"sterilized" poems
quandering, pondering
and whiskey has become
first and only desk liquor. now
digressing to the Blue Eyed
beauty writ of this the final
page of notebook. and now,
reflecting on this early hour.
an hour when the goat's
head stares thru to soul
with always lifeless eyes. stares
thru this soul with lack of
energy, with entire days'
lack of consumption. and with
ease this one has been long
and gone in falsified attraction
of angelfaced Blue Eyed
matriarch; this one patriarch.
thought entirely conceived. contrac-
epted by reality of situation. by
reality in general sense, yet words
spew unfiltered with lingering hope
behind slanted smile. shying stares,
all the while watching from eyes'
corners. voices of all but her's
fall deaf; vessels otherwise mute to
concerns not of the Blue Eye's. and
here this one finds self lost to rom-
anticized thoughts knowing they can
be found sterilized via logic.
contradicting always, yet
no brass holding finger locked to
joint. and realizations of actual
place spears forehead; spears fore-
brain. disrupting what is preconceived
concerning entangled souls. hair falling
aside temples. point of restraint, this
one must end before depression catches
hold; this one calling abrupt ending.
Nov 24, 2013
Nov 24, 2013 at 11:22 PM UTC
There is a harsh beauty in mathematics.
Under curves and over slopes,
Equations rise and fall endlessly
In a perfectly measured void.
Optimized, rationalized, sterilized;
Formulas that never lie,
Theorems looming before us
Like an archaic God,
A golden deity whose
Volume is maximized.
How I dream of drifting in this flux,
Concave up and concave down,
Riding the sign of my second derivative
For positive and negative,
For better and worse.
I would not travel alone;
With C by my side,
Friend, ally, brother,
Always paired with my antiderivative,
For whenever we journey back
Into the past, it is necessary
To have a companion to pull us out again
In case we are unsure of where we started.
Rules and laws
Strict organization, control;
There is a harsh beauty in mathematics.
Order; two plus two is always four.
Sines and cosines and theta
All dancing in the unit circle of life,
A conga line that joins itself
To form a mathematical ouroboros.
But the harshest of the harsh beauties
Presented in this Divine Subject
Is that though there is an infinite capacity
For positivity and growth,
So too is there the possibility of stretching
Endlessly towards negativity forever.
However, it is much more terrifying
To lie in the middle;
To be undefined, unknowable, and to add
Or subtract to no effect;
The most fear inducing, mysterious, and gorgeous number
Of zero; nothing yet something,
Infinite yet not,
The most grand of all contradictions.
A hole; a jump; a discontinuity,
Easily removed from life and smoothed out
If you just apply the formulas.
Graphs and coordinates, integers and ordered pairs,
Is that not what life is?
We live within the grandest equation,
Each our own variable,
Constantly solving for ourselves
With the harsh beauties of mathematics.
Jun 2, 2013
Jun 2, 2013 at 10:27 PM UTC
If you want to make a profit
(and the morality is grey)
Dehumanize the victim
and you'll be well on your way.
In a country that's divided,
and declining by the hour.
Your sins will be forgiven
by the Autocrats in power.
As, once upon a time,
in our then divided land
Slavery was acceptable
because a black was not a man.
Then black people were possessions
and very few were free.
They knew the lash, they knew the rod,
They knew not dignity.
Now fetuses are parasites-
not considered human beings
Abortion is big business
the cash cow of their dreams
Fifty million have been murdered
with no end on the horizon.
****** it appears, is acceptable
as long as it's not you dying.)
Someday you'll be old and gray-
and have an awful cough
Please don't be surprised or shocked
if they opt to write you off.
The weak and the disabled,
those feeble minded or not spry
can blame our liberality
when it comes their turn to die.
Eighty years its been since
Adolf ****** rose to power
Little children sang his praises too-
and darkness had it's hour.
