As the darkness sets
And the mist rises
My eyes shift to the image of you

My soul creeps to find peace
How should I tell it
that its peering
In a bloodied place

I detach my eyes
From your distorted image
Fragments of you
fading elsewhere

Stop scrutinising
Nothing can be found
Nothing but the nothingness itself


The day feels heavy today
My shoulders and knees weak
Maybe closing my eyelids would be of aid

I feel alone
Again

Why am I not enough to help myself?
Cant I be enough?
Oh why do I rely on you?

With a mind dense with fog
Thoughts carelessly thrown around
I know not what to do

Im a standby in my own brain

i met you in the flesh of an early morning
swinging on rainforest vines
sparkling san francisco golden gate haven
sun, so radiant yet so tranquil

i met you, hazy with some byproduct of devotion
i was standing in rapture
an echo of aspiration
and restoration
an outline of a happiness that somehow seemed like closure

i met you, a symbolic glimmer
drunk in your joyousness
meeting as the morning dew barely dries from the damp grass
blue eyes like sapphires, like rubies, like gold

i was struck with akrasia
i forgot how to shake hands
i mumbled between my teeth
i met you, so shimmery, so wonderful
so full of mirth
     and
      i
      lost
      yet
      another
      thing
      to
      my
      greed
      and
      selfishness

do you go by some pseudonym at this moment in time?
i can’t find you in the rainforest trees, rains, or vines
you can’t be lost
forever

i am daft and i am dominoes crumbling
and i am
debris
from a rotted sea

and you are faithful and cheerful and jolly and dopamine rushes
and how dare i quell the moonlight inside you

if you have broken hands, i promise i will fix them
if you have died and went to Heaven
i dare you to send me
a safe haven of angels who all know my name
a safe haven of ballerinas loose on a stage
a safe haven of happiness where songbirds dance and dancers sing
a safe haven where violets bloom after the gloom
i hope your absence doesn’t contribute to the atrophy of my being

but if it does,
i least i met you for a little while
in the carcass of a morning apparition