i fell in love with you today
the way you kind of rolled your r's
trying to sound more sophisticated
i think thats what did it
your voice was soft as my most favorite blanket
your laugh was sudden and mirthful
i could see your eyes
i could feel you curves
even when i told you about the 49.99
you just smiled with your words
making my fluttering heart drift slowly
to where it belongs
and then you said
"honey do we want to get dvr"
....
i know he isn't good enough for you

Have you ever had it
where your heart feels
like it's all swollen up
and it's pressing into your throat
causing you to choke
and your blood
feels more like maple syrup
and you just want to curl up and cry
because your life
is turning into another
Teenage love tragedy.

In tragedy I find comfort
It kills me to know inside you're dying
But I just need to know my feelings can still export

I'd live in pain and no breathing
Rather than being a numb, empty shell
I'll take forth all of this endless seething

Knowing I'm alive through emotion
Is much more desirable than being stale
Through every silent scream there's promotion

My lungs release lessened breathes
But it's all I have to my name
I refuse to erase this pain
It's all that will ever stay the same

Nobody respects a liar.

I just want to know if they chose, or just learned to cool down quicker than me.

Im not learning anything about

the riddles I gave myself years ago.

Cardboard sleeves and my truth explodes

When I fall like the last leaf.

What is one thing I have always been?

I have always been an apologist.

What else?

because everyone, you already know that.

I hate female vocalists. unless they sound like they cant stand themselves.

Unless they sound as disinterested in their own voice as I am in mine, I cant stand them.

I only respect female singers who play their own **** instruments.

And I will never have the guts to ask if you're wearing your heart on your sleeve

Or if it's just me and my wearing my heart as my sleeve.

Sometime ago I asked myself if I could see ahead, and I laughed, and hit my ****.

Ive suffered,

and Ive sang it off.

Even when I couldnt sing a note to save my pathetic life.

No one respects a liar.

im not a liar.

Im not different at all.

In fact, im exactly what I've been grown around.

Im half alive and I'm nothing but sacrifice and I feel worthy when my worth is measured in something else.


There is not one thing I can stand less than people who do not underdstand their own language.

for gods sake, it's they're, not there. it's here. not heir. it's i BEFORE e.

but im a hypocrite,

because half the time...most the time i dont capitalize any I's that i'm using to explain about myself.


i think it's because it's not worth the stretch to hit the shift bar.

for myself I'm lazy.

I have an eleven key hand span on the piano, and i cannot even type properly.

thats an octave and a half almost.

I was born to be a woman that pays her taxes and has a checking account.

And a four door sedan with two carseats.

And a ring around my finger, a two bedroom house and bedtime stories all over the bookshelves.

I want to teach my partner how to play the ukulele,

i want to show my children that faith is real,

even if god isnt.

I want a family that will have me for the rest of their lives,

through good or bad.

Through tradgedy, illness,

thinness, gain, loss, stress, sobriety,

through debt and through retirement.

I was made to give,

and I feel selfish for writing this.

Because its all about me.

I want to give myself to something.

I want to be the best fiance I can be.

I want to be the best student I can be.

The best daughter.

The best owner to my pets.

The best aunt, neice, cousin.

I want to the best wife

and mother I can be.







I'm not lying.

A mocking bird is a creature that mimics the sounds that its surroundings want to hear.
And you never did stop singing.
Every word that came out of my mouth reminded you of a song
And when you'd sing to me, everything would feel alright.
You became the soundtrack to my life.
You were the melody I  couldn't get off my mind and
We were the Love Story even Taylor Swift couldn't write.

We were like Bonnie and Clyde.
We lived by our own rules like partners in crime.

We had our own world.
Our own language.
Our own customes that nobody really understood
But we didn't give a flying **** 'cause we,
were sitting in the stars,

Like, on Pandora,
Only this little planet of ours
Took 167 months less to make.

I  hate how you still bring up those old traditions because now,
They only come under certain conditions.

Like, you used to kiss my palms to give me something to hold onto
But now,
They only come when you find yourself ashamed of the scares and the scars that you gave to me.
Only to turn the tables on me and act like I pressed self-inflicted wounds to your lips
And made you taste it.

