After all the wrong people faded away he could now focus so many distractions. He wanted to help those he loved he had their back but when he needed them they were no where to be found. He would help them but if he asked for a favor they act like he wronged them like he never did anything for them. He would babysit and they didn't pay him or the kid to school not asking for money or gas money. He struggled to find work but rather then help him they pointed their noses up and looked down on him made him feel worthless like he didn't matter. He eventually became employed and it kept him humble he knew what it was like to be broke and never looked down on anyone.
He's blessed and thankful for all these obstacles he overcame. He remembers his own family saying not to associate with him that's why he doesn't judge or treat anyone different but if you are rude or mistreat him. He stays away avoiding confrontation, he's not the fighting type even though some needed a beating plus to be taught manners.
He is thankful and Appreciate the people who are thankful and make him feel his good deeds don't go unnoticed his efforts not expecting anything in return but giving his all. He takes pride in his work and all he does. He does what's right and what needs to be done. Now a days others leave it for the next guy. Why not be the guy who gets it done and makes it happen. He lost his job he was sad missed it but it was for the better. He gave his all even if it wasn't good enough. He tried more than most. He found another job that pays better and they treat him like he matters. He feels more accomplished rather than being set up to fail.
It took time but his life did get better doing what he loves even though most don't understand or get his way that's because it's for him and not them.
Lost friends but did gain back self respect and did learn to use his voice to say what he wants and looking around for opportunities instead of seeing hurtles and detours roadblock. He knew hard work would get him there he started so much now it was time for him to finish them.

By:D.E.T
Date: 12/22/15

Hate to see that frame
And know that my face ain't the same
Cuz I know I am dying slowly
And lonely
But that's just the truth
Sometimes I wish I could re-do

Myself
Cuz I would create a strong shell
To protect myself

Yeah, there was too much weight
That I wanted to escape
From
But there gotta be some
People who beat hell out of me
Yeah, cuz they want me to be
Something that isn't me

Yeah, tell you this
Sometimes I miss
My smile
Cuz as I walked the mile
I realized
That the file had real lies
As I begin to look at the lines

My tears made me go blind
And erased
My smile I had in my face
Yeah, as people in my school
Who were trying to act cool
Told me to go commit suicide

I took a side
And that slid
To realize that if I committed suicide

My whole family would cry
And as I visualize
No! I won't **** myself
Cuz I am here for a purpose
And those who thought

I was worthless
End it up plotting dots
Yeah, hate to know
That I could've save myself

But I was too focus on my fears
That made me drop tears
Yeah, every night I had nightmares
That turned up my fears
To speak up

Tell you this
Sometimes I just wanted to disappear
And appear
In a lonely world
Where I could feel that happiness
But what happens
When you are so, focused
On the fears
Makes your spirit
Get the ticket
To know that if you speak
Yeah you will kicked
And picked
But though I was split

I begin to flip coins
And take turns
To see if that would change the things
But it did nothing


Not till that day
The sky was gray

Yeah, this bullies
Were behind me
Yeah I ran fast so, they don't find me
But they got me
And began to kick me
And pick me

Yeah, that's where I realized
In my own eye's
That I had to fight back

Yeah, they got that smack
Didn't care if my bones cracked
But they got that smack

Cuz I as tired that I acted weak
Cuz I didn't speak

And after that day I realized
That there was hope
In surface
And yeah I begin to face

The fears
And the doors of happiness
Begin to appear

I'm always trying to fix in and found it degrading. I've decided to find my ow way be on my own path but these ppl trail me trying to tell me what to do or how to be take yourself else where.
I went away because you rejected me and ridiculed me.
You expect my respect and to show you attention. I care what you think but not enough to give up what I love and what you think. Don't compare me to anyone that's why I chose to be alone or not associate myself with anyone.
I use to see my cousins and family as beautiful but they brew around in their own misery. Your divorced focus on better. You **** as a parent work on the relationship with your kid. You got cheated on or played its not meant to be move on. You hold on and refuse to let go that's the only way to help yourself only if it was that easy.
It's easy but everyone likes to complicate things and make them worse off

the foreground present looms
in  the past horizons backgrounds
stably consistent
in parallax focus the relative sizes of near
past over far
arises converges in a distant view
of fences shadows on the edges of fields of
diverging infinities,
darker plateaus
and converging realities

