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"diagnose" poems
Many believe they know the law Because they were arrested; Others know how to teach Because they too were tested. If you have a religious question, They attended church; Mention you've an ache or pain, They diagnose your hurt. Should you bring up politics, Republican or worse, They'll explain Democracy Cause they've been free since birth. Admit your car is pinging, Your faucets aren't behaving, The oven isn't cooking right, Your fridge is warm and shaking, The air conditioner's out of whack, Your furnace has turned blue, They'll tell you what to do: Change the thermo-coupler. It's always their one answer. Say you like this stock or bond, An investment that's appealing, They'll  discourse that all agents Are cunning conniving stealing. On Monday mention the big game, They'll re-play, play by play, As if you slept right through it. If you hear a rousing band, Attend a movie or a play, Know-its are informed critics, Once they were stagehands. They pose as friends and family, Waiting for an opening, To disrupt with diatribe, To display how much they know. I know what I'm on about, So let me advise you, I'm a Know-It-All poet, All I write is true. So, *Never miss the opportunity To keep your mouth shut too*.
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Apr 19, 2017
Apr 19, 2017 at 10:54 AM UTC
Know-It-Alls
Doctors are dumb who go to medical school and need to ask other doctors to diagnose medical conditions. If you gotta ask other doctors for help you need more schooling.
0
Dec 15, 2013
Dec 15, 2013 at 7:28 PM UTC
doctors
i am tired of talking to adults no i do not want to see a dermatologist or a psychologist or a psychiatrist or a nurse no school counselor i am definitely not having suicidal thoughts and no doctor i do not want to talk about the results of my mental health survey. of course dr. cook i am totally open to the idea of taking an antidepressant dear god i am tired of talking to adults do not want to be diagnosed i do not want to talk about it stop worrying about me, no, 'i am not depressed,' this is my life so thank you for not making me sign a life pact but leave me alone i am not going to cry in front of another strange adult. do not diagnose me. all i want is to be normal, i am tired of the pills. i am done with talking to adults
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Apr 22, 2014
Apr 22, 2014 at 8:26 PM UTC
talking to adults
Around the table, Literacy discussion turned elitist... Bemoaning some poor Johnny, Son of a plumber who does not read Beyond the practical need, And has no desire to. I stopped to check my sense of what I had just heard... Was transported to a prairie farm; Thought of my Father, then in his eighties Who felt no need and no sense of loss For not having read Shakespeare nor Kant For missing Milton's Paradises and Hemingway, For by-passing Black Elk Speaks and C.S. Lewis. Every morning, he read his Bible; Some nights he read the mail's Motley collection of literature: Ads and politicians and fanatics, Demanding money and his time, But mostly money. "I don't have time to read!" He'd shout when I suggested a novel. What literature he had was in his head, Poems memorized when he was a boy In a two room school, or His own lines, written as a young man, Describing work and friends Long distant now, but still alive In memory. Dad taught me how to read In different literacies and different texts: Nuances of sky to read the weather - What chill or storm or drought was on its way ("Storm's coming, boys! Let's get that hay!"); Cows and calves and bulls, (Which one was sick or well, dry or bred); Ways to diagnose mechanical ailments ("Start with the easiest options first"); Metals, to know which welding rod applied ("Aluminum sags, and cast iron cracks"); Grain, rolled crisp between hard hands, (a test of ripeness); Cement, to blend the perfect mix, ("Clean gravel/sand, no dirt, not too much water!); Conservation, ("Always keep some grain on hand" &   "Keep your fuel above half-tank"). So many literacies... Dad, the Master Reader of them all... No wonder he'd no time for books.
