"jokingly" poems
She may be ******
And she may check my fingers-
Slam her hard metal pole down on them-
Each time we practice lacrosse.
And she may roll her eyes
At
Me.
But I don't hate her.
I feel sorry for her.
Because I think I'm the only one
Who pays attention
Through the laughter and fun
That
He touches her.
And she makes a joke out of it
So her minions snap out of their dazed state and
Chuckle a little bit.
But his crawling fingers are greedy
And her words are scarce.
All of the brain-dead minions
Laugh when she jokingly screams,
****
Except me.
May 8, 2013
May 8, 2013 at 10:13 PM UTC
i want to get to know you.
i remember thinking that when i first met you.
i wanted to get to know everything about you.
what you look like in the morning, what you look like at night, what your hair is like if you jokingly put it up in a towel, what your family is like, what words you use a lot.
what your favorite scent of febreeze is, what color you describe the sky as, what you think of when you see something beautiful.
what your favorite creamer is to put into your coffee or if you even like coffee, what you look like at 2am when you're feeling alone.
how you speak when you are angry in comparison to when you are sad (so i will never get the two mixed up), what you want as a tattoo, what you believe in.
i wanted to know everything that i could fall in love with.
and i learned that there is no one else i would rather know, than you.
because absolutely everything about you is intriguing, from what you look like in the morning to what you dare to believe in.
Jun 18, 2014
Jun 18, 2014 at 2:03 AM UTC
I went to church today
I don't know what I was trying to find
Hopes? Dreams? A figure to follow and some worthy morals?
I wanted advice, I wanted to feel alive
I left there with these words resonating in my head
"Homosexuality and suicide are abominable"
a short phrase that sums the fancy and elaborated speech of the preacher
Only the sinful suffer, and I guess that's why I am troubled.
I've thought of suicide jokingly and seductively
more times that I could possibly count
I have kissed girls and I am openly attracted to them
I am not afraid of saying it and with respect, showing it.
According to the bible;
Lesbians and gays was a punishment for not obeying God
Suicide is a way of controlling your faith
And the only one that has power over you is the Lord.
God gives you what he thinks you deserve
He knows you since before you where born
and because of that he is more responsible of yourself
than yourself itself.
Your brains are too small
how dare you to contradict the all powerful one with such disturbing thoughts?
He created all and everything, all and nothing
He knows what he is doing, and in no way you can try to question him
I felt more small and insignificant than ever,
How did a invisible figure matter more than my logical arguments?
Can't I decide what I want? Isn't it my body and my emotions the one in play?
There's other 8 billion people and you try to guilt trip me because I want to end it all?
Sinners will suffer only the prayer can save you, you can't save yourself, God will save you.
Isn't it better to try to put myself together? Wouldn't I be learning more with that experience?
Instead of repeating words of prayers, shouldn't It try to save myself or solve the problems?
How dare you to contradict the all powerful one with such disturbing thoughts!
If God chooses to give you what he believes is right
Then why am I the one in so much pain?
Why good things doesn't happen to good people and to the bad ones bad things?
Is it because the bad ones will always pray?
I went to church today
I tried to find support,
I wanted to confess
"Hey, I want to **** myself"
I thought that well...
If so many people could feel happy by worshiping
I didn't loose anything by trying
I instead ended up gaining: guilt, trouble, and a feeling that I will burn in hell
May 22, 2013
May 22, 2013 at 2:31 AM UTC
His:
My palms were sweaty
and heavy, but perhaps
the heaviest thing about them
were the two concert tickets
I was gripping tightly in my left hand.
Hers:
His smile was like a bonfire;
warm and you always wanted to bring your body closer
just to feel more of that warmth.
His palms were also sweaty.
Some of my friends say it was gross,
but I will always remember it
as one of the most charming things about him.
His:
I picked her up around 7.
Met her parents and said we'd be home by midnight.
Her father likes the Cardinals.
I'm a Cubs fan.
Yeah...
Hers:
My father is a Cardinals fan,
and he was a Cubs fan.
But, what I didn't tell him,
was that my mother was a Cubs fan too.
My father won't say it,
but he approved of him instantly.
Mom, if you can hear me up there,
thank you.
His:
Her father scared the living daylights out of me.
We came back at 12:06, and her father says
"You're six minutes late young man!
