"unmanageable" poems
1.I want to kiss you until you lose your mind.
2. I think about days when you don’t love me anymore and I can already taste blood in my mouth and my heart is already prepared to take flight.
3. I am exactly who I think I am when you place your callused hands on my body and you see me as exactly who I wish to be.
4. You feel. And when you feel it takes up all of you. But it doesn’t destroy you.
5. You always have to be touching me, like you’re holding down a balloon. And I certainly don’t mind, for I’ve always longed to have someone keep me grounded.
6. I have been consistently warned not to make homes out of humans, but without you I would be homesick.
7. I stare at you and I have this unmanageable fear I will one day fall out of love with you. But I know that if there comes a day when I love you less, I’ll fight it till the very end.
Feb 26, 2014
Feb 26, 2014 at 10:12 PM UTC
I should of left you years ago had I only known how much more pain you could actually cause me . If I'm getting honest perhaps i did know but I didn't want to admit it I wasn't ready I couldn't let you win to take power over me. I suppose I kinda got off on it the way you could make me feel incredible by eliminating my desire to feel at all. Or maybe I got off on the way you treated me always putting your needs ahead of mine the abuse and pain I believed I deserved. God how pathetic I was but I guess that's why it was so easy to get to know you to become devoured by your sweet seduction.. at the time I really needed you you saved me I guess that's why it's so hard to say goodbye to you as much as I truly sincerely ******* hate you and I do hate you I can't figure out how to escape the love I still will always have for you. You saved my life after all.. then you made it feel far from worth saving. I'm sorry it's been a good run but I'd say it's about time you've had this coming for awhile but I'd never been ready till now… and so I stand here hopeless Tired and ******* mad as hell to tell you it's time to go I'm ready to move on it won't be easy it isn't going to be easy but you win I surrender i am powerless over you and my life our life has become unmanageable I know when I'm with you that's the way it is.. so I'm leaving you to begin to pick up all the wreckage we made to buckle down and deal with my consequences for once in my life. And I have hope that one day I'll find someone better I'll be someone better and who knows I might even like me.. addiction you've been Dumped for Me so how does it feel? Wait you don't feel do you but don't worry I won't forget about you i couldn't I know your always there betting wishing waiting for me to **** things up expecting me to just come running back to you… and I know that will always be an option but right now I'm choosing life and feelings and depression and devotion and Hope never letting that Hope wonder to far away holding it close living Just for Today…..
Feb 19, 2018
Feb 19, 2018 at 7:32 AM UTC
Some starlit garden grey with dew,
Some chamber flushed with wine and fire,
What matters where, so I and you
Are worthy our desire?
Behind, a past that scolds and jeers
For ungirt ***** and lamps unlit;
In front, the unmanageable years,
The trap upon the Pit;
Think on the shame of dreams for deeds,
The scandal of unnatural strife,
The slur upon immortal needs,
The treason done to life:
Arise! no more a living lie,
And with me quicken and control
Some memory that shall magnify
The universal Soul.
2.5k
I saw you
As you stared at me
Two deers caught in each other headlights
As brief as a flash, blinked, and you’d miss it
I am only reminded of my heaviness when you are there
Standing – Floating – Watching
As ghostly as any ghost, then
Gone – Vanished – Nothing
I am alone, again, cursed to remain here
I tried to follow in your footsteps
Untangling, unknotting, unravelling
Myself from a generation of debt and duty
These twisted roots of familiar obligations
How did you escape such a similar situation?
I wasn’t born light, like you.
I was born heavy, brother.
I will have to earn my lightness.
Sometimes on rainy days
when the weighty pain becomes unmanageable
I find myself slipping into the tangible delusion
Of ascribing meaning to everything
That maybe you think of me as much as I think of you
That you see my pain and want to help
But it’s just too much for you right now
When you’re ready, you’ll come back to me
You’ll come back.
Sometimes the little lies we tell ourselves
Can be enough to get us through this life
But not tonight.
Dec 2, 2021
Dec 2, 2021 at 8:47 PM UTC
///
when you feel shame insight
the foolish road trends to misguide
you can discover an apple
inside a dark basket
I sigh too long to lose the time
that could make a space between us
the clock is unmanageable,
the horizon grew gray
yesterday night turned on,
the sleepless romantic torment-
I made my hand long,
too long to hold my dreams
where there you were standing
behind a wall,
very thick, and dark
shuttered my eyes
I grew gray
underneath a dusky black moon
finding myself within you,
no focus point imagined
the forgotten days clapping
mystic, bleeding on the red carpet
turned too dark when storm wind
closed the windows-
dreams uttering on a blue sapphire
till the twilight has broken
making a waterfall on a rising sun
but coming closer into a vain of the vale--
///
@ Musfiq us shaleheen
Nov 26, 2014
Nov 26, 2014 at 5:53 AM UTC
(fourteen lines)
Every day, we start our usual pace
unaware, how we follow, get ourselves into the race
going fast... becoming faster
sliding up and down, like a roller coaster.
