Pamela , O' loving Pamela , My beautiful & loving Pamela
We started our beautiful life together , We shared so very much
The mid too late '80s , Were beautiful & so full of the future
That no one knew , Except for GOD , How much time we really had
And so we both enjoyed each other , We both shared so very much
From all of our 9 beautiful & loving Labrador Retrievers , ( Our Kids )
Too our Homes , Hobbies & our many Vacations in numerous states
The one thing , That never changed in all of our entire married life
Was that she Loved Me & I Loved Pamela , My sweet Pamela Jean
We both worked very hard , We even worked side by side for S & P
S & P ??? . Wasn't just a business or even just a job , It was Our's
Sometimes it seemed as though the business actually owned Us
But looking back , There was a lot of times when Pamela & Me
Laughed & cried & Shared beautiful times & bad times together
From our 1st Labrador "" Callie "" , Too our current 2 Labradors
Reagan Jean & Shelby'Anne Kelcee , And the other 6 Labradors
Jack'ie , CJ ( Callie Jean of Callie's Acre's ) , Sammy , Daisey
L.A.B. ( Ellabee ) & Kelcee Jean , Seven are now in Heaven with Pam
As I like too say , Pamela Jean has 7 Labradors , With her in Heaven
I have 2 Labradors with Me down here on Earth , I Love You Pam
I will always Love You Pamela Jean , I will never stop Loving You
You were always the Love of My life , And You always will be
As GOD is My witness , I promise You Pamela , Love is Forever
As You and I took our wedding vows serious on that day in July 1989  
For better or worse , In Sickness and in health , Till death do us part
We'll Pamela You're in Heaven now & I still Love You so very much
My Love for You is still On going , And our Love will never End
I will Love You for Eternity , As You & I , Will always be One
The time & the dreams , That We both shared Together as Us
I will never forget , My daily life without You , Is so very lonely
You're Family & Our Friends & GOD , And our 2 beautiful Girls
Are what is absolutely now keeping me going , Day in & day out
Until the day , That We both can & will be Together Again for all
ETERNITY - Just You & Me , Pamela & Me , Me & Pamela :

GOD BLESS ALL , Who read This - Amen :

I am Who , I am Suppose Too Be
I am Not the Person , That some Think I should Be
I Lived a very long part of my Life , Not being Me
I tried too Be the Person , That Some thought I should Be
I now know , That All That did , Was Make Me Very Miserable
I shared my Secret with Pamela Jean only , and She Loved Me  
I and Pamela Jean , Spent the better part of our Married Life -
Protecting My Secret Life , And Our Happily Married Life Together
I hurt so Much , Now that Pamela Jean , Has Gone Too Heaven
I Still have Reagan Jean & Shelby'Anne Kelcee & They are my Life
I have some Family , Pamela's Family , Who Accept Me as Me
I have Zero Member's of My Family , That Accept anything about Me
I have my strong Faith in My GOD & My Lord & Savior JESUS CHRIST & The Holy Spirit
I know that GOD , Loves Me , For Me  & That He alone will Judge Me
I will Ultimately Stand before GOD & Confess My Sin's as Me
I will live the rest of My Life , As much as Possible as Me the Real Me
I am Always worried what Other's think , As I want too Be Accepted
I want too Be Loved & I want too show Others , The Real Me
I am a Beautiful Female / Transgender Woman , I am Me
I was Always Me & I will Always Be Me , I Love Me
Thank You GOD & ALL of YOU , Who Accept Me as Me
I am Stacie Leelah Cheyenne & I Love Being Me

When we first met
Both broken apart
What a good fit
So i thought

A friend to confide in
We built ourselves up
Fun and laughter
Volcanoe in sight
Soon to errupt

A chess piece unknown
Soon to be played
Not knowing the plot
I happily stayed

Years gone by
Beautiful highs
Heartbreaking lows
The sound of your mouth
Erased your lies

3000 miles away
All i wanted was you
Yet blamed for your sins
After waving goodbye so soon

You played your games
Made new friends
Black and white
Numbed your head

My friend moved on
Easch night and day
He made his choice
What could i say

Days with no sound
Conversations ran thin
To hear your voice
Where do i begin

You said you tried
You never went
Another lie
You chose to invent

You had no choice
So hit the road
Not even realizing
You are a fraud

You had your fun
Till u had no choice
The wall torn apart
Now has a voice...
... Kelcee All

Back and forth
Day and night
yin and yang
fight or flight

hold that smile
kid yourself later
that ghost Within
is your own creator

Pride & Power
soon will sour
count your blessings
hour to hour

Family and friends
one in the same
they come and go
so remember your name

be kind to all
black a red hearts
forgive yourself
and those who tore you apart

you are no angel
you yourself have done wrong
I write this in hopes
We may all remain strong
...Kelcee All