That's it! You're not allowed to..."
and as my heart is sinking he says
"I'm just kidding bud. Thanks for getting her home safe."
She still won't let me live that down.
Hers:
He was so sweet to my parents,
even after dad tried to scare him out of his wits,
he said, "Sir, with all do respect
that may have just been the most mortifying moment of my life."
I walked him out, still teasing him.
With this sassy looking face and a furrowed brow
he kissed me goodnight and said
"I only got scared because we've only just begun."
I think that's when I fell in love with him.
His:
Good God I must have looked like a *****
I ask her jokingly every now and again
"When did you fall in love with me?"
All she does is chuckle and say
"When dad scared the hell out of you."
I think what scares me more now,
is that I know there's a part of her that's serious,
and I like that. I don't really understand why,
I just do.
Hers:
I couldn't wait to see him again.
I asked mom and dad what they thought of him
and mom said "He's a keeper."
Dad said "He reminds me of your mother;
Clumsy, easy to tease, but you can't help but love the kid."
Mom punched him on the shoulder
and then gave dad a kiss.
They both agreed and said "We'll allow it."
I was so happy to hear that.
Aug 16, 2014
Aug 16, 2014 at 10:23 PM UTC
It was a rainy night. He took out his umbrella, opened it, and it soon engulfed the both of us. "Hey, you're getting wet," he said. He pulled me closer to him, his arms like the umbrella protecting me, protecting us from the drizzle.
I snapped out of my daydream to find him weirdly staring at me, and asked him, "What, do I have something on my face?"
"No, it's just... why are you staring into space?"
Our footsteps made little splashes, puddles reflected a thousand images of us. These pictures from nature will not last for a lifetime but the rain was our witness, as if the skies were crying at a matrimonial ceremony.
I took a step away from him to let the memory of him soak in me. He stands there in the rain innocently, with umbrella in hand, waiting for me to respond. Breathing out, I told him: "Ask me what I think of you right now."
"Wait, what? Are we going to play a game?" That usual what-is-going-on look still stupidly plastered on his angelic face. "Well, what do you think of me right now, then?"
I didn't hesitate and the first word that automatically left my lips were 'umbrella'.
"Umbrella? Do I look that thin to you, really?" He said dryly as he gave me an uninspired look. He shook his head in disbelief and pouted. "And I thought you'd relate me at least to the rain."
"Umbrella: definition for a protecting force or influence," I told him as I stood in place. I side-glanced at him to find a spark lighted up in his eyes as his shoulders loosened. "You're my umbrella because I need you in rainy days and sunny ones. Literally because of your stature to block the sun or cover me when it rains," I laughed. "And it's not because you're thin like one, silly. But how you comfortingly stretch out your arms to me when it's a bad day for me. How you guard me from others' icy remarks. It feels like a need to have you around wherever I go."
He cleared his throat jokingly and added, "Might I say I also take you high like Mary Poppins' umbrella." He burst out laughing as I glared at him for his poorly done innuendo.
But right there and then as I rolled my eyes at him, he dropped the umbrella, grabbed me by my waist and kissed me as light as the raindrops kissing our skin. He broke off after a while and said, "Getting wet, are we?"
Before I could claw at him for his second pun, he released me as I chased him down, not caring if I would get a fever later. But sometimes I just wonder how did I come to like, fall in love, and love him-- basically feel every emotion with him. In all truth, he wasn't just my umbrella, but also my home whom I'll always return to at the end of all my days. Umbrella or home, he is my shelter.
Mar 27, 2016
Mar 27, 2016 at 7:46 AM UTC
Here, now, summer is synonymous with loneliness,
Scorching heat with empty houses and empty driveways.
In a few hours, your room with a future lost
Out of my own free will,
And the beach we used to frequent will be synonymous with the ghosts of hope and a lover scorned.
I called my uncle today and I almost cried.
His voice is synonymous with love unconditional and pure,
As he half-jokingly admits that he loves me more than my siblings
Because
When I was young and sat on his shoulders and drooled on his hair,
I was synonymous with daughter years before he had his own.
As I text my friends, snort at their jokes and cringe at their mistakes,
I wonder
What am I synonymous with?
Jul 19, 2018
Jul 19, 2018 at 1:42 PM UTC
Call me a million things
But never refer to me as a *****
My friends say it jokingly
But from you it's offensive.
I don't care if you're playing around.
The word ***** should never
escape your lips.
