This may be hard to hear and feels like i am stating a streotype comment
But for all those surviors of ****** abuse
I just want to let you know your not alone
I know everyday is a sturggle to get out of bed
Constent worrying and pain
And the questions that wont let go
You just want to end it all
You think its your fault and even if the world was telling you its not your sitting there thinking Oh my god please just shut up
I understand that but just know its okay not to be okay
And i know you feel ***** and you want to hurt yourself,blame yourself
And even if i tell you dont do it your letting the monster win
It makes no difference
So what i am going to say is hold on tight i know the journey is painful
But once you reach it will be raimbows
The nightmares the flashbacks  i know its painful
I know it hurts more then anything
But i promise you that as long as your safe
No hands will ever touch you again
I know its hard and cry all you want
But once your finshed be sure to know that you can do it again whenever you want
Your not a victim you Are a survivor


But the truth is i will never know your pain
Nobody can ever guess what you might me going through
All you know is what your going through
But empathy is somthing that only works to an extent....
This is what i go through...

My heart consumes hate
Like a leaf consumes sun light
Just soaks it up
But to no end 
The flow will be constent 
And I with out it
I would be different 
Not dead just hibernating 
Untile that sun light strikes my leaf
I may not like this hate
But it's the only way I can find a way to live
Becuse with out that hate
My heart lives on my sleeve 
With people ready to stab and slash
And so I alow my heart and hate
To enter a Symbiosis relation ship
Hate lives in my heart
And protects its beats

Stuffy nose
Stuffy head
Feel like my mind is breaking down
My lungs are pushing out this phlegm
Maybe I should quit  ciggies
But the ciggies won't quit me

Staying high makes me feel better

But the stuffy nose
And constent blowing of it
Makes me lose my breath
And it won't stop

I love to bike
I love to be outside

Congested feeling

Oppressed feeling

Constent sound
That's all I hear bickering
They say it's not there
That I'm a white boy ther be nouthing wroung with me
They say all I seek Is atenten
That can't be it since I suffer in silence, cry alone, and to finely stifle the noise, I Speek allowed to them so at less one voice would exit the 9th layer of hell I call my mand
They will never see and I will never Speeking of the voices which drive my imaginations into contplations of zombie ends and thretical debates,  that will shake your minds, hell it cripples mine, the constant debates of there's ******* my mind,  so all I can do is stifle those two words that would not make a lick of a difference, for if I let them slip people will just look at me, and think I'm rebelling "o he's a white boy, he must think our talking is beneath him, he will never know true pain like us minorities"
Ye,ah That's me the majority seeking ******* of minority, causing hell since I never experience it. I am nouthing but an anarkish heaven that sees nouthing but the color of ****, a complete pestmistick
They don't under stand; hell I don't understand my mind ether but to say I'm the majority, is dead wroung, what makes them minority, collor, religion, these I been taught means nouthing and nouthing they are Becuse there thoughts, their harts binds them to all races, not one thought or filling is independent to there race, these groing minority have sunken to the idea that they be the minority but no that is me, the one who can't sit in silence, with out rocking with pain, the words "shut up" forever on my lips dripping with mumbles of zombies and flames as high as buildings with me on top of the talist yelling I'm not insain I'm not insain I'm not insain Until finally I'm lost inside the flames.
And if they knew what hell was in my mind that would be worse, they will try to find the problem with scans and question. Did your dadie **** you? Is your brain ****** up? Why don't you just stop this shirade?  
And when thier questions just lead me screem more at them than at my own head they try to fix me for now I'm a danger so they imprison me for something they coused.
So they put me on psycotic medison , and the voices they continue but easer to with stand. But I'm not me any more I'm different I loss so much but can't grasp what it is. They say I'm a success, and I agree because I want to leave. I don't tell them I still hear voices becuse I don't want them to sedate me agin. I don't tell them I've lost the intelligent young man I was or the insitefull guy that could help people with problems that he him self never had but they would not cair all they want is me to be like them because that all they wish to see.
As soon I'm out of the jail I ditch the mids and I return to my insainity. O how the voices seem to be louder as if they was ****** I locked them up..... But I'm me agin or am I them I just might be them but is that a problem i lie to my famly "yea I'm fine," " yea I took them last night," "I'm happy". They believe me not becuse they do but becuse they want to. They never saw a problem befor yea I was strange but functional but as soon as soon they heard I had a problem they jump on it for it means thay have not failed.
But they have not failed the doctors did they saw a man with a problem that need to be cured when there was only a man who had a problem that he needed to live with a problem that made him better and strange a problem that made him different.
With my problem out in the open I become better at hiding my pain until I get back to my to my apartment where I scream, cry and argue but never in that order. Nabbers never new I was different for I sound proof this place.
And that's how I lived, paying for pills I never used, never confinding in anyone for I feared of going back to jail, and I just knew if I ever got back on thouse meds that that when I get off the voices will drown me and I would not make it a night befor I just decided to end my abnormal life