Feeling so empty... so cold and alone... does anyone hear me... just leave me alone... wanting the silence... but begging for an ear... just hear me out... don't question my dear... so much inside... I can't explain.. I just have these feelings... of sadness and pain...
Rolling eyes and grinding teeth... so much anger... in need of relief... Nowhere to Run nowhere to hide... no one to hold me  ...dying inside... hold back the tears quiet the screams nothing is ever What It Seems...
Kelcee All

Missing you terribly
maybe you were right
I alwayz told you to fight
Useless, Im taking flight
See you soon enough
this life is doom
as i sit here wallowing
in this dark room
reminding me of you
*** the pain
show me rain
nothing more to give
call me insane
im really tired
ive suffered soo long
please forgive me
right or wrong...
... Kelcee All

Calling your name
undeniable pain
tortured heartbreak
forced to fake
Justified beliefs
crashing blue reefs
mother nature at play
fierce unbearable dayz...
...Kelcee All

Paintings removed... the frame still remains... years gone by... but I remember the day... once dependent without a choice... now seeks guidance with their newfound voice... decisions to make... at every turn... hard lessons ahead... won't go unlearned... hold on tight... to friendships made... not all will last... some will fade... you can't prepare... for when your heart breaks... we all have flaws... we make mistakes... we look ahead... and try to prepare... there are no signs... that says stop, beware... we stand in line... waiting our turn... pay attention, stay focused... so much to be learned... what looks like progress... of an attainable goal... can disappear in an instant... with nothing to show...
... Kelcee All

casting Shadows... dreams of Faraway days... spinning in circles... my mind is a maze... I often wonder... what the days will bring... as I sit all alone... watching others smile and sing... hoping one day I will be able to say... I am truly happy... at least for one day... until that time... I try and mask the pain... alone with my demons... I often try to tame...
... Kelcee All

All holds true
you do what you do
maybe one day
feelings hold true

One Moment In Time
express your feelings outside
recreate the scenario
rearranging your mind

Lego landscape
ready to go
say hello to
the ultimate low

Two to every seven
trying to let go
Odds against you
get attending the show

belief in your scenario
able to get through the show
able to keep them afar
not knowing what I know now

thank you for your time
thank you for listening
a ghost with a voice
that voice my choice

one moment
30 or less
180 turn
never to confess

No Love
No hate
no regret
no pain

All That Remains
is that perfect you
no hard feelings
I just bid you adieu
... Kelcee All

Goodbye my love
Soo much sorrow and pain
Constant struggle
Every minute each day
Drowning in memories
As hard as i try
They will not fade
My heart will never the same
You took what you wanted
You have no shame...
Just to be clear
You lost your own game
You will never forget
My name shall remain
Your demons within
You will never tame...
... Kelcee All

Her World a storm..
yet her smile/laughter fixed...
holding back from All...
Letting it Go
Just a bit...
only when alone...
doesn't she know...
it's only the under toe...
soon she will see...
The beautiful, special, confident spirit we all see...
... Kelcee All

Change of scene
dark haunting dreams
unable to escape
her delusional past

Inevitable crash
fueled with sin
gathering force
colossal train

cold steel chains
locked in a cage
uncontrollable rage
acting insane

devastating shame
tortured inward pain
color of red
how much she bled
...Kelcee All

We have all  been hurt
disappointed and betrayed
We struggle with choices
We can feel sorry for ourselves
run away and hide
fall into a depressive state
let anger lead to revenge
question our self worth
become bitter souls
living a lonely unfulfilled life...

You have a choice to make
let negativity rule your life
or live a positive happy one

remove yourself from toxic people
believe in yourself
know your worth
accept nothing less

surround yourself with positive people
look forward
leave the past behind

be compassionate and kind
let go of your anger
look into your heart
and always FORGIVE!!!

you cannot control
the actions of others
however,
you have control
in how you respond

this is your life
never allow others to steal your power
be strong
stay true to yourself

Set yourself free
hold your head up high
spread your wings
your ready to fly...
... Kelcee All

Flipping through pages... both front and back... identifying moments... of time we want back... we live our lives the best we can... We will stumble and fall, get off track...but just as quickly we heal and we're back...Use memories of past experiences as a tool... Some happy and full of laughter... Others are sad and filled with pain... Use this as a guide and Write Your Own Book... Picture your future as you hope it to be ... Now take small steps everyday to shape it... Your future is waiting for you... Go live it...
... Kelcee All

