I think it time to let you go

RLC

I feel this hole in my stomach
It like I’m not hungry
I feel gross
The food is on the table
I feel like I should eat it
But I’m not hungry
If I eat ...
I start felling like
I can’t breath
I want to eat
But I’m not hungry
I try some snacks
But I play with it instead
When I can’t breath
I panicked
And It gets harder and harder to breath
I run to the bathroom
I start losing weight
5 pounds a week
I couldn’t tell
Because all my life I was fat
No one like the fat girl
I still feel this hole in my stomach
I don’t know what it is
I’m not hungry

RLC

L is for the leaving
    I if for the I love you
        E is for the evil in your eye
                      RLC

There a reason you left....
It difficult for me saying this
I just want to scream
Goodbye I never like
Because I never get them
I remember calling you late at night
And I would here your voice and everything
Just felt better
Because you where my favorite person
Ever time I had a problem I would text you
And you said everything will be ok
Everything
Isn’t the same
I feel numb
I can’t breath
I don’t know who to call
When its all dark
When I just want to give up


Goodbye my love .....
RLC

They say to keep going
But there is nothing out there
They  don’t see what i see
I don’t see what they see
It been almost 20 years
7 more to go
But I can’t even see that.
Year after year
It gets more exhausted
I blow out the candles
what did I wish
I didn’t wish
I want it to
Be over soon.


RLC

You tell me you love me
You say that to all the girls don’t you
And when you come back
You lack the truth
You keep lying
the scars you left
keep tearing me apart
With the tears rolling down my face
My head can’t count how many times
I remember you looking in to my eyes
And I see your  smirk
It just like the smirk is  ink of you writing thinking of ways to destroy me
I’m your toy  
And I’m part of your game
That is tearing me apart one by one
Like a kid
Plucking the flower
if he loves me or he loves me not
But you know he’ll never love you
It just part of the game

RLC

When I hear your voice
Late at night
your  the one thing in the world
That make me want to stay
Because you
Are
My bright place
When I’m in the dark

RLC

Everything will get better
They say
But those words aren’t true
Because it Dosent get better
It just
Another lie
In my life

RLC

one day
A girl was with her friends
I think they were her friends
But she knew they weren’t
Time goes by in the car
But something happened to her
She can’t feel a thing
She can’t think
All she says is I wish I had friends
They say she’s her friends
But she knows the truth
She gets out of the car
Fall to the ground
Because she can’t walk
because she feels like she’s dying
She knows it time to let go
She says tell them that she loves them
And she goes into a deep hole where it all dark
And she hears them says
Oh my ******* god
She’s dying
They try to wake her
Up
But she can’t
And somehow she wakes up in her bed
Trying to remember what happened
And all she remembers is the black hole
Nothing in it
People say you see your life before your eyes
But her
She saw nothing
Nothing
Nothing at all
And that when she found out she is nothing

RLC

All I remember is the ghost of you
Me sitting on are way back to my place
Me holding in my tears
Because I didn’t even have a good time
You where late picking me up for my birthday
Each year
You think not saying anything does the treat
But the truth is it’s not a treat is a trick
The games we have played over and over
The plan for us isn’t real
I just want the old version back
But we both have changed
But you don’t take the blame
because your actions are lame
Tame my feelings but they are like a lion out of the cage
I’m  trying  to exist for you
But im at the exit
But you wouldn’t let me
Your hunting me
Everywhere I go
But your to busy to know

RLC

When they say your name
Or how every day  
I think about you
I think of the 3 am talks
And that summer
When I knew
I would fall in love with you
And how you are perfect
and now you love someone else
And I’m not in the perfect picture with you
She is ...
Because I’m not perfect
I'm that photo on the side
that no one looks at and is shattered
And I try to pick it up to tell
you how much I love you
But the shattered glass is too sharp
and can’t be put back together

RLC

Find someone
You where shattered
But they put you back together with glue
And sometimes you wonder if they would be like the others and shatters you till you broke again
But you know this time is different
Because that person  found you at your dark time
And brought the light back into your life
And made you feel like your back to your old self that glue is now all dry so you know your new mirror not dusty or broken just a mirror with a few ruff patch’s .