Let's analyze this and that
by all means lets spread these thoughts like a rash
I'm going through the motions like a roller coaster ride
Slowly going up to my mind and crashing down to my feelings
indecisive
Don't know if it's ever going to end
my mind keep workin like
I'm I forever alone wouldn't be better if I just get ****** be a pothead and leave the world alone but to my morals I stand too strong and with my head held high how can I be so wrong as to have the closest friends around me do me so wrong or am I wrong? maybe I'm just to sensitive maybe I'm like to exaggerate **** maybe I don't understand them maybe its me !!!cause it couldn't possibly  be that these many people are doing me wrong but let's stay optimistic smile and focus on what you want in life but what if all I want is happiness and that happens comes when I love and be loved and I've loved each person that walked through my life ive loved the details of their smiles .. but everytime I open up completely I'm no longer that interesting or they find it  easy it hurt me now that they know how ? But no this can't be true this can't be true I might be alone right now but I'll find someone true and when I do I still want to be the easy loving letting in people kind of person I am because I love the way I am it's just sometimes it's hard to understand

I never tried to see through your eyes.
Sure, I projected myself into a mind I thought I could find,
but I never saw things the way you did.
In the aftermath it seemed clear, but the lenses of memory
focus and I know that try as I did,
Nothing ever made quite the same sense
I overestimated your emotional capacity
I underestimated your boredom
and I gave no thought to the synapses between
No; in looking back, I know most of all that
I never tried to see through your eyes.

An elevated risk they say ,we make our way ,gangling on about the day
Prepare for your destiny,we think we can see forward ,glimpse that illusion
A fluid thought that passes seemingly unimportant ,dismiss it as trivia
The Verve could never be neutral ,why just wait when you could play

A broad expanse of motions & memories slipping,slept,forgotten,lost
Holding tight ,forcing the feeling ,an unfamiliar blight making it right
The willing host is subject to change ,unaware but unashamed,a necessary cost
A perception is peeking out but remains hidden ,mysterious as to the fright

Others may perceive a deadly day ,breaking the barriers bring on the prayer
Others struggle in tenacious turmoil,never realizing the obvious strain
Do we reveal it all or always partially conceal ,keeping quiet ,take a favor show a layer
An anonymous internal decision becomes the main focus ,a deadly game with the brain

Paying my own penance , have seen others give in say good riddance
Becoming your own model ,your own vision is now the best guide
Not so obvious ,the strength is emotional,draining ,bring it on ,beauty in the brilliance
A maddening plot is subsequently wrought ,then abated, Being aware that the paths are gated.
Abrasive or smooth ,don't debate or negate but simply take in stride . R.C.

I'm starting to forget your smile,
The way your lips would curl
Showing off your crooked teeth

I'm not holding memories
Of how your eyes lit up
Especially when I'd make you chuckle

I'm beginning to lose focus
On the way your hair felt
Intertwined in my fingers
Soft, tight curls becoming loose

I'm losing touch
With the place beside your hip bones,
The crook of your shoulder too

I'm forgetting you
I'm forgetting what it's like to love

This is a new day; I will not worry about yesterday.  I must remain with a clear mind.  I must remember to pray.
I must look ahead, and not to things behind.  I must keep focus, in order to be on time.
This is a new day; I will not worry about tomorrow.  I don't want to get in its  way, it could be filled with sorrow.
This is a new day; I want to enjoy the things I see.  I want to share my love, to everyone that's free.
I will enjoy this day; I'll look for the very best.  I'll shun the negative, and let God do the rest.
By, Sandra Juanita Nailing

By Arcassin Burnham


Love I can not describe,
By the looks in my eyes,
She possesses the fire, of a Phoenix,
Theres a reason to fight, while having trust issues,
Just feeling so heavenly getting a contact high,
My love she just can't deny or despise,

•Arms•
•Hands•
•kiss•
•stance•
Just , hold , On..
•Arms•
•Hands•
•kiss•
•stance•
Just , hold , On...

[There was,
A slight miscommunication...
I didn't lose focus of you in my mind,
There's nothing wrong with Continuating...
I hate , that relationships do take time,
And I'm tired of waiting all the while for your touch..
And I hate the fact of you finding someone new..]

