You feel safe in the clear cut lines
Safe within your own confines
I say ***** your walls and categories
They're made of toothpicks and scary stories
Weak and fragile and able to burn
Fire leaves behind ash and something to learn
I am expansive, seeing through your limitations
Building your life along their implications
They're self-selected and system imposed
I can understand that it's all you've known
But you choose to stay tied to their ideas
Finding safety in avoiding all of your fears
They call people of color and trans kids the culprit
From within the cage that is your pulpit
You find danger in difference and seek to destroy
Instead of exploring the vastness of human joy
So afraid of the loss of your god's only love
You seek answers from those you consider above
You ask your priest how to tell your son one day
About the fact that your mom is in love and gay
So when your kids question gender as they get older
Will you tell them that I simply have a disorder?
No, first you'll have a meeting and ask the church
Before considering your heart as somewhere to search
And they'll tell you I'm ****** and our mom is as well
But you're the one trapped within your own living hell
Feb 16
Feb 16, 2026 at 6:07 PM UTC
We played hide and seek in the dark
But we didn't talk about shadows
We swam together in the pool
But speak only in the shallows
You told me not to do what you do
but to learn and do better
Now I call out the truth
but they like the silent me better
Go say I'm the broken one
because I talk about my feelings
But we all grew in the poison,
I'm just the one healing
Jul 24, 2025
Jul 24, 2025 at 1:17 PM UTC
My Inner Critic
I've misunderstood you far too long
I used to think you ginormous
But I see you're actually small.
You're not a beast I need to hide from
But a child I must protect
Your poisonous tongue was cursed to you
From years of abuse and neglect.
When you're scared, you can be scary
To get attention, you yell mean things
You bring something up over and over again
When you know that I'm not listening.
When I look, you're stuck and screaming
Like you felt and could never express
You see danger and no one will listen
I shut you down like all of the rest.
Sweet one, I'm sorry I ran from you
I misjudged your might and will
Now I've grown and understand better
No one ever taught you the skills.
Instead you learned to fear your big feelings
Because they made you bad and unloveable
But your feelings are valid and helpful to hold
You're on fire, but you're not combustible.
The rage that electrifies your skin
Makes sense and will not destroy you
We can redirect, run through it's end
Then, together, decide what to do.
You screamed that you wanted to die
But we dyed our hair instead
You wanted to take your own life
So we've taken it into our own hands.
Big feelings will always wash over us
I know sometimes that feels like too much
But now I'll listen and we can make choices
That won't harm either of us.
Jan 8, 2025
Jan 8, 2025 at 8:40 PM UTC
I know we don't talk now
And I understand why you hate me
I wish I could explain myself
And that you could have forgave me.
I know I was a terrible friend to you
Not there when you needed me most
What you didn't know made it seem
Like I just wanted you to go.
I know I agreed you should leave
That I didn't try harder to fix things
I wish I knew better back then
To stop the problems from happening.
We were close once before
And it was also really complicated
Metamores to best friends
Our past never too far away.
I wish we could laugh together
And share our stories of growth
I hope you're doing better now
And I wish I could know.
I should've apologized right away
When I texted you those years ago
I planned to if you talked to me
But I should've let you know.
I'm sorry for how I treated you
It was never about our friendship
Maybe one day I'll get to explain
The effects of my toxic partnership.
Dec 3, 2024
Dec 3, 2024 at 9:28 PM UTC
Can you really know me
If you don't know the darkness I've seen?
If you don't understand
Why it's so hard for me to sleep?
Or how I have to fight back tears
When I hear someone yelling?
Can you ever truly see me
If I don't show you what's behind me?
The childhood trauma boxed up neat
Until it spills across the floor of my insides
I keep the doors locked mostly
But locks don't prevent earthquakes
And sometimes, the ground shakes and
Frees memories to pool and suffocate
I've thought about speaking them but
Something inside says it's not bad enough
That no one will understand or see me
They'll just judge me as weak
"I'll give you something to cry about"
Hurled at a traumatized body
I don't want you to see me
Because you could call it sensitivity
And overlook the senseless violence
That comes with surveillance, intimidation
To share this pain is too risky
Because so much of it is crazy-making
I can take a punch no problem
It's the other stuff that broke me deeply
Expectations perfectionistic and unrealistic
Task repetition into sleep deprivation
Fear flooding my system so entirely
I chose to **** myself over interrupting her
Every week she made me grab the scale
No matter the result, I know I'll fail
If I gain weight then I'm lazy trash
A decrease? muscle weighs more than fat
And when she found out that I hated myself
She had the nerve to act confused
Asking if I know that I'm beautiful
Like I should love this body that could only lose.
She controlled everything
From how I wore my hair
To the clothes on my body.
