Suddenly my body.
I stand on the floor
It's my home
For now it's my home
That's what we call it,
When words are used to speak
All those meanings we barely know
Where this floor is i stand,
My home.
But there's a body between us
In this world, my home, there's body between us,
Road fence and time between us
And a little grey but not in colour

I was built to live only this day
Not tomorrow or yesterday
And when i look look look
It seems like life lives his life in a tree
Because that's where i've found it all
Though who am i
The world fits into both these eyes only when it ever stops changing
But it
It will never

And maybe if then the world would recreate itself each day
And how could we ever know
In each day some theory could be truth
They all have in  common that it brought us here today.
No.
Nonono.
Only use the words that you can open into tunnels
(but only if you want to)

But where am i
Here
With the need to ecsape
Yes
First my body
I wished it
I wished
Only if the cage were made harder on the ouside rather than the inside
Then i might not be moulded
Pressed into corners and outer edges

First my body
Escape escape escape

Then find me someplace
Oh wow never have i written words like this way now
they are just like
They are like like my feet walking and they take me
Do i have to think to step
No i do not,
Only sometimes,
Now, see?
Words like foot steps on this day.
My feet keep shaking now.

Because there i am
Listen,
Leaving the world
I see this blue arch
That each day the sun kisses.
And at least one thousand faces only
I feel them smiling
And of course there are birds
Soundless ones
If my pupils might draw lines into the sky as they followed
They might leave trails there like a plane
Carry all those lives i will never  know
(just as the world does)

So i kept breathing
The world
And the world was hard to breathe
Like it was made for someone else.

To the mirror and the window
I almost searched
I don't know where i find this person,
Me.
Where did i see them more.

Find a safe space
Hibernate.
When my body runs, barely moving
And the voice runs along there beside it
(somehow i fall behind the world)
Tells me "i need a place, i need a place, to hide, my very own place"
Then it needs a place
Place to hide
You can see there
In the pace
Pacing
On ground when it's too real on my feet and so
Breathing and stepping.
When my eyes are hard lakes and the tears grow around.
Talking talking to myself

Oh wow oh wow oh wow
A den a den a den
A space
My place
Place of my own and escape
Oh wow.
Hibernate.
The smallest place to find some space.

There,
i find a need that's mine
Growing in me
Give me space, but none to move

My guitar my blanket the headboard of my bed,
They tell it to me nicely,
(a gentle falling)
But they won't hold me until.
And they won't find
The softer beating to put into this heart space
Smoother air to feel in this mouth

But cushions and cushions
Cushions
Every single one in this whole room
Scarf pillow and duvet
Piled in books and books
Only these lights could glow somehow like a fire
Little place i find myself

Keep me safe from my own self
But more so
More so i'm sorry
keep me safe from their every kindness.

Little hidden place
Walls of comfort
Holds me even like this body
Till this body shook and shook
Tills the hands that grip it together
slipped apart
and they slip
Till i slip through the fingers
Of the words and sounds that are me
But now here's a body.

I think my back
the bone
Backbone won't hold me up alone.

But there it is i'm not
I'm not like a flag on a flag pole

Some ribbon maybe
Like a ribbon piece
I see a willow fence
Green and life
A ribbon moves there
And tied on a willow fence
Am i a ribbon or like a handwritten wish
I dont know

I can't feel the wind.
But the wind
This thing with the wind
It's told me things about myself
But reallly
what i look for
I don't look, i don't look
And if i lose my eyes
i will see sunlight still
And where it moves
on my arms and on my legs.

Shivering and shivering
I do shiver
I do dedicate my life to living
But little
Little place,

Curled and curled
and curled into myself until hardly a thing,
Can i lose my eyes here
But could i sleep and sleep and sleep in this body
And in every space around it
until i find i am awake.

Always I looked... looked for what Im not sure... I never was.
Always what I thought was my ecsape, never was.
Always I screamed for help...
Always were the softest whispers...
Always no one heard.
Always I looked in the wrong places
Always for the wrong reasons.
Always I found my way to the right arms.
Always I was safe.
Always I never new it.
Always I changed.
Always I found my ways
Now I see you.

I don't belong in the world
But that's what it is
Something separates me from other people
Everywhere I turn there's something blocking my ecsape.