Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Denxai Mcmillon Sep 2015
sunlight streams effortlessly through my window,
the dust and dead skin
floats through the air
creating that ray of light
that we all found to be beautiful,
as kids.
I sit staring,
contemplating
what I can say to take it back
a small part of me hopes you never read this
simply because I want to stay true to my word,
however, a larger
more powerful part of me
is ripping through my head and body, like stars that's got too close to each other
their gravitates and planets collide making a mess of galactic size.
I've eaten once
since I stepped away to try,
To try make my feelings die.
Not by choice
anytime I try and eat I throw up,
then cry
then throw up.
Only once could I keep it down.
I know how I used to be.
I used to hate the thought of being lonely,
now I know,
I know that I have changed
that I'm in love with you.
I don't just miss holding someone,
I miss holding you.
I miss the way your hair smelled
like waffle cones, ice cream and sweat
on the days you worked.
I also miss the days
when I would silently
try and guess what shampoo you used.
I miss how when we cuddled
I didn't have to wear socks
because your feet don't gross me out.
I miss slipping your little fingers in between my slightly bigger ones.
I miss your little frame.
I don't just miss being in the presence of somebody,
I miss the way you made a whole room
feel like that was the only room that mattered,
how any room became increadibly important
when your attention shifted there.
I have never even thought
someone peeing with the door open
While talking to me would be important
To be honest, I still don't.
I want you to *** with the door open and talk to me,
I miss the way it takes you thirty minutes to ***
and five to **** .
I miss the way
you spent twenty minutes after either
playing on your tablet.
I don't want to walk anywhere with anyone at two a.m.
But I'd walk to Chicago and back
if you said you were gonna do it.
I miss walking ever so slightly behind you
I could see the power behind your walk,
the confidence,
I envied and admired it.
And yes occasionally I would look at your ****.
I also love the way you like to be in front
because you have an ever present desire to be in power,
to feel in charge.
I don't care to compliment people
unless I have a motive.
Like I want positive comments at work
so I can get moved to serve
or I want something.
But with you, with you
my compliments were genuine,
innocent even.
I don't want to **** what I feel for you.
Because my love for you,
it's the only beautiful thing I've got.
I really wished I would've ****** it up
accepted that they were more fun than me.
I wish I hadn't let getting bailed on
by the only person I ever truly want to see
hurt so much.
I've told you time and time again,
"I'm not strong".
I know this probably seems less like a poem
and more like
a sad narrative of an impulsive child.
Maybe I'll make that the title.
But I'm in love with you.
I haven't felt this much sorrow before.
I've never been one to erupt into tears,
but I am.
A lot.
Right now
I have a little bit of your perfume
on my turtle necklace
when I habitually put it in my mouth
I have to choke back my tears.
I hope you read this.
I hope you don't.
I wish I could take you out on Saturday.
I wish i wasn't rambling.
I should probably sleep but
when I try and sleep sober
I have nightmares.
I'm looking for reasons to see you again.
Pete Jul 2016
I saw you standing in the rain
I saw your eyes with feelings I can't contain
Maybe you're thinking "I'm the one to blame."
Oh darling please put that thought away
Like the dust from a cigarette in the ashtray
Let your doubts fly away
Give your heart a break
Because someone will take ache will vanish
Like a water in the lake
And I guess it's me who's
Comin' your way
I am obnoxiously loud
But at night, I am increadibly sad
Sometimes I think about my
Flaws a hope for a better ME,
A good looking ME and show everyone
what they missed out.
#klon'spetton

— The End —