Let me begin by saying that
this is not me asking you out.
This is me telling you,
and countless others on the internet,
that I think you're a really great person.
You are an incredibly kind person,
and honestly, I'm surprised that my *******-ish
ways haven't scared you off by now.
Now see, the thing is that
when I first saw you
I asked my friend who you were and
she called you "Reddit Man"
to which I scoffed,
because it sounded like you were a off brand superhero.
On the next day I saw you again,
I did that stupid thing
where I slid up to where you were sitting
and the words
"So I hear you like Dungeons and Dragons."
fell clumsily out of my mouth and I
I turned red because that is not what I wanted to say.
It has been approximately forty-three days
since those stupid words clumsily fell out of my mouth
and we haven't talked about DnD since.
We have, however, talked about Reddit,
Jake Hill,
suicide,
alcoholism,
stalkerish 14-year-old girls,
crazy exes,
waluigi not being in smash,
and dogs vs cats,
among other things.
Its been about two months
and somehow,
even when I stole courage
from the burning sensation in my throat when I sip on liquid fire,
I still have not said a word to you about how I feel.
I wonder if maybe it was obvious,
in the way I talked to you,
about you.
or in the way I blushed when I so much as brushed up against you in line during lunch, or in the way I laughed at all your jokes, as if everything you say is humorous.
Let me reiterate the fact that
I am not writing this to ask you out.
But to instead let you in on how I feel about things other than my own death and the possibility of me flying to a foreign country and not coming back for a few years.
And, yeah, this is a bit childish,
writing an awkward sort of love letter,
in hopes of you never seeing it,
or if you do see it, I'll mostly likely be moved on to other things.
But in all honesty I probably won't even mention this to you, until I'm in college and I message you out of curiosity to how that open heart surgery went.
and now, that its been over a year,
I'm finally in college, and
I'd still like to ask
how that operation went,
and if when they opened up your chest
if your heart was as broken as you told me it was.
