Mi fatha

Mi fatha wer a miner,
a big owd man wer ee,
wi  an eart so bold it wer solid gold
en that wer plain te see,
al si thee yung un he wud sey
as off te pit eed trot,
mi mam ed never know if eed be
cumin bak or not.

**** denaby pit e wud gu
a dank en dusky hole,
twer not much gud fer a man like im
ee wer’nt a ****** mole!,

bak brekin werk wer hewin coyel
en freekinin dark en all,
en colliers werst neetmare
wer wen th roof ed fall,
trapt **** pits n’ha way tu dee
en that ah’m tellin thee,
tis gud advice tu stop up top
ah’l tell thee that fer free,

ah’l allus remember copper  
e cem a knocking
mi mam she fear’d werst
wen ah’la sudden
a flooda tears did berst,

n’ha th pit ed got mi fatha
ee wer’nt cumin om at all
twer th coliers werst neetmare
th roof.. ed ad.. a fall.

Alan nettleton.

translation for non yorkie's

My father was a miner
a great big man was he,
with a heart so bold
it was solid gold
and that was plain to see,
I’ll see you young one he would say
as off to the pit he’d trot,
my mother never knew
if he was coming back or not,
down denaby pit he would go
a dank and dusky hole,
it wasn’t much good for a man like him
he wasn’t a ****** mole,
back breaking work was hewing coal
and frightening dark and all,
the colliers worst nightmare
was when the roof would fall,
trapped down the pit is no way to die
and that I’m telling thee,
it’s good advice to stop up top
I’ll tell you that for free,
I’ll always remember the policeman
came a knocking,
my mother she feared the worst ,
when all of a sudden
a flood of tears did burst,
now the pit had got my father
he wasn’t coming home at all,
it was the colliers worst nightmare
the roof it had .....a fall.

Alan nettleton

Cerebral woman,,,,,,,,,,, 'I'm a judge jail Mee

she's a technicoloured melodrama
fringed in pink
a loony tune character
penned in indian ink,
she's positive and poignant  
blessed with perfect poise
my snake wrangling lady-
she's one o' the boys.
she's a synaptical **** siren
and rather refined
a whoreatical kinda woman;
that ***** with my mind,
she's passionate and pendulous
immersed in deep thought
my minds mary's monster
my cerebral - consort,

alan nettleton.

I'm goin sideways when I perish;
want to end up, in a rock pool
in the sand.
I'll have a shiny shell,
that I can cherish,
with two claws, fer my chores;
not a hand.
sharing my abode with thirteen rag worm;
who'll confirm,
that it's sunny,
by the sea,
we can wish **** the fish a happy birthday,
n the weather,
we can also,
guarantee,
yes I’m goin sideways when I perish,
to cherish, my rock pool by the sea,
to squirm with the worm n embellish
another lifetime - as liddle lobster me.

Alan nettleton.

Bless all the barmaids that have ever lived
who carried featherlite, n knobbly ribbed,
who listened to waffle n crap I spoke
who granted liddle me, a slap n poke,
who parted ***** whilst in drunken stooper
n gave the bird, to the party pooper,
the big ones, the small ones, the fat n thin
god bless slappers, that invited me in,
bejeezus begorra, mag da horra,
bless all barmaids, I'll **** on the morra,
******* big ***, n the ones that pass gas,
god bless the ones that I’ve yet to harass,
for whisky, for beer, god bless ya m’dear,
even big sally; fer the gonorrhea.

Alan nettleton.

*** whipped

Where the hell has he man gone;
n why can’t I **** in bed.??

All true men are incarcerated,
trapped on a clitoral plane,
where knee **** reactions
drives a man insane,

We all wear pink pyjamas
frilly knickers and a bra,
wear our hair in pig tails
shave our ****** ,,YAY HURRAA. !!

They feed us up on retinol
give us optrex for our eyes
provide the silken stockings ,,
denier thirty,,, OOH nice thighs.

So where the hell has he man gone-
I would like to **** in bed,
but guess I’ll just mow the lawn;
do the feckin dishes  - instead.

Alan nettleton.

Adolf n his nice tight ***

gonna get me a pair o' lederhosen
the kind adolf used to wear;
not the attire the missus woulda chosen
they're sorta ***** - to be fair,
but they made his ***** look massive
n they made his *** look taut
we all know the guy weren't passive
n did things he shouldn'ta ought,
I bet ya missus ****** loved him
when his **** hung out one side,
and as for bombin london,
well -- we'll let that ****** slide;
coz the guy he sure were stylish
in his liddle leather shorts,
goose steppin all the while-ish
with his gusset - and - supports,,,


alan nettleton.

wanted; - Liverpudlian rock stars
to sing fer me - the queen,
I'll pay yers all in corgies -
n transfuse ya wiv - caffine,
gorra bloke called ringo -
fer the bingo - inbetween,
support act - chewbacca -
n maca - in submarine.

