the old boogie woman

but, i was wanting cool friends, as he liked the idea of going to bed early, and my family and lyles family all got together

and talked to each other, and i enjoyed my conversations with lyles mum, mind you, there were moments, where i was

scared to go over, because, i feel if i **** people off, i will have no friends, i remember me and lyle used to be big eaters

but, i don’t want to eat like that no more, because, i don’t want any blood clot, mind you i still eat a lot, but i write and do art

because i need to do things with my art, so my eating doesn’t get the better of me, there is more to brian allan than eating

too much, me and lyle were like two cool people playing bingo, and that was cool, you see,in my dream, my mum packed

a whole case of cakes, for me to share with all the young dudes at the festival, but the messiah felt uneasy and said i don’t want

to be a kid, he said he wants to fucken grow up, but i can’t understand why, he is telling me to grow up, and i hate the idea

of being treated like i am trying to be like other people, like my brother, i am like brian, just me, brian allan, i had fun with lyle

despite him being a loud mouth wild person who liked the idea of picking fights with everyone, but i have to understand

i ******* a lot of people, but this dream shows, all the fun times, i did a horrible crime, but i still think that it was my belief

of being greame thorne and pastrick diunbar in my previous life, being taken too young, was the reason of all my crazy person crimes

and dad couldn’t except i had a mental illness, and either can my old school mates, you see i ignored patrick at the st george bank

in the mall, and i heard him say get ****** brainy, like he was worried, why isn’t brian talking to me, and i said to pat, hi pat and

patrick went sarcastically hi brian, your brother isn’t around anymore, brian, we don’t have to be nice to you, i had fun with patrick

and lyle as well, in the new years eve concert to end the 1980s, me patrick and lyle went to the belconnen soccer club for the

end of the 80s nye party, and me and patrick and lyle had a few XXXX’s, and i got drunk and crashed over patricks house

and i crashed over patricks house, too much, patrick got sick of the fucken sight of me, i can understand in hindsight, that

i ****** him off, so i annoyed the mall crowd, and i was invited to a party, but because of the party i had at my house, where

my dad played taxi driver to all my drunken mates, and i wasn’t really a good host, because, i prefer the laid back lifestyle

partying out in the firehouse nightclub and the private bin in front of youtube, and i would love a televised youtube nye bash

on youtube, but they don’t, so i made my own nye bash, and it was pretty radically successful as well, i have still got my cool

jeans on, from those days, but i am a talented entertainer and actor now, and as much fun as i had with patrick and lyle,

those days are in the past, i am moving on now,

my granny took me to bingo too, my nanny watched the end of the 70s nye concert with me

i remember when jimmy barnes through beer cans at a concert at alberton oval, adelaide

yeah, totally radical dudes

I am a ***** in the club
I really do love life
I get drunk every hour
And I sink them down real quick
You see I love life really really cool
We are one and we have fun
You see beer is the only one for us
We share a drink and sing with one voice
We are a pack of yobbos
And we get drunk and we say to each other
That drinking is certainly my cup of tea
You see everyone says get down
Playing pool and playing the pinball machine and how many points will you get
You see the yobbos of this brown land are saying
Get drunk we share a beer
To everyone in this country
I say you say drink the ***** way
Sharing it with everyone and say get drunk and say
I would like to see rain in Africa
And I would like to see sun in Antartica but that will be a miracle despite it being Normal before Athens sent the blizzard
Their way and then we shared another beer with Jesus and god and they said
*****, ******* Turk so we can get on with our lives
We share a drink and drink it down my love
I say you say yobbos rule ok

I was a bite the beer bottle with my teeth kind of guy



You see I drank my beer, and I enjoyed, it, yeah
And then I had a few smokes, a pack of 50, yeah yeah
Everyone came over for a party, maybe three or four
Because that is how many friends you've got
The rest are acquaintances yeah they are
So, to end their friendship, I told them *******
And threw their wallets to the crowd
Some came in with all guns blazing
And others moved out with more
The women of this world worried
As if we were really scared somewhat
But then a big ***** came up to me
And said I will punch your fucken head in
Then he took me to his place
And tied me up out back, and then
The *****, said, you are mine, all mine
Your family will never see you again
Getting drunk and smoking cigarettes
Is what they do for fun,,but when I got free
I was so fucken angry at them, I went to the bottle shop
To buy a beer,,and then I get the bottle open with his teeth
And then drink them down fast,,and after that we went out
To play a neat little game, which is crack the bottle on the road
And crack it back again, and then you left all the glass everywhere
And it went crazy, oh ****** yeah
I was a bite the beer bottle with my teeth kind of guy
And that is what I am