Not when speaking of me.
I do so much for you...
I am not your *****
I will never be your *****
Don't refer to me as a *****
You catching my drift?
Cause baby as soon as the word
leaks through those lips I kiss on a daily...
It'll be over faster then you can say
I'm sorry baby.
Apr 23, 2014
Apr 23, 2014 at 11:17 AM UTC
My kryptonite?
That's a good question. I'm no superhero, no, my limbs too fragile for any crime fighting, any dark lighting of the night, I can't be a Batgirl.
But everyone still has a kryptonite.
I jokingly tell people ice cream, or inappropriate musicals, or turtles, or writing. Writing is a good one. I will do a lot for the sake of the written word.
But that's not what truly gets to me, what breaks me down every time.
Change and love.
Changing love.
It begins as perfection, as bliss on a stick, like a Firecracker Popsicle, delicious until you get to the part you don't like, or, when you get to the end. All you have left is this disgusting flavor in your mouth or the taste of bark, and neither is pleasant.
Everything ends.
That's what kills me. That is my kryptonite. Endings.
In so many facets, this thing kills me. They are my favorite part of every story, but my least favorite part of my life. They are what I spend the most time constructing in a paper, but they are the thing I avoid the most in reality.
I have been taught, in my life, that everyone will leave. There's abandonment sewn into my heart that I'm not sure can ever be erased because, unfortunately for me, its always been true. Almost everyone has left me, and I can't help but assume the rest will leave too, until I am alone.
That's what I love about writing. When you write, there's characters, a new world, a new life. You're never alone, and you're never yourself. When you despise who you are so much, its a dream to try on a different coat and live another life, even if its for only a few minutes.
Another flaw of mine; getting off track. We began on kryptonite, and then I turned it into a tale about the wonders of writing. Typical Grace, distracted about words. Words, words, words, but are they real?
They're real to me, so I guess that's all that matters.
I guess it all circles back to my original kryptonite. Love.
I love too much and get hurt too easily. Its the struggle of my disorder and the folly of my far too large heart, far too large for my little body. Sometimes I wonder if my entire body is one larger, misshapen heart ***** I fully realize the heart is not where emotion comes from, but I'm certainly not all brain. Heart is the only ***** that makes sense. so strong, so vital, but so breakable.
Maybe that's why they call it falling in love, because even Superman can't fly away from it.
Its kryptonite.
Dec 7, 2014
Dec 7, 2014 at 3:59 PM UTC
I thought of you, when you thought of me.
I deleted all our memories off my phone.
The ones where we're smiling,
As if in a few short months,
We didn't know we'd be nothing to each other,
You gave me a quiet hey,
I gave you a simple nod,
We asked about each other's lifes,
I found that quite odd,
Because it feels like just yesterday,
You knew me better than myself,
But you told me about your new job,
1500 a night,
Taking your clothes off for girls,
As if that was right,
I asked jokingly if you charged extra for the guys,
You nodded without missing a beat,
I felt chocked up inside,
I just grinned and said I remember when I got all of that for free.
Jan 8, 2015
Jan 8, 2015 at 10:46 PM UTC
We were laughing and smiling and joking around
I saw something snap
like a twig in your mind
I thought you were kidding
when you called me a *****
so I jokingly told you
to go **** yourself
before i could move
your fist collided with my temple
my face hit the dresser
before i hit the floor
I screamed what the **** is wrong with you
and you landed another punch
this time to my lip making
crimson flow from two places
my eyebrow and my lip
a bruise formed around my eye as i started to cry
i should of left then
before you started begged for forgiveness
Jan 31, 2016
Jan 31, 2016 at 1:01 AM UTC
Revving up the engine
of the gleaming funky machine
before zooming around, gave her
such an Adrenalin high, nonperil.
The constant ****** no guy ever could
promise, this act gives her.
She is pleased for that moment,
gets ready for the ****** rigmarole,
the very next second.
She gets jealous of her
own story, ever heard of that?
On the race course and the spread bed
alike her ebullience creates
tsunami waves,broke long standing records.
When you run fast enough
there comes a moment,when
there is no record left to break!
and the beds, you guessed right,
all are broken, made redundant.