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Dec 20, 2011
Dec 20, 2011 at 9:26 PM UTC
RR No Time For Books
Around the table, Literacy discussion turned elitist... Bemoaning some poor Johnny, Son of a plumber who does not read Beyond the practical need, And has no desire to. I stopped to check my sense of what I had just heard... Was transported to a prairie farm; Thought of my Father, then in his eighties Who felt no need and no sense of loss For not having read Shakespeare nor Kant For missing Milton's Paradises and Hemingway, For by-passing Black Elk Speaks and C.S. Lewis. Every morning, he read his Bible; Some nights he read the mail's Motley collection of literature: Ads and politicians and fanatics, Demanding money and his time, But mostly money. "I don't have time to read!" He'd shout when I suggested a novel. What literature he had was in his head, Poems memorized when he was a boy In a two room school, or His own lines, written as a young man, Describing work and friends Long distant now, but still alive In memory. Dad taught me how to read In different literacies and different texts: Nuances of sky to read the weather - What chill or storm or drought was on its way ("Storm's coming, boys! Let's get that hay!"); Cows and calves and bulls, (Which one was sick or well, dry or bred); Ways to diagnose mechanical ailments ("Start with the easiest options first"); Metals, to know which welding rod applied ("Aluminum sags, and cast iron cracks"); Grain, rolled crisp between hard hands, (a test of ripeness); Cement, to blend the perfect mix, ("Clean gravel/sand, no dirt, not too much water!); Conservation, ("Always keep some grain on hand" &   "Keep your fuel above half-tank"). So many literacies... Dad, the Master Reader of them all... No wonder he'd no time for books.
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49
We need a biopsy To diagnose hypocrisy In American Democracy.
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Jun 20, 2017
Jun 20, 2017 at 8:48 AM UTC
Is There a Doctor in the House(10W)
Bus-riding, crumb-counting hand wringers Bibble-babbler, channel-flipper slogan slingers Keep the volume loud enough to drown out the machines That fill their cupped hands daily with excrement and dreams These are the ****** of the canon Button-pushing, lever-pulling product users Wife-buying, tax-paying alcohol abusers Emasculated monkeys done up in black and white Clock in in the morning and flock home late at night These are the ****** of the canon Train-conducting, ring-leading hand shakers String-fingered, queue-cutting, man makers Drive home, cursing, lonely, breaking bones beneath their wheels Without the time to diagnose that emptiness they feel These are the ****** of the canon
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Aug 4, 2013
Aug 4, 2013 at 3:32 PM UTC
On Massachusetts Ave.
Slay the dragon, Defend your honor. Take down the mob, Restore justice. Win the fight, Steal your heart. Crack ninety minutes worth of jokes, Break up. Get back together, Live happily ever after. Solve the case, Lock up ****** killer. Diagnose patient, Save your life. Thank me later. Jump through wormhole, Save humanity. You're welcome. Phone rings, Interrupts Epic Tuesday. I smile, Hearing your voice. And just like that, My life is no longer on pause.
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Mar 20, 2015
Mar 20, 2015 at 1:31 PM UTC
Epic Tuesday
On occasion, I dream about drowning at least once a week And when I drown I always expect to choke under the pressure of the ocean That the salt stings my eyes shut But I am always surprised at how easily my body sinks And how buoyant it can be under water And it makes me think of all the slaves Who threw themselves overboard How they thought themselves fish before slave Did they grow gills? Were they grateful for the mercy of erosion Under salt instead of whips Did they backs bend like dolphins do? Did they build an underwater city untouched By brutal hands Do they know, that I see them sometimes The ancestors who chose water over land And they are not bone and marrow stacked At the bottom of the ocean They are not corpses who chose the easy way out I see them They have built an underwater world from their bare hands They laugh and bubbles exit out their mouths Even now my family would not mourn my departure If I were to be called by the waves For the water has a language that some Of us have an ear for It is not the place of mortals to tear up When one of us africans drown Because to sink is to find new life Is to be in the hands of those who control their own destiny I know them, the water people They call me during the night And i don't fight anymore I laugh with them, and live And wake angry that oxygen can suffocate me That I suddenly become flailing fish That my home is not this land That I find comfort in ocean floor That is where my ancestors speak to me Console me Teach me the ways of spiritual healer At the bottom of the sea And it is not a dream although I wake from it It is a reality that is bestowed upon The xhosa shamans from birth The western world does not have a reality like that So they will argue it does not exist They will be quick to diagnose my mental health Call the act of reuniting with my own An episode, a stress indicator A sleeping pill prescription These are the same people who believe in Three day resurrection for death But cannot fathom an african never dying And we don’t die We do not die. There is life for us elsewhere. And when we are ready The waves will welcome us home.