I was a bite the beer bottle with my teeth kind of guy



You see I drank my beer, and I enjoyed, it, yeah
And then I had a few smokes, a pack of 50, yeah yeah
Everyone came over for a party, maybe three or four
Because that is how many friends you've got
The rest are acquaintances yeah they are
So, to end their friendship, I told them *******
And threw their wallets to the crowd
Some came in with all guns blazing
And others moved out with more
The women of this world worried
As if we were really scared somewhat
But then a big ***** came up to me
And said I will punch your fucken head in
Then he took me to his place
And tied me up out back, and then
The *****, said, you are mine, all mine
Your family will never see you again
Getting drunk and smoking cigarettes
Is what they do for fun,,but when I got free
I was so fucken angry at them, I went to the bottle shop
To buy a beer,,and then I get the bottle open with his teeth
And then drink them down fast,,and after that we went out
To play a neat little game, which is crack the bottle on the road
And crack it back again, and then you left all the glass everywhere
And it went crazy, oh ****** yeah
I was a bite the beer bottle with my teeth kind of guy
And that is what I am

You drink 1000 more beers
To feel like a real man
Yes you drink 1000 more beers
To feel like a real man
I am just doing my work
And I hear awful voices
Saying I should suffer for what dad went through
But I was young and stupid
And I am now a reformed character oh yes I am
But you drink 2000 more beers
To get a beer gut
And say you are a real man
I am just being cool like I always did when I was a young dude
I don't really want to get fought
That is for people who want to
And I don't want to
You drink 3000 more beers
To get yourself real drunk
Then go out and pick fights
It is hard to understand yeah
I like to party party party
But not with beer no

daniel pederson has trapped brian allan all his life


you since the day when daniel pederson ******* cameron goon to the

school bubbler, he thought, it’ll be cool to die and trap brian allan and

everyone that knows him, to stop this little kidnapping yourself battle

and daniel’s spirit tied brian up to his bed, but then he met brendan and

was a great friend to patrick, and daniel’s spirit wasn’t strong for patrick

but he tied brian and brendan up, and forcing that little jingle, kidnap briaqn and kidnap

brendan, keep brian and brendan in their cages and also kidnapped brian from the

allan clan, when he made brian nick $50 from a drunk, not giving a **** about

the welfare of the drunk, and daniel pederson has forced phedaphiles to ******

kids, even forcing robert hughes to sexually ****** the girls on hey dad, and

made brian feel good about teasing cameron with his dripping water all over cameron goon

and got in the mind of osama bin laden and the bali bombers, saying, destroy that *****, brian allan’s world

to the ground, daniel pederson destroyed people’s lives when he got in the mind of the american ******

and forced brian to yell out to the ****** to get his mate patrick, but nobody listened, and also

forced the kidnapper to grab daniel morecombe as well as holly wells and jessica chapman, and

daniel wanted to get a bit closer to brian’s home, forcing anthony and barry to **** themselves and

forcing mark jones to die as well, and while this was happening, brian started working at LEAD and

daniel was forcing brian to tie himself up, so cameron goon can enjoy life, because he deserves beer

and don’t tell me that daniel pederson got rid of carla and scott mcdonald and paul berenyi, keeping

them all safely with him, and might i add, jack vidgeon was given a death threat and my eldest niece

had a nightmare, which i can guarantee she had her heart pulled out, well, daniel pederson has destroyed

brian’s life, making it harder to work in helping people jobs, with one day brian feared he will be kidnapped

by the young poor people, and this was driving brian allan completely crazy, ya know brian developed schizophrenia,

and daniel pederson who was steven bradley in his last life really enjoyed himself, torturing brian allan, who was greame thorne

and now, brian is battling in this world, feeling he isn’t wanted by anyone, and as he sits there in his house, brian yells out

LEAVE ME ALONE DANIEL PEDERSON, i don’t deserve any of this crap, you see brian will work, but as he gets sick

and taken to the psych ward, he forgets about all the help he does, and now daniel pederson has brian trapped in the cage

of life, and daniel is still trying to beat brian allan at everything, by making him feel like he is too stupid for anything

and now, daniel pederson has trapped william tyrell, because brian likes kids and got in brian’s mind to think

that he is like this ICE sufferer who killed phil walsh,, and brian said, if you ask me, daniel pederson is asking for trouble

in everything he does, what we must do is force ourselves away from the daniel/stephen virus and not **** ourselves, ok

not force ourselves to be trapped, but daniel pederson is so devious and cunning, he won’t lose.