That's all you.
So, don't go looking at me like I'm poison running through your veins.
Not when I remember a time when I was your fix.
You needed me.
You put that needle to your own arm, baby.

No relapse for us.
I went to rehab to get that song off my brain.
And I don't need your painkillers replacing me in your bloodstream,
Headed for what's left of your heart.

But all that strain is gonna tear the muscle tissue there apart, you know.

And all that numbness still won't explain why I thank you, though.

'Cause I didn't know how deep I could feel until you filled me
With a sea of my own tears.
I didn't know I could come so close to death
And feel that rush between each breath.
And I'm gonna use that gush of air to sing sonnets like a prayer to a God I don't believe in,
In hopes she won't see the playground bully
I see in you.

You switch sides like a game
Of Red Rover.
And when you sing, you change everything on me.
Tell me, how am I supposed to keep up?

How am I supposed to keep my chin up when you tell me to look down?
'Cause I know tomorrow,
You'll be coming around thinking it's okay
To be my best friend.

And still,
In a couple hours,
You'll be listening to our song again.

You don't need to say you still love me.
I can hear it as you purposely misinterpret the words that used to sound so lovely.

But if I'm wrong,
Explain how our song meant nothing.
Our words? Meant nothing.
Our dance? Meant nothing.
That our world meant nothing to you.

Tell me you didn't feel,
Something.

You were a melody I couldn't forget.
But now?
I regret ever learning the tune.

And I hear you singing louder than ever,
To remind me that you're fine. Well,
That's all fine and dandy.
But who told you I was prepared
For a love song
Turned tradgedy?

I'll admit it.
You got me.
I believed every word, but
You never kept a single promise to me,
Mocking Bird.

Where mans best friend is turned back into a wolf
someone's going to get bit.
oh the tragedy of some friendships
sailing backwards into dark ancient wilderness
where dogs are banned, deemed too wild,
too wild, to share the hearth of Man.

It's funny when you need someone to be free.
When the steering wheel isn't liberation,
when you spot smiles from your so-called friends,
and they only put you on pins and needles,
when every word you release must walk the tightrope of judgement,
as starving eyes wait on tradgedy.

It's hard to stay happy when your lover isn't around.
When all the guilt and high crimes circle like vultures,
when your distant relatives keep asking, "are you sure you're okay?"
When everyone paints you as bitter and self-loathing
because you want life to mean much less than this.

It's the memories tying us together.
"Soon" becomes the lifeline, the encourager.
Future prophecies of coffee, blankets, catnaps,
bad movies, and late night discussions subdue the hours.

So,
I'm sorry if I seem coarse.
I'm sorry if I seem vengeful.
But terrible thoughts abound,
when my freedom is away.

we're hidden
we hide and confide in our own mirror image
our own pride spies on lies that sorrow has woven
or is that also forbidden?
we can't feel or we'll be felt for
and feelings only feel fine when you don't cross the line
drawn with two left hands, because one left and one right is a sign
that you are alone in a room with everyone there
then time stops
and you feel
then it resumes
and you don't
it's quite simple really
the reality is when we really feel real reality, a feeling of love and tranquility, we feel it was only felt by
deep narrow slits in our brains love capacity, and it has the tenacity to wrap us in dreams that see
what we WISH we could see even if we see it right in front of us
it doesn't exist really
because reality only exists badly right?
"then reality struck" a saying stating tragedy struck
"it was like a dream" meaning memories were made and you relive them every night before sailing away
and never coming back to dock
but you wake up anyways
well I've dreamt tradgedy, and really had reality in my arms while sailing away
dreams are just reality with an emphasis on possibilty
and reality is just a dream that you never have to wish would actually happen
so i hope reality strikes tomorrow, and it isn't like a dream even though it seems that way