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Apr 29, 2016
Apr 29, 2016 at 5:50 PM UTC
Emanzini (In The Water)
On occasion, I dream about drowning at least once a week And when I drown I always expect to choke under the pressure of the ocean That the salt stings my eyes shut But I am always surprised at how easily my body sinks And how buoyant it can be under water And it makes me think of all the slaves Who threw themselves overboard How they thought themselves fish before slave Did they grow gills? Were they grateful for the mercy of erosion Under salt instead of whips Did they backs bend like dolphins do? Did they build an underwater city untouched By brutal hands Do they know, that I see them sometimes The ancestors who chose water over land And they are not bone and marrow stacked At the bottom of the ocean They are not corpses who chose the easy way out I see them They have built an underwater world from their bare hands They laugh and bubbles exit out their mouths Even now my family would not mourn my departure If I were to be called by the waves For the water has a language that some Of us have an ear for It is not the place of mortals to tear up When one of us africans drown Because to sink is to find new life Is to be in the hands of those who control their own destiny I know them, the water people They call me during the night And i don't fight anymore I laugh with them, and live And wake angry that oxygen can suffocate me That I suddenly become flailing fish That my home is not this land That I find comfort in ocean floor That is where my ancestors speak to me Console me Teach me the ways of spiritual healer At the bottom of the sea And it is not a dream although I wake from it It is a reality that is bestowed upon The xhosa shamans from birth The western world does not have a reality like that So they will argue it does not exist They will be quick to diagnose my mental health Call the act of reuniting with my own An episode, a stress indicator A sleeping pill prescription These are the same people who believe in Three day resurrection for death But cannot fathom an african never dying And we don’t die We do not die. There is life for us elsewhere. And when we are ready The waves will welcome us home.
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61
Girl listens to mirror Girl injects boy into skin Girl heal Girl cry Mascara tugs down face Hands diagnose Lipstick Blush Boy tug Girl heal Mirror prevent
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Jan 2, 2014
Jan 2, 2014 at 2:49 AM UTC
Makeup at a Doctor's Office
Around the table, literacy discussion Turns elitist... Bemoaning some poor Johnny, Son of a plumber who does not read Beyond the practical need, And has no desire to. I stop to check my sense of what I have just heard... Am transported back to a prairie farm And think of my Father, now in his eighties Who still feels no need and no sense of loss For not having read Shakespeare or Kant For missing Milton's Paradises and Hemingway, For by-passing Black Elk Speaks and C.S. Lewis. Every morning, he reads his Bible; Some nights he reads the mail's Motley collection of literature: Ads and politicians and fanatics, Demanding money and his time, But mostly money. "I don't have time to read!" He shouts, when I suggest a novel. What literature he has is in his head, Poems memorized when he was a boy In a two room school, or His own lines, written as a young man, Describing work and friends Long distant now, but still alive In memory. Dad taught me how to read In different literacies and different texts: Nuances of sky to read the weather - What chill or storm or drought was on its way; Cows and calves and bulls - Which one was sick or well, dry or bred; Equipment to diagnose mechanical ailments; Metals to know which welding rod applied; Grain, rolled crisp between his hands, a test of ripeness... Cement to find the perfect mix, So many literacies... Dad, the Master Reader of them all... No wonder he'd no time for books.
