Never Have I Ever (Slam Poem)
5/27/2014

Having a best friend makes you think of weird things.

Stuff like:
Getting slapped in the face with a fish is more about smell than texture.
13 nights in a row drinking isn't so bad if you save cash not using mixers.
A stranger hitting on you is a storyline for tomorrow's lunch.
Redecorating my room is just for you, nobody else will see it.
You asked me to go shop with you, are you saying I need new clothes?
Crushing Ritalin in a bathroom, because we stayed up 'til 6am before work.
Pooping is like extra time in the day set aside to call you on the phone.
Why do we play Never Have I Ever when we already know the ever's?
People think we constantly say inside jokes, but we're just telepathic.
I get into shape before you visit town, because you're my best wingman.
If we ever stop being friends, I really hope you don't blackmail me.
Can I designate you to speak at my wedding, babyshower, and funeral?
... or is it too soon to do that?

Losing friends can make you think of weird things, I imagine.

Stuff like:
1. I should stop ordering carne asada fries - I can't finish a whole portion.
2. I keep my curtains closed - I know your car won't randomly be outside.
3. Having lunch alone ***** - I shared a crazy story with the cashier today.
4. I take my poops with the stereo on now - I never could go in silence.
5. My voicemail inbox is full - I can't delete any when your voice pops up.
6. Maybe I should call you.
7. I need to talk to you.
8. I wish I could call you.
9. If only you'd come visit town.
10. Maybe I should go visit the cemetery.
11. I have a new least favorite Never Have I Ever.
12. Never Have I Ever had a best friend die.

And I hope I never ever will put that finger down.

Strange trip through time as the music I hear comes from when I was in highschool.

Currently I am 31, Korn are now an old band, smoking has been replaced by the juul and I find myself thinking when did I no longer have my finger on the pulse of society?

Do teenagers know that their culture is created by 30 and 40 year olds who know them so well that they can target their individuality and make a profit out of them?

Did I?

I was rocking out to The Cure and The *** Pistols in highschool while everyone around me was listening to the black eyed peas and slipknot and somehow I still see the irony of it all.

How detached am I?

Is youth the key to being in touch with whats happening unless you find yourself as an influencer?  

Another social term that only existed in fashion magazines when I was in highschool now we focus on Instagrams and snapchats to tell us what's what and what fashion to follow.

I'm trending on my younger self and what we call **** riding or *** kissing is now called stanning... Am I losing touch?

is this what age does or does society simply become more marketable and I fall for less the older I get?

At what point do I walk away and become old and just simply don't get it?

Age sneaks up on us and soon we forget and lose track of what's happening and soon we have a group of highschool wannabe punk *** kids laughing at us as we stand in line at the mall, wired, tired and exhausted from work but we've only got a few hours to get this last minute gift for our friend or for a babyshower and we make under what we deserve because we bust our *** and yet the house payment racks up and our manager who is younger than us by a year somehow thinks they're better than us, so we have to see these hoodie wearing smirking *** teenage brats mock us, meanwhile we can outdrink, outparty, outfuck and out run them because no matter how hard they think they are, we've got the experience to support us.

Age sneaks up and soon those punk *** whiny instastars become 30 year olds who say the same **** we do because when we're young everyone lives forever and hindsight is 3030 or 4040 but this is part bitter, part better, its part knowledge and part wisdom, it's part jaded and part self aware.

At the end of the day it's all just signs of age.

Never in my dream,
I thought my soul would scream.
My soul that’s tired,
Hopefully it isn’t fired.
Is it still alive or dead?
For someday or the other, it’s fed!
When will I be?
A Mom-to-be!!

Eight years have already gone,
Womb still a deserted lawn.
Every women gets her blessing,
While I am still here guessing!
Is this **** infertility a curse?
When will I be?
A Mom-to-be!!

Longing to see a double line,
Not really easy to show me fine;
Dying to have baby bumps,
Atleast before my soul jumps!
Baby Shower is what I crave,
Before I get into the grave.
Sick & tired of treatments,
Seeing my hope go in fragments.
When will I be?
A Mom-to-be!!

All preggy news is devasting!
Babyshower invites are exhausting !!
Mother’s Day is no more a celebration,
Avoiding the possible deliberation.
For we are happy for them!
But sad for our own selves.
An array of mixed emotions,
Within us a lot more of commotions;
When will I be?
A Mom-to-be!!

Heart’s hurting inside out,
Our Faces with faking smiles & pout!
Irritated wit sudden moods wings,
After all they are infertility things!
Will I ever be??
A Mom-to-be!!

Tired of surfing preggy symptoms;
Longing to enjoy my kid’s tantrums,
Not easy to watch a mom & kid,
Wondering what sins I ever did?
Yearning to wear those dozen bangles!
Lost in dreams to see them dangle!!
Yet it’s all still day & night dreams,
How much ever my soul screams
Will I ever be?
A Mom-to-be!!

Fatigued with plenty of scan,
Done with all that I can.
Trying to figure out what,
The God almighty has got!
For Infertility is a disease,
That has ceased our peace!!
Will I ever be?
A Mom-to-be!!

Will it be atleast this year?
That i will be blessed wit my dear.
To get promoted as a Mother,
For which we have been longing together!
Sometimes with tears,
And Most times with fears;
Expected 2020 atleast to bring the magic,
And it has turned out to be another tragic.
Will I ever be?
A Mom-to-be!!

Should we lose our hope?
Is there any scope?
For Almighty is our ray of hope.
Why would we worry about scope?
For if it’s in our fates,
I will miss my dates!
And jump out loud in joy,
Will sit back and enjoy!!
For the day is not so far
Almighty will end my war.
We are fighting this battle,
Hoping to win like the turtle!
Continuing our prayers higher,
Keeping our hopes like fire,
Yes, someday I will be!!
A Warrior Mom-to-be!