i am a slob and i live life oh yeah

being a slob of the century

you see i don’t shave because i don’t want to be a pretty boy

and i am a nice person but i can’t be clean

the more i try i have problems oh yeah

but i need to clean my house, so i will let my beard grow long

i can’t approve of little babies teasing

but i wanna be a man with hairs on my chin

come on pretty boy, tease me like a nerd teases a crazy person

cause i am a crazy person, oh yeah i am

i don’t believe in violence like you do

but i believe in being a crazy bearded ***** and hobo don’t you know

i stink i stink i stink i really really stink, people say i am smelly, but i don’t care

because dude oh dude i am a crazy person who believes in previous lives can’/t ya see

i could be like mr bean, but he is too clean

he obsesses about it, why should i

why am i treated like the worst enemy of you

i always liked patrick, but i hate him siding with lyle

cause he is a bloke with anger management issues

with me oh me, i have no problems at all

apart from the fact, that i do smell

i just had a shower but i don’t wanna shave

cause only little pretty boys shave, and i am no little pretty boy

my beard suits me to a tee, i am a cool person

and if anyone says i am not cool, they can kiss my curvy **** GOODBYE

you see i like doing art, doing art is cool, and if that makes me a loser

well to them i am a LOSER, but i am a winner who loves being artistic

pat and lyle seem shy to me, all they do is drink cups of tea

i liked patrick way back then, but i thought he didn’t like bullying, cause bullying is wrong

i don’t **** people off ya know

ooh ooh ooh it might start to snow

i smell, but i can clean up

i have a messy house, but i will clean it

i will probably see losers teasing me, i can handle it

I AM RADICALLY AWESOME DUDE

i cause happiness in canberra, i am the christmas man

the cool kids man, cause cool kids muck around mate ooh ooh ooh

You see where did I get the inspiration to play the coopers
And play livestock
Avoid doctors and vets
Well there could be many reasons but if you look at my previous life story you will see
I was doctor and surgeon John
Hawker English who was born in 1788 and died in 1840 and in that time I won awards as well as saving lives of all the people who passed through the hospital doors and every October the hospital ran it's very own chess tournament and John hawker English won 5 years of the tournament and
Also John was a mad religious freak who every Sunday went to church to meet up with the congregation and listen to the sermons, his biggest job was the postman who came off his bicycle in 1806 and without all the modern technology of today John had to work on saving the postmans life and it took him about 3 days and 2 operations and by all means it nearly killed him but he survived it and in 1812 there was this drinking ***** being brought in with a heart attack
And needed a quick bypass
But this was going to be hard and then in 1801 there was a
Accident with a horse and Cart
With school kids on it crashed into the English Channel and John was having a hard time saving all the kids and he saved 80% of the kids with 4 little girls was washed out to sea and died
And John was being yelled at by the 4 children's families
There were more emergencies
And the town had mix reactions
About john's way he handles the operations but on John's death bed John hawker English said people die and sometimes you can save them unfortunately you can't save everyone and then he died

Fred Fred Fred
Mate yes he is Fred
You have to meet Fred
So go to bed little boy
Never winge and whine
Just go to bed little boy
Because Fred loves life
And enjoys it yeseree
Fred Fred Fred yes go to bed
Little boy
I know you ain’t tired
But you are a little kid
So go to bed go to bed little boy
Don’t copy Fred no don’t copy Fred
Fred Fred Fred Fred
Go to bed little boy
If you are a woman
Don’t choose Fred
Cause he is a ****** fucken *****
Who drinks too much *****
If you are a kid don’t choose Fred
Because he will do nasty things to you
Like hold you in his house
And say to you I want your blood
Because Fred Fred Fred
Is a man that can’t be trusted
So go to bed little boy
Don’t muck with Fred
Fred Fred Fred
Go to bed little boy
Never muck with Fred
Cause he is evil as
No little boy
He isn’t Fred flintstone
He has no best mate named Barney
He is just a nasty guy
Don’t muck with him
He is Fred Fred Fred
Go to bed little boy
Never muck with Fred
Cause you are young
He is middle aged
So Fred Fred Fred
Never muck with Fred
He is bad news
So stay away little boy
Never ever ever little boy
Muck with Fred
Cause he is bad news