Note:Nazi eugenics were **** Germany's racially based social policies that placed the improvement of the Aryan race through eugenics at the center of Nazis ideology. Those humans were targeted who were identified as "life unworthy of life" (German: Lebensunwertes Leben), including but not limited to the criminal, degenerate, dissident, feeble-minded, homosexual, idle, insane, and the weak, for elimination from the chain of heredity. More than 400,000 people were sterilized against their will, while 70,000 were killed under Action T4, a "euthanasia" program.[1][2]
(They will call it choice until the choice is there's alone)
Funny but many will call me a reactionary racist for my position against abortion but there have been millions of black Americans aborted, just as planned parenthood's founder intended.I would not make all abortions illegal as I believe that I shouldn't legislate morality. I think they should be rare, legal and safe.
Jul 1, 2013
Jul 1, 2013 at 9:02 PM UTC
Fear shuddered heart
beating 266 times a minute
finding comfort on the bathroom floor
in puddles of rose tinted water
Rushing the "best" times of my life
just to find peace
to escape the names resulting from disappointment and anger
please
don't do this just because of a level of seniority
understand
in the literally meaning
walk in these broken in converse
and pass a day in this plaid catholic school skirt
or walk barefoot on gray gravel rocks
under guest room bed sheets
suffocating
spend your time in silver lining rooms
under sterilized lights
sleep in little green pill bottles
then be blamed for swallowing them wrong
Oct 24, 2014
Oct 24, 2014 at 9:51 AM UTC
When a rose bud is born... It slowly raises it's head...
Like wise was my tiny baby s sleeping closed eyes.. deep in sleep..
The stark deep red rose bud comes out of the green...
The same was the brightness of my son... Spotless, shining, serene..
The bud blooms,
That bright, glowing, strong petals
Likewise was the skin of my son... Like a shining sun..
But alas we love the young buds a far too much
We cut it and put in in vase
I am here staring at a bud like that in a hospital,
From behind the glass wall I am staring both.... I am reading innocence of both...
In NICU, my son is sleeping, lost in between the pipes which is giving him life,
The bud too in the vase thinking of it's mother...yearning to be in arms of it's mother..
The *** that holds it's mother out side.. Is also waiting for it to return...maybe!!
May be scared to bloom another bud....
The pain of losing is thr for both of us...
To loose is easy
To live in uncertainty is not...
How does a new born baby feel...I know not...
How to satisfy day old baby s hunger ....I know not..
How is a 6th day* celebration done I know not...
How does it feel to bathe a new born...I know not...
What I know though
Is that my new born is sleeping in NICU
I have been staring him from glass for past one month
I will wear clean, sterilized clothes am ushered to be near him..
For few seconds... Once in 24 hrs... My maternal love becomes alive...
Though I go near him, cameras are thr, I cannot touch him, I can feel his breathing..I can see him sleeping...
My hands behind..
Face covered with mask..
I gaze at him with blurred eyes,
I give him love of both his dad* and myself...
Just for that moment...
Both of us again stand behind that glass wall
We show our son to all those who pass by
We hide our tears behind our smiles..
We stand again in wait thr...
When I took my month old baby in my arms for first time....
He is still the same, he looks still the same...
How are these wonders of universe, the creators..
How can a colorful life become color-less..
Each day, each moment some where a new bud is born..
A new creation everyday...
Sparkle in Wisdom
Jun 18, 2018
Jun 18, 2018 at 6:27 AM UTC
That was a red-banded paper
Itching to reclaim original state
Of un-sweet bagasse and bamboo
With surely no musical possibility.
Lonely were our drooping eyelids
Behind the vacuous leg’l scroll.
Some faded white trousers stated
Black legal existence nd’ bow tie.
Our sleep-together of fearsome nights
Leapt out of the window cat-silent
Into the sterilized portals of wordy law.
Our mummified before was not this.
Our after-thoughts slowly cauterized us
As we waited for the black decision.
Nov 1, 2010
Nov 1, 2010 at 4:48 PM UTC
Convent detour
Covenant deviance
Context raconteur
Sterilized meat threads
Over deviled straight legs
Sharks breath beast head
Maximize....
