I wish I could tell you
     all the things
     I’ve learned along the way
     like what’s what and
     how high is up

I suppose it all started with
     mom and apple pie
     and the pledge of allegiance
     which led to please mister
     Custer I don’t want to go

Oh, I read the Bible
     cover to cover
     only skipping the
     begetting and begotting
     and most of the ****** stuff

The flood was the only part
     I liked, saving animals
     2 by 2 and all
     but then it all ended
     on Judgment Day

And so I read other sacred books
     the Upanishads, Vedas
     the I Ching and Koran
     and just to be fair
     the Book of Mormon by Jove

The only thing learned was to
     take it all with a grain of salt
     living in the moment day by day
     and you’ll surely reach the promised
     land or the dark side of the moon