Hi dudes and welcome to the Saturn community concert and our first guest is Kathryn Roswell who was my grandfather in her previous life and she is singing with Martin the Martian
With a top hat here they are
Their first song is agadoo
Which goes like this
Agadoo doo doo push pineapple shake the tree agadoo doo doo push pineapple grind coffee which was Kathryn’s fave song where she knows the words and the actions to and then she sang elvis Presley’s song love me tender which was a song she loved to sing to me ya know her last life’s grandson and then after that Martin the Martian who was John Mahoney from the tv series Frasier singing
I am a Martian with a top hat and I have no tie and I am ready to party all night when your young you will party
To forget about reality and have a little fun oh yeah party right
Yes everyone is ready to party with
Me and Kathryn yo here on Saturn
And I get my top hat and as I am wearing no tie
Just the perfect shade of green
I am a Martian with a top hat
With a naked green body
I am ready to party yeah
C’mon get out your top hat
And put on your dancing shoes
And party party party all night
And then Kathryn and Martin the Martian played a lot of seventies and eighties songs and everyone got down and danced, the songs were
Dancing queen abba
Sweet home Alabama
American pie don McLean
Standing on the outside cold chisel
Duncan slim dusty using all the names of the people here
And then they left the stage
And bon Scott came on stage with Michael Hutchence and Roy Orbison
Michael on drums Roy vocals and bon
On bass guitar they sang
Pretty woman
You shook me all night long
Suicide blonde
You got it
Who made who
Need you tonight
Handle with care
Thunderstruck
Devil inside
And then they bowed to the audience thanking them for dancing and left the stage
Then the crazy hip hop dancers from Jupiter who were Daniel morecombe
And Graeme Thorne who is me now on earth and Caleb Logan and they danced to great songs like
A hip hop version to YMCA village people and Stan from Eminem and another hip hop version of karma chameleon from culture club standing on the inside looking out which is a song I wrote and performed at the poetry slam and the last one was come on aussies come on the old cricket song and now we have some cosmic belly dancers coming out
Their names are Kim Davidson and Bridget bromhead and Ruth cracknell and they shook their bellies to chicken dance
And nut bush city limits and a Christmas song jingle bells and good ship Lollypop and rock and roll music
And after that the swinging yobbos came out slim dusty Alfred Waldron who was another previous life of mine and my currents life’s late father Barry Allan who is now Betty Campbell
And they sang songs like waltzing Matilda and fly burgers which was my first poem I wrote and a tisket a tasket which we showed our inner ***** and then we played all the afl theme songs starting with Sydney Adelaide Carlton Brisbane Melbourne
West coast Fremantle port Adelaide
The gws giants Gold Coast suns north Melbourne hawthorn st Kilda Essendon Richmond and Collingwood
And finished with the green machine
Canberra Raiders song and we left the stage then I came out to sing this song before the fireworks
It is called the schizophrenic Macarena
1 2 3 4 do the schizophrenic
From the first day you were born
To your current situation
With medication you can be reformed
Yeah mate yeah I am schitzophrenic
Don’t worry about my best mate
His name was rob butler
I wish I could explain it because I know
There was no best friend named rob butler
You see if I was married to Susan brown mate and if I had a family
With two sons David and mike
I know they don’t exist
But in a way I wished they did
And I am schitzophrenic
1 2 3 4 I am schitzophrenic
From the first day I was born
To my current situation
With medication I can be reformed
Wow yeah I am schitzophrenic
I like Christmas
But I am a Buddhist
I like the peace behind it
Despite being anything but at peace
With my crazy mental illness
Then I jumped in the back seat
Of my best mates cab
But the thing about it is
No mate of mine has ever drove a cab
Except Stan niemic but it is not him
1 2 3 4 do the schitzophrenic
From the first day I was born
To my current situation
I wish my childish dillusions will go away cause I hate being schitzophrenic oh yeah bow bow
And now here are the beautiful fireworks and that lit up the sky for 21 minutes, it was beautiful
Bye everyone and I will see you at the next cosmic community concert
Goodbye dudes