I am a victim of verbal, mental, and physical abuse
And no matter how hard i try
My scars seems to out shine my smile

I don't try to be negative
I really don't
But when you've experienced the pain i felt
You assume the worst

I take the blame because it's usually my fault
I am the one common denominator
In all the things that I've lost

I ask "are you mad?"
Because its a natural reaction
I tend to bring it out
In those with a mutual attraction

I need constent verification 
That i am wanted
Yes, its annoying and it bugs me too
But if you want me tell me
It's my diseases salvation

I get frustrated because im bipolor
I cry because im depressed
I'm sure you regret meeting
This hot *** mess

Ive been used and abused
So i assumed you'll do it too
I'm truly sorry for my assumption
I never ment to judge you

If you've moved on
I truly understand
A man like you
Should be in better hand

All i want to do is add to your happiness
Make you like Texas
Because thats where we met

And...

Give you what you want
Whatever that may be
When you find out, tell me
I'll be sure to deliver with 100% guarantee

But i am sorry
For what? I dont know
I feel like I annoy you
But  who knows

I've ran out of words
And the henny is kicking in
I probably shouldn't drive
But **** it! We all die in the end✌

In the beginning i was "oh no, uh oh" crying. Then I was the "not in my house" "nasty spiclett, rug rat, welfare seed". After I was here it was there, then there was shes such a bad kid, only cuz no one was stopping him. Then it was liar liar she's just a filthy **** liar, all the while theres turmoil left and right. How does a child just adjust with no one to ever trust, no home to call her own, bouncing here, bouncing there, never having anything constent. Always called every other name then the name forced upon me, like a mark, another label. How does a child learn how to eat at a table never provided for just always shiwn the door. Was this chuld just suppose to know how to survive all alone, nothing ever of thier own. Thats just the breaks of never being wanted.

in this icy world
in this constent nightmare
in this ruthless war
in this flooding ocean of blood
am i alone

on this path to darkness
on this island of screams
on this edge of sanity
on this sinking ship of hope
am i alone

i cant possibly be alone
because with every step
i hear a voice
a faint whisper
but i cant comprehend its words

as i shatter under the pressure
i finally see the source of the voice
i hear its words with perfect clarity
coming slowly from her lips
"your never going to be alone"

I can feel you forgetting me.
You used to compliment me on my nails knowing I had hours getting them just right.
Now you don't even notice that I painted them your favorite color.
You used to tell me that I didn't need to wear makeup, that I was beautiful without it.
Now that I don't wear it anymore you can see the dark circles under my eyes from the sleep I lost over you.
I can feel you forgetting me.
You used to tell me that my constent humming was annoying with a smile on your face.
Now you don't realize that it's your favorite song that is falling from my lips.
I used to doodle happy things on the edges of my paper when you were around.
But now all I do is write heart wrenching poetry about you.
I can feel you forgetting me.
Please don't forget me.

As I stare into your eyes.
I see the holy Grail.
Into darkness the sunlight dies.
I know my heart is weak and frail.

My heart says it will never work.
My mind says it will offer mercy.
I see your quite and clear smirk.
As I already know I am unworthy.

My heart hurts and longs for you.
Now that you know how I feel.
I can see the hatered on you too.
For I found how to heal, and deal.

No need to surrender.
My heart is unhurt.
You can have the constent indever.
Because you stepped me into the dirt.

