inadvertant anorexia... is that possible?

luckyqueue Poems

I woke up this morning and felt like doing some cutting Just for the heck of it. I didn't, if only because I had no reason I had no time I made two promises, And with them, I never lie. Got up, dressed, finished a project due by 2:30 Before school starts my brother comes down Scale in hand, telling me to get on so he can see if he weighs more Always wanting to be taller, weigh more So I can be his 'little sister' I sigh, step on. Expecting my usual of 90-92 86 Freak out mode: on. I forgot to eat properly over the last 24 hours, maybe that's it I only got 5 hours of sleep the last 2 nights, maybe that's it I've been really stressed by school, maybe that's it Almost time to go and somehow I still can't eat, I don't want to. I need to though. Let me explain this: I normally weigh about 92 pounds 95 is what I should weigh I need to gain weight anyway, but high metabolisms don't like that So usually I am 3 pounds underweight Today it was about 10. Go to school, should eat but don't want to Standing, waiting, anticipating what? Hand my friend three cookies, I tell the group my problem One cookie handed back(other two previously eaten) Told to eat by four friends, too hard to explain why I can't eat Numerous reminders to eat Lunch: I'm handed some chicken nuggets, ice cream Half jokingly threatened that I won't be talked to unless I eat Begged to eat Strangely: I have no such desire I have minimal amounts of body fat(less than 10 percent) But even so, I can feel weight missing, The absence of my already flat belly, surreal to think about I still don't feel like eating, not really hungry No other explanation Friend tells me to pig out when I get home Quiz bowl after school and I'm only ever so slightly hungry But not much A friend steals my gym shoes, mom comes At home I eat some butter and honeyed toast, tea, candied ginger, half a thing of crackers Report to friend # 2 who then proceeds to command me to eat more, and interrogates on why I'm not eating Tell friend # 1 as well, his approval expressed Dinner and afterwards I only feel hungrier... so strange. I check the scale again 89 Better, but still too low. I need to work on this...