My dad, my good old dad
I liked that he went swimming about 3 mornings a week
And he made appointments with the doctor and dentist to make sure that he was in good nick
Also he went for walks in and around the streets on his suburb
And the other suburbs
He went to Sydney a few times with mum, where they had a wonderful time
As far as eating goes
He never piled his plate with food
I don’t think he liked desserts that much but if he ate it he would eat slowly
He went out the back and
Did his exercises which kept him fit
He went to the Belconnen mall with his mates from teaching
And the kids treated him like
One of the other students in a way
He liked to play war games
But he hardly got addicted
The computer was his favourite thing
He said computers will take over from television one day
He liked some treats like a box
Of roses chocolates he only had one or two a day I mean one simple chocolate not the whole box
He had a claret with his meal
Only one glass
At the club he will have a beer
Not like a ***** though
You know how if you go to the club and you see senior citizens
Having a meal together
That was mum and dad
He liked cricket and loved science fiction
He showed me how to look at the football scores on my iPhone he was great
He had a heart problem but
That never stopped him
He was a very good father
And grandfather and i loved him
He didn’t like gardening but he dug the weeds out of the cracks in the cement he saw the google maps people one day and said
He was actually working
He was thin, he kept himself regular, so why did he die in the pool at the age of 76, maybe his next life wanted him to unleash his kid

G’day and welcome to Kepler sports club and my name is bimmy jarnes my first song is this crazy dream

You see when I lay down to sleep last night my head got many thoughts, of tackling sleep apnea yes, what a ****** it was, you see I tried to sing flame trees, but I lost my train of thought and I hated my version of working class man, it sounded as if I was a bludger, you see I really like to party, drinking this lovely drink, maybe this Victoria bitter for a hard earned thirst, you see I tried a bit of surfing but got a attacked by a shark, I ran outside the water saying never ever again and I went back in, the shark was still there
So I went to the beach to relax on the surf and I tried drinking heavily but that never worked at all, because I sat down outside the police station and they said c’mon we’ll take you home
Then I went to the club and danced with the teens, I wasn’t being inappropriate just having a dance, but the barman threw me out, I told him to get lost, then he said, mate you have no right to do this and then I did a **** right on the front of the pub and he said I am keeping you and he rang the police, but when they came they just drove me home, giving me an lecture as they drove, then there was a drunken man who really needed a drink and I came into another and used his money to buy me a drink, we got ****** together and when we were totally drunk and he was plastered as hell, I took $300 from his cash to buy 4 cases of beer and I nicked off back home with the cash and beer but after I finished the last drink I regretted it a lot, but wait a minute, no I didn’t he might have been a phedaphile, you see you see, that is what I wanted to do

My next song is my version of g’day g’day

G’day g’dsy
Welcome to my world
It is make believe
And full of drinkers who
Want to bash you up
G’day g’day
You could be gullible
So I want to tell you this
Let’s try and understand
Just one little thing
If you as dinky die as an Aussie
You would drink him down to the ground
G’day G’day
Using a ****** to have *** with a model
And then we say to him
That this model isn’t as dinky die as a eculyptus
Tree bring planted right outside
You see mr Robert hughes
He was a real mate of mine
Untill he molested his youngest
On-screen daughter, a real stupid thing to do
I don’t want to look at Martin fucken Kelly
The name really scared me mate
But when I hear these simple words
Of
G’day G’day
He was an Aussie
You see that he was very dinky die
So I took him out the back
And I punched him
Knocked him senseless in the park
G’day g’day
I am a drunken *****
I was saying to this idiot
That what he did was unAustraliwj
And he said, how about I do it to you
I went over to the phone
And rang the police
He said, what are you doing
I am getting you off the streets
Kepler doesn’t need you
So I picked him up and threw
Him in the bin and said G’day
And he said G’day back
And said this one little thing
Just say G’day and go back where you belong

My next song is I can’t wake up

I can’t wake up
My head is getting clogged full of apnea
It is wrong to think you have it
Especially when people think you are crazy
But I say no mate, I am not crazy mate
I am just a man who can’t get up
Because I can hardly breathe
I can’t wake up
You see I wanna drink a few bourbons
And show you the Kepler night life
There are hookers and strippers
And religious figures who want
To see their religion getting a lot of cash
And I say you are a stupid mess
You see I like this place
There doesn’t seem to be any wars
But the war that goes on in the pubs and bars
My friend, is really really bad
I can’t wake up
From this stupid bed
Because I could feel that Kepler
Is the place for me
To rest my weary head
I just can’t wake up

