pale yellow, for the dreams
for when I wake up screaming
yet can't remember in the morning

for when I wake up scared
but don't know why

for when I toss and turn,
to write the reasons for every motion.

baby pink, for the thoughts
for when I order something extra
in the drive thru

for when I chew gum instead of a meal,
or convince myself a glass of water is enough

for when I eat nuts or crackers
and convince myself that the substance is better than nothing
.
and yet their pages are blank.

This day holds humidity in my heart.
The temporary return of familiar love
left my broken outlook painted in contentment
and pushed healing hope into my lips,
yet you,
who refuses to give romance,
who tramples my confidence in mud,
who haunts my midnight chorus,
you return to my heart in the overcast cold of the salty Chesapeake.

and I cry and I cry and I cry
hating you for making me reread old moleskins
to realize that perhaps it was never me you loved,
to realize that perhaps my body was destroyed in folly,
to realize perhaps you just played a game with us all,
and I simply claimed you with the loudest song.

******* for pumping in my veins.
let me completely love another
or come find me.

the insanity you commit
pushes me into the midnight abyss
and my pieces began to fall between the cracks
and the hopeful glue melts into the inky black.

this ghost hasn't left my unconscious lungs.
I know I am almost done,
but the rhythm of your death is the worst part to feel.

back in the day
when our heads were rocks
and our hearts were origami
we shot arrows through moleskins
and used wanderlust
as our compass
heatwaves
to sweat out
sadness and fuss
chest echoes
to drown out doubt
and reinforce it

today,
my boy downloaded manhood
through his contact lenses

So
here we are
fingers in the cookie jar
and it's only Wednesday
.
.
for the hard of hearing,
I said,
Wednesday
not
Wedding Day.

Coffee with cream is a treat,
She'll beat me up when she
realises I put her cream in my cup.

always
making maelstroms out of moleskins
or something like that.