The sinking starts again in the pit of the stomach up to that empty heart of yours
So emotional and so attatched to possibilities of high hopes and expectations
Drowning in tears again in the darkness of your bedroom in the middle of springs moon
Blossoming with fears of losing everything in the palm of your hands
You had no chance at all because all the chances you had you threw away in daze of indecisiveness
All your insecurities flood in your bedroom as you get lost in your thoughts and forget all your promises
It was so sad, all those choices you made lead you strait to tradgedy
Both you and me,
I swear its both you and me
But your convinced that only bad things happen to you and little black rainclouds hover you in June
I'm not so sure you understand that process is only the beginning and maybe your choices are part of the magic of blind faith
So just escape to optimism

There were babies feedin on us.
There were tears crying on us.
Until we grew with ambitious hearts.
Until we changed with our young thoughts.
This was our true meditation for ideals.
This was our song.
We used to jump off fallen logs.
We used to land on soft soiled bark.
But we became confused
like a storm.
We tried to beljeved  that
our castle had alligators in the flood.
we dreamed we made out under fog
until we screamed for all the world
to know that our lives felt short.
We couldnt move.  
We were paraliyzed from all talks about life.
This was how we fought.
Tears against tears.
The  world looked fake.
How do we move away.
How can we struggle to find what is our way.
Im here waiting in  a sandy dessert.
My feet loose grip and I slip away again.
Forget about me
We must go on
Since we were never  statues for loves
frozen ponds.  The geese
the worlds worst tradgedy. And I realize were two
dead seas disagreeing.  From what we dreamed of the
Lies we once bought.  And cooked in posinous pots of hands
lifting lids in the rising steam.

Is it so hard to be honest?
I never knew. Did you
Ever even care for her,
Or maybe I was the lie.

Was I really just too hard to withstand?
The selfless girl must help,
Again being misused. Misread,
Misjudged, all she really wants is love.

You kissed with compassion,
Like she was the only one.
She knew better though,
Knowing it was all "in fun."

So what about the other,
The one you claim to be yours?
Is she truly important,
Or worth as much as the floors?

Did you lie to her, are you still to me?
You act like there's no tradgedy.
I see your destruction, I'm your victim of pain.
Lord help me not to say this in vain:

Is it her or is it me?
You filthy creature, hurting all
Gentle women. What did we do to you?
You're no man, just simply a fool.

We females aren't dumb,
Sentimental at best.
You're the rude, almost evil,
I don't know 'bout the rest.

Where the staples of our life are ripped out without a say
Where the horrors of the night persist to bleed into the day
Where our dreams are fractured instantly without time to prepare
And the things we never dreamed of turn into a waking nightmare

Tradgedy strikes indifferently, indiscriminately, without any limits see
My heart pours out to you and everyone within your family
The words which I am rhyming never will be quite enough
But the way you hold your head up's the epitome of tough.

I couldn't find a word which captures all the strength you have
But the pain inflicted on you would drive those without it mad.

Retain that strength, maintain that strength,
Constrain within the river banks
The flood of hurt, but most of all
Remain the man who stands so tall

When I don't think about the consequences
Of something I have said or done to another...
I try to think of why I felt anger or bitterness was the cause
Or if I felt like being ****** up that day.

I never like to see someone that I love in pain,
But here I go again and again.
It's like being stuck in a trainwreck
Where I can't look away and I can't get out.

Sooner or later, all the people I once called friends
Will separate and wither from my friendship tree
And the only one that I will have to blame for this tradgedy
Is the person with disdain for the human race that lives inside of me.

Like a rat in a cage eating the cheese that isn't filling
Like a Lion in the zoo, seeemingly content, but wishes he was back with his family.
Like the earth that is being destroyed by people just like us, without a second though.
I strive to be like the person that God created me to be.

So, now when I pass a stranger on the street that needs some help,
Or my friend that is constantly making the same mistake over and over..
I'll take out my hand and whisper in their ear-- always will I be here for you.
I'll take the power from the anger and bitterness, making it never again so true.

they were in the corner
of the library again this morning.
not here to look for books,
but just a quiet place to look,
deeply into to one another
with eyes smoked
and fingers blind
feeling, touching, questing,
reading familar nooks.
not caring of watchers,
seeking only each other
with silent need bordering
desperation.
they read each others bodies
history, philosophy, tradgedy both greek and modern.
they braile like ******, word,
verse, and chapter whole.
eyes feasting the depth of
others soul.
one final look, one lingering embrace  and they part
with shakespearean sorrow
they close the lovers book,
bereft,
until tommorrow.