Phoenix Rising...
the scenery has changed...
left in the ashes...
my past remains...
letting go of familiar scenes... exaggerated in nightmares.. awakened by screams...
colors fading...
clinging to life...
canvas screaming...
to be painted bright...
blurred visions...
of a haunting silhouette... unwanted feelings...
of loss and regret...
...Kelcee All

Where did he go... how can I find him..  what can I do... who can he turn to... who can he talk to... I wish I had the answers... I wish I could take away his pain... his suffering... his worry... his anxiety... he is a beautiful person... he has so much to give... so much to offer this world... even Beyond this world... after his death... he will shine even brighter than any star in the galaxy... why does he look so sad... why does he feel so bad... how can he not see all of the beautiful things he gives to everyone around him... when he walks into a room it lights up... he strikes up a conversation... you cannot help but listen.... you want more... you don't want it to end... you want him to be a forever friend... he'll be by your side...no matter what... he has tremendous honesty... he has no problem saying "hey what's up" and call you on your b*... he will teach you how to be a true friend... he's honorable... he has integrity... he's incredibly honest... even if he says you're not fat in a dress... even if you know it... he makes you feel beautiful no matter what... if you're not up to your full potential at the gym... he will say "you're looking good guy"... meanwhile thinking of a way for this person to accomplish his goals without him even knowing how he truly feels... he will make you feel special even when you don't even know it... he will defend you and you won't even know it... he is humble and you will never know it... he is beautiful you should KNOW IT...
... Kelcee All

What we are is much the same... Carnival hearts alone and at play...

young and naive... never Play for Keeps... testing the waters... makes you leave... Never Back Down... Don't second guess... put your mind at ease... leave if you please...
selfish yes... waiting for war... looking round corners... Listening through doors... walls so high...  exhaustive Pride...never hiding... Endless fighting... to the death... feel safe... Alwayzzz the end... Do not allow... pride to Bend...
... Kelcee All

I am not a monster..
just a misguided host
terrible, selfish, Unforgiveable truths and actions...
never wanted to stray...
words spoken...
never wanting to say...
regretting those betrayed...
but as I lay here in the bed I have made...
I am still beautiful...
enough said...
...Kelcee All

Conflicting variations of a familiar scene provoke emotions similar to that of deja vu and dreams... the illusion of clarity often eludes a fixed Vantage Point... a calculated encounter is brought forth by dominating influences of past experiences... the validity of patterns limits the justifications that are inevitably silenced... consequently forcing a breakdown of familiar comfortable suggestive behaviors...
... Kelcee All

Paintings removed...
the frame still remains...
years gone by...
but I remember the day...
once dependent without a choice...
now seeks guidance with their newfound voice...
decisions to make...
at every turn...
hard lessons ahead...
won't go unlearned...
hold on tight...
to friendships made...
not all will last...
some will fade...
you can't prepare...
for when your heart breaks...
we all have flaws...
we make mistakes...
we look ahead...
and try to prepare...
there are no signs...
that say stop, beware...
we stand in line...
waiting our turn...
pay attention, stay focused...
so much to be learned...
what looks like progress...
of an attainable goal...
can disappear in an instant... with nothing to show...
... Kelcee All

Cold dark stare
clearly unaware
open your eyes
if you dare...
...Kelcee All

Purple Shades...
sliding of blades...
light slowly fades...
clearly man-made...
... Kelcee All

Many years have passed us by... so many questions without any answers... a mystery one day... Enlightenment the next... oh how we've grown... how beautiful we become..  if only they could see what shines in you and me... but sometimes it only takes one... maybe we're on another plane... I'll speak for myself I love the insane...it TRUELY is a part of me... my thoughts are dark... yet my soul is pure... if ever Unleashed what Ide do i truly don't know...i hold it all inside...yet I smile with pride... do not look down on me... don't shed a tear...i am strong and show no fear... i am not alone... you know who u are...be proud of who u are... and hold your head high... embrace both sides... good and bad... I'll Stand By Your Side... and hold your hand... but don't be fooled... beware of my wrath... what you see is not always what you get... so pay attention stay clear and Focus.... for one day you might find yourself drifting... becoming angry and unkind... I have one enemy I fight each day... I see her silhouette in the shadows at play... eventually the darkness puts the Shadows at Bay... I am not like the others... I'm in touch with My Soul... when one brings me hope the other takes its toll... it's still a fight i have everyday... I look in the mirror and have one thing to say... yes you are good and yes you are bad... look into your eyes just for a moment... why are you always looking away... self vs self I fight everyday... never give up trying to find my way... if my words make you think and you Ponder this too... I'd love to get the chance to know both of you... if I am u and u are me... who is this number... the one we call three...
...Kelcee All