And then the inevitable happens,
she smells leaking gas, panics,
freezes on the track, shuddering,
switches off quickly the engine
of her dream machine,her heartbeat,
makes the final escape,spontaneously,
without delay, decides to renounce
worldly pleasures altogether,
up to the Himalayas goes by foot, seeking
that thing which in life she missed all along,
Finds silver light's play on ice caps, and realize this:
she was walking through a dark, dark tunnel ,
of self-deception,"Affluenza" was indeed her affliction.
The Himalayan snow cap, loomed large as an attraction,
in her dreams once, now seemed less formidable, at arm's length,
"What a Guru,who looked timelessly ancient,
jokingly predicted once, comes true here"she muses.
Her trek upwards resumes with a vengeance.
Mar 6, 2016
Mar 6, 2016 at 6:08 AM UTC
Dear my lovely soon to be,
you were sitting at the cafe when I saw you.
sitting in the corner, with your music playing.
keeping quietly to yourself, thinking.
I did not mean to stare, but what can I say,
you caught my eye.
an elderly couple walked in, the bells chimed,
their time telling aged hands intertwined.
it made me smile.
knowing that love can last.
He ordered his coffee black, no sugar.
She ordered her tea, milk, two sugars.
He nudged Her jokingly and said,
" Don't worry sweetie, I got it this time."
as if He had not paid for Her every
other time throughout their long life together.
they searched the small eatery
only to find that all seats were taken.
at that moment you looked up ,
and without thought, gathered your things.
you directed the couple to where you were sitting,
told them it was rightfully theirs.
He shook your hand as if you were old friends.
you turned to walk away, and met my smiling eyes,
along with my now rosy blushed face.
not knowing what to do I turned away
thinking how I could let you catch me staring.
looking up hoping you were gone,
but secretly wishing you stayed,
there you were, unexpectedly.
you smiled, sat down, reached across the table
took my hand, and said,
" Hello, I'm Brian.
I couldn't help but notice you looking,
but don't worry, I only noticed
because I was looking, too."
With all the love in my heart,
yours now and forever..
Nov 20, 2011
Nov 20, 2011 at 2:13 AM UTC
You Smiled At Me, Blue-Grey Eyes Crossing,
You Know How To Make Me Smile
"I Love You," You Said Jokingly,
"I Love You Too," I Said Sarcastically,
Oh, How Serious I Was
May 9, 2013
May 9, 2013 at 9:50 PM UTC
They taught me to swim the same way they taught me to ride a bike.
lets see what happens when we push her down a hill, will she balance or bite through her lip?
They locked me in the closet, a suitcase, the trunk of our Toyota Corolla and a cardboard box all because I fit ;)
I walked through her room while she studied for her Calculus Final because it was the only way to get to my room (over and over for attention).
They held me down 3 at a time to play piano on my tummy while I shreked for pure joy and fun.
He gave me a boxing name on our trampoline and let me win. I ate his chocolate in her bed. They thought I was a cat licking itself under the covers.
When he came off the streets he gave me video games, Spyro, Pokemon, Zelda, and Sonic At first I didn't know we were related.
She chased me and my best friend around the house Screaming
Squeeze my buns of steal baby
he never came back.
They held me upstairs while things flew and crashed downstairs forever breaking the lemon squeezer. I cried and he held me, my first memory of him being nice.
She had me live with her 5 days a week 6 years because our parents didn't want to deal, even though she was bulimic. She took care of me but in truth I kept her alive.
They were my first memory, they were there for me, when I was little they were my parents. I jokingly tell people that all my good traits were learned from them.
When they left there was no one left to protect me. All alone, too young to understand them being gone was what made me sad. I was used to having 8 parents and now I have the two that actually gave birth to me.
Haha I say you only have 2. I gave up on them long ago, why would I pick 2 when I have 8?
Forever the 8 of us.
Apr 5, 2014
Apr 5, 2014 at 12:37 AM UTC
The hp deathstar had all but sqaushed are rebellion.
And the pub falcon was being looked for parked in front of everycyber bar across the net so it really ****** cause capt Gonzo
was really thirsty.
We had taken refuge on endor for awhile untill
thoose fury bastards got pissed over a simple misunderstanding
they sure were some horney little teddy bears .
In thinking over were to hide there was mention
of eurainus to which I replied.
Get your mind outta the gutter man.
you just said eurainus.
Cp bathsebo and R2 Swanson said s0mething to which
I jokingly replied hush the men are talking once wasnt to smart.
