Everyone looks at me and they judge me but I don't blame them they won't understand.
I was innocent girl believed in christmas father believed in fairies belived in love and trusted everyone .
But someone took it all away and it was too soon for me.
It was a night as any other night I looked out my window so the stars and smiled.
Switched the light of hugged my teddy bear and closed my eyes.
As I was about to come to the middle of my sleep.
The door opened I was scared thought it was a monster...
Yes it was a monster but it was a human being acting like a monster his hand on my little lips . His whole body between my tiny hips he thought they were big enough for him to fit.
Worst pain I have ever felt and the more he seemed to pump it got worse .
Tears on my face throat burning I couldn't breath.
As the "monster" walked out of the room everytime .
He would leave me broken than I was before.
From that day the world seemed different not save .
Cause oneday the monster 's mask fell out and I realised that this was not a real monster it was a man that was supposed to love me and take care of me.
But he thought wreking me everyday was right.
And guess what the woman that carried me for nine months knew about this but she turned the other cheeck.
So tell me how can I stop being so paranoid when the world just showed me how people can decieve you people you love.
The man that was supposed to take my mom as his didn't feel she was enough so he destroyed a innocent soul.
And my mom couldn't imagine herself squeezing the pilllow so she pretended not to see it.
Know you know the story
Behind my bitternes
Behind my anger
Behind my sadness
Behind  my paranoia
When that man broke me he took my innocence .

I have my hand on a chain
I am pulled along and the drain is insane
I can't obstain or restrain the pain I feel as I am dragged alond the feild
But I won't let it go, I won't let you steal the way I feel
make a meal of me, and then say it wasn't a big deal  
My body is battered and broken, and I am always beholden  
I have more to do as my time is always  bespoken  
The chain is harder and harder to hold on
and way is harder and harder to forge on.  
I am tiered and honestly, sometimes I  don't feel as if I can go on  

But I won't let go

Because i refuse to let the world know  
That it has beaten me
I won't let that dept grow nor will I ever slow.  
I will meet you blow for blow  
from the tides of spring to winters snow  
As the acorn falls and the rains do flow
And you will watch that oak tree grow
from a sapling as you and I are grappling
You won't understand what is happening.  
You will think that I am a creature of  some crazy fantacy.  

Why do I go on, I couldn't tell you.
Death just seems more fun if only I knew how to
But this heart of mine just keeps beating  
And I just continue living and my hand keeps on gripping
and I will be ****** if I just up and leave it.

I am a molded wreking ball
unhappy unless I am wrecking
For when I am not, I am only a ball
even the wrecking part of my name just falls  
And  whats the point of being just a ball
For when I was created I was called the wrecking ball

My pourpose is in my duty
My duty is in my pourpose  
and whats worse, the course I am on
would be gone without this chain  
So how can I complain even when I am in pain
Without this chain I would be plain  
I would be a ball detached from the crain.

So go on, and I will hold on