When you look in the mirror,
And it's not quite right.
When you can see a rib or two,
But still see the fat.
The muscle is still there,
And you think it should go too.
When you look at your face,
And it doesn't look nice.
Where you tried to find some good.
But it's lacking.
Obsessive compulsive, critical of one's self.
Body dismorphic disorder.
Look at your skin, do research
A week has passed before you know it.
And all you have done is tried everything know to man to fix your misgivings.
Try to relax yourself, weigh in.
Cut out carbs, sugar, high fat foods.
Spending hundreds on vitamins and supplements.
Still unacceptable.
Stare at your hair,
Brush it, hair mask, treatment after treatment.
He looks on, knows something is up.
You have spent years rehearsing how to hide the anxiety.
Amazing acting.
Sometimes, you want to say what you really feel.
How exhausted you are from obsessing about the things you hate.
Smallest thing in the world, no one would even notice this...
Taking your thumb, wrapping it around your wrist
Seeing how many fingers touch.
Sending yourself over the edge into a six month spree of exhausting tactics to fix the horrendous imperfections.
Or sometimes, a calm wave settling your mind.
Never for long, but you will love every minute of the normalcy.
Then
You stand in the mirror
Notice all the flaws again
And the sheer panic races from your mind through your entire body.
And once again
That part in your brain that is different from most
Speaks to you
Till its the only thing you hear.
You're disgusting
Fix yourself by any means, you are worthless in this current state
Fix this mess of complete garbage
Or die trying