•Arms•
•Hands•
•kiss•
•stance•
Just , hold , On..
•Arms•
•Hands•
•kiss•
•stance•
Just , hold , On.

Your green eye looks down
with shyness,
Brown eye looks up
with confidence.

Green eye contains empathy
to support,
Brown eye with focus
to find solutions for problems

Pair of brown eyes
shut up shop for every delicate kiss,
Pair of green eyes
stare intensively into my soul and heart.

Start of dates is introduction of chartreuse eyes,
Letting me in, not judging my stutter,
End of dates the evaluating chocolate eyes,
Silly but, one mistake, you’ll ask for the bill.

I’m apologising through poetry
for yesterday’s date
‘Cause your pair of different coloured eyes
made me panicked!

Discover your inner music and dance!
Sing your song with glee.
Let your ability to be yourself
Light up your glowing marquee.

Accept yourself; be kind to yourself;
And be considerately bold.
Don't let purveyors of mediocrity
Force you into a mold.

Proclaim your individuality.
Be humble yet self-assured.
Don't let the light of your heartfelt endeavors
Ever be obscured.

So what if you are not like others.
If you want to go far,
Keep your focus, follow your heart,
And simply be who you are.

Be impervious to scornful mutterings.
See through hypocrites and fakes.
Don't let others' weaknesses cause you
To imitate their mistakes.

Be attentive to those around you,
But go where your inner guides take you.
Don't let the sticklers for conventionality
Stifle your song or break you.

Appreciate every single moment;
Try to maintain good cheer.
Trust in yourself and realize
There's nothing, there's no one to fear.

- by Bob B

Got to give him dues.
Lord, I'm thankful for this new day.
You protected me through the week.
Kept me strong when others was weak.

Got to give you respect.
While people's in the world keep creating mess.
You keep me extremely focus.

Sure I stumble like others.
Sure I fall like many.
But you support me through all my good endeavors.
I just got to THANK you.
Bu giving you dues.

Whether in prayers.
Whether through helping others.
I remember, you were the creator of kindness.
And most of all love.
Which burns deep within ALL of us.

Light hurts my eyes
What a metaphorical statement
But I find it hard to focus
Looking at the brightness
Of my telephone
Trying to type something meaningful

I can't fall asleep
I've worked forty-five hours
In the last three days
And with all my pain
I've decided that sleep couldn't heal me
But the ***** can destroy me

So I'm talking out of my ***
Writing whatever thought comes to mind
A drunken fool
Who just got off of work

A drunken fool
With love in my heart
But pain in my soul
And I'm reaching out
To whoever is there to
And reaching back

Could it be you?
If your the lucky one
If I'm lucky
There would be someone

I enjoy darkness
I need light

You know no one is perfect
Why do you expect yourself to be?
Have flaws but so does everyone else
Within your heart resides true beauty

Lost amongst ridiculing words
Each step of a plan to be better
Fight to show you it can be done
Tough love coating every letter

And it is one blunder after another
Hope that you find strength
Continue on when it's the hardest
When the night too long in length

Beautiful what you are to me
Do not let your fears manifest
Focus on positive traits
Forgive yourself for all the rest

Sometimes I suffer from writer's block
I can hear the clock ticking
I am thinking
my words do not come out right
I try  with all my might
I stare at my  empty page
I feel enraged that I can not think of what to write
The words seem out of sight
The world seems out of focus
I wish I could say Hocus Pocus and break out of this spell
I just do not feel well