RLC

I don’t know how to be happy
I don’t know why I keep self sabotaging  
I don’t know what to do to get out of this
I’m stuck
I’m still stuck in this movie
It’s been years
And I’m still stuck
It’s all my fault
That’s  what everyone says
But I’m not them
I don’t know who to be
Honestly who am I
People made me the person I am
I read this script I remembered every line
New people same problem
Same problem same ending
Same issue
How do I not play replay
I don’t want to replay
This movie
It always  ends the same
Same feeling
Same lies
Trying to Move on from this movie
But I can’t I’m trapped in this chair
I can’t move I can’t see how to get out I’m trapped

RLC

When she left she thought
that everything would change
But everywhere she goes is the same
She thought if she finally got what she wanted
She would be happy
But I guess you could say nothing did change
The people
The problems
The promises
The lies
She just turn into her worst version of herself.
So she went back back to where she was sitting
And watching the same show over and over  
Wait for something that she thought would happen
but in reality, it would never happen.

RLC

All I saw was nothing
It was all dark
Like i was in a black hole
Am I afraid of it
No
I’m ready for it to take me
Deeper into it
let me finally go
Because at the end of it all
I  have nothing left to live for
And there nothing left but that black hole
I’m ready to let go
I’m not afraid anymore

RLC

You said you need space
I have to for you
Try my best to change
3 month go by
Come back every has change
I was doing better or did I lie to you ?
But sometimes happend to you
You got cold
Hurtful
All a game to you
I work to change
For you
Why did I even do that
London bridge said the same
I try and try but it keep falling down
I try to but you didn’t
Try to fix you you made you worst
F
A
L
L
I
N
G
           Trying to see if you still there
           But the the end
            You fall you fall
             Don’t get back up.    
              the mud  won’t save you
      

Rip to the girl who finally stop try to get out of the mud but it was to sticky to get up from to messy
                                   RLC

She just  sitting here
Everyday every hours trying to forget
But your still in her  head
She doesn't know what to do to stop the pounding in her head
She can’t stand it.
She wished  you never should up at 6:30 that summer
she wished you picked up the phone at 4am
To know you actually cared.
You didn’t call back to see if she was ok…
But all she wants is that she could forget you
But she know she’ll never will
that what kills her inside

RLC

Him- I love you

The girl -You don’t love me
you love the idea of me

Him- what?

The girl - you know exactly what I mean.

Him- I’m sorry for saying I love you !
But I want to do everything for you
I want to be there for you 24/7
I want to make you happy

The girl - do you understand what I mean ?
You say all this stuff. but you don’t listen to me when I say please stop or I don’t want to do that right now and you start to cry and say fine leave me then do you know how that make me feel?

Him- ok

The girl - you said I love you too soon
Your desperate for a girl but you don’t actually love me. You can’t love who I really am because no one can you don’t know me you don’t know who I am you only knew me for 3 weeks

RLC

I thought you love me
But secret kept us away from each other
One by one you left me
I loved you with everything, but you didn’t
I wasted everything
my heart in a million pieces
Our love is gone
My makeup smudge
I can’t believe you’re gone
All those pills won’t help
My hands are shaking
As you leave my hands
My smile turn upside down
This happiness won’t be the same
Without you, I don’t know what I’ll do
You never love me, and I never knew it
When I see the sun, all I see is the dark cloud
When I see you with her
all I see your happiness
And me I’m getting more pills
And my mascara is running down my face
As my last words say.....
You never love me and you’ll never will

RLC

those lies
May lay on the side of your bed
But I will alway be one step ahead
As those who don’t see the trutH
I see I know wHo you are
You tell me to look at you
but wHo are you
Are you magic
No
I wish you could just disappear


RLC

I spent a day wondering why
I spent  hours crying over you
And why every second feels like
I’m dying a little more inside

I’ll say you were my favorite person
But I was never yours
You said  you would never leave me
But that smirk tells me differently
I could say you helped  me so much
But…

I didn't matter to you anymore
Because that day that  you left me
It felt like I lost myself a little more
But you…
You’re  happy
You’re  free
you’re  fine

RLC

I keep finding people
Who says they will be there forever
But as time goes on
It starts to fade
They say they can’t help me anymore
they said they would stay forever
But forever is just a thought not Reality
And losing people over and over again
Make me repeat the first time to the next
And how they are the same
And reality now is just me
I get high to turn it off
And then it starts
To come back the pain the suffering
So you do it over and over again
When I run out I’m on the floor
Trying to hold
Back the pain of reality
But I know I’ll never make it out
Of the mud, no one will bring the white cloth
And wipe my face off
Because there nothing left
I just sit there in the dirt on my face
Because that is reality
Me by myself forever

