hows your love life
are you somebodys exwife
do you lie fat and cry
blame him and not try
does the single life taste bad
try another old picture want ad
you say your fat but youre fixxing it
but you still want a man that is bank and fit
im a fat wallet dude sweet *** on to sit
but ill pass on your jabba **** blubbery ***
youve wrinkled your envelope really bad
you still claim youre beautiful wow thats sad
far from your sloth nest is where i will fly
and grind my hips on some younger thin thigh
see ive got an exwife
and now i love life

I can feel it in my hands
simmering deep in my stomach
I'll be 26 and have just lost
the 5th "love of my life"
so I'll grab a knife,
then decide a shot to the head
instead
or I'll be 32
with a newborn
and a happy home
but something in me won't work
so I'll take a whole bottle of Vicadin
determined to leave but
not make a mess
or I'll be 55
looking back on a life
an exwife, a long road of
forgotten dreams
then put a noose 'round my neck
and jump
hung from a second story porch beam
I don't want to **** myself
but I feel it in my hands
simmering in my stomach
clawing at my ribs
a self wrought end
to a laughing kid
who I think died
a long, long time
ago

I met my love in a pub
Drinking a pint of brew
He swept me off my feet
We fell in love before we knew
Romance so sweet  

However I had a major problem an issue
He had a tattoo of his exwife's name
On his upper arm
TRISH
I was not happy about this

Out witting an unwilling participant
is not a piece of cake
We both are head strong people
a miracle it would take

The humiliation was my cause of alarm
We needed to find an immediate solution
To cease further harm
We were at odd on opposite sides of a revolution

My darling man of reason Wanted to clear the air
He wanted to be fair
He Wondered how he would feel if his wife had
Another mans name for every season

With a wink and a smile I sweetly suggested
he put a line under the letter T
He said HELL NO I'm not Irish
Quickly the conversation regressed

I held my temper But stood my ground
I smiled spoke in my sweetest voice
The patience I found

Leaving him little to no choice
Well dear I'm not TRISH
Resolution my only wish

The day is done
A clever girl has won
Sublime heart and mind
Contentment For all of time I would find

Was it such a large price to pay?
What would you do or you say?
To resolve this situation in an amicable way

35 years of marital bliss
Came down to this
A simple line I drew
in the preverbal sand  
An't love grand

My darling Lad drinks a pint of brew
to celebrate St Patrick's Day
To pass the time away of the change of his Tattoo
This story not many knew

Happy wife happy life
A Tattoo is forever think twice
Your decision is for life

Now my Irish pappy
Not Irish happy  
Wears his arm on his sleeve
A learned lesson to believe