They call me childish but I laugh with these eyes
The crimson tears that once flooded the skies
Always being looked down upon as if I'm Satan's child
The struggle is real and I don't know why
I'm just an innocent child who just wanted to survive
Fighting the tough battle that'll lead to his demise
Being weakened for reasons only god knows why
Stumbling on ever twig that he passes by  

But why...

I justed wanted to live my life
I didn't ask to be stuck beneath these skies
But what does one expect from an orphan in deskies
Blooded tears leaking from his broken eyes
If only they knew the truth
The pain I try so hard to deny
Calling home a box in the street
Curling up in a ball trying to maintain the heat

This life...

I would reach out calling out for mom
But mom is gone probably getting high again
There goes my lunch money dad was kind enough to give
Too bad papa don't want me refusing to take me in
He knows mom is an addict but he just looks at me saying I'll survive
Ha I'll survive after I starve to death
Because I have too much pride to be on the streets begging for money
Only for it to be used for my mother's "food"
It ain't my fault my parent's abandoned me
sigh why this life gotta be so hard


I didn't...

I'm so weak I can't complain no more
My legs feel like rubber and my stomach continues to growl
I can feel my life span shortening searching for a sad relief
It's the end for me, god please set me free
I crawl in desperation settling for the crumbs I find on the ground
Look at me pathetic
It's sad how life did me so wrong

ask for...?

Who would dare ask for this
I just wanted to be a normal if you know what I mean
I want to yell at my parent's saying I hate them
Knowing they still love no matter what
But that's not the case for I
The child that is about to die leaving my cursing why

But why this life I didn't ask for?

this is written for one special person,
I justed wanted to say thank you.
Thank you for loving me whole heartedly
Even when my heart was nowhere near being whole
Thank you for being gentle because you knew how broken I was
Thank you for never leaving my side
even though I tried to push you miles away
Thank you for being my backbone when I couldn't seem to stand
Thank you for being the man I have fallen deeply in love with
Thank you for being who you are.

dear friend

i justed received your very welcome letter

&

instead of buttons, i have a pencil note

note that i use a pen

&

like my drawings may make mistakes

with drawings that is my intention

to see where it takes me, where it

takes the viewer

&

if no one sees it anyway, never mind

i have never been to grimsby

&

should like to visit one day

when we are allowed out again

i planned to write this sitting at the table

by the window like a lady in a novel yet

find i am on the floor crouching at the

coffee table

plans fail

the meter man came

& he kept his distance on command beautifully

young lad with red hair

&

an angry boil on his neck

this morning i woke to birdsong

opened the window wide to listen

to them rather than the radio

pleasant days despite the underlying anxiety

over family health & wellbeing

most of my erasers are filthy as i use chunks

of charcoal

&

draw back in with the rubber

i do wash them in the machine sometimes you know

as i write i notice more dust over there to be swept

aside later

i glory in four first class stamps left so this will fly

quickly if i post it soon

yes, leaving things alone a while works for me

on my return i may see things more clearly

&

a way to proceed.

I'm exhausted, why? Because After every minute and after every hour I'm stuck wasting away working like a bee, only to receive a short life of finance and hopelessness .

      I see what I want but to be able to  reach out and  grasp it would be a long tiring walk for it is thousands of miles away from were I stand. I look out at in the distance like and ocean, only water surrounding me, I feel stuck, almost as if I were lost at sea. My only view being the salty water before me and a volatile future. I contemplate giving up, but I have only justed  started.

    I'm Stuck , Stuck like a dull clock that doesn't tick.

     I'm Stuck, as tho I had jumped into a abundance of quick sand, allowing it to swallow me whole.

      The sand is heavy, like the weight of my stress and fatigue. Weighing me down into the ground along with everything  else it swallows- My Sanity, hopefulness and my future.

.   I thought If I allowed the sand to conceal me it would  all vanish, but the burden becomes stronger as tho it had utilized its ability to worsen while I was lost in the back of my mind.

    Does it ever end ? I've asked for many years, it doesn't end until death is at your feet ready to collect your broken spirit. Even death would feel sympathy for my broken mind placing a hand of relief upon my shoulder, But my time is not near, but far from it