I put your shirts away.
The one that always smells like you.
The ones that I claimed as mine.
My shirts of yours that I love so much.
I still can't stop myself from wearing that necklace you got me.
The one for my birthday.
From when we were just friends.
I can't bear to be away from it.
I still wear all the clothes your mom bought me or your sister gave me.
All the cute new tops.
And old ripped jeans.
I still stare at the stars.
I get sad at all the things we smiled about.
I still think all the things I would look over and say to you.
I still think twice before I eat certain foods.
I feel lonely with every shower I take.
Every lunchable I eat.
Every drool worthy car I pass.
I wish I still talked to you on the phone everyday.
I still leave room for you in my bed when I go to sleep.
I still feel like I can't breathe when I see you.
I wish you were still my bestfriend.
I still call things what we named them.
I still want to send you all the pictures I use to.
I still worry about you.
You look too thin.
The songs we would sing to,
have *** to,
or just have in the back ground...
Still make me remember all those moments like they are still happening.
I still fall asleep dreaming of you.
I still wake up forgetting that you aren't there.
I still feel your touch every time I lay still.
I still hear your voice and laugh when I close my eyes.
I still wish you were my mcm.
I still do things for you as though you would care.
I still make sure the volumes are hitting a five.
I still want to call you.
Whether I need you to help me because I'm crashing.
Or I'm bored and want to talk.
I still make sure to be healthy for you.
I still love you.
I still care.
I wish I was still you're bestfriend.
I still wish for you constantly.
But mostly as my bestfriend more than anything.
I still want you always there.
I'm not okay with letting you go anymore.
But I know I have too.
I still want you to be happy.
That doesn't change the fact that I still miss you.
I miss you so much.
I still want to be your valentine.
I still want you to be there the rest of my life.
To grow old with you.
I still want all those dreams we made.
Mailboxes still give me butterflies.
I still cry almost everyday.
I still have so much more to say
But for now just know...
I still think of you every where I go.
I wrote the original version of this a month after him and I broke up. Right after we became friends again. It was originally about how I did still do this stuff. Like wear his shirts and talk to him on the phone and was his bestfriend. But every month I would go through and edit it to how are relationship had become by then. And now it has been like this since the end of April. Today is the day I am finally posting this because today would have marked one official year of him and I being together. Though unofficially we were together much longer it seemed. He was the love of my life and I miss him dearly. Though this is it. We're over and all I'm left with are "stills"
