I remember I was scared to death
the first time I had a girl alone with me
I remember thinking
do I just pull it out and present it
Or do I wait for her to ask to see it
or do I just sit here and talk untill she says "are we gonna do this"
Or do I go "are we gonna do this"
instead we watched like 2 hours of random tv, talked, I showed my Tattoos
she Showed me ones that she will be getting someday on her body.
And then it Happened the sign
The flip of the hair
The little Flutter of the eyes
I knew I had to make my move
So I said "I've been looking at you since I first saw you and wondered what'd be like to kiss you"
she says "well are you gonna keep wondering or do it"
We begin to make out in the back of my head im praying she doesnt start using tounge
because im horrible at french kissing. Luckily it didn't happen
As I begin to rub her back I unsnap her braw with one hand
which I never did before that.
The shirt came off smoothly and I looked at a set of amazing little perky *******.
I tasted her flesh surrounding this tender area
and took my shirt off
revealing my skrany tatted up body.
She began to push down on me and soon as  was on my back and she was Hovered over me.
I remember thinking to myself THIS IS AWESOME.
just as she thought she was in controll I flipped her over brushed my hands down her hips.
AND IT HAPPENED the moment you know your getting laid (my brother told me this before)
The slight arch of her back just enough for me to remove her pants in a swift motion.
The rest is history
or should I say Herstory.
I remember the next day going to school
and later on seeing her at parties
and eventually I never seen her again
somehow or another she just vanished
to this day I dont Know where she is
but **** can I remember everything about that night
her outfit down to her ear rings
what song I had playing (Tupac How do You Want It)
the nervous tick  I do with my thumb nails clicking them haha.
she asked me if This was my first time ( I replied yes)
She told me that I was her first also (not like first)
but first time actaully being made love too.
she said I knew exactly what to do
and that she never had a man actaully take his time with her.
I brushed her hair back
and whispered in her ear ( in all the seas and all the lakes I found  mermaid by mistake)
my little way of saying she was speacil.
I've never found another mermaid is what im getting at
and honestly after all the girls past present a future
I'll never have another night like that
so if your out there Aubrey
this writings for you

Little tiny clippings of nails
scattered on the floor
my temper is angry
and I cant hold it no more
do you see my eyes bulging
my hands cluntched tightly
my breathing is heavy
and there holes in the door
I taste the blood trickling
it drips on the floor
one drip
two trips
a thrid
and a fourth
I loose track of my cigarette
now its all scorched
Im pacing and racing
troubled for ever more
I throw my beer can off the back of the porch
and torch up a bowl
to cure my pulsing heart
my knuckles crack as I press them to my face
I see the bruises swelling
thier purples green and blues
mix ever so nicely like a sharp beat up suit
do you understand the torture
of knowing you'll die
when the ***** runs out
and your shivering at night
I smell the puke tried in my nose
and see it all running down the side of my clothes
when oh when will I understand
that **** almighty I'm just like my dad
a drunken soar ******* a **** for the juice
I've burnt down ever bridge and managed to make some up too
I'm a chamleaon to this world
I change and I move
I'm not much of a lier though
thats once thing I could never do
I could run this on forever
Till the sun comes threw my shutter
but I just popped some perocets and sniffed some Speacil K
so I suppose this poem was great
but tomarrow is anew and my fate awaits
farewell
farewell
farewell

I wonder if this new approach will be beneficial
even though I'm acting somewhat superficial
I wanted to tell her how beautiful she was but it just seemed
too boring for her ears too hear.
So I called her ugly and waited for her reaction
she was surprised and said she's never been called that.
So I told her she was unimportant to me
and that she wasnt the prettiest girl in this stupid *** little town.
She slowly started to grin and I slowly started to turn it up
just admiting everything I wanted too say.
Ever since I seen her stupid pretty face in 3rd grade,
Ever since the days when she didnt notice me because I had braces, and
Ever since the day I asked her out to prom and she said I dont think so.
Well she knows I've always been a lier so she knows all my words calling her a peice of **** werent true
and it was a different way of telling her how speacil she was to me
and she knows that the more I unleash on her the more it proves how much  I want her to be with me.
So we take a taxi back to my apartment and she tells me to continue degrading her
she just was tired of being called pretty
thats all.

I knew it was play time
we were colliding and dancing with the sun
feet pointing towards the sky
just a passenger down for any ride
As we cruised 75 towards minneapolis
I watched your hair blow in the wind
it was like chocolate flowing down the melting icecream cone
that was in my hand
Your eyes caught mine
and we knew that this was a speacil moment in time
we just knew that it wouldnt be something we'd get again.
So we both took it into consideration
stuffed it in our memory bank
I sparked a bowl of danks
we got faded into the leather seats
I grasped your hand untill our pinkies locked tightly
I felt so mighty in this moment
nothing but a couple kids
loving the moment
and the look of the sun dropping into the skyline
because this moment is forever locked in my mind it was the time
that I first fell in love
and was the beginning of something
lost and never found
true love
true love