you insisted that i write my number down on the blank part of a mix tape...you used to slam down a beer like some kind of super hero...saw myself in your eyes and made sounds only you could hear...you'd press your lips into my forehead so fiercely it hurt; leading us deep into your distortions...

witnessed you spilling your soul into empty barrooms where last call came well before midnight...there wasn't any room in there for me...I made forfeit everything to stand in your arms; and how it lost me all I wanted...

I spread my palms wide across your ribs...curled my fingers tightly toward your spine and believed that you loved me...you turned on me and my wit...so you left me...I wanted to clumsily strew myself on your pillows and press my hand on your thigh, kiss your neck and giggle at your sarcasm...you convinced me that the flood of my insecurities drove you away, that i was the author of our demise...

we collide rarely...your eyes are always tired...you've built the Berlin wall around your heart...you have become a testament to the passage of time because I know I will not remember being the same...

you inappropriately love me but will never trust me...

you stand me in your arms, and it is like coming home after so many years abroad; we never will hold each other this way again...
our Rome became graffiti on my bedroom wall...
this undertow of wordshed always reminding me that I am not lost but I am not home...

there are no words, we've said them all...so the silence comes to force us to feel the blows of sound...this empty what could have been...we would have been okay before you became a first...but you and i were never meant to go anywhere...it was just to see, just so you could say you knew

as if you ever needed to...you and i have always known that this wave would find a shore...the undertow of our wordshed, the roughage of all your rejections tumbled me across the floor of that ocean of false pretenses...

and only because i still haven't figured out just how full of **** you are, you deserve whatever happiness it is you've found...and i am becoming that prowling shark you still aren't scared enough of to stop taunting...forcing me into this canal, too narrow to turn and too little salt for the tears i warrant...until i toss you back into the foam to ****** the deep...

you are a terrible glutton...burning through all your friends and leaving a wake of discontent and writhing desperation like you're some kind of ******* rock star...

but i know what a frightened lost narcissist you are...and i always will...