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Abbi Oct 2018
Well what if I don’t want to live?
I’m tired of being here, it’s all *******.
I know people love me,
But I just can’t take this heart beat.
I’d rather feel nothing,
See nothing,
Be nothing.
Does this make me weak?
To no longer want to exist?
It doesn’t matter in the end,
That’s a fact no one can dispute.
This time that passes that measures our successes,
What if I don’t want to succeed
Because I don’t even want to just, be?
I’d rather feel nothing
See nothing
Be nothing
Just matter dissipating into another form of something.
But where I don’t breathe or think or feel
Where I’m just again one with the universe
A longing I wish to fulfill
I won’t **** myself but I want to be dead.
I don’t care about happiness,
I’d rather not be here.
Feel nothing
See nothing
Be nothing.
#nihilism #empty #death #suicide #feeling #nothing #universe
Dal90 Dec 2020
Good riddance 2020
A year that’s now over but in truth barely began
In character form I’d liken it to the bogeyman
One step out the door and one step back
Not only do I always forget my keys
I’ve now got to remember my mask
And to steer clear of that dastardly pest known as human contact
Even if it means I trip and fall
Face first into another hour long scroll session on my phone
To remind myself there’s a world out there somewhere
To help myself feel as if I’m not alone
The only problem is my attention span is nonexist….
****, I’ve lost my train of thought
I’m sure it’ll come to me if I continue to be persistent
And change my mindset from reticence
Which clouds my every move
Because if I’m truthful cynicism has taken control
And I feel obliged to reprove everybody in a position of authority
With a cerebral intelligence that’s so small
It’s quite ironic how they act like they know it all
In a situation where delay can quite literally equal death
Never has “better late than ever” been so poorly applied
At least it covers up the crippling debt and manifesto of lies
But never will they be held to account
With dilly dallying mixed with inconsistent death toll tallying
The GMB boycott was tantamount to an admission of guilt
But that’s what you get living in the house that Boris built
Yet he has the cheek to wonder why he’s so often ignored
I wouldn’t even trust him at the end of a bungee chord
If I was jumping off a 6 foot wall
Never again
Will I take for granted another trip to the pub
Even the fetor of **** and pork scratchings
Has me eager to gather up the masses
In search of a past time I once easily forgot
But would now go down as an instant classic
Instead
I have to deal with video calls and WhatsApp conversations
That consist solely of Gifs from American sitcoms
Nothing really said, nothing ever learnt
The stench of disaster as prominent as a lingering snake palm
As another minute of my life is wasted
In a poor attempt to stay mentally alert
Before another craving for alcohol washes over me
Stronger than a wave roiling in the Tasman sea
But rarely do I have the strength to ride it out
Because I’ve found downing an 8 quid bottle of Cabernet
Is a sure fire way to make it through the day
So Good riddance 2020, you were truly one of a kind
All that’s left is to say cheers
While I’m still in the mood to be kind

— The End —