Green.
Rolling train tracks
swooping under bridges
darkness; light
Speeding traffic,
Green.*

Forbidden; that’s what it was.
Don’t go there. Stay away.
Bad news. You know better.

That’s what she was. Beautifully
unattainable, but for those who know-
it is never that simple.

In my pursuit to have her,
there was a fear of getting caught,
there was suspension

Do you understand?

Nights spent slowly moving closer on couches
in the most subtle ways one blanket between us.

Necessity. A lie.
Be aware
be conscience. A lie.

She was in my bed many times
and I fell into the traps.

Perfect drama dreams, my mind created.
We would last to the end in our idilic,
honest related-ness.

                    Which would continuously

continuously                           remind me

I couldn't survive my lies,
that is what it was
and needed to be.

Do you recall when love was lost?
not too sure myself
that country weekend with friends
comes to mind
we left the lovely pub to walk home
everyone was jolly
the route was dark but not for the first time
to the idilic cottage
with the lamps on
just before we went in you said
hang on
have I forgotten something
I’m missing something
for sure
were you missing her
I was.