I can't stop smoking...

For 19 yrs of clean air
I breathed in the insults of nature
And I kept in the moisture left
Penitrating loud conscience

Like the time my brother couldn't breathe
During his back sugery for 2 hrs
When docters placed his spine
With a rod in hopes to straighten his back to keep him from leaning sideways but his fix didn't stop there
In telescopes he is reaching perpendicular up north so the dreams of angels swoon amongst his sight
Condescending, patronizing what may come of the future
Tomorrow is a riddle that seeps the curiosity of what will be
And my love and patience for him to overcome pain stand strong

But I can't stop smoking...

Like the time I thought I was going out of my mind wondering why this cute kid wouldn't like me in class
Never guessing the young seed I was stuck in a crusifix shame
Like I needed his amo to pierce me Shooting ahead of time to tell me I will never be that girl when I grow up to fall in hell
I got what I asked for
in back seats of ***** power and  authority misty incubus
I was plunged into regret

To think that when I was told so many times at home to stop eating because no guy will ever choose me
And I'm hanging by desolation
With not the need, but the wants

I won't stop smoking the ******* effect feeling it asleep or awake
Beating pass the bruises on my chest because the S was a snake that swamped my entire confidence and bone
Hurting each time the main man of the house corrected me for each inch of my flaws

I can't stop smoking... Pondering on forgiveness

Confused and anxious like a dog on his/her down days tucking their tail in the corner waiting to be loved the right way
But I wait for the madness to give me a break and I'm begging for time to wait but the tides bash the stupidity upon my face when I kept pushing to betray my identity to embrase true colors
But my color is one.. tranaslucent
Justified and run through
By-passed and neglected all for me to devour and gag

I am still smoking... not breathing
Locking in chaotic hypnosis
Dodging the scent of excellence
Keeping pain alive as a way to get by and I envy it like Oxy
Holding me down bedding in gravity
But for now, fear is testing me but she is glass and I am the brick
Letting it know I am up and I am about to happen
In the words of Dr. Mya Angelou

"YOU MAY ENCOUNTER MANY DEFEATS, BUT YOU MUST NOT BE DEFEATED"

No challenge is well excessive
So the next time the ones who doubted me
The next time you see me breathing
It will be for life.

© 2015 S.T. Rebel of Eden

can you hear me talk
can you hear me say
that i have no chalk
that we can use to play

im sorry, i used it up
at night cause i draw a load
i drew a cool little pup
just like the one you didnt finish on our road

when i come to your stone in the field
it makes our mum think im coo coo
but it helps me to shield
what really happened to you

the driver apologised in tears
but i was too little to understand
and all i get now from my peers
is pity, repeated over, its very bland

dont worry jess youre still my favourite sis
its because mary doesnt talk at all
maybe its because mum tells her im a risk
and instead likes to take her to the mall

it makes me feel quite envious
but its okay with me really
taking me places is a bit strenuous
i understand its about me being on wheelies

because you didnt make it out
the memory is a faint whisper now
but ill never forget the painful route
to the docters with my severed legs wrapped in a towel