trying to write
trying to get through
trying to smile
hes the one i miss

love soo strong
gave in to it all
pain full on
blinded by the fall

yet i sit here crying
remembering good times
missing the laughs
wondering whats next

i lie to myself
i lie to my heart
i need to get through this
its tearing me apart
... Kelcee All

crossing over fields of white... ever so tightly try to hold on... begging pleading my voice carries on... loosing momentum as I push through the crowd...tossing and turning... a scream with no sound... a crack in the ice ... the echo profound...capturing her moods in different shades of blue... collecting peripheral glances often left askew... hiding behind numbers in a common row... begging for comment after the show... unwilling to fight so heavy and slow... your certain of course that you made the right move... the message delivered  a clue soon discovered... crashing through memories for the first time in days... trying to navigate and Focus and just follow through... process taunting... position fixed... solitude and silence fighting to exist... struggling to seek the calm inside...over and over i try to connect... choose your palate and color me in... content and secure as as canvas comes to life... i forget for a moment  that darkness brings light... before long eyes open, become clear, and gain focus... overwhelmed and surrounded, fight and flight feelings, no longer vested... take control, fast forward and focus describe what you see... blurred objects desperate to somehow conform... original shapes dont go with the norm... step out on your own and stretch your mind... Envision the picture, create your own lines... right to left, up and down, side to side and round and round... before long you notice that what you see..  are the lines becoming you... and you are me...
-Kelcee All

He was right
Tried to make me leave
He more than warned
Before ultimate defeat

So kind and sensitive
When not being cruel
He stole my heart
The unspoken rule

Love and hate
We made it to eight
Unspeakable acts
sealed our fate

Too weak on his own
To just get up and go
He had a plan
His true colors shown

No longer does he hold
Our fate in his hands
Passing the buck
Revealing his plan

He got his wish
Now facing time
Thanx for making it easier
To forget your mine...
... Kelcee All

A short time ago
Stood a girl in blue
Not her dress
But the way she felt...

A boy she knew
Made her feel brand new
Then took it away
Without a clue

She had no way
To reveal her shame
But felt in his words
Each night and day

What could she say
She had no excuse
She sat in silence
And took the abuse...

She did not feel proud
Pretty or pure
Never to forget
There is no cure

He forgave his love
With each harsh word
And as days had passed
She doubted her world

I do what i say
I say what i do
But for you my dear
I will not allow you

You hurt me once
You hurt me twice
You will not question me
This is my vice

So sit there and take it
Prove yourself to me
I will show you truely
How weak you can be

Until i am satisfied
I will not stop
Your too late
The stage has been set...

... Kelcee All

why did i try
why did i cry
why did u lie
why did u deny

u watched me speak
and denied your truth
do onto others
we learn in our youth

when this moment has passed
and the road is your home
remember i love u
and i wont be alone
...Kelcee All

Never ending freight train ahead... steady for a moment...
Full Speed Ahead...
Target locked
make your move...
take the bait...
I control your fate...
you shall never know...
your track has shifted...
so look behind...
as I stare...
If we meet again...
in that distant mile...
I will pass u by...
No tear in my eye...
... Kelcee All

Blood flows quickly through my veins... a walk by the river, powder on my face like a gentle breeze... Innocence Lost I walk the road to dead end stop... childlike burdens I bid you adieu... tortured Souls we become... a knockout in round one... displacement of liquid, quietly following the line..  a disturbance that shakes, circles around, then breaks... like a puzzle eventually will create... in a red room they wait to take form... becoming in time, a unique set of stills... look through the glass, don't venture too far... the answers you seek lie beneath the ice... ive been here before, not once but twice... remember where your from, feel free to wander, explore, and see... Eyes Wide Shut they create and believe... close the book and lock it, just throw away the key.
  ...Kelcee All

She gazes to the right...
True Luv...
a fight...
never giving up...
4Ever reaching...
never losing sight...

He looks to the left...
so much sadness and regret...
struggles of the heart...
he loves her no doubt...

Broken lines...
Scars so deep...
are they are able to love...
or Doomed to repeat...

She runs to the right...
he Swings with his left...
it's time to turn around...
walk by and deflect...
... Kelcee All
... P

u dont know
i refuse to show
i am strong
i will grow

i am what i am
im in control
i hold it in
i play a role

so think twice
be very careful
its a learned behavior
i dont need a savior...

i have another side
its beautiful and kind
so i block the other one
i pretend... im blind...