That girl sitting there
Such a beautiful tradgedy
Her body a grave
Her mind a travesty
The memories that scream from the deep
The nights she stays awake when she should be asleep
A fine example of anorexia at its finest
Anorexia, thin and spineless
A ghost pushing on
No one questions what went wrong
A disaster barely alive
Her eating disorder began to strive
Pained by her surroundings
Few could see her drowning
Trying to stay afloat each day
Few questioned if she was okay
She was very much alone
'Til the day she was simply bones.

If the sun set everyday
So that the moon could breathe
Then their love story
Would be a tradgedy

But what if
The sun set everyday
So that the moon could shine
And everyone could see its beauty
Just as the sun did

i resolve to: understand me,understand you, understand us. each year is a short story, a comedy, a tradgedy, a magical experience. let us not mutate into tragic beings and hold despair in our hands, rather let us morph into the guiding lite that is in our souls and feel the joy in ours eyes and the warmth of our smiles for all mankind to see.

Why do I bother

I go on this chat site
Everyone has a profile
With their interests, etc.

I try to engage women
And ask about their lives
They don't seem to care that much
Or want to have a conversation

I would go out and try to meet someone
But I have no money

Despite all my education
I can't find a decent job in California

So I sit at home in front of my computer
At 9:52 pm
Alone again

I guess I will watch Youtube videos
On world war II
Youtube is always there for me

Life is so sad
Some kind of tradgedy
I am a really good person

I have barely any friends
I guess I will go to the gym in a while
Run a few miles

For love without passion, will only result into tradgedy.

Sadness sometimes over runs me.
I find tradgedy in truth.
My past is scattered ashes.
Do you have a clue
What does that matter dude.

I rose when in defeat.
I smoke and go to sleep..
My beauty hides.
So deep inside. I know the oceans deep..
Enormous like a storm above.
That torments the sea.

My parents loved me always.
No not a perfect home.
We had dysfunction chaos.
Drugs pain. Yes some of those.
I started smoking dope.
To cope at twelve years old.
My body was an alien.
Maybe that's what
Made me crazy made me gag and choke.

I have two little kids.
Yes I'm the proudest father.
But I came out as transgender.
Last December.
And had to tell my daughter.
Her dads becoming mommy.
I've went through nothing harder

I've been in psych asylum
So many times who's counting.
Upto 15. Times and I'm
Olanzapine. and ******.
When in a minor tantrum.
Self harm
Slit my arms so wide.
beyond this
size of bandage.
And time does damage.
My last relationship was based on *******.
Bi ****** havoc.
Guy guy girl sandwich.

At nine
Kissing tongue in throat
Playing truth or dare
*** if you didn't
All the cool girls
knew you were scared.

So many times I cried.
And wondered who was there.
An emotion to exclusive.
To be given up to you and shared.
So I kept pretending to like girls
Yeah its fine if it's in truth or dare.
All the while
Tightening around my throat.
And truly scared
Like a noose was there.

Moved away at 17.
Spent some time in Manitoba.
Got beat down so ******* hard
One night.
Thought I would end up in a coma.
Now im 30 years old.
And mostly hoping for a moment.
I can. Be open. To exposure.
Captivate your heart.
And calm the stormy ocean
That torments your emotions.

