See ; lately I've been counting my blessings but my blessings coming in less and . Now it seem like my life consists of the stresses and the messes cause nobody gives a **** about the **** I need to get up off my chest and . It's amazing to me , how niggahs be around but they don't care to see that life that I'm loving just ain't for me and I'm trying to do better but the devil keep persuading me , to turn away from the light and not to do what's right. And I been tryna fight to keep good goals in sight but doing what's right just don't feel right ; now it's time for lighting the blunts and tipping the bottles cause all of this **** helps me blank out my sorrows . No time to think , no time to dream . Just floating in and out of consciousness is what I need . & I know I'm hurting myself , but how does a ****** like me step up to get help . Se cause the clock is ticking and with it my life is going minute by minute . And you see this self destruction ; all the drinking and all the cursing & you laugh like it's a joke cause really , my feelings mean nothing . But secretly a ****** like me wants someone special to see that I'm slowly dying inside and with it screaming please help me . Reaching for the top but it feel like never ever touching it , need a helping hand on my back but these niggahs not offering . Army of one since day one & I understand that , but what's wrong with having a couple extra people to look at the side I'm not staring at ? Claiming you my homie but I'm really like "who dat?" Cause when I was popping these bottles you was by my side but when I had no one and no options you wasn't down to ride ? Saying we family ; nah son , I ain't got that . What I need is a hug and some support ; someone to encourage me when I'm down and out & it's clear your not the niggahs who's gonna do that . How is it that every night I have to fight to stay alive when I'm supposed to have all these niggahs by my side . Looking at the mirror and I'm staring at the enemy ; y'all mfs don't know what it's like to be a true friend to me . Heavy *** feeling with my heavy *** heart , tryna suppress them with this constant fuckery , open up the ***** and watch what it does to me . Aha , get it ? Fuckery ? In and out , in and out , I'm thinking that's a good start . Cause that's a moment of bliss that helps me suppress all them problems at heart . Keep your head up ; don't do that , better yourself they say . Your better then that , I love you , you have to be the one to make a change . And I try yo appreciate my supposed ride or dies , but all they want for me is to continue to shine . Continue to shine ? That's good they say . But not when it's only because they want to continue to sit in the backdrop that my spotlight shines they way . Y'all think that I don't know what your up to ? Aha , trust that I know . Wana know a secret ; something I know that you don't ? The only reason your around ; is that if I might make it & I say might cause it's like life has made it it's personal mission to take my fight , but if I might make it , I can take my spotlight the other way and leave you there to stay . So I continue to take it day by day , praying that god give me the strength to keep this pain at bay . And if my praying is I'm vain & nothing in my life begins to change . I might just have to entertain , the idea of making this pain go away .