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Jun 15, 2014
Jun 15, 2014 at 10:02 AM UTC
No Time for Books
i want to write but the words aren't coming i'm feeling trapped by my mind's inability to translate my emotions to letters with meaning i write to understand why i feel the way i do i am the doctor of my own thoughts but if i cannot write then i cannot understand & if i cannot understand then i cannot diagnose so here i sit with the same confusion i began with some words written before me as useless as they come accomplishing nothing begging for everything
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Feb 21, 2019
Feb 21, 2019 at 10:39 AM UTC
this poem won't help you
**graduated *** laude with a PhD in madness, practitioner of your   own philosophy as     a harbinger of doom, tales of darkness where the deck is always stacked, what's the sense of light    to a harsh night or spring's flourish    to winter's brashness, you don't need to be       a rocket scientist     to diagnose absurdity**
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Jul 3, 2015
Jul 3, 2015 at 11:27 PM UTC
Diagnosed absurdity
I leafed through the DSM this morning diagnosing every ******* person in my life incessent character flaws, maladaptive responses that ache in my mind, and shatter my "normal" expectancies of human behavior In all of the descriptors "has a strong desire to be the center of attention" "is often inappropriately provocative or sexually seductive" "Exhibits odd or eccentrive appearance/behavior" "Seeks excitement and stiumulation, often acting on impulse" the only person I could really diagnose was me your therapist
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Aug 6, 2012
Aug 6, 2012 at 4:29 PM UTC
Your therapist is crazy
in 2012 i experienced an incident with a rifle. my friend spinned it around and hit me in the face. the hit was hard enough to break my nose and make me fly backwards and land on the back of my head. after that i started having seizures. cluster seizures which mean seizures back to back. they have to be stopped by iv or i can go into status epilepticus meaning continued or back to back seizures that can **** people. there have been several times where my heart has stopped or i stopped breathing from it. its hard to live with. soooo many pills, and doctors, specialists to help diagnose me. just about a month ago i was diagnosed with tbi (traumatic brain injury) before i was diagnosed i was so upset with everything. my health my relationship, my family problems. it just piled up so i decided to numb myself with drugs and alcohol. i no longer can do that because the last time i did i woke up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. i have right hemisphere disfunction and it effects my motor skills, speech, memory, decision making, confusion, and at this point the doctors say that my memory and confusion is dementia. sometimes i try to tell myself i don't need help, im fine, i don't need anyone, or that the doctors made a mistake. but they didn't and that was proven to me today when i saw my eeg, and mri.  i have built up white matter in my brain. and it only gets worse . i can never regain anything ive lost but i can learn how deal with it and move on from now. i can never be independent in the part of just living alone. i would like to marry the man of my dreams but i don't think i want to put him through all of this. he would have to take care of me when i get sick, and i get sick often due to my weak immune system. one hit in the face and my whole body went out of whack. we also recently discovered that i have a bundle branch block in my heart which means it is a condition in which there's a delay or obstruction along the pathway that electrical impulses travel to make your heart beat. i have a dog that can smell my auras which are mild seizures like warnings that a big one will come. but he can only do so much . squeeze under my head and bark for help.
0
Dec 7, 2014
Dec 7, 2014 at 10:31 PM UTC
my diagnosis
in 2012 i experienced an incident with a rifle. my friend spinned it around and hit me in the face. the hit was hard enough to break my nose and make me fly backwards and land on the back of my head. after that i started having seizures. cluster seizures which mean seizures back to back. they have to be stopped by iv or i can go into status epilepticus meaning continued or back to back seizures that can **** people. there have been several times where my heart has stopped or i stopped breathing from it. its hard to live with. soooo many pills, and doctors, specialists to help diagnose me. just about a month ago i was diagnosed with tbi (traumatic brain injury) before i was diagnosed i was so upset with everything. my health my relationship, my family problems. it just piled up so i decided to numb myself with drugs and alcohol. i no longer can do that because the last time i did i woke up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. i have right hemisphere disfunction and it effects my motor skills, speech, memory, decision making, confusion, and at this point the doctors say that my memory and confusion is dementia. sometimes i try to tell myself i don't need help, im fine, i don't need anyone, or that the doctors made a mistake. but they didn't and that was proven to me today when i saw my eeg, and mri.  i have built up white matter in my brain. and it only gets worse . i can never regain anything ive lost but i can learn how deal with it and move on from now. i can never be independent in the part of just living alone. i would like to marry the man of my dreams but i don't think i want to put him through all of this. he would have to take care of me when i get sick, and i get sick often due to my weak immune system. one hit in the face and my whole body went out of whack. we also recently discovered that i have a bundle branch block in my heart which means it is a condition in which there's a delay or obstruction along the pathway that electrical impulses travel to make your heart beat. i have a dog that can smell my auras which are mild seizures like warnings that a big one will come. but he can only do so much . squeeze under my head and bark for help.