It could be on one fine or not so ordinary day
on an unknown place along the way
we fall....get lost.....we stray
To find our way back, we retrace
But when speed becomes intolerable, or unbearable
we then pack up...we conclude, "today is unmanageable."
We inhale...exhale...settle.........make up our minds,
say, "tomorrow is another day..." we leave the past behind.
We walk anew as the day begins...keep up with the pace
try to do better... to stay within the race...
Sally
Copyright March 2015
Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Apr 2, 2015
Apr 2, 2015 at 8:22 AM UTC
when i sleep, i dream. when i dream i
i am lost in the woods little bird lost in the woods alone in the woods
so small so young so green
i grow
as i have grown
as i will grow
my mind melts
mutates
i am someone else
i have lost all meaning
everything has lost
all
i am grown
i have grown
i will grow
as i float i am growing
as i fight i am growing
i remember little bird
lost in the woods alone in the woods
all alone
all
who am i? who was i?
who am i becoming?
have i forgotten?
or did i ever know
and where is the future
where is my future
why so intangible
why so unmanageable
where is the knowing
where is the sense of stability
where is the meaning i was promised?
who promised
who said
who
left me alone, all alone, alone, little bird, alone in the woods,
who am i?
(then in a hundred different voices) who am i?
where am i?
why am i?
when i sleep, i dream. when i dream, i am lost. i try to stay awake
to hold my mind awake
an object in motion will stay in motion
oh let not me rest
maybe if i stay awake
if i work harder
all the time
i wont lose.
May 15, 2014
May 15, 2014 at 1:51 AM UTC
****
It's funny how consecutive letters can bring about inspiration
(I've learned to balance my concentration during this poetic intrapersonal conversation)
its been a minute since I've had my feelings in it
(this **** is never-ending so there is no end to begin it)
I got time in my pocket and there is no better place to spend it
than here on this mic...
don't ask me how I am doing
because I am not fine
so I continue to work through my pain as I cry through my rhymes
and I hate it and love it at the same time
****** me off, yet excites me so
its chocolate covered honey baked ham
served with raw egg yolks
a perfect-disconcerted measure of pleasure and pain
but I can't have the sweet without the salt
cuz it wouldn't taste the same
and the bitter-after taste of its reminder would not be there to sustain
the hard earned lessons that are now burned into the brain
casting these sad images of this life like a video on repeat
and I can't run from my reality no matter how fast I move my feet in retreat
So I use my spoken words to inhale its life into my lungs
I open my heart and tune my ear to the song that is being sung
inside me (God-- can you hear it?!)
This birthing of my desire so rare; so hot that its cooling to the touch
I love how I am powerless to it-- my appetite insatiable and can never get enough
This thing is a love affair....
I don't think I ever loved something so hard that was so physically intangible
but living without Word is most assuredly unmanageable
wanting to abandon it all to be with it is a thought purely fanciful
but its better than living here in this world without feeling -- with out its Love
Word to me you're so healing-- gives me that feeling that keeps me reeling like no one on earth ever has
Lost in my pages left to secure and blanket me
I am comforted by your presence
but the correct combination of itself can be found
unlike the lips of the utterer...
Jul 21, 2010
Jul 21, 2010 at 7:59 AM UTC
My heart clicks repeatedly
a bike chain stuck between gears
I push hard against the pedals
they resist, then release
jerking my body down onto the frame.
The purple spots sting as my
fingertips softly graze the surrounding
puffs of white
They look a lot like how I imagine
the bruises you left would, although
those don't sting
they burn into my soul,
branding your name across
every inch
of every part of me:
my ears yearn to hear your
musical voice, my eyes to see your face
when your sapphire, diamond eyes
glowed brightly as you smiled at
something stupid that I said,
back when I could feel your love
coursing through my muscles, an
electric current sparking
something to life within me, I'm left
without a word to describe it.
