you'd run if you could
and smile like you should.
i wag my tail and roar
in hopes to make you soar,
but your legs don't work
and those arms are no better.
you can't walk but **** you have love
but love is never enough.
a heart as large as the seas,
body crippled with a tragic disease.
i'll scream till you leave
anything to make you believe.
she smiles and looks away,
looking to give you a brighter day.
hope is all she has left
but fear has crept and made its home
in a heart that should be left alone.
i see the spark in her eyes
and toot away in my trail of lies.
every day i think about my funeral
and think i'll be missed.
who knows if it's true
for i am only a dog
slender, soft and sweet,
with a heart as big as a peach.
this isn't enough.
i'm never enough.
i just wanted to see you smile
but you left me feeling angry and vile.
i hope you never pet me again
and find me in my cage
battered and dead.
May 4, 2018
May 4, 2018 at 11:50 PM UTC
Saw an elderly read the obituary
Mortality hit me and felt like eternity
Private fear in a public sphere
Wondering how life is even real
Learned a lot this year in times I didn't want to be here
Learned a lot this year in times I wanted you near
Clocks pass and seconds tick
But nostalgia always hits
Old friends remind me about the good times
New friends make me cherish the time
Past friends will always be friends
Future friends will will.
Friends are family, don't forget
So don't spend time in regret
And don't regret these memories
So you can find time to take the other road
and finally accept.
May 10, 2017
May 10, 2017 at 2:21 PM UTC
looked at your face
blew smoke in your eyes
it felt right.
i guess i'm fine
writing between the lines
maybe this is what i need
i'll plant the seed
it will grow, they always do
no one will have a clue
can't say i miss you
can't say i miss you
who knew, who knew
you wouldn't miss me too
it's alright, for tonight
it's alright, for tonight
i'll just write
with the help of your bright
i lost my sight, i lost my sight
nothing's real, so what to feel
to feel? no deal.
Apr 13, 2017
Apr 13, 2017 at 10:56 PM UTC
she is a volition,
the love of my life.
took her for one night,
and lost all my sight.
jumping all around
the light of the room
the bright over the gloom
pleads goodbye to misery.
i am here to stay
the one who's true
every day, always new
i will show you the way.
bleed on stage,
and on the page.
lead to tear, and lead to stain.
this is pain.
gone from my system
no one to listen
the end is near,
loud and clear.
know i've said this
but she really was on the tip of my tongue.
small and pure, small and pure,
never again, shall i fall for your lure.
Oct 4, 2016
Oct 4, 2016 at 2:29 PM UTC
what upsets me the most
is that if i died
she would not miss me as much
as i do with her.
she would have a boyfriend to run to,
a family to hold,
friends to support,
an education to enjoy,
life to behold.
all the things,
that now mourn her.
i started this book,
asking for pain,
not knowing what was in store.
i have felt hell ten times over
doing what i can, to numb the pain.
i have failed you.
i have cried in a crowded room,
and now cannot
shed a single tear within my own body.
see winter in your eyes
such beauty and purity in a holy body
but i was the fire you could never hold
left to crash and burn
in the rooms we occupied,
the space we filled.
so is this the end?
maybe, yes, no.
i will never know.
no yes, i know.
she is what dictates this pen.
she is who decides if this is the beginning or end.
she still exists,
i see her on this page.
i feel her in my eyes.
i see her glow at night.
she is my life
she is my love
she IS life
Aug 18, 2016
Aug 18, 2016 at 9:24 PM UTC
there is no Restart with Her.
there is no button to push,
no story to rewrite,
only tears to cry,
and hugs to hold.
two hearts become one forever more
one stops and so does the other.
every time i speak, you will hear her voice.
every breath i take, i now take for her.
and at night, she is the Mother Nature
to my rainfall of tears.
i wish i could have saved you.
i wish i took the impact.
i wish i took the blame.
i wish you were a wish i never wished.
just a thought,
a speck,
another particle in life.
i'd never been to a funeral.
why was yours my first?
still find myself trying to rewrite things that already happened
you were the apple i always sought but could never hold
forbidden, forbidden fruit,
i will forever feign and fight
to see the brighter side.
