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If Life Wasn't Such A Blade Through The Heartt,,
If Onlyy It'd Feltt Nothing Like A Fartt,,
Maybe Then You'd See The Artt,,
Instead Of Onlyy What's Torn Us Apart,,

I've Seen This Coming,,
Wishing I Had Nott,,
But That's Ok,,
I Wontt Dripp A Single Dropp Of Snott,,

Nor Shed Ah Tearr,,
Nott Here Nott There,,
Living This Life In Constantt Fear,,
Foreverr Craving But Hating The Veryy Words We Hear,,

Four Letters,,
One Hope,,
I'm Speaking Of Love,,
But It's A Lott Like Dope,,
I've Been High Off Of You,,
Feeling Like A Hitt Of One Or Two,,
But Instead Of Trying To Smoke,,
This Time I've Justt Said Nope,,

Unable To Fool Myself Anyy Longerr,,
Hoping Thatt Maybe Nextt Time I'll Be Ah Bitt Strongerr,,
But For Now I Noo Longerr Wish To Feed This Hungerr,,
This Fear Is One I Mayy Nott Conquerr,,

I Do Apologize,,
Justt Once More,,
Look Me In My Eye's And Tell Me,,
Those Words Were Neverr Lies,,
Even Thoughh I Mayy Despise,,
The Veryy Truth,,

Of You,,
Noo Nott One But Maybe Two,,
I'm Beginning To Feel Ah Little Blue,,
As I Flood My Mind With These Thoughts Of You,,
Constantlyy Wishing Thatt I Could Sue,,

The Angeles Of Love,,
Nott Justt Those From Above,,
For The Time We've Spentt On This Thoughtt Of Love,,
Justt One More Word,,
Ah Push Or Ah Shove,,
Once Again With The Touch Of Ah Dove,,

This Constantt Battle,,
Feeling Like The Snake With Ah Rattle,,
Wishing One Would Have Chosen To Tattle,,

It Should Have Neverr Been Ah Debate,,
When Thinking To Use Ah Word Soo Greatt,,
Because In The Process You Mayy Be Preaching Hate,,

Forming The Word,,
Even While Doing The Verb,,
You Call It ***,,
Maybe Even Love,,
But How Could You Do Soo When Knowing Nothing Aboutt Your Dove,,

In The Pastt,,
I've Spoken Greatt Words Of Confusion,,
Hereby Leading Us To This Conclusion,,
Soo Before The Veryy Contusion To The Brain,,
I've Spoken These Words To Tryy An Relieve Some Of This Upcoming Pain,,
Speakk Of The Future & Few Will Nott Thinkk Of You As Insane,,
When Truth Is,,

You've Justt Seen This Coming Once Again.......
Icy Blu Aug 2022
I'm alot of things, we all know this..
My emotions seem as unpredictable as the great Alaskan weather at times especially when it comes to you..
Imagine, hurt, frustration, insecurities, hatred, romance, love, and a painful understanding of not only your past but my very own..
Understanding. I'll say it again. Flaws revealed, and still holding on to love someone so imperfectly perferct in the darkest of your very days (at the time it sure was.. 17 wasn't nice to me..)
To be able to love you was meaning loving the parts of me I hated, that mainly being my upbringing.
To love you was letting go of all reasons, all logic in life, and shifting focus on vibe and emotion (**** was that dangerous...)
To love you, it killed the light in my eyes and the touch of my poetry sacred soul....
It hurt so bad and it's a hurt 5hat doesn't stop hurting.
I didn't deserve you.
I didnt..didn't...
And you didn't deserve me...
No.

But I tried to work with what my hands were delt, I thought I could love the hate out of your soul, and leave a print on your heartt that you'll never forget. I wanted to love you so long and so hard that you'd change the hate within you and consider loving me and yourself. You always tried destroying yourself, you just never cared. I tried to give you a reason to care.
But in all that healing I so very tried within my heart and soul to give you, I lost myself.
And I'll never ever ever forgive myself for that. 17 year old me didn't deserve that . But I have only the way I was brought into the dark side of the tracks growing up to blame.

I was so dependent on you it was sad. I was truly crazy over you. And I always will be. I love you very much and I'm afraid I always will.
You see, you tell me you care about me and I wish that was true.
Because me and you, we could of bee beautiful.  I mean really beautiful, like the secret garden and like the northern lights dancing free among the darkest of places in the woods, shining ever bright, and twinkling away all the pain within. We could of over turned this cursed life we were given, together and be something.  

But than I think on it, and the interaction that of which we had the blessing of attending together and suddenly realize that whatever I envisioned, whatever I thought of us as... it wasn't real for you..
It was real for me though.
I love you still. I care about you.

Me...

— The End —