Now, however, that spark has ignited into
unmanageable flames, eating all
that they touch, devouring my soul in
a storm of icy heat, filling
my lungs with ash and freezing everything
into an emotionless coma that
only your touch could break
Dec 16, 2014
Dec 16, 2014 at 8:26 PM UTC
(i will listen
to your bones
shatter when
you fall apart)
you don't deserve any of this,
and i don't want you to let go
i don't want you to let go but i
know that's out of my hands
you deserve milky ways
running through your veins
at night and black holes
swallowing up every
ounce of your sorrows
you deserve soft evenings
and quiet mornings holding
your ribcage together instead
of your too-skinny arms
you deserve an arm
always linked with yours,
taking you to somewhere
foreign and beautiful
but eternally yours
you deserve the tallest ferris
wheels shooting you into the
clouds for journeys to the
ever-mended hearts
you deserve feeling
worth something more than
mix tapes that need rewinding
or the unmanageable tangled
chains of forgotten
(i will listen
when words fail
and you forget
how to speak)
you deserve upside
down umbrellas carrying
you down the flowing rivers
of the most exhilarating
corners of the universe
you deserve to run
simply because you want to,
not because you feel like
you have no other choice
you deserve the will
to hold on even when shards
of glass pierce your lungs,
because the scars will
show your strength
you deserve endless ribbons
lacing through your heart
with the hope of tomorrow
morning or the next
you deserve to love
without exceptions or
limits and to dream of
disappearing into things
much bigger than yourself
you deserve all these things,
and i want them for you
i want them for you but i
know i can't give them to you
(i will listen
even when you
have nothing
to say to me)
Dec 30, 2011
Dec 30, 2011 at 10:48 PM UTC
Lost Soul, Not Searching
Looking for immediate relief
To cure you for the moment
Of your inner grief
Quick high, no time to cry
numb, false happiness takes over
Everything looks good
When you're climbing the white cliffs of Dover
Sadness hidden, mask protecting
Could be anyone inside
True identities gone for the moment
White blanket does so well to hide
Talk about the impossible
Everything seems so clear
no sign of darkness
only the light is near
Everything is achievable today
But what about tomorrow?
Start descending, blanket lifted
here comes the sorrow
The mask of reality hits
Starkness is a dampener
Mood sets in
Lost feeling returned, positivity is hampered
The possible now seems unachievable
This day now unmanageable
Light dims, darkness returns
Nothing seems obtainable
Not coping,
Once again choosing the direction of oblivion
Where all seems well
No one can tell
That internally you are struggling
Jan 20, 2011
Jan 20, 2011 at 11:59 AM UTC
You understand what suits you,
Choosing from tailors present or past,
Preferring not the uniform.
Whose robes to **** this trip?
Adding their layers to the shadow below.
Fashion a style, accordingly-
Another fearless, determined Oxford man
In a pink suit.
Style a fashion, apathetically-
A filthy, disheveled codger, trudging
From one unmanageable apartment to another,
Writing music in his mind, never hearing it,
Changing the world forever.
Or,
Owning only a pair of each-
Black shoes, tights, and tops,
And seventeen brightly colored scarves,
Wear your heart on your sleeve.
The most priceless accessory for spending
Retirement in Somalia with the children.
Being choosy in dress and shadows,
Remember seasons None too original,
Choose fear or love.
Suit yourself.
Sep 2, 2013
Sep 2, 2013 at 11:49 PM UTC
They say if you have to ask yourself then the answer is probably "yes"
There's such a fine line between normies and the cursed
Me? I've been on both sides
I can tell you that a heroine addict is an addict
I can tell you some people really are sick
But I still look at myself and just think "?"
My life isn't unmanageable
Sometimes I do drink too much
On occasion I do stupid things I regret in the morning
Mostly though, I'm okay
Then it happens...
A trigger
And I'm suddenly feeling out of control
My life becomes a drunken blur and I can't see clearly anymore
Then just as quickly as it started, it stops
Normie life resumes as if I had never gone away
But is it really stopping if a pattern is appearing?
If I am would I be able to admit it?
Maybe I've convinced myself to logically justify a problem
Maybe...
Or maybe I'm just young doing what young people do
Here I am back at square one again
The internal struggle that is me
Oct 18, 2016
Oct 18, 2016 at 4:47 AM UTC
You sat for my camera
just the once
in a Mediterranean garden.
It was a haven of green
above a sunned-blue bay.
Unplanned it was.
We’d eaten lunch,
watching butterflies
flicker-perch and hover.
You’d tied your hair with a scarf
to keep the midday heat from your head,
a sun that brought your freckles to the fore
on bare arms, on your golden cheek.
