How can I move on when I never got to finish?
When I was pulled away from my co-dependent life source
with forceps around my neck?
Detached like stitches that weren't ready to come out
It hurt like hell.
Like hell was exactly the way Catholic school described it
Eternal flame
because time doesn't heal ****
The closure I never got like mom didn't close the door behind her
I had to get up and close it myself
except I kept falling down the stairs
I want to get up and close the door so bad, it's just that
it's scary.
I don't want it to happen again
I don't want to silently die on the bathroom floor again
I don't want to live off of my own blood again
I don't want to be so sure that I'm insane
It's uncomfortable
like bed bug infested hotel pillows
It's like I don't want to forget you
I guess that's it... I never want to forget you
God you were so good
Feb 28, 2016
Feb 28, 2016 at 2:46 PM UTC
It's been over 365 days
It's been many nightmares and repetitive poetry
But your name still lingers on my breathe
And the short-lived memories on the tip of my tongue
I should probably brush my teeth
You shouldn't still be here
You left a longtime ago
But you must have forgot to tell me
Because I was still sending you letters
And you would send some back
But you tricked me you tricked me you tricked me
The idea of your voice caused me to rediscover old mannerisms
You reminded me that I actually like wearing bones and the color red
It's like finding an old song that you used to love
And the thought of bones is becoming an obsession again
Even my worst habits remind me of you
Everywhere is you
Everything is you
You're causing this "poem" to turn into and old unsaid rant
The thought of you has a nucleus and membrane of its own
It travels through my body and attacks my white blood cells
I shouldn’t still be writing about you
You're so last year
But baby I'm a hipster and I love to wear vintage
Dec 6, 2015
Dec 6, 2015 at 7:35 PM UTC
My life is something I'm getting used to
Because every time a piece of my heart is torn away
It grows back
Like a lizards tail
But I'm just getting used to it.
And when 200 miles caused you to fall out of love with me
I never got over it
I'm not sure I can say that I got used to it.
It's still somewhere in the back corner of my brain
It sneaks up on me at night
And comforts me in my nightmares
I wake up screaming "come back!"
But I can't find a place to put this memory
I can't just drop it in the food disposal
And I don't know if I could ever let this memory go because it is the closest I'll ever be with you again
Apr 4, 2015
Apr 4, 2015 at 11:43 PM UTC
Our hearts were tied together by a red string
And whenever we were too far apart
a pressure was put on our hearts
Instead of saying ouch you said you missed me
But one day distance cut that red string
And it turned black.
your connected to someone new now,
By the fingertips
My string is still attached to me like an umbilical cord
Except now there is a ten pound weight tied to the end of it.
I tried to cut it off
But mom hid all the razors
Mar 26, 2015
Mar 26, 2015 at 12:27 AM UTC
Pad lock clenched teeth
Bc you can't tell anyone
It kills you to keep this spirit locked up
This spirit of tears located in your chest
When you swore you were totally over him
And then he speaks to u.
The spirit fades into your collar bones
You gain salted cheeks
And hyperventilating breaths
Heck. He did it again
I come home smelling like cigarettes
And my grandmother sprays the house with Lysol.
She asks me why I smoke
But I can't tell her it's because the smell reminds me of you.
Mar 11, 2015
Mar 11, 2015 at 7:09 PM UTC
My mouth is filled with cotton *****
And my body has turned to aged stone.
You ******* put me on a respirator
And then pulled the ******* plug.
I saw you in my dreams
Kissing girls that were not me
But I received a phone call
Saying the exact same thing
I couldn't fall asleep
Not when you're in the bed with her.
and you just said you loved me
Last ******* Sunday
My insides are filling themselves with cement
But I'm still shaking as if in negative degree weather
But I can't change your drug soaked mind
Because your brain is in the **** jar and you really don’t give a ****
I'm not one to let things go
But this **** will never make your skin crawl
You and her are ******* under my skin
Literally
Feb 3, 2015
Feb 3, 2015 at 9:36 AM UTC
My eyes lower themselves day after day
because they cannot take the heaviness of your absence any longer
they are fixated on your photograph
while the image of you dances on my frontal lobe
my lips are stitched together with pieces of your skin
I cannot speak of you
or my ears will infect with curdled milk from the mouths of neglected goats
at least you're in my pillow case
we meet almost every midnight
when you slip back inside the right side of my brain
and sleep abruptly without a sound.
Jan 21, 2015
Jan 21, 2015 at 8:34 PM UTC
You burn a fire in my lungs
rising my blood pressure
I throw up the blood
and leave it for my demons to clean up.
There's a shadow in my body
and I'm not sure if it's your old one that i borrowed a while back
you sleep in my arteries
like you sleep in skate parks
You bite my tongue and hit strangers' popcorn cans.
I know you've changed your clothes because I still have your shadow and his hair is a little shorter
your screaming but I can't open my mouth
your taking a baseball bat to my heart
and yet you don't give me any band aids for the scares you left me.
Jan 16, 2015
Jan 16, 2015 at 7:00 PM UTC
Medicine and drugs are only temporary
shadows and a lack of oxygen are always
I've always said I don't know what I want
But while under hot streams
I realized
We're always craving temporary
when together there's nothing else to crave
but bed sheets and skin
It's a shot in the dark.
You'd rather temporary than always
and even though heartbreak is always
I know you could fix it temporarily
Jan 14, 2015
Jan 14, 2015 at 9:47 AM UTC
I've written myself into knots I cannot undo
and late nights have turned into mornings.
Tear stains mark many of my pages,
and my fingers have cramped from use.
I've run out of metaphors and clever rhymes,
synonyms, and similes,
because no matter how I start these lines,
I always end with you and me.
Jan 14, 2015
Jan 14, 2015 at 9:13 AM UTC