Continue reading...
2
Teenagers write poems about sadness And I diagnose Drain false narcissistic depth I choose to diagnose Girls that moan about darkness I can try emphasize At a therapeutic distance Walls rather a leather settee Cry me your conjured problems The attention that you desperately need Hug into my False intellectual façade You want your name in lights Rose-colored perception Of a overused typecast Your sadness poetic and bottomless Caught in the flight Spotlight That you cannot bear Insipid perpetuity Whining and moaning and whining Life in hard and it is not fair I’ve seen it all before But should I sit Put myself high on a pedestal Satisfied with my own scholarly ruse What I lack in qualifications I make up in apathy You wear a different coat You messy attention grabbing Poetically distraught Attracted to the next sparkly thing That will make you more interesting You magpie, you lemming, you I will hold your hand if you hold mine
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Jun 3, 2014
Jun 3, 2014 at 8:11 PM UTC
How to be a Cocky ******* Part I
Been on this forum just a short time Found amazing talent from all kinds Makes me wanna dub this creative flow As the greatest ever, if you don’t know Thus my admiration has been sparked To write mad verses with a flaming mark You are the ingredients of this unique brew That I’m now calling the “Quintessence” crew So here’s to the “Q,” your words have weight More than silver and gold, ’cause you’re my mates Here’s to the eyez of earth’s celestial Angel X-raying minds to diagnose and become less tangled Here’s to the fury of the beast, a.k.a. Animal Ripping at the life we sometimes take for granted Here’s to the western gunslinger, holla Pug Blasting us with the creativity from them slugs Here’s to the sweetness of sista Sara Walking the mule as a humane barer Here’s to the Feminine heart of a special Poet Grounding us to reality, a toast from a glass of Moet Here’s to the petals from the Y2K1 budding Rose Missing the nectar to feed the bees and in those… Here’s to the shiny armor of gleaming love, the Arhanghell Giving us adventurous tales, ready to drop more coins in that well Here’s to the food from the Miller they call Keith Dropping them verses like tender, tantalizing beef Here’s to the endeavors of the newbie, a Creator of Love Soaring the clouds fiercely with the freshness of a dove Other members of the “Q” are still missing in action Hope you come back to be part of this elite faction So this dedication will continue to be unfinished Not whole, but waiting to be no longer diminished…
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Jul 23, 2013
Jul 23, 2013 at 10:09 PM UTC
Quintessence Crew
Been on this forum just a short time Found amazing talent from all kinds Makes me wanna dub this creative flow As the greatest ever, if you don’t know Thus my admiration has been sparked To write mad verses with a flaming mark You are the ingredients of this unique brew That I’m now calling the “Quintessence” crew So here’s to the “Q,” your words have weight More than silver and gold, ’cause you’re my mates Here’s to the eyez of earth’s celestial Angel X-raying minds to diagnose and become less tangled Here’s to the fury of the beast, a.k.a. Animal Ripping at the life we sometimes take for granted Here’s to the western gunslinger, holla Pug Blasting us with the creativity from them slugs Here’s to the sweetness of sista Sara Walking the mule as a humane barer Here’s to the Feminine heart of a special Poet Grounding us to reality, a toast from a glass of Moet Here’s to the petals from the Y2K1 budding Rose Missing the nectar to feed the bees and in those… Here’s to the shiny armor of gleaming love, the Arhanghell Giving us adventurous tales, ready to drop more coins in that well Here’s to the food from the Miller they call Keith Dropping them verses like tender, tantalizing beef Here’s to the endeavors of the newbie, a Creator of Love Soaring the clouds fiercely with the freshness of a dove Other members of the “Q” are still missing in action Hope you come back to be part of this elite faction So this dedication will continue to be unfinished Not whole, but waiting to be no longer diminished…
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32
A toadstool is swelling inside my limbic system. Spores sweat amongst tissue cavities, dining out on grey matter, until they force me to stay in bed through the day. What a thing it would be. Depression as a fungus. A mildewed mind as damp sets in, the trumpet player with athletes foot, casting out the air-borne blues. Misfortunes follow one another along straits of fate, as if sadness were a colony itself. I want to take a pill to **** the mushroom that plumes over my head. You can only diagnose through words and symbols, only treat once you set down your pen and hold the hand of a patient lover, of the savant drinking at the bar. For now I will let air in through the open window, watch the dreamcatcher sway and hang like a tarantula over the stars and crescents, spilling out over my bed. When I close my eyes I hear the ocean in distant traffic, sounding as waves when rolling by the door. I will drown in seawater and hallucinate a scene of happiness. Of a place for a poet's retreat.