Then, for a little while,
you left your public self elsewhere,
and my zoomed lens travelled close
as a lover’s kiss before waking.
And as you gazed at the daisied grass
a gentleness and grace descended
on your sun-shadowed face.
I took two pictures, only two.
These portraits I’ve not kept
with other ‘snaps’,
but far apart; and possibly
close to the painter’s art
as I will ever get.
The portrait-call goes out.
I hesitate, I’m reticent, afraid
to share them with the public gaze.
They say so much, you see,
of what I know you now to be:
the woman I’m privileged
to touch, to hold dear and close
to this wholly unmanageable heart.
Oct 27, 2013
Oct 27, 2013 at 10:50 AM UTC
the vibe became unmanageable
I had to step outside
and when my tenseness was
met with motherly dark
the shouting became
muffled whispers
oh, beautiful night
you know not of
vanity or pride
or senseless need
to assert
intelligence
you just are,
as you have been:
immensely more
profound, than
all that we have been
or will do
it's as simple as that
I take a drag of
my cigarette & smoke
mixes with the
enlightened night air
& the mindless
shouting becomes song
Jan 27, 2015
Jan 27, 2015 at 1:11 AM UTC
your long eyelashes, closed for sleep
my rejected hand mingles in your strands of unmanageable hair
my slumbers spent next to you, meant as nothing more than a convenience
my back aches as I wake up from embracing you
thoughtlessly a bad habit
Sep 26, 2012
Sep 26, 2012 at 10:32 AM UTC
Depression
holds you with an iron grip;
one so unrelenting,
and so cold to the touch,
that it dulls even the warmest of feelings.
Depression
steals all joy from the moments,
you wish you could re-live,
because you never came
to fully appreciate the life you live.
Depression
tries to stop you,
from getting away,
from loving,
from smiling,
from living.
But Depression,
is not terminal,
is not unmanageable,
is not forever.
Depression
is something you can beat,
and your scars will forever be trophies;
a reminder of what you've survived.
Oct 10, 2012
Oct 10, 2012 at 11:01 PM UTC
To live so much inside
this unmanageable threat
follows me always
so much to hide, but
so much to share, so much to give,
but none will ever see.
Even when it may come out-
it is just to be ignored.
This burden sits forever in me,
with silent perseverance,
but why is it needed?
I am the secrets.
I am the hidden darkness,
I am loss.
Within my own.
There is so much held within.
It concaves over in lucrative paste
upon the equilibrium of time.
They pile up,
time grows on,
As do I, for now.
Jun 20, 2018
Jun 20, 2018 at 5:40 PM UTC
when do we lose our childlike enthusiasm?
where did we drop the need for fresh air and imagination
while picking up habits and challenges?
trees to climb
swings to grasp
sunrays to catch
when do we lose the ability to be oblivious?
when do we start to notice the dirt and stink
instead of the light and amusement?
how easily we are trained to despise
bugs, snow, ***** dishes and dusty living rooms.
things once enjoyed or unseen
attack the mind from immeasurable angles.
when does a sense of lost time begin?
where did we lose a sense of inner peace and simply being
in the panic of a lost day?
errands to run
houses to clean
lost sleep to find
when do we learn to draw the lines of priorities?
when do we start to feel exhaustion and ache
instead of exhilaration and glee?
how simple things turn complicated and unmanageable
cars, work, insurance quotes and bank statements.
things now necessary to progress
are dead weight with pounds of options.
when do we come to know bitter as more than a flavor?
when do we start to understand deep regret and sorrow
instead of apologies and accidents?
lovers to spite
tears to banish
mishaps to unravel
when do we decide to settle?
when do we lose the desire to dream and achieve
only to replace it with fear and mediocrity?
how suddenly our lives come to as good as it gets
the job, the house, the spouse.
things sought for reasons truly unknown
buried in twisted responsibilities.
weight to lose
wrinkles to remove
aging to face
When do we begin to grow old?
