I confronted my own smile
cursed in magenta
and alum
dysregulating away
from hitting its mark

It had been cheating again
wayward and wanton
thinking I was not watching
its curved tinctures imagining
them twitching

this is what I came to see
with its feet up captaining
coffee and papers, strewn,
of course, about, about that
time you came

system dysregulation is
uncomfortable to endure. Unfortunately,

life does not wait,
so said a friend to me once,

so I must still go to
class. To get meals. To gatherings. To meetings. To

spaces that sometimes lie
outside my comfort zone,

scaring and dysregulating me further.
Sometimes, they feel unsettling and unnaturally unsafe.

Doubt convinces me of doom;
“this is the end”, “turn back”, “you won’t make it,”

Yet I always come out okay.

Even in fleeting, present moments, amidst the
phlegm, stomach flips and swells of fear,

I persist; it’s part of what compels
me to get to the places again, despite the fact that Nervous

system dysregulation is
uncomfortable to endure. Unfortunately,

life does not wait,
so said a friend to me once,

so I must still go to
class. To get meals. To gatherings. To meetings. To

spaces that sometimes lie
outside my comfort zone,

scaring and dysregulating me further.
Sometimes, they feel unsettling and unnaturally unsafe.

Doubt convinces me of doom;
“this is the end”, “turn back”, “you won’t make it,”

Yet I always come out okay.

Even in fleeting, present moments, amidst the
phlegm, stomach flips and swells of fear,

I persist; it’s part of what compels
me to get to the places again, despite the fact that Nervous

system dysregulation is
uncomfortable to endure. However,

“life does not wait,”
a friend warned me once,

“Well, yes;” I still want to
go to class. To get meals. To gatherings. To meetings. To

spaces, catalysts for anxiety,
spaces that sometimes escape my comfort zone and lie

startling and dysregulating
what becomes my Flesh Prison.

Sometimes, they feel unsettling and unnaturally unsafe, and
Doubt spells doom on the walls of my guts:

“this is the end”, “turn back”, “you won’t make it,” yet
I always emerge from battle unscathed.

It’s part of what compels me to return to
those places, still at war in chains,

Even in fleeting, present moments, amidst the
phlegm, stomach flips and swells of fear,

I persist; it’s part of what compels
me to get to the places again, despite the fact that Nervous