The mind is like rough waves
with barely any breaks in the wind
constent and unforgiving
but with sunshine
and love
hate and sadness
anger
with rain and wind
moving in and out
eventually that wave will be calm
it will end
it will die
gone
would the other waves notice
that one wave has left
no
they will continue
with the sunshine
and love
hate and sadness
anger

(sorry its a bit long)

i wanna Jump, maybe i Could fly, atleast at this height ive already hit the sky, im sick of the drivebys, the drug flies, the beaming eyes, I'm sick of all this hussling, im sick of all the fuss im in, im sick of been who i am, so im sorry ma, n sorry pa, maybe now ill be a star, ill be up high, whats the change, u never noticed me anyways,

Im just living a dream to you it seems,
Im falling apart tearing at the seams,
Im breaking down im sorry world,
Today's the day i make you proud,

Look ma and look pa, dont u Understand who u are, my inspiration, my determination, been denied make my mind devide, ive got my good, and ive got my bad, u looked down when i was mad, id scare you, when i wasn't even bad, cuz u knew i was that sad, "i dont forget and i don't forgive", thats sometin u learn too live with, now it's something u have too deal with,

Im just living a dream to you it seems,
Im falling apart tearing at the seams,
Im breaking down im sorry world,
Today's the day i make you proud,

Walk a mile in my shoes and maybe you could see, what its like too be like me, gettin calls asking for deals, gettin fools waistin there meals, im dealing but cant provide my own oh so real, i feel like a peice of ****, I'm getting sick of living this, i just wanna shake your hand, but you've got venom on your gland, i wanna be the bigger man, ill walk away when I can, but if im tested here's my plan, pull my gun and end this fan.

Im just living a dream to you it seems,
Im falling apart tearing at the seams,
Im breaking down im sorry world,
Today's the day i make you proud,

Look im not saying imma end this ****, i may be down, but when im down my lyric is up, my verses untouched, you wouldn't think of such, but im so much, ill fill your cup, saying all that but, i know my lyric can be misread, just cuz im spitting these bars so honestly, and i know i got haters everywhere, thats part of life and part of the rap game, the walk too fame, u laugh now, but i impove with each move.

Im just living a dream to you it seems,
Im falling apart tearing at the seams,
Im breaking down im sorry world,
Today's the day i make you proud,

Im just living a dream to you it seems,
Im falling apart tearing at the seams,
Im breaking down im sorry world,
Today's the day i make you proud,

Now look into my eyes and u may see my reality, i suffer, i cry, i hate my god dam life, but i awake and thank god for my blessing, i wake up with determination, i wake up with constent fustration, and i know it sounds weak, but im on my knees, fighting a fight i cant win, the blank paper, my very own trash bin, i download my ****, so i wake up hussling, and you all say too not get so personal, but ill end with a wallet full,

Im just living a dream to you it seems,
Im falling apart tearing at the seams,
Im breaking down im sorry world,
Today's the day i make you proud,

At the age of 16 im walking down the road of recovery, from *******, and drugs, been hooked on cannabis and fun, you have a family? I have none, you have hope, im looking for some, i found a shimmering light, something too aim for, the rap career, and i know the struggle, haters, feens, losein what you think you need, but take what i have, you will be Takein the clothes upon my back.

****, Im so stressed
Why is it I obsess about every little thing
about how I cant sleep and how then that leads my mind to creep,
searching here searching there searching every ******* where to find some peace
but my mind is in a snit and it weeps so this stress just sits and steeps
an insidious build up in where my mind gets filled up
with all this ******* garbage leaving me feeling *******
and no one really knows my inner struggle and dealing with the constent self rebuttal
Its so tedious this obsessive mental stressing but at least I have my poetry and release my feelings openly
never worrying of appearing weak and vulnerable or making others feel uncomfortable
So regarless how many times I cry and at times feel like I wanna die, I just know theres more to life....
-E.G

It's my mind that is hurting me
The consent memories that I did not choose to to through
The constent tears that I wish never existed
The sadness that hurts me all the time
So don't blame me
If i want to wave goodbye

:(

mama loves you dear
but cant love herself
puts on a fake smile
for her children
takes pills behind their back
fails to stay away from the drugs
gives up on herself
cry's herself to sleep
in constent pain
broken beyond repair
confused and alone
loves her kids to death
would do anything for them
try's to stop taking the pills
succeds for a little while
than starts again
takes too many
dies
kids all alone
dad not there

Panic, worry and fear
All sounding around me
Nobody can see how much my anxity is frightening me,
Counsellors, teachers they telling me there is nothing wrong with me,
My family they telling me stop acting so crazy
"Attention seeker"
"Using your past to get away with things"
They all say its normal to feel the way you do after the abuse
I feel abnormal what should i do?
How can i see the world around me
Its spinning around i can barely see
I am a broken bird i want to fly
Escape my pain, the nightmares the cries and the flashabacks not leaving my sight,
They tell me breathe and it will be fine
They tell me that a thosend times
"Your safe now nobody will HURT you"
One day i will recover
From the constent pain
Without nobody to see
The magic that happend to me