RLC

Your not the first...
Stay and let me explain
It took 17 year to find you
When Summer  came I knew you cared
Falling off that bridge
Come back everything the same
She says I need space
I try
Text by text everything goes wrong
Lost her
Then its like  fall off that bridge again
I never knew it would take a second to loss someone
As time goes by wonder what I could have done
She tell you she tried so hard to stay
But your the one that was trying so hard to stay
Your where happy when  you with her
Then she gone and then you on the floor again
Holding your self
A couple of years before you meet her
You meet a girl like her
And told her everything and
how much you loved her
But ....I said it to you
And I never said it again
But I guess everyone  you love
leave you
Your not the first
Your the last

-RLC

Someone told me
to
  stay away
              from you ………
But you
Your the only one who come back
But your lies
Get better each time
I remember it like yesterday
Me asking you if it will alway be a game
And you say
            Alway…….
And then your gone again
It just like a video but you keep replaying
The same  thing
me forgiving you
Letting you in
Then lie Over lies
And then your done
And you have no clue what you did wrong
Then you repeat it


RLC

I’m
   F a l  l  i n g
             And
                    f
                   a
                   l
                   l
                     i
                          n
                               g
                
                                  And the thing is I was relived
                                   All that pain gone I was numb  
                                   Did I regret it no
                                    But I wish It did **** me
                                    If it wasn’t mud there
                                     If it didn’t rain that night
                                      I would have been gone
                                                                        For
                                                                      Good ……
                                       But I’m still here
                                Why the **** and I’m still here
                    
                                                  RLC

Should have expected this
Your just like him …
You don’t actually want me
You use me
I get in the car
And we don’t even talk about the problems and how you lie to me
I just smile hopefully you won’t bloke me after this
We head to the back of the car
And after your done you drive me home
No kiss no hug
And you drive fast cuz you don’t want no one to see you come from my house
It a secret you don’t want people to know about us cuz your ashamed of me
I’m not half as pretty or skinny
I wait for you to text me hoping to actually have a conversation but know you don’t actually care
I don’t know why you use me I think it because I’m the only girl that actually give a ****  about you
But I know your don’t I wish you where proud of me and wanted everyone to know about us  
Why do I keep doing this why
I think it because your the only guy that actually uses me and  comes over or text me first

RLC

What she found out
It not what she wanted
But what she need to here
The reasons
They leave
The reason
They stop trying for her
are because they can’t handle
Who she is
What she dose
What she says
They say she push them to far away
That they can’t handle it
So now she know why they leave
It not then
It her
Who ruins what they had
And the thing is as all the people who left her
She left her too

RLC

When will it be over
I want it to stop
But it never dose
I so tired
I just want the days to stop
And it to be over

RLC

F
  A
      L
        L
           I
              N
                  G
Down
Down
Down
   then someone comes along
   And try to be The stars in the dark
     Where your lying
     Trying to breathe for air  
And somehow it starts to be the  bright star
Everytime it shined and told you            
everything will be ok
But every time that star gets far and farther away
Till it all dark again and you're just there lying in the darkness again

RLC

I remember you saying
It’s all your fault
And that always was in the back of my head
That everything was my fault
Somehow we meet again
And you wanted me
And I didn’t know what to say
I close my eyes
But all I can think of is what you said to me
When we where kids
And
How it’s true
When we are adults now
And it didn’t get better
It got worst
And how everything is still my fault
And what You did to me  
Is my fault
What I said to you was my fault
When I lost you after that
It was my fault

RLC

I thought I needed to find someone
But as I think about it
I need to find me
And who I am
I’m not ready for someone else love
Because I need to find love in myself
And who I want to be
And not what someone wants me to be
Love me for me
I don’t know how long that will take
But I know it’s time to find me
And who I’m supposed to be

RLC

He said he cared
He wanted to help
I opened up ...
he said I'm here for you
I tell him everything
how I hate myself
how no one wants me
how I tried to **** my self
as I look back I thought he truly cared
but that what all they all say  
until they don't want anything to do with me
as I sit there in the bed
thinking what did I do wrong
I thought he cared
I feel empty
so I go take a shower
I stand there the water so cold
I'm try not to cry
but it just starts
I scream
What the ****
I keep screaming
I fall to the ground I sit there
numb
I felt so hopeless
its like no one ever will help
I try over and over again to get help
but it destroys me more and more
as the cold water on my back falls to the ground
I tell myself I'm done
I'm done try
I'm done asking for help
I'm done opening up
no one really wants to help
I get out of the shower
and go to the cabinet
get the pills on the left side
and count them
one by one
and it feels good
not to feel a thing

RLC