Left alone - best unsaid
maybe off better spread
way out
O--- Rrr - way dead
Casually
concave bird chest,
shock waved cheap threats,
threadbare leaflets,
Modern day
Old hex
Big space and cavity baking ovens full of clutter extended hand and logic tempest temporarily teetered toward a soft chair and ice cold vanity savaged manually...
Or,
Womanually,
for that matter
Sep 4, 2013
Sep 4, 2013 at 11:41 AM UTC
*Serenity Echoing In Reverse,
Stagnant Resolutions Choking Her Universe,
Submerging Her Dreams Into A Sterilized Verse.
Sedated In Perpetual Twilights,
Mechanical Love & ****** Satellites,
She Whispers Essences Of Kryptonite.
Victim To A Perpetual Reaction,
She Transforms Into A Violet Abstraction,
Echoing Prismatic Deflections.
Technician To Her Own Serenades,
She Embraces Her Heartache Blockades,
Overdosing On Intoxicating Escapades.
Evoking Constellations Of His Ionized Memories,
She Overdoses On Comatose Reveries,
And Spectral Illusions Of Synthetic Stories.
Amplifications So Sacred & Profane,
Simulations Raving Into Codependent Stains,
Fragmentations Entranced In Her Bulletproof Frames.
Cherub Starlight & Everlasting Gaze,
Transitions Fusing Into Astral Maze,
The Essence Of Ecstasy Of His Sentiments Sways.*
- 04:27AM
Mar 11, 2017
Mar 11, 2017 at 5:57 PM UTC
there must have been
a gas leak
or some drug in my drink
I think
but nothing comes to me
what shall I do all day?
gawky morbidity; decay
on this sticky hot sofa
an idiot sits like a rock
blocked and sterilized
I just can't seem to figure it
'move one leg,
at a time'
but it's like I'm laying on a big gob
of pink bubblegum
and I've nowhere to run
the cushions, the cushions
comfy & yet
closing in on me
what the hell,
am I crazy?
May 18, 2012
May 18, 2012 at 10:05 PM UTC
*Iridescent Charms & Atomic Raves,
Raptured Revelations In Her Bulletproof Grave,
Impassive Frequencies Of Her Reflections Engraved.
Ionic Ribbons Of Her Artistic Trance,
Neon Contrasts In Her Stellar Stance,
Starry-Eyed Rhapsody In Her Censored Glance,
Vaporized Fractals Draped In Her Past,
Crystallized Specters Sterilized To Last,
Perpetual Panic Triggering A Blast,
Sedated Phantasms In Her Paralyzed Voice,
Isolated Collisions & Distressed Noise,
Overrated Memoirs Of Her Tainted Reprise,
Liquid Shadows In Her Moonlit Dreams,
Theatrical Schemes To Her Grand Regime,
Enigmatic Queen Of Turbulent Screams,
Shipwrecked Effigy Resonating Duality,
Overtuned Spirits Illuminating Reality,
Metaphysical Anniversary Of Her Romantic Fatality.
- 04:28AM -*
Mar 15, 2017
Mar 15, 2017 at 7:03 PM UTC
when our metal collided,
forming a beautiful mess of flames and exchanged paint,
they dragged my unrecognizable hunk of meat,
fire still dancing on my skin,
to a blinding, sterilized building smelling of alcohol and copper
usually reserved for bullets in the chest and praying mothers.
they pricked my arms and legs and chest and everywhere in between.
never was there a moment
where cool palms were not smoothing down
the few strands of hair still attached to my scalp.
howls never failed to fill the night-
every night-
and my father joined the wolf pack
once they whispered
"we have some bad news."
their methods had failed to see my body perfect again.
but what they didn't know
is that instead of dripping recycled blood
down the tubes jammed in the holes decorating my skin,
they should have poured words
in to my running river veins.