Here is my next song called living off an all night hot dog

I had fun at the club
It was the single party night
At the labor club
And the time was 1-00am
You see I went with my best friends
4 of them, 3 found chicks
And the other one didn’t
Because he was so gay
Not that there is anything wrong with that
And we got onto the dance floor
And half my eye was on my date
And the other eye was on finding
A gay man to go out with my friend
You see one guy said, are you happy
With your sexuality mate
I see you are looking at this man
And I told her, yes I am straight but
I am here to find a lover
For my gay mate
She told me, waste of time
All the men just like girls
Not that there is anything wrong
With being gay my friend
But overall it is a nice gesture
To help find a friend for him
But Kepler has a gay bar
Two doors down
Do you should’ve taken him there
But I will help you, so I need a hotdog
Will you buy me one
And we can talk about your friend
Oh yeah party yeah
On a hot dog cooked at 1-00am
Oh yeah party yeah
Drinking at a place that drinkers go
To celebrate good tidings
Then we sing 99 bottles of beer on the wall
Till the lady said
Sing that song again my friend
Sing that song again
I will come up and knock you senseless
Then you will say to me
Those 99 bottles of beer my friend
Were putting curls in your hair
You see I went inside and a man was talking to my friend, I went over and said
Did you know this person was gay my friend
And he said, I am too, I came here cause I broke
Up, mate with a Kepler security guard

My next song is my friend Matilda

Once a pretty lady walked in a social club
Ready to drink a few ales with the boys
You see she got really hammered
And the man sitting at the bar said to her
It is fun to see if will work with her
You see my friend Matilda
My friend Matilda, my friend Matilda
She is a lady that I love
You see I talk to her
In a club up here on Kepler
I want to marry Matilda tonight
Matilda said I don’t marry
On first dates no way
I am a traditional man
Who marries the normal way
Who watches both of us get plastered
My friend Matilda, my friend Matilda
Loves to drink on our wedding day
You see she gets drunk
With everybody watching her
You see I can’t my friend Matilda doing this
You see Matilda went to Alcoholics Anonymous
To tell them she has a problem with the bottle
But they told her the problem wasn’t her drinking
It was the problem of her shacking up
My friend Matilda, my friend Matilda
AA wouldn’t help her
Because she wanted a relationship
With a nice man
With a nice man
With a nice man on the block like me

See you next time I hope you all enjoyed my show
Everybody cheered as he walked off stage

I am a *** crazed *****
But I was a baby once you see
I like the sound of making babies
Yes that sounds absolete
But as the story goes
Babies grow up
Into people who might disagree with you and that will be pretty bad
When you look in the eyes of a baby and he smiles back at you
Things might turn differently
Talking to that same person as
An adult because they are more
Experienced in this world
They will disagree with mum
So she looks at your baby photos
And sees this innocent baby looking at her
Not understanding that they are still there expressing themselves like an adult
Still the baby pictures are cute
As she looks she hears
I want to live in that area
I know they have violence
But if you keep to yourself
You will be alright
And she looks at the baby pictures as she goes into a night club and getting down to dance and get drunk
Her mother just doesn’t her to get a spiked drink
And the answering back
Yes that is bad
Because it makes your mother
Look at your baby pictures saying where did I go wrong And religiously if she wants you to believe in Jesus but they don’t want to apart of it
No way no hope no chance
Just look at this innocent baby
And think, they grow up

You see dad, you are a loser
You kept saying you weren’t a young dude
And you don’t want to be cool
But I made you a little girl
You ain’t a man anymore dad
I know I said I will get you in strife
Just go to bed with your wife
But you were an army man
And an old fogie to boot
You have reincarnated as a little girl
And you have a twin brother
And an older brother
You need to understand that men
Don’t really yell at their kids
They be nice and thoughtful
So your dad is David Campbell
Your grandfather is Jimmy barnes
I took the man out of you dad
So if you have a problem with that
Just be a kid, be a kid
A little girl
I know I hit you dad
But that is why you tried to be a man
My old mate pat is saying
Your daddy isn’t around anymore
Well you aren’t but your spirit
And your new earth body is
And I see a bit of you in her, dad
Ok, but I was being a cowboy
Shooting at the rich *****
You used to play war games
And go on the stock markets
You said we will watch the cricket
With my brother
He didn’t want to
So you watched the bill
You said there will be free television streams
WHAT A JOKE
You told me to live in the present
Instead of living in the past
So why is pat living in the past
He is a *******
But dad
I am sorry I hit you
But I was drunk
A drunken *****
I didn’t mean to get into strife
Oh yeah what a life