Aug 18, 2016
Aug 18, 2016 at 9:18 PM UTC
sometimes you speak,
and i lose the ability to breathe.
can't sleep and missing you,
tell me what else is new.
with death,
love, life has depth.
i C you in my O - filled lungs,
alas, all i can do is breathe you out.
you are the smoke i long to lose,
but always hold close.
a game i'll never win,
painted in sins.
i'll stop smoking when you appear again,
promises made on what will never happen.
i see you in her eyes.
lies.
lies.
lies.
Aug 17, 2016
Aug 17, 2016 at 2:08 AM UTC
i have dreams
where your hand
is held by mine.
our fingers, lace and intertwine,
your simple touch, casts me drunk like wine.
i have visions
where i bestow you flowers
forever, forever blooming!
shining in your light, never to die
for a life without you must surely be a lie
i have hopes.
hopes, that you will see the good in me
that the wonder i see in you can never be deceived
hopes, that will never fall
hopes, that if i shall,
i choose you as my downfall.
i have worries.
worries you will find love elsewhere
where i must be perfect or else,
worries we will not work out,
and end up with fractured smiles as the only workout.
i have fears.
fears so frantic i pace to see you soon.
fears you'll fade with the full moon.
you,
have me.
you have me.
for as long as i maintain the will to breath,
a breath without you near shall be a breath too soon.
Jun 23, 2016
Jun 23, 2016 at 12:27 AM UTC
if love is a battlefield,
than my mind must be Chernobyl.
a nuclear war zone,
befitting,
I spent years developing a nuclear war head,
that can find lodging in your head.
it lays resident on the pillow on my bed,
my childhood shed,
while bad memories flow like a water drain up ahead,
and may remain with me until death.
maybe such a stigma on depression exists,
because no one still really knows what it is
hell, my mind can compute equations,
spit out essays,
but mental illness?
to solve mine would be aimless.
it lurks, it attacks, it burns
left like a forest fire to churn.
eats up your insides, you feel your ending coming close,
with no conclusiveness a doctor can diagnose.
only if life came with an easy mode,
maybe i'd be better off dealing with this alone.
this is for all the kids
who made Adam's song their song,
or find reprieve at the bottom of a ****
and find life a little bit too long.
can you hear the siren?
three, two...
seconds to eruption
one...
boom.
no time to snooze.
i wake and
immediately collapse into
pieces.
scattered,
in the people i will encounter today
until i come home
empty,
no parts of me left to be seen.
until i finally fall in bed,
close my eyes,
count 1, 2, 3,
and do it
all over again.
May 12, 2016
May 12, 2016 at 8:19 PM UTC
you want to know
why he's depressed.
he made a shell distant from his sobriety
and lost touch with any sense of piety.
Tis' a pity, tis' a pity, he becomes
a poor fool, passes away prior to full potential
knows only money and *** to be essential,
and knows nothing on how to deal with the consequential.
fell in love too early
only to know it's too late.
no promises to rectify,
no vows to testify,
only his broken brain left to crucify.
a battered body broken down in battle
with the world around him
and the war within him.
love is thy kryptonite,
drugs are thy dynamite,
left to implode
in the world he created.
he lays in his head, he lies in his head,
he has died in his head,
and thus makes this death.
he lives in everyone's life,
knows not one of his own,
only knows the boundaries of his zone.
Tis' not one of comfort, only discomfort
this man is me.
this man is me.
see my red blood leak on the ledger,
my life flow away like a lost feather,
hang me loose on the tether.
to see sunrise again after tonight?
no please,
never.
Apr 12, 2016
Apr 12, 2016 at 1:50 AM UTC