---Kelcee All

Trapped inside...
cannot speak...
like a hostage...
vulnerable and weak...
silent screams...
breath so deep...  
pray for release...
in an unconscious sleep...
the depth of the pain...
lies dormant and caged...
matter of time...
before fully enraged...
silent whispers...
circling its prey...
carefully rehearsing...
it must have its way..
it feeds on weakness...  
it wants you to break...
a friend in you...
it will attempt to make...
master of deception...  
make no mistake ...
all its attention...  
now focused on you...
somewhat familiar...
like deja vu...
it's spins your thoughts... distorting your view...
left with the memory...
of a person you once knew...
... Kelcee All

Trying to find...
scrambled words in your mind...
release your fears...
show what's inside...

A collection of words...
run rampid and crazed...
Locked tightly within...
as your heart wears thin...

Words to say...
refuse to let go...
There is no rush...
Just take it slow...

believe in yourself...
it may help you grow...

similarities seen...
struggling for order...
you're not alone...
you have a supporter...
... Kelcee All

Palms pressed against cold wire... so close to the edge... holding on tightly to what's left... just barely a supported grip... lines on my face... an imprint that may fade... or a permanent reminder of hate... eyes forced open... frantically fixed and glossed over... stay still don't move... snap... it's perfect... into a frame to protect re-live and display... unknown to you the part you would play... disoriented but breathing... sharing the spotlight with the insignificant space that surrounds it... trying to reach further... to surpass the limitations... moving slowly through the darkness... separating the lines... as lines become shapes... I question reality... snap your fingers 3 times... now pick a place and Design...in the moment and feeling inspired... staring at a cold metal canvas... the surface rough Tangled with spaces... similar to humans that have many faces... a distant memory now stone Cold... I have now been altered... a secret we now share... out in the open to view... no one else has a clue...
... Kelcee All

How is it possible to love & miss the ONE person you hate & fear the most ???
... Kelcee All

Not a typical day..  just another one.. same as the last... searching to find...a Feeling to express...tired of this overwhelming state of deress... drawing of a line... Black, white, red, or green... Makes no difference... White is everything... Make the bed... rest your head... maintain a thought before turning red... Close your eyes and you will see..  the very being you know you should be... here nor there... up or down... a rhombus or Square... Fact or fiction... don't hit the ground... the sound, a reflection... as if a cloud... The Sun Burns bright... as does the fight... The Power Within... Cannot be taken... the Phoenix inside... will always rise... Do or Die... See my demise...
... Kelcee All

Deep within oceans of blue
Reflecting miracles
Infinitely within mirrors
Forever shining
Death never blinding
...Kelcee All

Heart beats strong
Soo much love
Soo much pain
Soul conflicted
Compromised position

Love and happiness
lines secure
Through the clouds
A smile appears

Times of weakness
Head struggles South
Battlefield forming
Overcome
Maintain order

Let it all go...
Heart and soul take over...

Heart is given
To those loved
Experiences
Memories
Laughter
Fun

A perfect arrangement
Of musical notes
Two versions created
Silent sounds of RED...

Feel the sun
Shine on your face
Beautiful sight
Only for a moment
Devastatingly bright

Raindrops fall
Roll down your face
uniquely drawn path
Creating there own space

Painted hearts
Shades of Red
Combined souls
Shadows of Gold

Red and Gold
Heart and Soul
Be patient and kind
Leave judgment behind

Unique
Intelligent
strong
confident
Talented
Loving
Kind
Protective
Giving
Fun
Whitty

You two are one
Created by two
A gift to the world
Your brother and you...
... Kelcee All

what did i say
did i give it away
thats a topic
for another day...

if u choose to believe
in the words i say
then its your decision
to go or to stay...

i speak from the heart
believe it or not
its up to u
i gave u a head start

so take a moment to think
is she real or is she fake
for maybe one day
you will give and not take...

--Kelcee All

Alone in  my head... I need to quiet the thoughts... a blank sheet of white waiting to take life... a child eager to be taught... i scrape and claw... I try to find order... I run fast then try to slow down... you're thinking too much... just stop and focus... all this in efforts of contemplating a thought... where did she go??? as the lines are drawn erased and redone... I stare for a moment... content with the stroke... where will the next line go... to the right or the left... stop thinking so much in the center well-placed... look to the side... what do you see in your view... a glimpse of the past... just shade it in and then move... no need to rush... you're alone in the room... so make your decision... acute or obtuse... don't think too much... let your hands guide the way... there is no wrong or right for what you display... for it is its own original and unique... no one to judge discard or critique... be proud and content... all the work came from you... your mind is now clear... so enjoy the view...
... Kelcee All