Never once had friends
New essentials.
Now I cant ever leave em.
Pretend. Were valkyries.
With discipline from heavens..
Benevolent. And ****.
Reese. I love your head.
You so beautiful.
Not knowing. How your worth.
Was priceless. To your death n
Lyssa. Your not shy.
Your eyes are weapons.
Lacey. Your a graceful song.
Chaotic. Mess. But your the best.
Never forget. Shiina.
Your my  queenie.
Need my genie. To grant you every good event. To bring you men.
That you never woulda met.
And hold your head.
In heavens blessings
Ebony. Your a wedding dress.
So silky. And well kept.
Though your parents.
Thought you were best kept.
In the attic. Till you managed.
To evict. The past.
And see the fabric. Bless your chest.
I'm jealous of your *******
Never shame your body.
Your intoxicating to the senses
You **** vixens.
Were so delicious. Ain't it ****.
When you asking him.
For filling your night.
With passion.
Not to pack it full of filler
Like lays packages chips
In plastic *****.
Asking jackylyn.
How come her body is amazing.
But shedont see it.
Crime observed.
No rcmp. To write a ticket.
*** shes to fine. And doesn't
Act it. It's a tradgedy.
She wrote the book on hotness
**** that snot a compliment
She wrote the ******* manuscript
Than next is hailey Kastendieck
Shes the best. Not coming second
To anyone. Shes the angel
In a whiskey glass.
And the shades you need.
To keep a candle lit.
When its pitch blackness.
In the world with out her
Heart to illuminate the path of sanity
Amidst the madness grips...
And sha. Is my badest *****.
I pray she knows. I never hated
For a second.
Shes my reckless. *****.
Her husband's going to need an army.
To break that mustang.
Fore he saddles it...
Shes the gravity. Between. The planets
Her madness is my habitat.
Steven is my man. I wanted bad ****
But never imagined.
He'd be rapped up in so much bad ****
That I'd feel like I couldn't help
Him brings me sadness.
Tyler my little native gangster.
Hope the Angel's make him practice.
Loving within himself.
Till he fades away his vision from the blackness.
And Ricky and jack jack.
Hope you goofs.
Find proof your awesome
In the memories you gotta leave
In bags.
R.i.p. your futures brighter.
And this vacuums cordless and its bagless
**** up all the good ****
Love you all. I prolly forgot
About a million souls I love on this planet.
In a hospital for mental health
But my diagnosis bad *****

you can give your whole heart out to people.
and they destroy you.
walk all over it.
it's useless to them.
and walk away from the disaster that you are now. hurt. betrayed. alone.
hiding behind a mask but only for so long.
the tears come down bc you can't hold them in anymore.
you can't be strong.
can no longer hold on.
to anything but reality. & that's not really living
so many disgusting people in this world
so few i keep in my circle
well really just two
that's less than a few
karma comes around
& seeks the truth
so i'll worry about me
& i'll let things be
here's another poem
bc of a tradgedy.

Her poems are watered down lemonade.
But her maturity is gravity
Her tAlent for obsession
Is relentless in her savagery
But she doesn't come with bAtteries.
Shes actually. The best thing
Ever happening
And it's no exaggeration
I could cry to see her face
When I'm alone.
Its ******* maddening
She can actually flirt naturally
And theres no
Doubt shesliving happily
So **** the man that has to keep
His **** to feed his family...
Be the husband to a wife
Who likes to keep him. Without sanity
I needmy body to match
My Insides. Or lose my life
By my own hands. And never know
Of happpiness. Truth. Desire
And passion in a tradgedy

Massacre of Pasadena
Task force set to operative
***** in the cleaners still
And changing is a promise kid.
Positive in cop of talk
I wasn't always positive.
Times at heart I felt so dark
I didn't really wanna live...
But demons in my closet weren't worth feeding even crumbs
When I discovered God exists
Who could I be wrong again
Rather being. Toxic secretive
And closeted
Alright ill find an accomplishment
Worth acknowledging and
Model it...

Swallow hard and solve it quick.
Possibility like God could
Skyrocket me on rocket ships.
I have no cleaning left in the closet
But im seeing bleach bottles
Wash up. In my dreams
From over polishing....
Like street fighter. Did in karate kid.
Or was that mister wax on
Brazilian landing strip
Watch and see if
Vince mc Mahon.
Is raw enough to handle it...

Candles light a manuscript
That reads no amateurs
Enter here its hazardous
And tinder is the mantle piece...
That is dipped in carcinogens
And fumes are cancerous...
Fine laugh at me
You'll choke on **** a real tradgedy
Like cigarettes hard drugs
And naked sun tan
Meets deeper heated versus of reality
Its bad to sun tan
In the sand you'll burn your feet
And get tan lines on your masterpiece
Peace love *** for weeks
Unless you got them banook cheeks
Your still hot like ******* banook grease.
Hope my native women ain't mad at me