THIS LIFE OF OURS - ALL IN OUR IVORY TOWERS,
IS ANYONE LISTENING TO OUR PRAYERS?
LET''S SAY, YES - THEY ARE; SO YOU SAY - SO WHY
IS NOTHING HAPPENING? IT IS HAPPENING -
IT HAPPENS EVERY DAY - THAT'S WHY WE PRAY;
I'M ONE DAY OLDER TODAY - STILL KEEPING ON,
PERHAPS WE SHOULD ASK SOMEONE ELSE,
THE SOLUTION TO OUR PROBLEMS - THE COUNCILLOR;
SHE ASKED ME: 'WHY DO YOU LOOK DOWN AND NOT
MEET ME EYE-TO-EYE,' I SAID THAT I WOULD TRY,
'ARE YOU HAPPY AT WORK?'
'NO, I AM NOT - PEOPLE IRK ME AND ANNOY ME,'
'ARE YOU IN A GOOD RELATIONSHIP?'
'NO, I AM NOT - NOTHING IS GOING RIGHT,'
'IS YOUR FAMILY OK,'
'NO, THEY ARE NOT - SEEMS TO BE A NEW PROBLEM EVERY DAY;'
'STOP - WHERE IS YOUR MINDSET, WHERE IS YOUR FOCUS,
LOOK WITHIN YOURSELF AND RIISE ABOVE THESE THINGS,
TELL YOURSELF YOU'RE HAPPY, GIVE YOURSELF LOVE,
WHETHER IT BE TRUE OR NOT IT'S ALL YOU'VE GOT
TO GIVE YOU STRENGTH AND TELL YOUR INNER SOUL;
WE'VE BEEN WHERE YOU ARE - YOU'RE YOUR OWN STAR,
THERE'S NO ONE LIKE YOU, NO ONE CAN TOUCH YOU,
YOU'LL BE AMAZED AT WHAT GOD'S GIVEN YOU - YOU NEVER KNEW - DON'T KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO - WRONG!! SO WRONG.
YOU TELL ME THAT 'I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE - I DO!
WHAT RIGHT HAVE I TO TELL YOU ANYTHING IF IT'S NOT TRUE?
GO ON, PROVE ME RIGHT - GET YOURSELF YOUR OWN LIFE.

Unerasable...
The curves on body
And why is it
That your hands
Look so soft
Why do I even care?

girl... Out of your league
"Alright, I'm backing out"

Unmistakable...
The colors that glimmer
In your eyes
As the sun touches them
The crooked calm smile
don't do this to yourself

No guilt
I know I'm spot on
Let truth emerge on it's own time
For surely
It always comes out
Make no mistakes
there's nothing at stake
"It's all in my head"

No doubt should have
That head checked out
I hear whispers in the wind
And ghosts talking
A prayer and a loving mantra
The frequency
Of all Saints in heaven
The Divine, the Tao, The Source
The soft whisper of the darkness

Surely so many prophesies
Have manifested vastly
Words left my lips
Of truths I could not have known
And peace invaded my heart
As a soft voice guided me
Through the deepest meditation
Lessons on life emerged
From thin air
Putting chaos in to focus
But not this...

It just tells me to keep going
It will all make sense in time
You're not crazy
But I know better than most
That the deepest lies
Can be so rationally structured
How would I know the difference

PTSD screaming in my head

I hear the voice
The unmistakable voice
Pounding through this space
In my head I smiled
And said "Hi"
But in reality I froze
No words left my lips
Nearly walked in to you

PTSD pounding in my head

But I see nicer things in my sleep
The drowsy breathing
Of the most beautiful man
I've ever set my eyes on

frown
go away

Still no guilt, nope
I know I'm right
Just take your things
And go make life happen
But my soul still goes against me
There must be a good reason
But maybe it's really all in my head

How does one proof
Thoughts, dreams and whispers
When time stands still.
And to you my disengaged partner
Where were you doing overhours?
You know what?
I don't care, just be straight with me.
There's nothing left here anyway.

But Imma be a good girl
Even if it takes forever
No shame of cheating
On my good record of loyalty
Just wonder why
You're still here
too many attachments

Meanwhile...
There's a scent in the air
Just around the corner
On the hallway
if only you were as available
as my thoughts want you to be
I have no secrets
and everything to lose
just ask
*I'll hate it but I'll tell the truth

In the passenger seat 5 minutes from heavenly green
I ain't watin till I get home
Brought the grinder and the papers ima roll a cone
Space cruze on a road heavily used by 5O
Who cares I need smoke
Can't think without hit so i wake up and spark it
I keep it lit till my eyes lose focus and i pass out
Inhale life, hold in pain, blow out a different mind state
One that is'nt so insane