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Sep 8, 2014
Sep 8, 2014 at 9:01 AM UTC
Poet's Retreat
Pass a stranger Nod a polite hello Choke on the smell of Cigarette smoke Blooming all around Hold breath till It's passed Release and gasp Fresh new air But he wasn't the only smoker Around here You can get cancer from Second-hand smoke, you know? I'm convince we'll all Die of cancer anyways Cancer of the body or Cancer of the heart Something eating away All of us and we can't Self-diagnose the chaos Looking for something In all the wrong places Surface level satisfactions Nicotine and addictions Rotting away the soul And we're all dying of Some cancer Cancer of the soul Looking for answers Failing to look past ourselves For Something Someone To ease the pain Satisfy the ache of soul Clean up a world where No one smokes Their souls into Oblivion
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Sep 22, 2014
Sep 22, 2014 at 1:52 AM UTC
Cigarette Smoke
I write poems, not people, And in them we all move so gracefully. I diagnose myself freely with the fluidity of tongue that can only serve to mask motives. no love is sloppy Besides, it is heartbreak that is the most poetic, and I, after all, write poems. (poetry dictates artistry, ensures emotions, grants form, prevents freedom) Even myself I work over into prose, selecting words carefully, double meanings, hiding secrets within stanzas and passing them off as purposeful. I am no riddle. I am a poem like the rest of you, terrified to be messy and avoiding interpretation.
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Aug 6, 2014
Aug 6, 2014 at 12:52 PM UTC
Fiction
Is this a cure I'm seeking Or someone to diagnose me? Stuck in my own ballad, Can't seem to set myself free, Can't seem to set myself free... Schizophrenia is killing me, It makes me act so inhumane Because I am an 'unknown' ****** Living "life" is a real pain I'm totally convinced that its driving me more insane I need a change I lost enough, let me gain. Is this revenge I'm seeking Or someone to advenge me? Stuck in my own paradox I wanna set myself free, I wanna set my free.. Justification killing me, But killing isn't justified! What is happening to me, I am feeling so terrified What do I do with all the hurt and pain? Them, I just hide Most times I cry But I lock them all up inside.
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Jan 30, 2018
Jan 30, 2018 at 4:29 PM UTC
Justification
Doctors and Clinical Psycologists diagnose Depression as: A mood disorder causing a persistent feeling of sadness or lost of interest. Sadness however is just a side affect of depression. The real culprit is exhaustion. Exhaustion that the world hasn't changed. Exhaustion that your career hasn't changed. Exhaustion that you are poor. Exhaustion that your family or other people around you havent changed. Exhaustion because you cant seem to fit in with them. Exhaustion you cant seem to change your appearance. Exhaustion because you cannot change your personality. Exhaustion because you are recognized for a fake smile. Or maybe Exhaustion because you are not recognized at all. Exhaustion strikes because you are ultimately unable to change the mechanics in the grand machine that is your life. You are stuck in a never ending loop. A cycle of what you feel is a wasted life. A life you feel you are powerless to change because you are too exhausted to do so. This is the true meaning of depression: The desperate, crippling, aching, hurt you feel. The heavy signs you release at the end of the day. The anger that rips and shakes through your body. The screams and sobs you let fly deep into your pillow so nobody hears. The silent pool of tears that stream down your face at night. The ones that cling and stain your cheek. All the emotions that stop when you finally sleep, when everything stops and you are taken by the dark void of a dreamland, when the exhaustion finally ends. With a life like ours can you really blame the exhausted, For wanting to sleep forever?