Alan nettleton

Dodo pie

***** the elephants -- **** em-
gimmi the ivo-ry
and ******* to the rhinos-
I need the horn fer me,
what's with this **** 'bout the
fishes, - n over fishin the sea,
slap the ******* on dishes-
coz I'm ****** ***-gry.

Alan nettleton.

“ Crow “

Whatcha stearin at ye scrawny bird
Ah’ll  draped in black en
wi  malachite  eyes,
Whitcha  Feathers in tatters
ah’ll covered  in crud
Hoppin en skippin en lookin so wise,

Whydja  squawk et  mi in that orible  way,
Whydja  caw en caw en  caw  et mi
Ahs’tha  reely  got  summat to say
Ah’stha  reely  got  summat  to  say,

GEERCHA yer self  bak up in’te  sky
En leave mi alone wi  mi beer,
If  ye  stay round ere  
yel end up  dead
yon   fox  el  av  yer i fear,
yon   fox  el  av  yer i  fear
so leave mi alone  wi  mi  beer.

Alan nettleton......... + bottle n arf o' whine...

I've basked on the beach with Beethoven
n boogied to his craazzy style,
I taught Tarantino to tango,
we sat down, chewed the fat for awhile,

I've tap danced in Bojangles shoes
sung with Leadbelly blues,
never liked Picasso though;
the ****** drank all 'o mi *****,

I Bossanova'd my way down to san José
jus to hear what Hendrix could play;,, ,
I found Einstein to be relatively kind
but Dylan really blew my mind,
Dylan really blew my mind,
Now Dylan- he ****** with my mind.

Alan nettleton.

Billy (Bowb) joe

There ain't nothin new in hell tonight
cept the soul o' billy joe,
who killed a man in an unfair fight
so gabe sent him below,
he used a blade on an unarmed guy;
and a stand up guy to boot,
now his *** will fry he's said g'bye  
coz to hell he is en route,
now beelzebub has got an itch
so bad that it needs scratchin
he takes billy joe as his new *****
n disease he is a catchin,
bill's boiled in oil n flash fried with rice
n he’s marinade in gin,
coz beelzebub well he ain't that nice
he’s gonna Chew on liddle him,
but Billy joe’s a repentant soul
feelin mighty fine n righteous,
bill has gotta goal gonna take his toll
n  give nick gastroenteritis

alan nettleton.

So lunch is on me then eh?

lips suitably pursed, pinkie raised
to the correct angle,
she sits and sips the last dregs of
life she's squeeezzed outta me-
a fitting accompaniment
to the thick slice o' succulent wallet
she's so elegantly carved out of my ***.

dripping with greenback,
for those blessed with perfect diction,
her lawyer comments on the tenderness
of my sauteed sweetbread,
"hummmm a little stringy,
but ever so nourishingly juicy".
as he pours the remnants of my self esteem on to his final bill...

alan nettleton

Would have been sarah,

missed it--
missed smoking the Cuban cigar;
getting ****** wetting her head,
I missed throwing up at her birth
reciting nursery rhymes
changing ****** nappies
and more much more;
I missed it,
the day she took her first step
I wasn't there,
didn't weep with pride
at the sound of her laughter
hold her hand
or walk her down the isle;

I didn't do it-- wasn't there,
-- but neither was she,,

Alan nettleton.

A slice o’ pie

ya cut me a slice 'o yer liljeeezus pie,
a religious high, - "oh my oh my,"
ya pour me jug, o' yer godly whine,
inebriation fer the disinclined,
ya sugar it, with sweet salvation
roast me 'bout my masurbation,
cream it off with liberation --
all ya needs my soul donation,
but I'll not eat yer pie - yer religious lie,
'bout some meta -- weelllll -- sss-super guy,

Alan nettleton.

For my Sweetness.


Are you the air-
the breeze that answers the questioning sun

are you the fire-
the flame begot of the spark.

are you the earth-
where mankind rest redundant bones

you are my waters that quench life’s
great unknowns.

Alan nettleton.

but a breeze in the midst
of a storm at sea;
this precarious spark,
we; humanity,


Alan nettleton.

Today my friend stopped
--- being.
there he was --
then he wasn't.
----- being that is.

alan nettleton.