it hurts i don't believe and it hurts and its real not real wrong still it hurts it hurts monstrous monstrous world all nothing like my head full of light poison hurting cracked still not real please too unreal and not still staying moving hurts cold and aching sorry sick of sorry you are not i hate the this here stop.
sick thoughts depravity of soul i am choked despise my head your head how dare it be dark why would you even this isn't true i should what because it won't can't doesn't isn't shouldn't be.
still is is still feeling sensing alive too real to be unreal and really not safe really wrong really really wasted am i the same cracked as we always would have been no saving us it this them all because it always was no stopping no other way path no choice or for so long chosen wrong how could it still matter i am so angry.
i am so angry i am frozen i will be wasted on this world of nothing because it is real i am the nothing is this why they hurt them because i can't hurt them shouldn't mustn't but i am so unstrong unbrave wrong too but that would be surrender and wrong but nothing here is right why would they like this choose this isn't home isn't warm isn't bright free sweet love...
isn't.

I was taken advantage of.
I am now fallen apart.
Cant focus
Cant think.
Cant speak.
My head pounds as I think.
My throat hurts as I speak.
And my heart slows down while I try to breathe.
Im just certain that my strength has been ****** out;
& I was injected with weakness.
I feel like my bones have been filed down to dust;
& that my skin has turned its colour.
Im feeling so weird.
Im not myself anymore.
My mind cant hold anymore information;
So everything is escaping,
And Im choking on all the letters when I try to make words as I try to speak.
My body is shaking,
Because I cant hold myself up anymore.
& everytime I walk,
I fall to the ground.
Im slowly breaking.
Im slowly falling apart;
Because I have lost all my strength.
Noone can save me now.
Noone can fix me now.
Everytime I look in the mirror,
I ask "why have you lost your strength?"
I get a reply saying "you've done it to yourself."

The world was filled with happiness.
The world was filled with joy.
My family was filled with positive emotions.
But I was just filled with negative emotions.
I just woke up so depressed;
Because I didnt have you here.
The first time in my life;
Spending this day without you,
Made me feel so uncomfortable around people,
So unfocused around people,
So weird around people.
I just couldnt stop daydreaming about you;
& what it would be like if I had you here.
& because I wasnt used to this,
I didnt know how to handle it.
My tears have drowned me so deeply;
& Im sinking because I cannot keep my head up.
All I felt was empty.
All I felt was pain.
All I felt was depression.
& now It all wont go away.
The week of this day all i heard on the radio was "Mother's Day,"
& my heart stopped;
Then my breathing went faster;
& then it was like my body just got an electric shock.
Inside I was so numb;
Chills up & down my spine,
I just froze.
Now this day has come,
& Im missing something...
You're company,
You're love,
You're sweetness,
You're kindness,
You're happiness,
You're kisses,
You're hugs,
You're cooking,
You're spirits,
My Mother.
I just never thought I would spend this day without you.
I just never thought I would never see you again.
I just never thought I would regret so many things.
I just never thought I would feel this guilty.
I just never thought I would cry so much.
I just never thought that each day will get worse.
& I just never thought I would end up being so mentally weak;
Because I cannot handle it.
Without you here really kills me.
Without you here makes me unstrong.
Without you here makes me fill up the house with my tears.
& without you here on this day will never ever be the same.
& I will continue to cry forever.

Fallen apart,
Broken;
Bleeding through my scars.
Torn,
Shattered,
Bruised through my bones.
Im so weak;
Unstrong;
Without anymore strength.
Im just drained from everything.
Im just hurting from everything.
& Im drowning in my own tears.
I try to swim against my waves that I have created,
But I appear to sink.
I am my own enemy;
Because I gave myself no support.
& I threw out my own strength;
By fighting against myself.
In the end my arms bleed.
In the end my head is spinning.
& in the end my body is the one that leaves.
Im just a puzzle that noone can ever put together;
Because I have sliced my body in pieces.
& the one piece that is missing is my head.
I have just lost it.
I have just broke apart from it;
Because it is somewhere else,
While my body lays here;
In weakness.
& Im so helpless;
So hopeless.
I cannot control whats destroying me.
I cannot control whats breaking me.
I cannot put myself together again,
Because I am damaged

On the floor i lay,
The broken pieces are torn from myself
Where do i stand?
I cant
Where do i walk?
I cant
Where do i sit?
I cant
Broken
Bleeding
Undone
Unstable
I allow myself to fall
And my mind allows me to fail
Unstrong; i fight
But my strength is giving out
Giving up; i fail
And my weakness wins once again
This is forever pain
Pain is forever
& im so fragile,
Because i have no more stability
I cannot hold myself anymore
And to hold myself,
I need to accept a frame
To hold me in place
To bring my body together once again
For peace in my mind
I need & want to break free
To make myself steady
To inject myself with chemical
To turn myself inside out
My body is bruised
My body is stripped
My body is scarred
My body is cut
Ive been forced to be inside a piece of wood
Glued and tied to by body
Pressed against my brain,
It is monitoring me now
Cannot move
But i move without hurting
Cannot talk
But i talk calmly
And if this frame breaks,
Then i break
I cannot live on my own
Together but apart;
Apart i cannot do it on my own
Together with help;
Apart i cannot do this on my own
Im inside a cage
Forever i will be chained
Its only for life.
Im inside a frame,
So my body is together
Im inside a frame,
My mind is all together
And once this frame falls
I know i will fall and break in pieces
I am so used to being held up with something else's strength
A guard that wont let me down
If it leaves, i leave
Im addicted to this chemical support
Im framed outside my body
I will not be stable on my own
The frame that holds me teaches
But i will never learn to breathe on my own,
If i let myself go once again