It'. s like I just can't seem to get it right.
Like no piece is falling into the right place,
Like all the frustration will never end.
EverythingI wanted, needed so desperately.
Lingers and taunts me, with every grasp I make.
It floats further away,
Never to feel whole, never feel okay.

It's like I'm always wrong.
Im just this nuissance, a broken piece.
Just getting in the way.
It's like you never will change,
The resentment towards me.
The lack of patience.
Not caring to notice just what I need.
You don't want it.

It's like Im screaming inside,
Hopelessly clawing my way up a endless hole.
I am trying to cure myself,
Save the world around me.
And now,
With every harsh word.
Every angry comment,
Every secret,
I slip deeper.
I hate myself.
Because I don't even know who I am.
I'm no one, nothing.
I'm not me.
I'm just a worthless waste of time.
With everytime it's proven how little I am,
It digs deeper, more intense pain than the time before.

It's literally killing me,
Tearing at every inch of me.
And yet,
Its not noticed, nothing changes.
The only change is me,
Slipping further and further into a dark hole.
Losing pieces of myself constantly.
With no one to help me save them

i saw the sun torn open
she is seeing gold
tasting sounds
too bright for me to understand
sunspots and radiation
too bright for me to look at
so i smell for music and listen for her shadow

i want to tell her that she is beautiful
but nothing makes sense
when the sun opened everythingi
mixed around and i can’t stop
I am singing in my sleep about hearing her pass
or tasting her sounds
but she is gone

she wants nothing between us to change
but she is the sun and feeds
The crackling broken earth and dwarfs my point of light
but things change and seasons
are seasons and I’m hearing the leaves
growing in and the pollen sings
on the wind.
I try to forget

my cat and i sing a duet of
falling hair in spring and i count the smells
and sounds i can see from the window
as she holds to busy life
Worships Ares’ shirts to her nose
She doesn’t reschedule our dates
when I miss her, i turn on a lamp instead, pretending it is her face

I wait for another season to pass and she peeks from behind the clouds
she sings her lips to mine as she ties me to her whims
She wears my kiss like a badge
The sounds I make under the impact of her touch are like music
I am a star, but I will never be flawless, male, tall in her eyes. I will never be him. Things are always changing. I am always changing.
She is always beautiful.

She scorches my skin and I blister under my tongue and I long for a wind or tsunami
A change
I wish I had not tasted how disappointing she could be
Saying she is made to love a planet, not star
I wish I had not seen how ugly the dark spots of the sun could be
I don’t sing anymore.