Dec 3, 2014
Dec 3, 2014 at 4:45 PM UTC
I am ready
I disobey the god's revival
And trash the odds of my survival
Unlike my mother, and her mother before her,
I refuse to dabble in caution craft forevermore
Second sight seductive suasion
My vaulting vision sans precision
Harlot harbinger I am of endless happenstance
Sterilized with indecision
C'mon, baby-bomb, take a chance
I am ready, now,
To throw everything here away
It's all just trash and trials treacherous
Earlier today
I had a fever dream--
Of waking in another place
The sun fracturing the skin on my face
(But still I laugh to dance blind
And kiss the cyan sky)
I dream
Of the tandem-lipped tides that vie to taste me
Wet finger fringes ******* at my toes displace me
Rising up to bring me down
(Almost makes me want to drown)
...but here my bubble won't burst
Here it freezes first and dies of thirst
And so I am ready
To dance dollars out of rich Japanese businessmen
For paradise I can translate all their yen
It doesn't matter
If I slither for our supper
Or whether we sleep indoors tonight
Islands wild with abandon
We could be living radical and random
We could be living freezer-burn free
An outbound invite to jaded shade
This golden opportunity
(Hourglass sands swallowed by the sea)
The spiders of the rainforest are calling creepy
And queer, sustain and dim to disappear
Echoes of whispers from the ancient banyan tree
Calling me....
Nov 12, 2011
Nov 12, 2011 at 9:25 PM UTC
Tomorrow morning, I will be your
ghost again
breathing salt into the
wounds God left you healing.
Refection of
a flame that gives mist
and winglets paling, I have
arms that give night to girls
I have saliva that rises any deadman.
Solstice, when do
the dawns stop chilling? When
does warmth grow?
Winter has had enough,
checking into a glass motel room:
break the floor
and call on a waitress to pick
it back up.
I watch you sterilized
perceived the tip of the iceburg
like a gift –
you must be leaving, sir, and
get better once again.
before God pulls you in
white’s chilly, and the morning is.
Nov 21, 2012
Nov 21, 2012 at 1:41 PM UTC
*trust is better left out in the cold
when temperature changes unfurl
tend to excel when your back is turned
silence is titanium in the voice of
those who claim to be your friend
let the foe in them be debased
their tongues sterilized for contamination*
Dec 12, 2013
Dec 12, 2013 at 4:14 AM UTC
difficulty strikes
and you run
turning tail
sailing away
far away
far away
no words could sway
your inner pain
support dismissed
kissed goodbye
hurt not yet realized
outer shell sterilized
showered in luxuries
surely you will someday realize
that little girl u beat
would grow up with inner heat
this heat would grow
growing never fading
the father who was never present
fueling that heat
are you honestly shocked I chose her over you?
she may be a *****
but she would never ditch
leaving because of disagreements
always staying
supporting
punishing
training
for the future
finer things not present
and not important
struggling but staying
you gave up the right
and the sight
of that scared little girl
growing into a young woman
oh! you think the way im being raised is wrong?
that's ok!
you have no say
she's doing a bad job is she!?
like you could have done better?
ha! that's funny!
you fail to realize I have changed
and you are to blame
that shy sweet girl is gone
never to return
ashes long since burned
makes your stomach churn
missing all these milestones
but you were absent
it may have been a god sent
that anger never present
personality never suppressed
all because of your issues
pregnant by 16 you say?
im smarter than you think
freedom doesn't equate to mistake
why make this complaint?
as if you cared
did guilt rear its face?
its about time you showed humanity
worry less about vanity
its harmful to your sanity
wishing for clarity
your absence not forgotten
used to strengthen
you were absent
u don't even realize
you will struggle worse that I
I have few memories of you
you will miss me
its not my fault you ran like a *****
Dec 14, 2013
Dec 14, 2013 at 8:21 PM UTC
I've found a sharp rock
Would you like to see me
Sheer away the nerve endings
I saw a thousand scars upon your wrist
Your hesitation is unbecoming
Much too shallow to hit the main line
And finally find your way home
I collect no pain
I keep it in a jar
Sterilized
and I
lay upon your shoulders
My hide in one piece
Camoflauge to rob the bank
With my face over yours
You may
Enter hell as a king
Or enter heaven as a sore filled Lazarus
Look at me
In the eyes
They are naked
A heart beats in my thorax
But you shine a torch down my throat
Just be sure
So tell me the secret stories of your heart now
I am curios of the dark recesses of your soul
I have torn mine
Root and all from its placement
With it I was rebuilt
Brand new
Taj Mahal
Look upon my architecture
Quite spinal?
