I get cold when you stop looking at me
plant roses in my crotch
I sleep in a bed of wilting petals because I can never remember
to water them
or love them
or to buy stamps at the post office
or to get a week’s supply of groceries
or to love anyone.
I got warm when you hugged me for that
one
full
minute
one full minute makes me feel like I'm a little
less pathetic.
teach me how to eat more than apples for dinner
tell me how great my music is
and my smile
and my easy-to-get-lost-in eyes
one more time,
maybe three more times?
kiss me
don't kiss me
oh, kiss me
oh, don’t kiss me, just lean in as if you’re going to so I can ask you
why do you keep looking at me like you’re going to kiss me?
don’t let me touch you unless you want unspoken confusion
as much as I do
talk to me every day and sit on the edge of my bed
sprinkle petals of calendulas on my *******,
plant lilacs in my ears
tulips above my chin
orchids in my eyes
and daffodils in my head

I remember when I sat at that bar,
Thoughts in my head colliding like car crashes-
I was in the process of emptying my bones and my wallet-
I just got paid that morning.
I was already floating on the stool,
But it wasn't enough
Because you were still crossing streets in my mind
Picking at the last garden on the corner of the crashes
Calendulas and canna lilies
Lightly decorating my frontal lobe-
I wanted you gone.

Later that night,
I went back home
To my haunting four walls
Lines of poetry on the knives
Ready to jab you like nobody else could
Lines of thrill on the table
Cutting edges of my desolation
Just a cheap trip
To somewhere you aren't

It's easier to not think about you
Because you take too much from me
And give nothing in return.
In my body,
I have nothing.
You took my persona,
And I was so vulnerable
I sold the inner working in my bones for 30% off
And a pack of cigarettes.

I'm only filling voids you created
But I'm running out of sources,
If I leave right now-
If I'm off this earth in the morning,
What would you do with the parts you took?