You wanna meet a real stoner?
That smokes on the daily,
Goes to work to make money for a bag!
Stays in a mind state thats kinda hazy,
Come my way baby, I stay towards the north west.
In a mountain valley where good **** comes with no request
We don't play that midgrade, only carry the best strains.
And the best thang is everybody in town smokes down
So come to my town find a place to sit down
Brace yourself this high grade gone put you down.
Idaho is every state's joke and really we don't care
The smaller the population is  the More **** the born and raised gem state familys can blaze  




I don't need oxygen, I just need THC!!
I keep a pipe or a joint close to me.
Police only think I'm high when I'm outta ****.
My teachers tellin me to leave cuz I need to smoke
I can only see, when I'm in a cloud of smoke
I blaze when I'm broke. cuz homies got me an they know I'll always get em back fat
So no day is a clear day, blowin clouds out our mouths is how we stay
Always way too blazed, can't pass the bowl, can't wait till the high takes hold,
Puff puff pass this blunt of gold to every stoner young or old

                     ZtickZ-

In the wee hour of morn I find myself
beginning to 'break'
Mind feverishly trying to escape the
chain of flesh , as if sanity were being
tested , creativity divested
Seven notes are typically not enough , twenty six
symbols in myriad groupings , white
noise confusion , in control illusions
A dump truck filled with crush and run -
dripping water on a lonesome road
Crumbling walls laden with Block Mason -
indiscretions vying for a sin removing -
coat of cheap paint
A telephone pole supported by wiring swinging
in midair , drunk on depression pills catching
my gaze in cheap artwork , narcoleptic days
Clabbered milk thrown to the hogs , nightmare
K-9 dogs unable to be explained
My friend the wind at the window with no one to play
Bright eyes refuse to focus when the child forgets their way

Being with you

Has made me stronger

Because sometimes

The ones you love

The hardest

Are the ones

Who gives the deepest pain

So am learning

Loving myself

Sometimes the best response

Is silence

I cant let you bring clouds

On my sunny day

Finally I can see

At some point

We have to face these demons

Head on

And defeat them

So am focus on me

No tears on my face

With you or not

I still have to breathe

We came out
of the small door
at the back
of the church

after the Sunday service
in which we sang
in choir
and stood looking

at the gravestones
spread around us
going back
to the river

I guess
we'll end up here
one day
Yehudit said

here amongst the dead
mournful aren't we?
I said
we're only young

not fifteen yet
and here you are
talking about
being here

we walked on
along the path
beside the church
but it's true though

we will one day
she said
one day maybe
I said

but why worry
about it now?
I'm not worried about it
just saying

she said
anyway the news
of Mr M's wife
drowning herself

in the park pond
brings it home
just how fragile
we are

we walked on
past more gravestones
some names
wearing away

with time and age
yes that was
a bit of a shock
sad when people

get to that stage
and feel the need
to end it all
I said

Yehudit's sister
passed us by
with a friend
walking faster

Yehudit held my hand
I sensed the hand there
feeling the warmth
her finger wrapping

themselves about mine
but we must focus
on living
she said

us here now
holding hands
being here
on a bright morning

not about death
or dying
we walked along
the lane away

from the church
between hedgerows
at the side
to avoid

passing cars and bikes
I'll see you
this afternoon
if I can get away

Yehudit said
if Mum doesn't want
this or that done
we walked on

she thinking about
Mr M's wife's death
and I thinking
of the afternoon

by the pond
and a kiss or two
and whatever else
young people may do.

By: Cedric McClester

When the media packs and leaves
Who among us really believes
That anything will be achieved
If the conditions aren’t relieved
When the focus shifts once again
Will hopelessness suddenly end
Or maybe we should just pretend
We won’t break we’ll only bend

When the nation goes back to sleep
And we don’t hear another peep
Who'll care enough to weep
Other than those in too deep
When the memories have gone away
And we’ve forgotten about Freddie Gray
Because tomorrow's another day
And our anger won’t be on display

What will the end results be
When we’re on to the next tragedy
What does your crystal ball see
Do you care to share it with me
How do you think we’ll recover
If we don’t care for one another
Do we just suffocate and smother
Aren’t we all sisters and brothers

Long after Baltimore grieves
And the media packs up and leaves
Who from the ashes retrieves
A glimmer of hope that relieves
So where do we go from here
When the attention will disappear
Who then will be aware
Or take pause to even care



© Copyright 2015, Cedric McClester. All rights reserved.