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Jun 18, 2015
Jun 18, 2015 at 10:21 AM UTC
A life Like Ours
Doctors and Clinical Psycologists diagnose Depression as: A mood disorder causing a persistent feeling of sadness or lost of interest. Sadness however is just a side affect of depression. The real culprit is exhaustion. Exhaustion that the world hasn't changed. Exhaustion that your career hasn't changed. Exhaustion that you are poor. Exhaustion that your family or other people around you havent changed. Exhaustion because you cant seem to fit in with them. Exhaustion you cant seem to change your appearance. Exhaustion because you cannot change your personality. Exhaustion because you are recognized for a fake smile. Or maybe Exhaustion because you are not recognized at all. Exhaustion strikes because you are ultimately unable to change the mechanics in the grand machine that is your life. You are stuck in a never ending loop. A cycle of what you feel is a wasted life. A life you feel you are powerless to change because you are too exhausted to do so. This is the true meaning of depression: The desperate, crippling, aching, hurt you feel. The heavy signs you release at the end of the day. The anger that rips and shakes through your body. The screams and sobs you let fly deep into your pillow so nobody hears. The silent pool of tears that stream down your face at night. The ones that cling and stain your cheek. All the emotions that stop when you finally sleep, when everything stops and you are taken by the dark void of a dreamland, when the exhaustion finally ends. With a life like ours can you really blame the exhausted, For wanting to sleep forever?
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39
God please forgive me for I have sinned a many of them Lies to genuine believers Immortality rises in my mind I go blind Black outs and faded nights Heart beats hard and fast Mind spins from that beer in the glass Morals have been confused Take me back to that girl who didn't abuse Take me back please god take me back Eyes melt into a thousand disappointed atoms of my self worth This is my life and I have treated it wrongly Thank you for the pain To teach me the blessing of not abusing my body I am not addicted but afflicted by the fake smiles I gain From altering my mind with substance not kind A poison to make me feel this way now A poison I diagnose myself with It felt better without all of this I should reap what I've done I gracefully won the battle of challenge My mind still aches tummy is okay Peace of mind draw me back in please Beggars on her knees This is me Praying for the sun to uplift me on it's own Not to need my soul removed Not to need something to make me smile It was a fake grin Filled with sin
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Jul 26, 2013
Jul 26, 2013 at 4:18 PM UTC
Begging Sinner
Go ahead. Remind me how much you love me How much I mean to you. How much you know I can change. I would just love to hear your lies. Or you can Yell and scream Tell me I'm fat Tell me I'm selfish Try to diagnose me every time I ***** up. I would not be surprised. Criticize me, I dare you. It would not be the first time And it certainly will not be the last. Am I ruining your idea Of a "perfect family"? I hope I have sent it to its grave. I wish you knew what you did to your child. You made her afraid to open her mouth Due to her fear of judgement. There is no question That you have played a role in her depression As well as her eating disorder. You have made her feel worthless. You have made her feel like nothing but a number. You have created a girl who is obsessed with perfection. And the worst part is, You don't even understand how bad it has gotten. You do not know what I have been through. A friend took advantage of me in a major way While I was not in a proper state of mind. But you would say that I should have been more careful, That I should not have been sneaking around in the first place. I wish I could tell you That some days I just want to rip my skin off of my bones Because I feel gross. What he did to me was wrong, But you would not see it that way. I have a hard time convincing myself of the fact That this should not have happened. It is difficult for me not to blame myself Or not to shut down Because those who I have told continue to tell me I am overreacting Or that I did something to lead him on. I fear that you would do the same. All I want Is for you to say that I am alright For once in my life. I wish you would compliment me Or tell me that you're proud So maybe I could start to believe it, too. Yes, your younger daughter is the perfect kid. And we have both been brought up the same way. But she has not had the experiences that I have had. It is not fair for you to compare the two of us As if I do not do it enough already. So what can I say? If I am going to drown, Then let me drown. Or if you can stand up on your own Take responsibility for your role in this Throw me a lifeline, Then maybe I can be okay. Maybe I can escape this cycle of destruction.
