I've been awake all night
Can't seem to fall asleep
This time, without any methamphetamine

It feels weird - out of the ordinary
Especially after sleeping two full days - in recovery

My gf said my pupils look big
I guess she's doubting my intake too
But not to blame her - I probably would have too

I have so much going through my head
So grateful for many things and friends
My gf and my family above all rest
Except my son, ofcourse - he's forever my No1 and More!

I have a troubled mind
Don't think it entails me this time though..
Its my inner being
That cares so much for the weak...

I know I help where I possibly can
Lucky for me - I have a very understanding and supportive group
But all the worlds troubles,
Are causing me sleepless nights it seems

Food, we can supply for those in need
Stationary for the poor, is no problem either..
But what about the precious jewels - that end up suicidle?

I had training in this field
Got a certificate to prove it too!
But what use is it - if I don't really know what to do??

She's a very dear friend of mine
Very close to my heart
Unconditional friendship love
I see the hurt in her eyes!!

Maybe if I stay awake a little bit longer
Think about the situation a little bit more thorough..
Maybe the answers will find my restless soul!

If only God could write it on my cupboard door!!

I am really tired
And need my beauty sleep
My son will need all of me very soon..

But yet - I think..

Maybe if I stay awake a little bit longer
Think about the situation a little bit more thorough..
Maybe the answers will find my restless soul!

Still hopefully staring at my cupboard door..

I always find a way to help those in need..
Its second nature and easy for me..
But the ones who need my help the most..
Seem to catch me at my weakest -
I'm no good with cancer or disease nor **** addicts neither?! :'(

But I won't give up on either
I refuse to let them go
I know I will find the strength somewhere
And let them know - They will never be alone!
Even if my words and actions fail them - my mind or heart never strays...

So...

Maybe if I stay awake a little bit longer
Think about the situation a little bit more through..
Maybe the answers will find my restless soul!

I love her but she wants to video "him" i dont know what hes told her or what they have done or talked about. im doing everything to get her love and trust back. she says i have the giggest part of her heart but she still talks to him. it hurts me to see her do anything with him. I hurt her and i regret it amd she was going to go suicidle amd i tried to talk to her to get her back to tthe way she was but she pushed me away from it and he "saved her" i tried and she doesnt see it but it runs through my mind that i have tje biggest part of her heart yet she doesnt want me back (not yet anyway) i just hope that shes going to come back to me soon. if not then **** me i cant imagine life without her in it. i just wish she would get some sense and just ditch him for good hes no good for her and we all try to tell her but she doesnt listen. i hope all she wants is to be friends with him and thats it cause if her heart mostly belongs to me he shouldnt even matter that much. so if she doesnt accept my appoligies and doesnt get back with me just end me cause i be in hell and torment till the day i die all alone.

i dont know the feeling
when i get all itched up on the inside
maybe im just looking for a place to destress
even if all the feelings are making me hopeless

no, i dont mean to sound suicidle
tho my hand holds the knife that's nearly left with all blood puddle
but i tend to understand
in what this might be

will this ever just pass like the month of october
or when september ends never leaving
a decent address to what it was left
hanging on a cliff
when both ends meet in the air
like a high five left in despair?