Reading your words of hate I start to think
Was it me that pushed you to that virulent brink,
Contemning the world, or were you always that way?
I don't recollect or recall ever hearing you say
Satan gripped your throat, or that your angels cried
Tears of blood when you looked to their mournful eyes.
I confessed to biting the apple in their sympathetic trials,
But more lies still concoct in this alchemist's phials.
I found myself writing the way I used to long ago,
But God knows I don't feel the way I did.
I try to remember all I learnt in Eden's groves,
But I can't find the lessons in memories I hid.
You can hate me all you want, it changes nothing,
'Cause it's dead and gone and I find my new self coughing
And choking on the words that I have to whisper to them;
I am silently descending to a distant end.
I've painted all my sins onto these walls in my mind,
But someday I'll be leaving this all behind,
Taking nothing but the signatures and faded scars,
Leaving behind pieces of my blackened heart.
Have I found myself, or is the girl I am long gone?
I don't know the reflection in the pools of tears.
As I sit hear repeating words of other's songs,
I met their expectations by embodying their fears.
I failed and ruined every single thing that mattered
Lying in the shards of glass from mirrors I shattered.
They cut into my lungs and rattle in my hollow chest
As I lay here and force out these final breaths.
Your heart dances to read I'm close to the end,
Do you remember when we said we'd stay as friends?
I was wrong, it turns out I do despise you,
I can't forgive or forget the monster I see inside you.
I find myself look up and ask "Who are we now?"
And see nothing but bitter clouds blocking the sun,
A deadening silence cascades on all that surrounds,
I am lost, but this is something you haven't won.
(If life is just another ****** up examination
I'll die ungraded, degraded by this thoughtless nation.
If life is just another step towards a place in heaven
I will gladly walk to hell, 'cause I am filled with the seven.
And it is with no knowledge of on whom I can depend
I will sit here, won't pray,
Continue to pretend
I'm okay.)
