Where death of democracy writ large,
nevertheless psychological strength predominates
unlike earlier chapters of mein kampf.
Mine hardscrabble existential debacle
spelled losing game
swept me up in malevolent mindset
far adrift from harbored haven;
I floundered like a fish out of water
entangled within woebegone raid.
No matter figurative bar
to challenge yours truly
chiefly afflicted academic motives
set ridiculously low,
impossible mission presented
to kite, overcome, and transcend
mental, physical and social impasse
rather I remained
immobilized, paralyzed, unmoored
to hurtle myself across
horribly graded daunting challenges
with flying colors
and thus never established
storied track record.
Oft times (more so
during formative years
of boyhood and adolescence),
I experienced absolute zero ambition
wretchedness being alive
spurring wonderment whereby thoughts
of my demise didst drive
analogous to buzzfeeding bees
combing into their hive.
Giddiness nursed, prevailed, and thrived
when coronavirus (COVID-19)
warranted quarantine to diminish
transmitting pandemic virus thru the air
lifestyle change no major imposition,
cuz yours truly already familiarized
with self isolation
courtesy his social anxiety despair
schizoid personality disorder the diagnosis
nsync with loathsome
body morphology toward self
viz mental health impasse a legitimate malady
impossible mission possibly
since in utero didst impair
minimally abetted courtesy
Buffalo wing and a prayer
wishful thinking only death can relieve
some recently approaching year.
Indifference toward self sums up story
qua deadly mindset to whit
resignation to cash in chips
at a tender age, I did submit
evidenced courtesy abysmal grades
and exhibited resignation
where effort to succeed did quit
during stint as student
kindergarten and first grade the exception
earning appellation dummkopf or nitwit
showcased apathy to access ability and excel
stage door left, I wanted to exit
overshadowed courtesy powerfully pointed outlook
within his bedroom at 324 Level Road
sequestered long haired
pencil neck geek hermit
four familiar walls constituted ambit.
Refuge sought vis a vis
withdrawal viz yule eyes
starved body, mind and spirit
from webbed wide world
which as prepubescent
constituted narrowly circumscribed range,
whereby I denied,
juiced refused sustenance
(think anorexia nervosa,
thus these lovely bones withered away
thankfully dearest mother
(a licensed practical nurse)
of course intervened without delay
belated acknowledgement
regarding maternal love hip hip hooray
enrolling expertise psychiatrist
of Doctor Ted Goldberg
at Collegeville Community counseling
to ameliorate psychological internal melee
running rampant and roughshod
within me psyche
pushing self destruction
down into stairway
entering portals of hell
analogous to Earthen bowels
deep within Zimbabwe.
Whether the above sentence incidental
to feeble attempt at reasonable rhyme
so please geography buffs pardon moi
add dull less cent delinquent puns
he did cashier plus
any unintended faux paus as aspiring poet
artfully crafts elaborated gimcrackery,
albeit impious kooky mishmashed
outlandish quirky esse aitch eye tee.