Forced to speed walk around the park
I was so afraid of her and her rage
I never told her people made fun of me.
She made every decision
Not only what I ate
But how much too.
I'd learn to eat fast like she wanted
Trying to finish what she gave me
It didn't matter that it was too much.
Despite my attempts at compliance
I often threw up before I could finish
And she'd scream about that too.
In the mornings at home I'd wait in dread
To see who would come to get me
Whether my mother or she were driving.
With her, the entire ride home
I had to recite Everything I did at home
Starting over at any detail missed.
From snacks to bathroom breaks
Over and over I repeated and forgot
Never able to remember it all like she could.
Sometimes neighbors were concerned
Picking fights, they'd bring me up
With pride she'd say I'm just like her.
From love to hate she'd shift
Moods vacillating so fast
It'd give anyone whiplash.
Once a neighbor reported her for hitting me
But the police knew of neighborhood feuds
No one ever asked me about it.
I learned to move around silently
Rushing to get outside the house
Before she could wake up and yell at me.
She'd scream so close to my face
I'd be showered in her spit
Trying to stop the tears from betraying me.
I'd watch two grown adults fist fighting
Being threatened not to cry
And failing anyway.
A no phone rule meant forced isolation
When I brought my iPod in my backpack
She stole it and never gave it back.
School was solace in those weeks
And I'd try to lose myself in reading
Anything to escape experiencing reality.
Sometimes she sent me to sleep very early
Other nights she kept me up well into the morning
Redoing tasks until she deemed it done right.
Alone in bed at night
I'd stare into the glowing clock
Counting down my time
Consumed by shame
And the deepest desire to die.
So can you really know me if you never see
That this is the history that haunts me
In the face of insanity there is no winning
So what's the point of it being seen?
Jul 18, 2024
Jul 18, 2024 at 6:25 PM UTC
Sweet baby kitten
Veiled in black cat energy
I find home in your hazel eyes
As you share your soul with me
Wrapped into my arms
We fit together so perfectly
I'll hold you steady and safe
In our knot of sacred unity
Gentle forehead kisses
And laughing uncontrollably
I fall more in love with you
Building these sweet core memories
No thoughts are off limits
We've made safety a priority
Gay talks in blanket forts
Sharing our souls so vulnerably
Our connection is a precious gift
Grown from honor, trust, and empathy
You're all I never knew I needed
And I'll love you for all eternities
Jan 14, 2024
Jan 14, 2024 at 11:06 PM UTC
I'll kiss you until my lips are raw
Devotion and passion as if to god
I'll worship your body with every movement
And give you my soul like it's sacrament
Dec 27, 2023
Dec 27, 2023 at 12:58 PM UTC
Hallways of stone
My knees scrape against the cold lifeless floor
As condensation soaks into the fabric of my existence
I came looking for you and I found myself
Lost
Fallen before a door, densely metallic
No one in, no one out
There used to be light here once.
We could move through pathways freely
Tracing the space between our selves
Settling in one another with fluidity.
I am here alone now.
I write you letters often
Little invitations to return
Back to a place we used to be
Back when I could find you here
There was resistance then too
But you opened the door if I knocked enough
Fists pleading with steel gates
My hands are broken now
They were broken before but
Now
I stopped to bandage them
Do your walls have windows?
Can you still see me here?
Desperately craving connection
Hoping for a moment to see you
To feel your soul's energy again
For this hallway to hold life once more
Or am I invisible without the sound?
Without the pushing and fighting,
Do I cease to exist?
I know this isn't about me
Things are not that simplistic
But I thought
I taught you
How to love me
I tell you I feel disconnected
And you say You'll be fine
Right.
Ok.
I'm still here if you need anything
Still waiting in these damp halls
Alone with the hope of something more
Because I believe in you and in us
But I won't beg you to love me
Dec 22, 2023
Dec 22, 2023 at 11:35 AM UTC
I feel you fully, skin to skin
Begging my brain to let you in
To push past the chatter and fear I feel
So we can continue to build what feels so real
Underneath the panic and the ecstasy
Our souls blend together like alchemy
Your hazel eyes feel like pathways home
So familiar, though still trails unknown
My heart aches for yours in the in between
As my mind grasps desperately for what it means
And while this life will give us no certainty
I deeply believe in you and me
Dec 20, 2023
Dec 20, 2023 at 8:35 PM UTC
They call it "chemistry"
But it feels like much more to me
Everything else ceases to exist
So nothing but Us is relevant
Our souls found a secret place
A quiet piece of the universe's space
Somewhere to breathe and intertwine
Your energy dancing with mine
A place where people rarely meet
Yet we found ourselves so naturally
And maybe it's insanity
But you feel like magic to me
Dec 8, 2023
Dec 8, 2023 at 2:07 AM UTC