Gaze long upon it
Do not forget
**** thoughts
Intricate in placement
Poetry
Jul 6, 2013
Jul 6, 2013 at 2:33 PM UTC
Sterilized
Bleached-bone island head
I was transfixed by him
This man who
Looked me in the soul and
And knew it all
This man who stood tall
Clean-cut / a broad salt statue
Mom always told me to
Be skeptical of men who said they knew it all
But this man I loved I loved I loved
He was judas minus heresy
Stained glass saint man
I loved I loved I loved him
My mind mix / Myself
And who I saw in him what I thought I could be
Gutters in his face
Made for the tears he wept
For everyone else.
I think it was those tears
That magnetized
Hypnotized & electrified
Every un-part of me
Oct 8, 2012
Oct 8, 2012 at 8:29 PM UTC
All time is sterilized,
all projects, all properties, under surveillance.
The queer has been coded,
its skeleton's in print.
Lust of sheep, quenched,
minds of insects, diseased,
the weird all shamble in place.
But they cannot enter this space,
where my ebony spider waits,
and they cannot measure my eyes,
they cannot find my serpentine dreams
that slither, shedding skins upon this wasteland's soil.
We never were a revolution,
we were simply idiots with the wind,
psychosis of the witch,
death of the gods,
we are where Pisces pours its sweet poison,
where Aries gives way to the flesh,
dropping us where the maggots fall,
where the maggots get it on...
And they cannot put me to sleep,
nor can they lie to me,
and they cannot measure my eyes,
they cannot show me where beauty lies,
my heart's pathway...
Feb 15, 2014
Feb 15, 2014 at 10:16 AM UTC
I guess,
The world that burst forth
From my tender red womb
Is maniacally clawing
To get back inside,
Now,
Or am I pulling it by
It's tangled hairs?
Afterall,
I am flustered
With it wrenching
The brush from my hand,
Each time I reach out
To unravel the mess
It's made,
(Or, I made?)
Either way,
I'll let bygones be bygones,
Even if it means
Being carried away -
Lost in sterilized hair strands,
Sleeping wordlessly,
Amid
Insanely white teeth.
Aug 2, 2011
Aug 2, 2011 at 8:50 PM UTC
I went into the garage
sat down at the workbench
laid out a clean sheet of Tyvek
and sterilized the long steel probe.
This wasn’t a snap decision;
I did months of research
got some tips from an ER nurse friend
knew the risk
but could not live this way anymore.
Numbed my right eye with ophthalmic anaesthetic
leaned over the mirror
and slowly pushed the needle
into the socket beside my nose.
It didn’t hurt
just pressure
like the blogs had said
and then
The world exploded in yellow stars
Feb 18, 2013
Feb 18, 2013 at 11:00 AM UTC
A speckle of light in the dark
a thought, or is it a feeling?
I approach it cautiously,
protective gloves, sterilized tweezers, chemical test kits
Douse the specimen in iodine, apply indicators,
flatten, view under a microscope, put the images through filters,
Compare and contrast with previous samples.
I strain myself to determine its nature most accurately.
Is this feeling irrational?
Maybe justified, yet exaggerated?
Or real, true, pure...
I can't tell.
I bend, I break, I wring what's left of my mind dry
but these methods are proven insufficient.
no way to differentiate
I take off the gloves.
ELIMINATE
So there's nothing in the way
THEM
As I crush their wriggling bodies between my fingers.
ALL
All I do is turn life to dead silence
It's safe after all. unchanging, stable.