Ever been kick to the grown by a steel high heel shoe
hopefully the numbness will wear off.
Master golden had taught me much
but that was many drinks ago.
How am i supposed to remember that far back
yesterday was a blur.
So **** it lets kick his *** already jack skyhorner said.
Darth Elliot was mighty the battle was hell.
I would have joined in but someone had to rob the liqour
cabinet besides Honzo Gonzo a bit of a hangover.
As the stormtroppers aproached screamed like a 13 year old girl and ran to fire up the pub falcon.
As the others said what about jack I said im sorry but he's gone
it was brutle i took out as many as could.
But Jack would want us to move on.
Just then Jack appeared and said nice scream gonz.
We blasted across the gallaxy with no direction cause ya know
how guys are about asking for directions.
Fully stocked and and reloaded so to speak.
Drath Elliot was amighty foe.
But no match for the outcast girly screaming
Capt Gonzo
Mar 23, 2010
Mar 23, 2010 at 1:45 PM UTC
Ghetto child, dusty brown face, hopeless eyes, dandelion flower,
piles of dirt surround him.
He quickly runs across glittering pieces of glass
that mimics the sound of ice crushing beneath his
paper-thin soles.
Sirens scream! Radios blare! No angels to be found,
at least not here.
Tall brick building,
six stories high,
so worn and torn from many loveless years.
Baby doll, blond and white,
tossed from the high rooftop late last night,
cracked face,
broken smile,
she once brought solace to a lonely child,
she now lies forgotten amid a maze of discarded trash.
Drunken man leans against a blood-stained wall to
support his failing body,
brown papered-bagged bottle he clenches in his bandaged
hand;
he struggles to reach his lips to swallow its pain-killing
contents.
"How bout a date, sweetness?"
He slurs to two young girls passing by,
who carefully ignore his cry,
but jokingly remark of his haggard condition
as they quickly pace down the noisy garbage strewn street
and he fades within the darkness of the heated night,
without as much as a prayer to soothe his waning soul.
In this neighborhood lost,
at high human cost,
in the heart of the thriving city......
Feb 1, 2014
Feb 1, 2014 at 1:36 AM UTC
you told me -
what did you tell me?
so many things.
you told me
i was your best friend,
which i am.
you told me i'm pretty;
you also told me i'm infuriating,
annoying,
obnoxious,
and weird,
all of which are true.
you told me that i'm a good person,
that i'm not stupid for crying when a girl in our class got cancer,
that i'm smarter than i think.
you told me so many things, and all of them
exactly what i needed.
jesus christ.
you're my best friend.
i know things about you that i
shouldn't want to know about anyone, such as
you fall asleep in the shower
and certain words, like "indubitably", make you twitchy;
you can't sleep unless something near you smells like old spice.
seriously: so many things.
i know your masturbatory habits, for god's sake!
so it shouldn't make sense,
this,
rabid desire of mine,
to know more,
to know everything,
to read you like a book, to know you like i don't know anyone, to absorb every fact of your existence like a sponge, to spend hours hearing your mind, to want everything of you, to share everything of me -
it shouldn't make sense,
and it doesn't.
but i haven't forgotten the way,
how,
in the darkness and the clumsiness
of a tiny space
in the silence after the half-hissed teasing and the muffled laughter,
you wrapped your arms around my waist to steady me,
and kept them there,
there in the dark,
or how,
sitting in the air of your basement,
you held my feet in your lap,
and jokingly gnawed at my toes when i teased you,
or how
you flick your fingers together like you do when you're thinking,
making me fall so in like with your mind,
or when -
well.
there are too many times,
for me to remember.
so it shouldn't make sense,
you ******* badass specimen of best-friendship.
and it doesn't.
but i know,
and you know,
and everyone who knows us knows,
that really, sort of,
it does.
Apr 10, 2012
Apr 10, 2012 at 6:57 PM UTC
He was born the year Babe hit 61,
Baptized by the Great Depression,
And confirmed in the South Pacific;
They jokingly called him the Million Dollar Baby.
No one knows why
Because he was one of millions who did what
Was right in a time when if they hadn't
Our world could have gone wrong.
And they expected not even a pat on the back for doing it.
They were beautiful.
He was beautiful, my dad.
He carried me even when I was old enough to walk
No complaints, no expectations beyond that I would
Do the same for mine.
I tried, but didn't do as well as he had done for me.
