"jailtime" poems
I remember the first time she was put in jail when I was a teenager.
I was in the psyche hospital twenty minutes out of town,
an out patient facility,
trying my hardest to stop my mind from telling me to rip my skin open.
my dad picked me up that day dressed in his court clothes,
and my mom wasn't with him.
I was expecting that the entire day of course,
but I still broke down when we got into the truck.
my dad and brother work third shift,
and when I started painting a bottle red and slicing it up with a knife,
he called into to work to stay with me for the night.
it was more of his fear of me slicing my skin open instead of the red bottle, than him just keeping me company.
the second time she was put in jail,
I don't even remember it from all the pills I took to numb myself.
I don't remember why she was there,
and I don't remember how the nights felt without her.
today when the cop called me,
I was almost certain she finally crashed her car or took too many pills.
the cop told me she was arrested,
and asked to speak to my father.
the last few weeks between me and her were not good,
you'd think I was being abused if I told you the things she said to me and vice versa,
and who knows,
maybe I was.
now she's going to be in jail for who knows how long,
and the guilt and the regret weighing on my shoulders,
gripping my heart so tight it's hard to breathe,
makes me wish I could hurt myself again,
but what kind of person would I be if I hurt myself when I told you not to?
Sep 28, 2015
Sep 28, 2015 at 2:04 AM UTC
That rare relationship,for only a father and daughter
But everyone's selfishishness created disorder
She was 12, near thirteen with much senistivity to care
A myriad of things upon her, with all the wrong help there
To this day times need mending ,
a period without ending
and the aloneness consumes,
all i could say is You're a woman, with roses in bloom
But Dad is on the outs, and being a woman is defined
It's not unusual, all dads and daughters experience this in time,
But this got big in everyone's life
others rally cry became a crime, with never-ending strife
No bandwagon was going to stop what was taken to extreme,
and distance became hate and the wife now used it as steam
Making up for her reminders, and inability to cope,
a mutual hatred aligned against him became her scope
Everythings grown but the feeling that ensued
a daughter and dad, an ending so rude
injustices piled on, and everyone sad,
the years have gone by and all still so mad
damage beyond belief for one loving Dad
but nobody cares about the extremes he had
All the problems created has him to blame
and all the love he gave, all just a shame
Jailtime, incarceration, his career destroyed,
Bowled over by all he trusted
only lawyers employed
Pain frozen in time, no chance to be worked through
No father and daughter Just lies pursued
No father and daughter how precious it once was
Only the pictures and peddles survived the Dad's cause
His heart always heavy through each injustice endured
Art, love and dance saved him
and the actual truth for more
But no days can replace the ones that were lost
To extemes it was taken, at everyone's cost.
But the love is forever no matter what anyone does
The friends, family, the law still with no cause
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry to not stop the wars
I Love You my Daughter
No wrong can re-arrange.
I Love you my daughter
One thing that's never subject to change
We grow, we grow, and feel unfinished inside
Need to fix what's Frozen
Need to fix the lies.
Feb 6, 2017
Feb 6, 2017 at 6:58 PM UTC