On the table , over there by the woven chair,
a box of prize possesions still line up there.
Left unattended, as if in a rush...
something is now missing...something he used to touch.

Let us flip the page of time, perhapes a few days back.
Count the items that were in the box, perhapes something
is a lack.
A ball of string, so carefully rolled, a coin with faded date.
A photo of a lovely girl and a flag of the United States.
A ring  and then a whisp of hair, human one would hope
and then a little soldier of tin , the hero of the show.
This tin soldier had seen the world, in the hands of the holder.
Seen him slip and fall, civilian and a soldier.
Listens to him as he thinks. Stands by as he cried.
Looked away when words were cursed, felt warm when he saw him smile.
The night was all as usual, the holder had been gone for a few days.
He entered ,sat down at the chair, all seemed normal one would say.
First came out the flag, quite moments would follow that.
Then the photo, ring and hair, normally the holder would sit back.
This time the holder knelt by the fire and the tin soldier strained to see,
the holder cried more then usual, the tin soldier wondered what could it be.
Then came a string of curses and a rush of air,
the tin soldier was caught up in the moment, quite unprepared.
As he layed to close to the flames, he felt his time draw near.....
the final moments as he left he could see the holder clear......

So now the room is empty. The table left untouched.
The holder left and never returned, he had lost all so much.
Tin soldiers they say are a dime a dozen, funny, kind of like us.
It's how we are lined up for the play, what we see or touch... the tin man melts away...we return to dust.

Yes Spring has come to the land,
Mother Nature has shed her coat,
time to get off the couch and do what matters most. Live and have fun!
So I am out catching up on the chores and second duty, granddaughter watch,
prune here, rake there, now where has that little tike gone?
Perhapes if I give these little hands something to occupy,
why the best thing is a little water, yes that will bring a smile.
So here is the battle ground as  the scene unfolds.
She has a little pail, I have the garden hose.
Her duty, quite simple,place some water on the plants,
end result however, water on PawPaw's pants!
So only to even the score, mind you no harm intended,
was to give the little tike a squirt and the battle would have ended.
Oh no, not today! This little tink has got some guts!
Why with every squirt I give that girl, I get a pail of slosh!
So of course, being the elder here and quite mature I say,
I give that girl her monies worth and let out a real good spray!
Soon the chores are all forgotten and the plants need water no more,
end of the day I can say she may have even tied the score!
Wow how much water do these pampers hold?!

I sit..... my face melts into my coffee cup....
self pity demons raise  up from the tablecloth
and slam my head on the table top..again..and again.
My heart kicks at the chestwalls that keep it from its freedom.
I am out of here it screams!
Why am I still just siting here?
A whisp of freedom promise is still ringing in my head....
wonderful words she had said.
Slam..slam , the demons smash my head on the table top.
Are you done yet? Are you still siting here?
We can do this all day. Move, say something!
Self pity is not your path...your the mover, the motivator...
the one who always has the right answers to someone elses happiness.
Why not you this time?
The heart quits kicking at my chestwalls..either it is tired or it feels me
mulling over the questions.....perhaps a chance, perhapes one more go around .
I see images in my coffee cup of couples holding hands, young and old alike....so happy, so together, so....in love?
Still other images emerge...families still doing things together... camping, fishing, movies...so real...so like I planned it....
slam! Slam!   The demons are not letting up......Ok , I know what they want.....but first I need a fresh cup of coffee, this one has too many memories  floating around in it.
Perhapes I should make that call, write that letter....just go.

Oh Sister of the Lake, quench this fire that rages through my veins!
Brother Wind  please dry these tears that come from the pain.
My soul is on fire  and I see no relieve in sight,
Mother Earth please give me a place to hide.
I have curled  up in the arms of Cousin tree,
told him of my fears and what in my dreams I see.
Nephew Robin  listened and tried  his best to calm,
yet  as I closed my eyes the fire raged on.
Oh Sister of the Lake, is there help here for me?
Let me take a breath and lay here in your arms,
perhapes with your cooling touch , perhapes the flame will be gone.

Ti's a sad thing when the mind closes down,
that last trick on our life as Death  starts his prowl.
Leaves the body with no warming thoughts,
memories of life lived full of joy and love.
Or perhapes it is not such a tragedy,
a way  compassion joins peace of mind in company.
Yet , here the living still find it a pain,
looking in the eyes of love , never to recall again.

I'm ******* with whats happened

I want to scream I want to shout

I have lost my parents but to lose one of my siblings

Its to close for comfort...next thing we will be thinking...whos next...gah

Her and I have this love hate releationship....like all siblings do....smiles

We yell and scream at each other....but we always sit and talking things out

She is the one that I have always had difficulty talking to

perhapes thats why I write....smiles

I just dont know what to think right now...my head is in a whirl...its confusing...why her...sigh

Dear God...

I ask you to watch over her
Protect her...make sure she is ok
bring her back home...if not then...sigh
Gawd hate to think like this but its possiable
Guide her to my parents arms...sigh!!!!!!

Amen...

Night all.