Now the Million Dollar Baby sits in a geri chair,
Cared for lovingly by his youngest girl.
Fading like his memory of who he was and what he did
But I will never forget.
Heaven will be lucky to get him,
I was luckier to have been his son.
Jun 21, 2016
Jun 21, 2016 at 7:00 PM UTC
People poke at my sides jokingly
"She's so skinny? What are you like a size 0?"
No, size 2
108
I wrap my arms around my abdomen in shame
But it's not where I want to be
0, 00, 000
98
That's my wish
"You're such a twig! Haha"
"Let me see your arm, wow!"
"I could wrap my whole arm around your little waist, haha"
Am I a freakshow
Or the star of it
It feels the same
I hate
and hate
and hate
and hate
until there is nothing left
Oct 25, 2018
Oct 25, 2018 at 12:17 AM UTC
She said she hadn't been sleeping -
bad dreams: her Jack Russell
getting lost in the fields.
And it's almost harvest time.
I said, half jokingly - only half,
it's your maternal instinct
kicking in. She laughed.
I guess she's still that young.
Dec 24, 2010
Dec 24, 2010 at 2:34 AM UTC
“Oh, you sorry fool
You’ve cut your fingers
Plucking on
my puppet strings
AGAIN!!
When will you learn?
Souls like his
Were not meant
for souls like yours
He will live his
whole entire life
And not once
think twice
About the color of
your eyes”
I jokingly tell my friends
That my daddy issues are
The root of these
crushes on older men
But they don’t know
the hurt
Behind those words
It is hard to explain how
The man I'm
sleeping with
Is/could be my
Dad!
Because of this
I now have
Borderline
Personality
Disorder
But I can't
Exactly
talk about
About what
happened
I try to tell my
friends, they
Say
“Well every
teenager
has mood
swings”
But they have
Not seen
How crazy
I can be!
I warn boys I am
crazy
they laugh
and
say
They’ve dealt
with crazy
Girls before
I am too
embarrassed
To tell them
when
They forget to say
goodnight to me
It feels like
the harshest
abandonment,
The cruelest
betrayal,
And I not knowing
How to deal with this
Constant denial
How do you explain
that to someone?
so blissfully unaware,
This boy
I love
with all
all my heart
And then some
Says he will
fight for me
And I so badly
Want to believe in his
promise
But he does not know
It will be a battle
against himself
Because I
Do not know
how to be
with someone
Because I
Am better off alone
Because I
Ruin people
I have a system,
you see.
I let boys put
Their tongue
in my mouth
Their hands
on my
chest
I let myself
believe
Ill fill the hollow
space in my gut
At least take my
mind off of it
And I always
make sure
They like me
more
Than I
like
them
Because
I cannot
be caught
Off guard
again
I remember
the day
I told myself
I didn’t need my dad
He has tried
to work his
Way back into
my life
And I hated
him for it
With all
of my
being
I had never
despised
a human
so much
so I let go
I stopped
Talking
to him
To this
Day
I still
Cry
he still has not
said sorry
Even if
I'd still
Feel
Nothing
The memories
are crushing
Feels so
Heavy
I cannot
forgive
my dad
For what
he did
To me at 2
Years old
And I have never
felt worse
about
Anything in
my life!!
So I take a
silver
spoon
And dig out
the parts
of me
That still
hurt
And I let
men crawl
inside
And I let
them build
a home
So I can finally
be good for
something
All my friends
Growing up
Called me
a ****
*****
And I want
to scream
They don’t
understand
This is
the only
way I feel
I am worth
anything
This is the
only thing
I can feel
If I could have
it any other
way
I would
But this is the
way things are
And this
Is the way they will
continue to be.
#daddy #issues **** *** #men
Oct 6, 2018
Oct 6, 2018 at 4:44 AM UTC
I woke up this morning and felt like doing some cutting
Just for the heck of it.
I didn't, if only because I had no reason
I had no time
I made two promises,
And with them, I never lie.
Got up, dressed, finished a project due by 2:30
Before school starts my brother comes down
Scale in hand, telling me to get on so he can see if he weighs more
Always wanting to be taller, weigh more
So I can be his 'little sister'
I sigh, step on. Expecting my usual of 90-92
86
Freak out mode: on.