Pure black feels almost soft.
Nothing but void. Just this.
So simple.
Sane.
but next time, I'll try again,
there must be
A different way
Nov 9, 2017
Nov 9, 2017 at 5:48 PM UTC
I was in a real bad place this time last year.
I felt *****
all the time.
And all I wanted was to be with someone
who could make me feel even worse.
So I threw myself over people that could make me
feel a little right and hell of a lot wrong.
I poisoned the revival that was my passioned split,
and I kept binding myself to nights that had
no definite ending and put me in spacey places,
tripped me back to the things I wanted to forget,
always winding up in a grass bed with a body
that wouldn't recognize me in the sunlight but felt good.
Good in the way that made me feel wrecked,
empty, wretched, and sterilized
like a bad blood wound.
I was in a real bad place and I want you to know you put me there.
Not because I want you to feel guilty, not because its my own
sick revenge on the things you tore within me.
But I want you to know because I'm trying to explain to you,
why it is I did those things and I why it is I couldn't talk to you
when you begged me for answers, or for reasons, or if I was okay.
I want you to know I wasn't okay.
Not because I want you to apologize or tell me it wasn't my fault.
But I want you to know because I'm trying to explain to you,
how I could feel so terribly and how that could feel so good.
The pain was better, yes better, because it was easier.
I clothed myself in darkness, painted my world without the color
I always believed you gave me.
I was in a real bad place and I want you to know I might still be there.
Because you're holding me now and it would be unfair if I didn't let you in
on the secrets I kept about how I dealt with the pieces after you.
Not because I expect us to be together, not because I want
everything to go back to the way it was before you left.
But I want you to know because I'm trying to explain to you,
that I don't ever want us to feel this way again.
I don't ever want to see you mask your happiness
or think you don't deserve more safety than you have,
more love than your given
more laughs than you create.
I might still be there, but you don't have to be.
You don't have to comfort me,
for the wrong or even the right reasons.
You don't have to tell me that I'm alright or that I'm beautiful.
I feel ugly all the time and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be,
and I want you to know
you don't have to stick around for me.
May 10, 2013
May 10, 2013 at 12:46 PM UTC
There’s this ache in my head
It viciously runs my spine
Is it because I’m very sad,
Or because of all that wine?
It becomes terribly confusing
To stand still, almost paralyzed
it’s completely terror inducing
it twists my mind as sterilized
Completely empty it might be
Assaulted thoughts of worry
And the biggest burden for me
Is that letter reading “I’m sorry”
Apr 3, 2014
Apr 3, 2014 at 10:21 PM UTC
Ladies and Gentleman, I give you Brandon the boy in the bubble and Doctor Wise...
The boy in the bubble
Never wanted any trouble
People said "your too fragile you'll get cancer"
So he would just make believe, pretend he was a cool agile panther
People said "your body will crumble like wood flooring rots"
So he would pretend, staying humble that he could fly over the jungle with soaring hawks
Aisles of adventures were all he sought
" I'll be in this bubble til I'm wearin' dentures", so he thought...
His doctor would come every other day
Just to make sure everything was okay
He went by Dr. "W" first initial J
One random paralyzed tuesday
Brandon sat in his sterilized room lettin' blues play
The doctor came to repeat the check up
Brandon was the same from shoulders to feet and neat from the neck up
The doctor asked "Son why are you in this bubble?"
Brandon said "The people told me the air could **** me and the sun would be worst trouble"
The doctor told Brandon "the world is a mysterious place in our galaxy, but you'll never know for yourself until you go face the challenge B"
The doctor lifted the window wide open and let in the breeze
As the fresh air hit his face, Brandon didn't so much as sneeze
Brandon - "Wow doc you must save thousands of lives"
Dr. W - "Not really, I just tell people this; Everybody lives, everybody smiles, everybody cries, everybody dies and
EEEEVVVVERYBODY LIES...
-J.A.M
May 24, 2013
May 24, 2013 at 2:41 AM UTC