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Jan 10, 2014
Jan 10, 2014 at 9:02 PM UTC
Cycle
Go ahead. Remind me how much you love me How much I mean to you. How much you know I can change. I would just love to hear your lies. Or you can Yell and scream Tell me I'm fat Tell me I'm selfish Try to diagnose me every time I ***** up. I would not be surprised. Criticize me, I dare you. It would not be the first time And it certainly will not be the last. Am I ruining your idea Of a "perfect family"? I hope I have sent it to its grave. I wish you knew what you did to your child. You made her afraid to open her mouth Due to her fear of judgement. There is no question That you have played a role in her depression As well as her eating disorder. You have made her feel worthless. You have made her feel like nothing but a number. You have created a girl who is obsessed with perfection. And the worst part is, You don't even understand how bad it has gotten. You do not know what I have been through. A friend took advantage of me in a major way While I was not in a proper state of mind. But you would say that I should have been more careful, That I should not have been sneaking around in the first place. I wish I could tell you That some days I just want to rip my skin off of my bones Because I feel gross. What he did to me was wrong, But you would not see it that way. I have a hard time convincing myself of the fact That this should not have happened. It is difficult for me not to blame myself Or not to shut down Because those who I have told continue to tell me I am overreacting Or that I did something to lead him on. I fear that you would do the same. All I want Is for you to say that I am alright For once in my life. I wish you would compliment me Or tell me that you're proud So maybe I could start to believe it, too. Yes, your younger daughter is the perfect kid. And we have both been brought up the same way. But she has not had the experiences that I have had. It is not fair for you to compare the two of us As if I do not do it enough already. So what can I say? If I am going to drown, Then let me drown. Or if you can stand up on your own Take responsibility for your role in this Throw me a lifeline, Then maybe I can be okay. Maybe I can escape this cycle of destruction.
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64
if love is a battlefield, than my mind must be Chernobyl. a nuclear war zone, befitting, I spent years developing a nuclear war head, that can find lodging in your head. it lays resident on the pillow on my bed, my childhood shed, while bad memories flow like a water drain up ahead, and may remain with me until death. maybe such a stigma on depression exists, because no one still really knows what it is hell, my mind can compute equations, spit out essays, but mental illness? to solve mine would be aimless. it lurks, it attacks, it burns left like a forest fire to churn. eats up your insides, you feel your ending coming close, with no conclusiveness a doctor can diagnose. only if life came with an easy mode, maybe i'd be better off dealing with this alone. this is for all the kids who made Adam's song their song, or find reprieve at the bottom of a **** and find life a little bit too long. can you hear the siren? three, two... seconds to eruption one... boom. no time to snooze. i wake and immediately collapse into pieces. scattered, in the people i will encounter today until i come home empty, no parts of me left to be seen. until i finally fall in bed, close my eyes, count 1, 2, 3, and do it all over again.
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May 12, 2016
May 12, 2016 at 8:19 PM UTC
chernobyl
This glass surface shows myself It shows how I look, how I twitch It shows my kinks and flaws I see how big I am, over run with fat I see how I wish I looked Eat an apple go on a run Eat fruits and veggies This glass surface shows myself It shows my face, my slight collar bone It shows my pale skin and dull hair I see I've gotten bigger, wider than before I see how I wish I looked Eat some granola maybe some water Skip a meal maybe two This glass surface shows myself It shows my ribs and my hips It shows my sullen face and jutting bones I see I'm still big, as fat as before I see how I wish I looked Fast today, Fast tomorrow Drink some water and have a ******* This glass surface shows myself It shows a skeleton with skin It shows my brown eyes, void of light I'm bigger than I'd ever thought was possible I no longer see how I wish I looked, just fat Fast today, Fast tomorrow Fast the next week and the week after Stop consuming stop the fat If you don't eat you can't gain Most people don't know this but only 1 out of 5 guys will be diagnosed with anorexia and 2 out of 3 girls will be diagnosed with anorexia. People think guys can't have it. Well truth be told they can and they do diagnose or not. People really do this, they hate them selves because a piece of glass said to. Society just fuels it. I'll be honest and say that this is true for me. ~<>~Jinxx~<>~
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Nov 29, 2014
Nov 29, 2014 at 12:23 PM UTC
The Mirror