I forgot to eat properly over the last 24 hours, maybe that's it
I only got 5 hours of sleep the last 2 nights, maybe that's it
I've been really stressed by school, maybe that's it
Almost time to go and somehow I still can't eat, I don't want to.
I need to though.
Let me explain this: I normally weigh about 92 pounds
95 is what I should weigh
I need to gain weight anyway, but high metabolisms don't like that
So usually I am 3 pounds underweight
Today it was about 10.
Go to school, should eat but don't want to
Standing, waiting, anticipating what?
Hand my friend three cookies, I tell the group my problem
One cookie handed back(other two previously eaten)
Told to eat by four friends, too hard to explain why I can't eat
Numerous reminders to eat
Lunch: I'm handed some chicken nuggets, ice cream
Half jokingly threatened that I won't be talked to unless I eat
Begged to eat
Strangely: I have no such desire
I have minimal amounts of body fat(less than 10 percent)
But even so, I can feel weight missing,
The absence of my already flat belly, surreal to think about
I still don't feel like eating, not really hungry
No other explanation
Friend tells me to pig out when I get home
Quiz bowl after school and I'm only ever so slightly hungry
But not much
A friend steals my gym shoes, mom comes
At home I eat some butter and honeyed toast, tea, candied ginger, half a thing of crackers
Report to friend # 2 who then proceeds to command me to eat more, and interrogates on why I'm not eating
Tell friend # 1 as well, his approval expressed
Dinner and afterwards I only feel hungrier... so strange.
I check the scale again
89
Better, but still too low.
I need to work on this...
Dec 7, 2012
Dec 7, 2012 at 11:57 PM UTC
You and I jokingly started.
You said to me, "I love you,"
With a joke attached.
I replied back, "I love you too,"
With my heart attached.
I felt nothing as you held it.
Maybe because it slowly melted
By your undying rage of me.
I still ask why you loved me.
Only to throw me like a clay frisbee,
and shoot with a shotgun shell
Imbued by the bitterness of you.
Pieces of it are left and it felt like hell.
I antagonized you,
I despised you,
I loathed you,
But I never stopped loving you.
I never stopped caring for you.
I hate you for leaving me.
I hate you for teaching me how to love.
I hate you for not teaching me how to stop loving you.
Jul 2, 2017
Jul 2, 2017 at 12:16 AM UTC
you are everything
you are everyone
you are every cliche
you are the sun,
you are the stifling heat
that cannot be escaped
you are valentines cards
misdirected and misshaped,
you are hotmail,
you are myspace,
you are my face,
hungover and exhausted,
you are lost kids,
you are something that was fun,
you are not getting shotgun,
you are beer
that's been in the sun
too long,
you are a sad song,
that's not been made better,
you are the hole in my sweater,
or my pockets,
you are the chalky sugar that's
passed off as rockets,
you are the first drummer of the beatles,
you are evil,
and i don't mean that jokingly,
you are choking me,
like turtlenecks,
or high stake bets,
made on the wrong team,
you are what seems like
a good idea at the time,
you are past tense,
you are jeans caught in the fence
preventing teens from sneaking in,
you are cold wind on a dry winter's day,
you are Coldplay's last two albums,
you are too much talcum powder
you are convenience store flowers,
you are forced,
you are hoarse
voices in place of song,
you are wrong,
you are the weakest link,
you are outdated references,
you are beverages,
that have lost carbonation,
you are hesitation
that leads to regret,
you are the new york mets,
you are first impressions
that i make on the elderly,
you are Beverly Hills Chihuahua,
you are foie gras,
you are aqua
and their music in my head,
you are cold beds,
warm beer,
empty freezers,
old tears,
fake appeasers,
new fears,
you are the moments
when it feels like no one's near,
you are searching for Waldo for hours,
you are any buildings "bigger" than the cn tower,
you are fake,
you are first date awkward silence,
you are last date awkward silence,
you are violence,
you are hybrid suvs,
you are bees,
you are black flies,
you are forgetting an event is black tie,
you are something nice to forget,
you are socks that are wet,
you are the slow driver in the left lane,
you are fame,
you are fleeting seconds
never to be recaptured,
you are the man on the corner
screaming about rapture,
you are actors selling out,
you are stains on a couch,
you are lost remotes,
you are failed attempts to save face,
you are everything
that has ever graced
this time and space,
here and above,
you are everything,
you are love...
Jun 30, 2012
Jun 30, 2012 at 5:12 PM UTC