Hot steams curl up from the cup
the paled tea has a smile
hiding somethign mischievous
As if a flood flashed in the Nile

Giggles from the newspapers have their wink
It is to spruce up? But no more than a sink
the weather is inclement with a cover of cloud
Sun is burried inside, my mind under a shroud


Something fishy is around the corner
And serious topics on the back burner?
Just wondering where I have to go
to-day is as usual or special
I have to know


She leaned towards me
and asked to what I am up
Nothing Hunny,
It is the storm in my tea cup

I think im fat on some level even thoguth i know im not

I never understand myself

I lie so much I dont know what is true

I hate hurting people but everything i do seems to have a negative affect on someone I love

I hate disapointing people

I love when people disapoint me

I think suicide is selfish
and i hate that i have tried it 4 times

I wish I could be perfect for everyone
Even if i lose myself

I wish I could let someone else live my life while i just disapear

I fall in love with to many people I lose

I push away all of my freinds so they dont push away me

When I was younger i use to hit my legs with hammers so i wouldnt have to run track so i could stay home and help my mom (Why my knees always hurt)

I dont want people to care about me

And yet all I want to do is know you care

I want my father to hurt me so bad I'm not recognizable
Then I will finally feel the hurt I have wanted to feel my whole life

I forgot how to cry

When I was younger my best freind died of cancer

I use to be able to think of somethign sad and cry on demand

I just want someone to **** me

I day dream about murdering, hooking up, and ****** almost every one I see at random moments and I cant controll it.

Everything reminds me of you,
From a stand of aspen trees- the ski trail where I first thought how beautiful you were,
From the light on the leaves- honey colored, like your hair in the evening sun,
From the house we passe by- it looked like yours, Midwest-y and rustic,
From the music- folky and country, like your favorite band (now in my top three),
From the blue sky- the shade of your eyes in candlelight,
From the pop music on the radio- like our prom's music, where you had no fun with me,
From everything, ******* - the air the dogs the water the STILLness of my heart up here, somethign I thought only you could ever give.
Oh what I'd GIVE to knwo you again.

me.gs