the amount of times i've written i'm fine while crying,

the amount of times i smiled while i wish i was dying,

it hurts simply because,
people underestimate the kind of pain you have to be in,
to drag a blade
across your own skin,

i hide myself  under a pile of lies so no one sees,
the secrets behind
these fake smiles,

my depression is like a current pulling me under and everytine i finally have some strength to pull myself up again it pulls me down,
it is strangling my happiness out of me,
it refuses to let me breathe,
it grabs hold of my neck and is murdeing my joy,
i can't explain the pain that went across my veins,
those nights where i wish i was sober,
where poems like this made no sense,
where i smoked my pain the **** away,
those nights where a pull of the rope could of ended my night,
i don't know anymore,


all i know is that i'm getting worse and worse by the second and i don't know what to do

~d. a