and you now see what they made me do? i'd never thought it would come to this, that i had to crawl back to the mainland of europe to find a publisher, because the appreciation of publishing poetry in england is null, nil, zero, nothing, a mustard seed's worth of hope; this mediation of saving the amazon rainforest to save up on paper and the first yawn of the digital age, among cat videos and ****, there you have it, a massive blotch on the intended utility of this **** thing - i'm not even angry any more, just ****** nervous - or as the old writer said in his appreciation of poverty and feeling guilty concerning what he deemed to be his riches (a record collection and a private library): happy trails kids.*

Droga Pani Anno,

przepraszam za popszedni email, mianowicie że był on bez poważnej formy i tematyki, taki po prostu skrutem. Lecz przez osiem lat nie-ustannego pisania, pisząc do osoby w pozycji umożliwienia publikacji wkroczyła we mnie trema opisywania rzeczywitości - tzn. kiedy widze śledząc pisanie innych poetow na internecie - i tą marude znaną jako rozczarowanie jeżeli chodzi o szanse publikacji, nie tylko jednego wiersza w magazynie poetickim, a o całej książce własnych wierszy to już ża dużo można powiedziec o aborcji dalszych i utrzymanych ambicji. Myśle wiec ze 100 egzemplarzy nie jest asz tak nie realistyczne, wiem że poezja snuci swą muzyke dla nie wielu czytelkników, określone najlepiej dwoma obserwaciami: w angielskich gazetach można spotkać recenzje książek na wiele tematów (autobiografie najczęsciej), lecz o poezji praktycznie nic, oraz fakt że nie dawno tylko jedna książka poezji osiągneła sprzedaż ~10,000 egzemplarzy w Angli - a mówie że 100 nie jest nie realistyczne poniewarz na jednej stronie (hellopoetry.com) mam około 40 zawziętych czytaczy - 936 wierszy i wszytkie przeczytane przez tą skromną kadre - a na facebook.com mam 178 znajomych których poznałem czy to na uniwersytecie czy też w szkole. Tak, a więc 100 egzemplarzy.

Mateusz Conrad E.

a stupendous undertaking on the fore -
    a lyrical stronghold against the ebb of
forgetting -
       perhaps having exhausted memory
for a fire of arithmetic -
                  better still: a written english
    and a phonetic english...

                          bernard shaw's 1941
complaint: "it may interest you to learn
that your leading article contains 2,761 letters.
as these letters represent only 2,311 sounds,
450 of them are superfluous and could
have been saved had we a british alphabet."

- qestshen or question: qweshchun -
not out of reform but out of curiosity -
perhaps the reforms of
noah webster and american-english
e.g. an ax for an axe
         honor for honour
         theater for theatre:
        a potato for a potato:
       poe-tay-toe: toe-may-t'oh...

that there are already so many idiosyncrasies
in english: a per se rendition of
base and self-evident changes -

yet to have inherited latin and:
quiet frankly - done so little to it...
   after all: where are diacritical marks
in english?
                better still:
                  why bother keeping:
    ȷust so you know - ın that:
      to dıstınguısh from kazakh?

jacobus parcossius (jakub parkoszowic)
was no johannes huss (john huß)

it had to be such a humbling sunday
afternoon -
    that there was something to do
around the house and in the garden:
yet this pagn of historical guilt:
   antithesis of post-colonialism -
more of a lineage:
          god, as a people -
                       we didn't really do very
much -
              perhaps we were late...
inherited christianity in the 10th century
and with it the latin script...

what a large chunk of europe that could
be made into an estonian summary
of - it's sometimes no wonder the russians
and the germans would much prefer
to squeeze either side of this:
                                            ambivalence...
­
exile exile exile...
                that copernicus is still contested
as a german: what little we had we probably
have to have even less -
   overshadowed by galileo and...
the william burroughs mythos invocation
that the ancient egyptians had
a heliocentric model worked out...

   i guess that's appropriate: measuring
ambitions - to build a tomb to compete with
hills and minor mountains -
   unless of course: a man made three dimensional
Δelta was is and forever will be:
                     a life as an architectural necrophilia...

it's even stranger writing this in english
and not in: z wschodu (from the east)...
                                    in this post-colonial dynamics
i cannot share the same frivolity of
anyone moving into the anglophone domain
with writs of ownership -
        after all: how much of this tongue is mine...
and how much: will succumb to
some historical inheritance tax of blame...
or hindering pride -
             it's a question no native will ask -
or member of the commonwealth -
  
   long story short: the polish-lithuanian
commonwealth was sold off -
   a bit like alaska - but by bit...
   but it's not like england will be sold...
   sold to the "cossacks" of mayfair...
                           i have just come
to acknowledge an... irritation that's not:
itchy - a paranoia that's not persuasive:
a fledgling of purpose -

            beside the sadomasochism of
the "elders" and soviet-influenced globetrotters:
i'd appreciate summer holidays in
the highlands - then again:
what's not to like about Cornwall?

what's for me? a return to... glagolitic?
     Ⰸ ⰐⰖⰄⰟⰊ Ⰹ ⰆⰟⰊⰜⰉⰀ
     z nudy i życia
    (from boredom and life)
            
  rummanations in expanding this into
a mixture of cyrillic and greek?
hell! if some of these letters were borrowed
from coptic, hebrew...
                  let's try some armenian!

սկորո տակ...           ի տեն ճաս
skoro tak...        i ten czas
(if so...                and this time)

mesrop mashtots gave the 5th century: ե
how else to imagine time:
when - there was a time one could
add something so profound -
that couldn't possibly be a lightbulb...

so here i am... dragged into the worst
of the use of english: should it become impressively
justifiable: i'm here talking about
letters and elsewhere: backed by year 0
a debate concerning:
cinnamon, paprika, ground cumin,
ground cinnamon,
cacao powder, himalayan salt, etc.

no wonder there's a running theme of
being completely demoralised / dissuaded from
writing...
   i like thinking about post-racial brazil...
not that i'm eager to learn some port-of-geese...

                  ֆակտ: fakt - fact...
                     շկոդա - szkoda - it's a shame...
because it's an ambivalent remark:
            beside a purposive ill deed...
and it's not: wstyd - literally shame designated
a honour presupposition...

once boasting: the clarity of phonetic details -
an orthology of a language since:
there wasn't a time to delve into metaphysical
arguments - the letters were burning bright
and hardly illuminating:
having to apply geological-esque pressures
to the latin script:
   and come out with a caron:
                                unlike in english
                           a subscripted H lingering -
which is almost a very ******
aspect:
                        H|Z - "too many consonants"...
czasem | sometimes...
                    no use writing -
               there are clearly more decisive things
i can do to satisfy myself with today...
unless of course come evening
i'll bring some bourbon and act upon:
shamelessness...
                          perhaps then...

but for now... a preserved mesmerisation...
perhaps out of the fact of simply being born
into these letters:
   they look like they ought to sound...
    that lip reading is possible...
   is probably because R - well the old R
with a trill does look little an omicron
with a leg forward or rolling down a hill...
  P does revel in a mouth with lips that pop...
P does indeed POP...
                  U and YEW...
    and why why I
                                        kept: T's on the tIP
of my tONGUE...
                      G has gloating about goo
and glue... X does mark the 'ks...
                      most certainly fAR Far away...
for F and what if not the threatening philosophy...

****** good luck... a teasing joy
that will Be nonexistent upon the ******
of a full-stop.