Mar 11, 2012
Mar 11, 2012 at 1:31 PM UTC
A marker for you
A sort of IOU
Unpaid debt grows
An unmanageable monster
A tumor of sorts
Pockets turned inside-out
Only ever empty
Barren and brazen
You, always hungry for more
Me, starving for your cause
Wanting
Wanton
Watching
Waiting
Too many a thieves in the night
Stealing
Stalking
Skulking
Snatching
I'm paid in full
*Too bad I lost my *** on a scam (or two)*
Dec 19, 2014
Dec 19, 2014 at 12:01 AM UTC
I see the body there
Their agonies all share
And express that they care
The death they could not bear
They curse the Air
Saying leaving is unfair
They feel that loss is a nightmare
They pray for God to repair
To cremate the body they prepare
They sympathize with the body's pair
To treat the body as God they dare
All hearts the sad scenes tear
Time to stay they generously spare
Such sympathy was very rare
This I can strongly declare
My pains were to all fall of hair
About my pitiable plight all were aware
O- Human beings- Please be beware
During my living you all gave a scare
Now love you kindly wear
Not knowing I went where
When I was available
I found living impossible
Though I was capable
My problems were incurable
The World was responsible
For making my life unmanageable
I was facing severe trouble
But the World was not helpfully reliable
For my downfall, World was liable
They made my life terrible
Though my condition was horrible
And I looked meek and pitiable
They found me to live unsuitable
My credentials were to them doubtable
My peace was just like that lootable
Though my malady was treatable
They made it appear formidable
In spite of my actions being laudable
They commented that I was insensible
After end, I am to all of them agreeable
O- Human beings- You are incorrigible.
M V VENKATARAMAN
Apr 27, 2010
Apr 27, 2010 at 3:13 AM UTC
February 1, 2014
11:42 PM
i really don’t know how much longer i can do this
you know, this whole ‘life’ thing
i’m barely living as it is
self-loathing day in and day out
i barely eat and when i do i just try to bring it back up
i rarely sleep and the only way my eyes can close
is when they’re swollen and puffy from the hysterical
tears i shed into my torn up pillow
i know for a fact that you can’t possibly
put up with me for much longer
one day you’ll be at the end of your rope
and you’ll use it to escape this
dysfunctional ‘life’ you’re sharing with me
so you don’t have to ever waste your time
thinking about me again
or ever have to waste your breath on me
to utter that three-worded lie:
"i love you"
i’m sorry for being me
i’m sorry for crying all the time
and for making you uncomfortable
with my constant tears and tantrums
i’m sorry for the scars on my arm that don’t fade
and for the mental ones in my mind that might not ever
i’m sorry for doing everything the wrong way
and i’m sorry you fell in love with me
you deserve a good life with a good woman
and you have neither with me in the picture
all i seem to be able to do is make you upset
or make you angry at yourself
please don’t hit yourself again, darling
i saw you that one time when you were in the shower
i know it’s hard being with me
but please don’t take it out on yourself
it’s my own fault i’m like this
and i don’t expect you to fix me
i’ve been broken far too many times
and for far too long
to ever be put back together again
i’m sorry for being difficult and unmanageable
but i can’t help but feel responsible for all your pain
i’m sorry i do this to you time and time again
i’m sorry i make you happy one day only to make you cry the next
i’m sorry i can’t be beautiful and happy like the other girls
i’m sorry for being sorry i know you hate that
i guess i just **** up so regularly that apologizing has become
the one (and only) thing i’m truly good at
Feb 10, 2014
Feb 10, 2014 at 11:34 PM UTC
*You unfold me to reveal my true colors
reality sets the ashen tone on tone
shades of Gray unmanageable
black purges from my soul
you try to color outside the lines
my pink underbelly turns steel cobalt
no purple mountains majestic views
sickly putrid green reeks the color of death
failed attempts cower in tinged yellow
no vibrant color palette here to uncover
you can't expose my soul and expect brilliance
you abruptly fold me back into abashed creases
still searching for the simple elegance
of an unfurled radiant rainbow*
Oct 23, 2013
Oct 23, 2013 at 2:44 PM UTC
if a came summer
(over the beaches
sweat
in ribbons
or rivulets
binding the sand
with *******
and ****
improbably
fleshy rumples
)
i'd be gladly giddy in its shall on me
its lazy hands on me
to draw me to it in
to it drawn a manacled surly
bead of magic
burning ***
on loose footing
the unreasonable grains
of sloughing seconds
I
came a summer
to
livid unmanageable moments
where myself and myself
used our stuff of soft and pink
to drizzle drugged blatant
skin on a beach somewhere i have been with you in the fall but then it was not so
like the hot testing nerve (the bar of crimson branding light) instead a pale and
frail limpet gruffly muscular light was all over it and it was cold and i pulled you
really in my arms stabbing the youth of you slender able promise of corded
elation hotly sudored morsels of.
Jul 6, 2011
Jul 6, 2011 at 11:52 AM UTC